Feeling Saddened and Just Being Open

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Photo by luizclas on Pexels.com

As I thought about writing this blog post I wondered what it really would accomplish. I actually was going to get some sleep but suddenly I felt the desire to write this. This is a different blog post than what I usually write. I’ve always been somewhat of a teacher. I’ve been a Pastor, mentor, friend, and sometimes a challenge. Over the years I know I probably have had more hardships and heart aches than one woman should have to endure in one lifetime. I’ve also done some pretty amazing things too, and that makes the other things seem less painful.

All in all I think I’ve done well. I’ve made mistakes but I do know the intentions of my heart have always been good. That I am certain I can be proud of. Opposition always comes in life. We would never grow if there was not a force to come against us to make us stronger. Although opposition breaks me down, it also builds me up, just like when a body builder works on muscle tone. Every muscle breaks down first and then the scar tissue it creates makes it bigger and stronger. That’s why I know I should write this. I’m being made stronger.

Recently, I witnessed some mockery of me. I think I should be more flattered than upset. After all, I’ve been down this road before. It’s always the same. Someone sees something that they wish they had or could do and they decide to create some sort of circus act out of what is supposed to be the good parts of us. It doesn’t mean it feels good. It always hurts. If I have a heart it will hurt no matter how many times it happens or who it comes from. I have decided it’s alright, because if it did not hurt it would mean I am hardened in my heart and I don’t want to be that way. I just have considered the gross immaturity of those who just have not grown up enough to understand until it happens to them. Believe me, it will. We do live in a spiritual state of sowing and reaping. We can call it Karma if we like. It’s the same no matter what we call it. What goes around always comes back around.

When I look back into history, I think of all of the people who have gone through so much. They are those who were mocked, talked about, endured attempts at deception, and lied about. I think some of that behavior comes from envy but most of it from gross immaturity. There were cases where it was just plain evil and hatred. There have been amazing people who have gone through so much while working toward doing such great things. There was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who lost his human life while doing passionately what he believed in. Of course there have been countless military men and women who have sacrificed their earthly lives over decades and even centuries for what they believe in. We can also squeeze in John the Baptist and Jesus in the group, along with every prophet biblical stories are about over many years. Jesus’ life was probably the most profound on this earth. He made such an impact we even divide time before His birth, during His ministry, and after His death.

I always marveled at the stories of the wonderful healings Jesus did and still does. I marvel at His words because they are filled with such wisdom and love. Yet, he hung on a cross, crucified, beaten, and torn, while everyone watched. People had no idea those days Jesus suffered that all of humanity was broken open as well. Just like Adam and Eve were stripped naked in their lies, humanities hatred was laid open naked for all of history to see in one crucifixion moment. The story is always the same. Goodness is challenged by hatred in any form someone can come up with. Deception, lies, mockery, and emotional crucifixion still are alive in this world because we are humans who suffer from forgetfulness of who we really are and who created us for divine purpose.

In moments of immaturity our sisters and brothers slam one another in fits of human amnesia. I guess you can tell my heart feels saddened tonight. I have for some time. I’m not sad for myself, although I do feel hurt. I am more sad for those who just don’t get it. When I created a video today I spoke about a message left behind from my dear heavenly son. He said, “We can’t live without love.” I have to echo his thoughts. We can’t.

I’ll get over my heartache. I am not a stranger to what humans do to one another. I will forgive the best that I can. Sometimes it’s hard, but what matters is I keep on trying. When I want to be bitter or anger gets the best of me, I remember that we can’t live without love. Love begins inside of us all, so I know it has to live in me first before I can embody whatever God’s character is. God forgives the foolishness of this world and I am so glad for that truth. That means every time I have done something I consider stupid, I know that God understands. I might get some discipline, but in the end I will get love, grace, and forgiveness. That is what I hope for those who do not understand tonight. For those who make a mockery out of the lives of those who are just trying to live the best way they can. Forgiveness comes so much easier when I realize it is their pain they are mirroring to the rest of the world, not mine. Humanities nakedness is still exposed. Not everyone is noticing, but some are. I’m grateful for those who carry with them the maturity God grew in them.

I have a habit of being too hard on myself in cases I just witnessed but not this time. This time is different. We are all hurting little girls and boys until God helps us grow up into mature and powerful individuals we are meant to be. Until then, “Forgive us all, dear God, we don’t always know what we are doing.”

Loving you from here

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

Saddened, but here….

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