Back in August of this year, my daughter Christina had to be intubated. She had a cardiac arrest due to a heart infection. She also had Covid 19. She was unable to speak to us because she was sedated so she would not pull out her breathing tube. Every time she tried to breathe on her own, she would code and come close to dying, so it was so important she had the tube in her to help her breathe.
I wondered how necessary the intubation process was in the beginning and if it just made things worse. I don’t know if I will ever completely have that answer, but a dream I had, gave me a very vivid look at what intubation felt like for my daughter. When I was working on my doctoral dissertation, my subject matter was about dream interpretation and the work of Carl Jung. Carl Jung used archetypes to interpret dreams that served as symbolism for what a dream might mean now in a subject’s life. I did not need the use of interpretation. My dream of intubation was very clear, easy to remember, and extremely detailed. I’m going to detail it here because I am sure I’m not the only one who would like to know what my dying daughter might have experienced.
In my dream, I was lying on a table. My vision was blurred, and there were people all around me with blue gowns on and some with white. I remember feeling like my eyes were tearing up. It’s like I wanted to sneeze, but no way could a sneeze happen. My mouth was open, and my throat was highly blocked and dry. I saw a vision of a toilet paper roll and heard my daughter’s voice. She said, “The tube feels like a dry toilet paper roll stuffed down the throat.” I saw and heard her very clearly.
I remember trying to swallow and wanted to take it out. The feeling was very uncomfortable. The people around me were talking about putting something else down my throat. I am assuming a ventilator to help my lungs expand and breathe for me. I wanted to shake my head “no” and could feel my eyes tearing up as they discussed more ventilation. I “knew” inside that I would not be coming back to the world as I was before.
I stopped thinking about it in my dream. Why even consider the situation? It was already determined what the outcome was going to be. My heart felt like it was broken inside and out, but then there was an awakening. I woke from what felt like a dream and into a place of peace and light. The light was so bright I could no longer see the people around me. Suddenly, I felt like I could breathe independently, although my situation had physically not changed. I believe I was no longer in my body and just watching.
I know this is a scenario that is repeatedly replayed when people feel they have died and come back to life to talk about it. The death they are speaking about is not death but a transition to a new form of life. My daughter did not come back to physical life, but she is also not dead. When dreams are as real and vivid as mine was, we can be assured it was a real experience for the purpose of “knowing.“
For the second time, I woke up, and my head was back with my mouth completely open. The first time was during a meditation that left me awakening the same way. I believe my daughter wanted me to know how she felt in the hospital and how she is feeling now. I know this sounds far-fetched to some people, but those who have transitioned into spirit can communicate to us through dreams. I am very meditative and receptive, so I know my dream was a real message from her, and I can be assured she is fine after her difficult experience.
Our dreams can send us clear messages from those in spirit. If they are actual messages, they are as I described. The vision will be clear, descriptive, and easy to remember. If the dream is filled with symbolism, it becomes like a treasure to be excavated and interpreted. So many messages and a lot of healing can come from our dreams. All we need to do is ask for them, pay attention to them, and interpret what we remember of them. They reach us with surprises from a realm we often go through life not acknowledging. We should, though. It is a realm of love and beauty ready to give us messages and wisdom we are aching to receive.
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.