What It’s Been Like to Feel the Loss of my Daughter (Sorry, this is not as uplifting)

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It’s been almost a year now since my Christina left this world. To say “it hurts to have her die” loses something in the translation. Yes, It hurts. I’m choosing to write this today because I am more broken. My real feelings will come out and that is my intention. I know all of the things that my faith has told me. Heck, others have told me too. These are things like, “she’s in a better place”, “she’s happier now”, and “she no longer feels any pain”. These are only some of the things I have heard and been “encouraged with” by those who just don’t understand. I know where my Christina is. Sometimes I feel her and sometimes I wish I could hug her when I do.

The hard reality is not the things that “she” is right now, it is where I am right now. You see, I am the one still here stuck in a human body. So therefore I am NOT in a better place. I am NOT happier now, and I feel the crushing feeling of my heart being torn up into 50,000 pieces and no one understands this. No one gets that it takes time to get used to a new normal. Therefore I am the one feeling the pain now. No one understands we never get over loving someone and that is a reality. Sometimes I want silence and sometimes I want someone to just sit and listen to me even if I repeat myself a thousand times. Sometimes I want to be heard even if I felt different or better the day before but today is harder. Sometimes I just need someone to take the time to show me I have a reason to be here even though my firstborn son and daughter are not.

This is no picnic and it sure is no game. I don’t need to be shown how little my business has produced. I am well aware of that. I don’t need to be told how unbalanced or out of sorts I am. God knows I can’t be anything else but myself. I sure don’t need anyone to turn their back on my tears because I have shed a million and I might shed a million more. When I do shed them, most of the time I want comfort, not confrontation. I’m sure everyone has an idea of how I should get my life back together. I’ve heard them all. Tell me, “Have you lost a child”? Because if you have not then don’t speak into my life about how it should be now. Let me spell it out, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND” because you don’t know.

Every single day is a challenge. I make plans to get out and get some things “done” and yet I am stuck. Sometimes I go and sometimes I don’t feel like even making that leap. And you know what? It’s ok. I don’t have to do anything “expected” of me. I don’t need that pressure. So please, don’t expect anything from me. Let me launch out as I am ready. There are times I want to dance, sing, and let my heart soar. Sometimes I meditate and listen to the silence inside me or the beat of my own heart. Then there are times it feels like a volcano lives inside of me and stuff comes rushing out in heart heaving tears and I wonder where they all come from. Even more, I wonder if they will ever stop.

If my grieving is inconvenient for you I won’t apologize. I have not wished this upon myself, nor do I ever wish it on you. It’s not my fault my daughter’s heart gave out. I carried that heart with me for many many years and I will carry her soul with me forever. Love does not just go away because someone died. Love stays and builds up so tight inside that it has to come bursting out some way. So it comes out with crushing tears, heartbreak, and extreme sadness. Sometimes I laugh. I just find something funny and laugh until I can’t breathe. It’s all the same release.

Whether you get it or not makes no difference. The main idea is don’t put more on me than I already have. There is only so much one person can take and I am at my limit. You see, I already lost, so losing those who want to just turn their backs on me won’t phase me one way or another. Just don’t heap more junk on me. I don’t need it nor want it.

The things I do need are compassion. Compassion does not have to understand, it just “stands with me”. I need love. Love covers all things and will blanket the days and nights that seem so hard to bear sometimes. I need faith. Even if I can’t muster up any faith for myself, have some for me. I need prayers. I believe prayers will be heard and acted upon by the great “I AM” and I will be in those hands. I need listening ears. Even if I repeat myself, even if I don’t make sense, even if I am angry, even if I hurt like I will burst, or if I want to just talk about memories that make me feel close to my son and daughter.

I have always been a determined person. I will get through this with or without anything. Whatever you do, don’t worry about me. I am stubborn and determined to stick out this life until I am 109 years old if that is God’s will for me. I’ll do it with tears, laughter, pain, upset, thriving or not. Some day I will soar again and it can’t come too soon for me. In the meantime, I am letting the process be just that: a process. If no one chooses to be good to me, I will be good to myself. If no one wants to hear my tears, I will cry with God. Everyone has a choice in life. Mine is to be as I am with no expectations whether anyone else joins me in this life or not.

