One piece of wisdom I’ve learned over time is once things are said, they can not be “unsaid.” Hurtful words can be forgiven but there is one thing to remember; once words come out of our mouths we can not unsay them. They spew out like a curse when they are hurtful and the person they curse is yourself. Words that are set out into the airways through your emotions can come back to haunt you if you are not careful. They are like little revelationary targets that will return to you.
In the bible, it says that God’s word will not be returned “void“, which means the words spoken out of that power will always reap a result. The thing about God is, that the power spoken through is pure unconditional love. When you speak words that come from the emotional ego-self they are not coming from the God part of you, nor unconditional love. They reveal things about you that are a whole lot less flattering than I am sure you would like. We all like to be seen in a good light. It is a part of our instilled nature.
When you speak things to someone out of your own hurt you just set up a curse against yourself that will come back right at you until you learn the lesson your words are speaking to you. Anger spewed out at others is not about them, it is about YOU. Your words are revealing to you just how you are feeling within yourself. People often believe, and feel, that what is going on around them is about other people, but in truth, your environment is about you, not them. You make your own choices about who is around you, who you speak to, and how you react to all of it.
If you are less than happy with outcomes in your life, you can thank yourself because you are the one who set up the whole scenario. It’s best not to blame others for the consequences of your own doing and the consequences of your own words. Where is the lesson in that? The lessons you put out there are for your own benefit. They are meant to reveal where your soul is scarred and therefore you can seek healing. If healing is not sought out, then the lesson will repeat itself over and over until you get the picture.
Maybe it is best to stop, breathe, and think before you speak a word curse over yourself, or hurt others in the process. Remember God lives in you and nothing that is said will return void. Your hurtful words will haunt you one day, guaranteed.
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry
Come visit me and my new blog about anxiety, depression, and grief, at JenineMarie.com! Discover what these issues are we deal with and how comfort can be found through it all. Namaste!
Have you ever encountered a laughing person spewing out their sense of humor with words that actually hurt more than they are funny? If your answer is “no” you are lucky. When someone is humorous but saying hurtful things to us it’s usually called “sarcasm“. Before I go on, let me give you a Wikipedia definition of what sarcasm is.
“Sarcasm is the caustic use of words, often in a humorous way, to mock someone or something. Sarcasm may employ ambivalence, although it is not necessarily ironic.” Wikipedia I highlighted two of the most prominent words in the definition in bold type so you can see the full impact of what sarcasm really is. Usually, someone thinks they are joking but they are actually being mean-spirited and hurtful. Then, when called on it, the next comment is usually “Can’t you take a joke, I was only kidding!” I’m sorry, this one never gets past me. It did not in the past and will not in the present. When someone is not laughing at a humorous comment you just made it means it hurt and was not funny to them.
Quite long ago I dated someone like this. He thought being sarcastic and hurting people was alright as long as the joke was funny to HIM! I’m still grateful for being saved from going further in that connection. As much as people hate to admit it sarcasm is emotional abuse. It reflects upon a person that the sarcastic one sees them as inferior or flawed in some way. Trust me, we who have experienced it from someone are not inferior. We are unfortunate to run across those who do this to others but we are usually the trusting, honest, and compassionate type. Sarcasm does not go over well with sarcastic people. Usually, they can’t take what they dish out.
I have written about this subject before, so what brings it up again today? Welp, I am glad you asked! I experienced sarcasm (sarcastic remarks) from someone in a group I never expected it to come from. (And yes, it hurt). We tend to think or believe spiritual people are safe and for the most part, kind. This is not always true. Not everyone is as mature as we would like them to be. For the record, I know when to accept things as a joke and when something is meant to demean me. I guess it comes with both intuition and experience.
The next question is how to deal with it. In my particular case with the more recent event, I have quietly backed away. Sometimes people need to be left with themselves in order to allow some spiritual and emotional maturity to take place. In my previous situation, it was not as easy. It was some time ago and I was learning how to have some emotional backbone. Eventually, I had to grieve it out, but now in hindsight, I’m grateful.
