Remember that old saying back as a child, “Liar, liar, pants on fire?” Sometimes I wondered what our pants had to do with the lying part. I know its a very strange thing to meditate upon but I did that today. This is what came to me. When someone’s pants are on fire it is very obvious. They are being burned, hopping around, and part of them is being destroyed in front of anyone who might be looking.
Since I am on an addictions role lately, I thought I would address the lying that comes with addicted personalities and why an addicts “pants are on fire”, (so to speak). First and foremost I want to say that no one is ever kidding themselves or others when it comes to addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, people, drama, food, or any other addiction. The very first lie an addict creates is to themselves. They lie, believing that:
- Some day I will stop
- No one knows I am addicted
- No one sees that I lie to get by
- There is no hope accept to keep on keeping on
- Addiction can not be counteracted with first accepting the truth
- I’m not really harming my body
- I’m not harming anyone else
- I have a long life ahead of me, this is not going to affect me, things will change
- I need this addiction to make it through life
- People will believe my lies if I make them believable for me too
There are also lies that addicts tell those they are around and their loved ones. They might be things like this: (Remember lying to others is abusing them)
- I’m going to stop now and do it on my own
- I have to work late
- No one cares about me
- You are the cause of my addiction
- I locked the keys in my car
- I lost all of my money
- I never took your stuff
- I did not drink, use, function in my addiction today
- She/he is only a friend
- I never spoke of you as the cause of my addictions while speaking to others
- My addictions are my business and they don’t harm you
- You misunderstood
These are only a few. I am sure if you are struggling with addiction you can think of some more or maybe a loved one can think of some for you. This is the deal: Your loved ones KNOW you are lying. Even as much as you might try to convince them otherwise they still know. You can argue, kick, scream, and rant, and it does not make them know less. The people you work with KNOW you are lying. You can not hide an addiction from everyone no matter how hard you try. Even distance can not do it. The ONLY one you are kidding is yourself. You are hurting everyone around you, there is no doubt about that, but more than that, you are hurting yourself.
Eventually people will distance themselves from you. If they don’t they are co-dependent to your addiction. Don’t kid yourself. You might wake up and find yourself very alone. A dear friend of mine used to say, “You can’t kid a kidder“. Everyone who has or is experiencing addiction with you or around you know that you lie as well. Is THIS the life you want to lead?
No, I am not trying to be mean here. I am being honest. If you think you won’t lose everything in life no matter how successful you might look on the outside, you are lying to yourself. You might even lose your life. Then those around you will grieve. Is this the legacy you want to leave behind?
I am challenging you with no judgement to make a new decision in life. First be honest with yourself. Admit your problem is out of control. Then admit to those around you that you have been liar liar, pants on fire. It’s been obvious all along. So what is the harm in just being honest? Everyone knows, so what is the harm in coming clean with the dirt? It is your first step to freedom. I remember reading in the bible for the first time that God hates liars. Please don’t take this that God hates YOU. God hates the actions created. He wants better for you and I think you do too!
Loving you from here,
Dr. Jenine Marie Howry