Just Jenine Marie

Metaphysical Walk on the Beach Video #6: Getting Through the Darkness

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I hope you are enjoying this video series. I believe ONE more will be coming after this one. First, we have to come through the darkness part. If you feel inclined, please subscribe to my YouTube channel and pass on the video series! They are my gift to all of YOU!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

JenineMarie.com

Come visit my forever-changing and transforming website! If you need a private session all of the information to connect with me will be there. Namaste!

God and the Universe Are Like a Mirror. Every Lie Will Be Exposed

Would you like to see yourself more clearly? Easy peasy. Everything about you is reflected back to you. In many ways, this is a pleasure if you are seeking the good things about yourself. It’s not as easy when the junk comes flying back into your face. (And we all have junk). Some of the worst junk are things that are composed of lies. We lie every day of our lives, just some more profoundly than others. We lie to ourselves when we procrastinate, think we are beyond God’s Universal eye, and many other scenarios you can come up with.

The very worst kind of lie is the intentional one. Whenever we do things with “intent” it puts out there in the universe our desires. If the intent to lie is there then our desire for lying comes back to us. (Usually through other people). It’s why so many who lie intentionally have to continually lie more to try to hide the original one. Just as Adam and Eve were in the garden, every man and woman is exposed to the light of God, Source, the Universe, or however you identify a higher power.

When we are working on manifesting things in our lives, we do so with intention. Intention works whether we desire to put it out there or not. Intentional doing means it is done on purpose. The best way it works is for our purpose, yet a lie goes against our purpose. In fact, the first great cover-up we often hear about was the encounter with Adam and Eve in the garden that day. Have they been memorialized for an eternity? I am inclined to think so. Their intention was coupled with passion, lust, and then deceit. Of course, they have it coming back on them many times over. They did receive some redemption; a covering. That’s grace. Yet, their “confession” had to be pulled out of them. It’s not like they had a sudden awakening and saw themselves within the lie they created.

The point of reading stories like the one of Adam and Eve in the garden is to LEARN from them. Many of us have strong intentional lies that need to be dealt with before they are cycled through eternity. That’s a long, long time! This is not a ‘hell and damnation” speech it is one of deliverance and release. Warnings and wisdom can’t be given to us enough. A lie will destroy everything you desire to manifest. If we keep covering it up then the day it is exposed will be a day always remembered.

Many of us have worked so very hard to achieve what we have in life and are darned proud of it. Do we really want to ruin that with a lie on our heads? Where is forgiveness, you ask? Forgiveness is in facing the truth. Only love and truth can counter a lie. Forgiveness and grace are huge power in life but it comes with a consequence: self-exposure. It’s often called confession but it’s the same darned thing.

Do you want to manifest your dreams and visions more clearly and easily without the threat of it all coming down on you one day? Get real with “what lies in your life.” If it’s a mega lie, a megaphone universe will expose you one way or another. We often lie to ourselves and make excuses but the universe has no emotion attached. It just gives what we give out. Maybe giving the gift of honesty is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and others. A lie for a lie, honesty for honesty. That’s how it works folks, like it or not.

So please, don’t lie in business if you want an upstanding and continually profitable business. Don’t lie in your personal life if you don’t want those lies coming back on you in many different ways. How many people do you interact with? Ok, wow. Think of lies as arrows coming back at you and see them all coming from many directions. They multiply like river rats and they will rat you out every single time! Don’t let a lie become a curse.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

JenineMarie.com

Manifest the best!

Are You Curious About Kundalini Meditation? In Search of Kundalini Magic!

There is often such a stigma attached to the idea of kundalini awakening it’s hard to even approach it openly. Yet, there are so many great benefits to the practice it’s very hard to ignore. Meditation itself is an amazing practice that brings so many benefits to the body, mind, and soul. When seeking healing, we can’t ignore the benefits of Kundalini energy rising from the base of the spine, through the body, and up through the head.

“Kundalini” is a Sanskrit word that means “coiled” and holds its residence in the area at the base of the spine called the root chakra. Concentrating on the root chakra area during meditation can help in the process of stirring the energy alive. Meditative concentration and movements can assist to unlodge an individual’s energy held by the root chakra to the point of it rising up the spine. The energy has a special channel to rise through as it makes its way through the 7 major chakras of the body and out toward the Starseed chakra beyond the crown. This allows the energy to flow outward into the aura field. This process is often referred to as kundalini awakening.

