Quite awhile ago I picked up a book written by a Christian wife named Laurie Hall. Her book is called “Affair of the Mind”. It is about how she found out about her husband’s sexual addiction, how it effected her personally, and how she dealt with it as a woman and Christian believer. I recall I had a hard time putting this one down. I read most of it the very first night I had it. My heart went out to her as I read her words and felt like I experienced her life in a lot of ways.
I had been previously married to someone who was a sexually addicted man. Believe me, it’s no walk in the park, and can feel quiet abusive to experience. Beyond the stereotypical “men will be men” comments, sexual abuse is a very serious problem in a marriage. A sex addict gets just as much of a rush from naked images and porn as a cocaine addict does using the drug. I’ve heard stories of men who have looked at porn once and were so addicted that it completely ruined every intimate moment they could have had with their wives. Some eventually can be rendered impotent to even be with their wife in an intimate way.
Just like a drug, being addicted to porn and naked images will rewire a person’s brain. The craving is just like it is when someone needs their next drug fix. Sexual addiction and viewing of pornographic images is one if the largest reasons for the breakdown of a marital couple’s intimate life. Sometimes it ruins a marriage all together and destroys the lives of those around them. The break down of a marriage is a serious thing. A couple does not just lose a relationship. The couple begins to lose everything they built in their lives, including their memories.
Aside from the addiction part, lust after another woman on a husband’s part is considered to be adultery even if he does not have sex with anyone else. Jesus explicitly has stated that if a man even looks at another woman besides his wife with lust, he has already committed adultery. I know it can sound simplistic but adultery is a very serious sin in God’s heart, and one which requires remorse and repentance.
If any of you reading this thinks or believes that your man looking at women’s naked photos is harmless and a “man just being a man”, think again. What this speaks to you is that he is more satisfied with what he is viewing than looking at his own wife. It is an insult to the woman he loves. Can you imagine his response if the tables were turned and he found his wife entranced by the likes of another man? Adultery is adultery regardless to who is committing it. I recall early on in my past marriage my husbands co-worker was sending him photos of naked women by email. We were newly married and at the time we shared one email account. Imagine my shock when I received his co-workers email? I immediately replied for him to NEVER do that again and how insulting that is to me. Anyone sending my husband naked photos of women has no respect for me as his wife nor any respect for women.
Believe me, if you think it is innocent, talk to some women who have been affected by their husbands porn addiction. It strips the very fiber of self worth a woman has, takes away from the powerful intimacy in marriage that God gives as a gift, and sometimes even ruins a marriage completely.
If you are effected by your husbands or boyfriends sexual addiction or viewing of porn, you must read this book! I have the link for you below. It was written awhile back but it still applies and there is so much information she has researched on the subject, right down to how it renders a man impotent. It’s a serious marriage breaker and it hurts the very heart of God and women. I realize it’s not a fun subject to talk about but many women need healing after having a partner who has insisted in lusting after other women. Its a heart breaker and it creates soul scars emotionally as well as soul ties in the spirit world.
Here is the link to the book if you would like to read it!
If you have been effected by someone’s sexual addiction or have been dealing with this right now and need prayer, please call me at 800-421-1765. It’s confidential. We can talk and pray over it and ask the Lord to loose the bondage that this spiritual attack will cause!
Pastor Jenine Marie Howry