There is always a reason I tend to write about the things I do. Usually, it’s because I have encountered it, or it’s about others who have. My blog is about life lessons (at least on this Blogspot). Learning how to deal with sarcasm is definitely a life lesson. To those who think sarcasm is funny, I hope you wake up. To those who have been the victim of it, I hope you heal.
“My services and website are now dedicated to those who endure anxiety, depression, and also grief. Healing in an emotional way is the most intimate and delicate work you will ever do in your life. Allow me, as a compassionate person, to be a part of your journey with sessions to accommodate your mind and soul!” Jenine Marie
Have you ever had a dream that began with so much spark and enthusiasm, only to have it fizzle in the wake of waves that overpowered them? Yep, me too! Sometimes I look back on the “brilliant” ideas that came to me at one time and think to myself, “Oh yeah, I remember that!” I discover I still love it and wonder why I had not been paying attention to the intuitive nudge that sparked my creativity.
We were born to dream, and dream BIG; even BIGGER! Maybe today is the day you reinvent the brilliant idea that came to you before. Or maybe it’s the day you decide to conquer that awesome job opportunity or business idea? I can never resist a good travel dream or book deal that suddenly I’ve scored because I followed through on my yearning.
Let’s amp up our follow-through and get that dream revved up again! No time like the present to give yourself the gift of a lifetime! If you have needed a nudge, well here it is! NUDGE! Get it done! Write down your dream and make it real to you. Describe every facet of what it looks like, feels like, and enjoy it with all of your senses! What will life be like once you have that dream activated in your life?
Get that dream on your vision board, in your journal, on sticky notes, and meditate it like crazy! Your passion, your creativity, your birthright, and your inheritance are to be able to create in life. Create what sparks your heart and you will never ever fail to surprise yourself!
Make it REAL! Call me and leave it on my voice mail! Yes, you heard me right! I will send you some good vibes, energy, and prayers, and I might even text you some inspiration. Or just give it a voice! If you are willing to do that you know your dream is THAT important to you! So why not? Don’t be shy, it’s only voice mail! LOL. 832-484-8306. Don’t let fear stop you. Don’t let anything stop you! You were made for such a time as this. Hmmm, where have I heard that line before? Oh yes, the book of Ester in the bible! So, go and conquer!
I want to update you on some changes to my website, at least for today! You might have found that in the last few months it has been more difficult to access my website. This is for personal reasons. I am now moving onward and excited about moving forward with my purpose and passion while I am here in this life!
If you go to JenineMarie.com you will find a lilac-colored button on the right side at the bottom. When you click it, a chat box will open up! You can say hello, ask questions, book sessions and generally connect with me. Be mindful that this dings my phone! If I am not available you can still write a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can! PLEASE NO SPAM!
On the landing page, you will find information about me. The second tab will give you information on my sessions and pricing. The third tab gives you this blog you are reading now!. Look forward to some new exciting changes in the days and months to come! I am so looking forward to connecting with you soon!
Kind of a throwback photo from when I first landed in south Texas.