The flow of kundalini energy can balance and benefit each bodily chakra. They come alive with life force and vitality! The energy is a wonderful tingling energy that can calm the emotional seas, clear the mind, and bring heightened intuition and general well-being. Since our body’s chakras affect every organ and bodily function, bringing more vitality is to bring more health to every part of the body. Everything alive has energy right down to the cells that release neurotransmitters in the brain and body. I have no doubt in my mind kundalini flowing through the body helps a neurological release that can assist with lifting depression, and anxiety and bring inspiration into an individual instead.

After being stuck and unawakened for a long period of time, the experience of energy release can seem uncomfortable. This is normal and there is no danger in its release. A meditation done on the release of fear can help the energy channel a bit more gracefully. Taking a break from the practice and going for a walk in nature is very beneficial. Remember, it is a practice, not a race!

Studying the subject of kundalini energy is the key to understanding. Remember, where there is knowledge there is power over fear. The energy exists regardless of gender, religious beliefs, unbelief, or blockage. Kundalini energy is an equal opportunity reality just waiting for you to explore! So why not find out more, open up, and come more alive? To me, anything that will benefit my life path is worth exploring, especially if it comes naturally to our bodies. Find a Kundalini Reiki practitioner or simply an energy practitioner. Yes, energy is energy but in some ways, there are specialties the same way there are in the medical fields.

Look forward to more information on my website about kundalini meditation and other types of meditation as well! Stick with me here!

Loving you from here,

Jenine Marie

** Jenine Marie is a certified Kundalini Reiki Practitioner

** This is not to take the place of medical advice but to enhance the life of the reader and bring more healing options for various conditions.

** More information: Raypole, Crystal (2022) “Kundalini Meditation Benefits” Healthline

https://www.healthline.com/health/kundalini-meditation#cultural-context

Metaphysical Walk With Me on the Beach Video #5, Kundalini Energy Release

In this walk on the beach segment, we will be working with the power and energy of the sun to balance the first three chakras of our bodies. We will be working with the root chakra, the sacral chakra, and the solar plexus. This is beginning work today on releasing kundalini energy at the back of our spine. This energy is healing, it’s Wisdom and blockage releasing. If you have not worked with this kind of energy release or experienced it in your body before please go slowly. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask by emailing me:

angelwings7777@gmail.com

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

My video segments for healing, creating, and manifesting in your life are not meant to replace medical or psychological advice. My methods are only used to enhance the current services you might be receiving. Picture credit to Pixabay Music and production compliments of iMovie.

JenineMarie.com Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC

If You Could Do One Thing That Would Change Your Life….?

At the end of 2014, I made a radical and unexpected move that changed my whole life. I left the state I lived my whole life in to move to Texas. It was radical. It was a raw moment. It was very unexpected, and it was completely the right move. Had I stayed where I was, I probably could say it was completely the right decision as well. Our momentary pleasures and discomforts do not necessarily depend on our location. Yet, I do know my life has altered in ways it would not have had I stayed where I was. I smiled, laughed, cried, prayed, sang songs, and dreamed all the way to Texas. Now going on my 8th year here, I am still pushing forward no matter what. There have been victories, tragedies, and blessings. I know for sure I have learned a great deal.

Every now and then life-altering and changing opportunities arise for us. Sometimes I think it is so the Universe can keep us guessing! It’s amazing how one alteration can make unexpected changes. My question to you is, “Have you found yourself at a crossroads and have wondered which step to take? If you make one new move knowing it would change your life, would you?” I am entering the facet of the “unknown” here. Life is not an adventure unless we are challenged by “the unknown factor“. Sometimes it feels like we are jumping off a cliff and not sure whether the landing will be soft or very hard. Either way, one moment in time can change so much if just one new decision toward a passion, an adventure, or a new life was made.

So, think about this for a moment. Close your eyes. What do you truly want? What do you love and what makes your heart sing? Does it feel like a risk to make that move because there is an element of the unknown? You might have to find your own strength. You might have to come to a resolve like I did. You might even take a leap of faith. You could struggle and learn or you might just land on the softest bed of roses ever. No matter what the outcome you will come through. You are meant to work it out. You were born to fly. This is your time. It always has been. So dream. When you really know what you want, then take that step knowing you trust yourself no matter what. You will be glad you did!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

JenineMarie.com

Are You Surrounded by Those Who Support Your Vision?

