Cycles of Grief Wait for No One

Most of you who have read my blogs or have watched my YouTube videos know I lost my daughter not long ago. It seems like yesterday. Before this, I lost my son long ago. Although time really has no bearing on grief or whether it will ever stop, I have heard others repeatedly state that grief is the price we pay for love. This statement reminds me of Jesus when He instructed us to “count the cost” before we take up our cross. This means that everything pretty much has a cost of some sort in life. Love that is as strong as our love for our children creates a huge cost when measured up against their loss. I can’t say this enough, “It is a HARD experience.” What makes it so difficult is the feeling that no one understands the patterns of someone’s grief. It also feels like life goes on without us. At least, that is how I have felt. Others pursue their dreams, make happy memories, or take beautiful vacations. People are doing life and wondering why I sometimes don’t feel like participating. It’s a process that no one ever wants to experience because it is often unbearable.

Grief ebbs and flows like the tides. Sometimes it feels like I can do just about anything and move on with my life, and then I get smacked with a grief day for whatever reason. Stuffing it all down does no good. All stuffing accomplishes is creating a wound that is harder to heal and bring to the surface. The only way to face grief is head-on. That means being authentic and genuine even when others simply don’t understand. It means keeping boundaries even when others feel we are being unreasonable. It means doing for ourselves when others think we are being selfish.

I have learned that “doing me” and my life must be the first on my list. I come first, no matter what anyone says. It means watching others go on with their lives, laughing, enjoying life, and not really noticing that mine seems like my heart stopped in the middle of life and has not yet been completely resuscitated. I know I will come up for air. I always do. I know it won’t always be this hard. I have been to this place before. I know I will overcome it, but it will take time. I also know the time frame can not be rushed, or I will set myself back, and I am not willing to do that.

In a perfect world, I wish others would try to understand. I wish they would not think or say I am overreacting or unreasonable. Sometimes honestly, I feel like I have died an untimely death because my heart went with my children when they left. I miss them. I know where they are, but that does not stop the missing them part.

If you are enduring grief, please know the process is very personal. Keep moving from day to day and keep breathing the current air you are in. One day, like it will be for me, you will return to breathing. One day your heart will feel like it is completely beating again. But until then, forget what others say or think. You are your own vessel, determining the time and outcome of your grieving experience. Let your grief flow because it is true, “Cycles of grief wait for no one.”

Loving you from here,

Jenine Marie