Over decades of my life, I have achieved things, obtained things, and have lost things as well. The torrents and storms that raged now and then had a way of sucking things, and life, into a sink hole. Sometimes I let them go, just walked away, because they were attached to some person that I could no longer be around. Usually it was because they could not find a way to be good to me or respect me. I have always had a way of finding those kind, or they found me. I walked away from certain things, because at some point I realized I am more important than any of it.
I’ve learned over time to fight for what I believe in and sometimes it meant fighting for myself because no one else was present to do that. I used to be a shy person when I was growing up, but over time I learned to find that fight inside me. It’s an indignation that says, “I am better than this, so don’t mess with me”. A very past abusive relationship taught me that indignation, and gave me the fight in me.
As time went on, I learned to fight things in the spirit. God has a warfare that goes beyond defending myself, but I still want to defend at times, usually if I feel my integrity is being attacked. I had an old friend who has passed away now, who used to always tell me, “Choose your battles well, and leave the rest to God”. Sometimes we defend because we belong to God and deserve defense, and sometimes we let God alone defend. Sometimes He vindicates. He tells us “the battle is Mine”.
There have been times I have taken up a cause because I believed in what I was defending, but never were any of them as important as believing in myself enough to defend my own honor. It taught me to defend the honor of others as well and created in me a good prayer warrior. So, I cherish those times of learning defense. Once I learn balance there is pretty much no stopping my tenacity. If I wear myself out defending, I know I can let God just take over and my fight becomes a type of rest while God does what He wills.
I’m getting to a point here. We can fight for ourselves and for our own honor. We are so worth it. There are certainly times when we will do that either out of necessity or emotion. Bottom line, though, we will always know when God takes over because there is a calm that can’t be explained and the need to defend is not there any more. It’s not giving up, it’s giving over. It is saying, “God I trust You more than I trust myself, and I trust Your decisions”. This is a powerful place to be. To be at rest while the rest of life moves onward and God takes over the fight.
Dear Jesus, Calm the storms in life. Fight the good fight with us and defend our honor. We are Yours and we trust you. Amen
Pastor Jenine Marie Howry