Let’s face it, not everyone is going to accept everything about us. Problems arise for us when those who surround us are not accepting of who we are. Even more difficult is to be around those who simply do not support our vision in life. The condition has a tendency to cause us to be fake in order to be supported and accepted. If we are not strong enough in our convictions we will compromise our journey just to appease others.

People who have negative thoughts about what you believe, the vision you carry, or the person you desire to become, will cause you to struggle in your process. Not only that, they will never give you supportive comments and ideas that can help you along in your journey. No one is ever expected to create things in life by themselves. It takes the loving support of others to help us make our dreams come true. Like it or not, this is the process of Oneness we have in this life. People don’t have to join our journey with us but supportive views and even connections will help our plans succeed.

Our solution is to be strong enough and have more conviction inside ourselves to let people go when they are not supportive of our process. It’s a hard lesson because we tend to hold onto relationships for the sake of familiarity. The wisdom of the bible states if two do not agree they can not walk together. This means there is a need to be in agreement with what we are inside, what we desire to become, and what we want to accomplish.

Can you imagine those who put down your journey every time you mention it? This causes so much discouragement inside. We might think we are strong enough to endure it but remember. what goes out into the universe is returned to us. This means even through the company we keep!

Stick with those who support you and love you for who you are. They are those who encourage your steps, will applaud your successes, and even give you a hand along the way! Don’t be unequally yoked with people and relationships who will cause you to not be genuine within yourself and your beliefs. It’s true there are some who will agree to disagree, but to agree on the things we do will cause a flow of blessing like no other!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

JenineMarie.com

Come and visit my growing and ever-changing website!

Metaphysical Walk on the Beach With Me Video/Audio #4 Breathwork for Triggers

Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry

Don’t you just hate those moments when emotional responses arise from triggers that come from life or someone in our lives?

It’s time to release and manifest the life of our dreams! Do you want that? I mean, do you really want that?

If you do, continue my series of metaphysical walks on the beach, this time with breathwork, release, and visualization for healing. This is so helpful when triggers happen. When life changes as we manifest our dreams we feel deep labor pains from an old life shifting to a new one! Get some guided help with this video! If you have not seen the first 3 videos, no fear! You have them all uploaded on YouTube for you! Look forward to the next video coming up as the sun sets down below the horizon and anticipate the dawn of a new day! While you are on YouTube feel free to subscribe for more content! Namaste!

I am loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

JenineMarie.com

Book a free hour discovery session with me as you anticipate new beginnings, releasing anxiety, depression, and the effects of grief! Also, for any other issues, you might be struggling with! Sometimes we just need an all-out talk session! Let’s do it!

When the “Respectable” Disrespect You

Photo credit to “peacefulmindpeacefullife”

Don’t ever allow anyone to disrespect you or misrepresent themselves to you. Just because some might belong to upstanding organizations does not mean that they are upstanding human beings. Also, everyone has their journey and process. We have a choice every single day as to what we follow and what we believe in. We also have a choice as to whom we will believe. Not everyone who portrays love and light really lives by it. Setting aside that we are all human and make mistakes we still need to use discernment when choosing those who surround us. Confidentiality is a very important aspect of deep friendship and security within it. Confidentiality is a tenant that is entrusted only through mutual respect that it will be upheld. When it is not, confidentiality means nothing, organizational membership means nothing, and relationship means nothing. When we take an oath to uphold certain tenants, it is done so before God and universal forces of law that will certainly watch over those oaths. Take every oath and every vow very seriously. It is a promise to God and the universe that those values will be upheld when they are spoken. Be sure God will not be mocked. Every man and woman is accountable to universal law and will reap what they sow. This is a message of love but also of concern. Please be very careful as to how you present yourself in this world and consider what type of integrity you want to uphold before others. Love and light, forgiveness, mercy, and grace be with you always.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

JenineMarie.com

Metaphysical practices to help overcome anxiety, depression and grief

Part 3 of Healing Journey as We Walk on the Beach Together for Manifestation and Release

Continue with me as we work together to clear some things from your insides that could be keeping you from manifesting your dreams. Let’s heal all of it! Keep walking with me on the beach! I will meet you there!

I am loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

JenineMarie.com