Some “food for thought.” I’ve been thinking a lot lately about life decisions. There is something about loss that causes us to re-evaluate our lives. I’ve heard once that the grief of a loss can be the most powerful time in life because it feels like there is nothing left to lose. (And it’s true, it does feel that way). When Paul addressed the church he talked about the difference between being a child and being a grown person. He said when he was a child he thought like one, talked like one, and understood things in life like one. But NOW, he said, since he is a MAN he put away childish things. Basically, in a nutshell, he was saying “Grow the heck UP”! Seriously. This means it’s time to move onward to grown-up stuff. It means leaving the fundamentals behind and moving forward to the powerful person life designed us all to be. We are expected to be grown-up, thinking independently, and taking charge of our own lives. Being stuck in one spot does not move things in life forward or onward. We are expected to mature, to enlighten, to speak and think like a grown person and move ON. It’s a part of life. At this point, no one is supposed to tell us how to think, how to behave, or what to say. Paul clearly tells us that these things are what come for us as an adult who has the privilege of thinking for ourselves. Unfortunately, it’s a requirement. We get older and when we do that we are expected to act our age. This is NOT a lecture, just some thinking out loud. I guess part of me is saying “Move on” and “be grown-up”. We are not meant to stay stagnant in one place but to continue to grow in the directions our life path has captivated us to grow in. Whatever that looks like for us independently is how it should be. It is OUR ADULT CHOICE! Freedom in a nutshell
There comes a time when we all need it. It’s that moment in life where we know we should stop, take a breath, and just “be”. When nothing seems to fit any longer it’s time for a life-changing diet. I don’t mean the physical food kind, but a diet from all of the things that weigh us down emotionally and spiritually.
When it seems like a loss is all we have going on in life, it is time to rethink our direction, decisions, and destinations. We all basically have the same ultimate destination. That is back in spirit, and we have no choice in the matter. How we get there along the way is our personal decision. When we feel like we have hit a wall in life, it is time for a new decision or maybe a few. Sometimes life-altering experiences can change our whole way of being.
Life can be hard and filled with experiences of loss, confusion, and grieving mistakes. I’m using this time to recreate who I now desire to be from the mud I find myself sitting in. Sometimes sitting in deep mud is a good thing.
This is love in friendship: When you never have to ever guess as to whether someone truly cared. When life throws a wrench in the works, they are there seeking out how you are. When it comes to defending you, there is no question in their mind that they will. Love stays regardless of time or distance. Love remains regardless of circumstances or trials. Love heals, regardless of who is involved and who is not. Love forgives, no matter how much it hurts or how it all happened. Love is a gift from God, not something someone plays with for a while and then leaves…
Love in friendship is a special kind of love; a bond that automatically states, “I have your back and I will stand with you no matter what the cost.” There is a huge difference between having someone’s back and stabbing someone in the back when they are down. Having someone’s back means even if it will cost something desired the friend comes first and not the other way around.
Love pursues, not to prove someone’s “rightness” or “wrongness” but to state “I am sorry” when someone is wronged and to fix it. Sometimes fixing things means going against the current or correcting the action by reversing it. Love understands or tries to understand the other’s point of view and gives it validation even if it is not agreed upon. Love makes things right when actions have created a wrong. Then love lets it all go…
Out of all of the things that remain, the love of God will be there when others pull back and create a breach that hurts in the heart. The heart will heal, but a breach left unsettled will always remain a breach.
Since life is about “relationship,” most likely, we have all had at least one relationship where we merely did not have much in common. The relationship imbalance can occur during any type of relationship, from romantic, to friendships to work relationships. Sometimes relationships are so out of balance it is hard to get along with one another, therefore there is continual friction. Usually, the lack of cohesiveness is recognized eventually, and people part ways. There is no difficulty in parting, and both parties will feel relieved to be finally apart.
This is not the case when there is trauma bonding involved. Trauma bonding occurs when one person or group in the relationship is toxic. I include groups here for the sake of employment and even religious groups. Toxic relationships are easy to spot, usually from the outside of one. There is a massive degree of control, manipulation, sabotage, jealousy, and a ton of friction. Why would someone want to be in a type of relationship like this? No one really would want that type of person (or group) in their life. None of us are happy when we feel controlled to the point where we are told what we can do and what we can’t. No one wants a relationship where they are controlled to the point of who they can connect with or not. We see this in religious groups, unfortunately.
People get locked into trauma bonding with someone because the other person or group always seems the best thing that ever happened to them. They are swept off their feet with charm, love, acceptance, and a feeling of bliss begins to create the release of powerful neurotransmitters in the brain that make us feel good. These can be a release of norepinephrine, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. To a drug addict, this is the addictive high they get while using and then dropped when the drug is no longer present and providing it for them.
It is the same with a trauma bond. The same neurotransmitters are released in the body when someone feels they are in love or have reached what is referred to as a “natural high.” In romantic relationships, the trauma bond can cause a person to continue to go back for more even when they are being treated poorly. This occurs after the “honeymoon” phase of toxic relationships is over. The relationship moves from the charming demeanor of a toxic person into manipulation and a whole lot of pain. Yet the bond from the initial high of the relationship keeps the other person trapped into wanting more of the high. So they keep going back for the fix even though they know it is not suitable for them and even after the world comes crashing down on them once again.
This type of relationship is not the same as the romantic kind, where there is such a strong sense of compatibility that the couple will both shine and sparkle from the inside out just being together. Even after things have settled, the love grows, matures, and deepens. This is not true with a toxic relationship. One person in toxic connections will suffer greatly at the hand and actions of the toxic person.
In many cases, the toxic person is considered to be a narcissist, and they might be just that. Sometimes, a person can have a narcissistic part of their personality, but they are not narcissists. It is up to a skilled professional to determine if someone has a full-blown personality disorder or not. Being involved with a toxic person is very painful and will rip your life into pieces. You will feel crazy, but you are not. People might think you are crazy because of what the toxic person has done or said behind you. Yet, you are not the crazy one.
The addiction to a toxic person (or group) is similar to that of a drug addict. It’s hard to kick the high, and it’s hard to see the damage being done while in its midst. All that is known is that you need more of the person or group to feel that high again and feel a sense of wholeness. We can get locked into a situation like this and feel very isolated because that is the idea of the toxic person or group. You are isolated and played with, so they will have a sense of power and control.
Remember, the trauma bond is an addiction, so don’t be hard on yourself if this is in your life. Love yourself enough to get help, just as a drug addict must reach out for help in their situation. You have to come to the point of hitting bottom. No one can make you get to that point. It all has to be done for yourself. Working on self-love, fostering good relationships privately, and finding a good counselor to help you out of your misery are essential to your health and well-being. Even after you are not under the influence of a toxic situation, there still might be a recovery time. Allow yourself that time! Remember your worth. You are gold in anyone’s life. Let your most significant relationship be with God and with yourself first. Work on your self-esteem and consider the reasons you lock into toxic people or groups, to begin with.
Come to recognize the trauma bond high and don’t allow relationships to happen too quickly. Any good relationship is nurtured over time. Be honest with those you leave behind and tell them from a place of safety that you feel they are not suitable for you. Be straightforward. It is essential to speak your truth at a safe distance as toxic people can also be dangerous. Make it crystal clear you want no more contact and why. Tell the other person or people why you feel your connection is not good for you or them. Even in situations where there is little in common, communication is important. In healthy people, breakups are easy like that. Healthy people communicate, “I don’t want to see you again” in a healthy way and is accepted healthily. If this is not expressed, don’t think you are in a trauma relationship if the other person does not understand and pursues you. You have to be clear for your sake and theirs!
It all sounds so complicated, and this could quickly turn into a book, but it is not that complicated. Let your happy indicator let you know if you are in a good relationship fit or not. Even with groups, it is the same thing. It might not be a good fit for you if one person in a place of power calls all the shots. Recognize power-hungry people and keep your distance. Your life will thank you with blessings you never dreamt of if you protect and guide yourself by the gut instincts God has given you.
“People know who they are and what they do. When they become defensive because you somehow “know”, they expose themselves not you.” – Jenine Marie
No one is fooling anyone. We only fool ourselves. We know the truth about ourselves whether admitted or not. Some just don’t realize how transparent they truly are. Taking responsibility for personal actions is the ONLY way to heal anything. When someone does not take responsibility for hurting you, whether they admit to doing wrong or not, then it is time to move on. Those who keep trying to cover their behind eventually end up with no more blanket to use for cover.
PS sticking to their “story” rarely helps their case. They just expose themselves more.