When Life’s Foundations Are Shaken

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I feel like I have been going through the most challenging couple of weeks I have ever been through, at least in a long time. My oldest daughter is critically sick, and it’s severe. My children and family have been my heartbeat for as long as I can remember. It makes no difference how old they get; they are still my babies when it comes to loving them and caring for their lives.

It took me some time to come out with some of the details about my daughter. I needed time to digest some of it all myself. I have learned my process for dealing with tough news. I get numb, then I cry, I get stronger, I become contemplative, I rest, and it starts all over again. It’s me, and it works. Somewhere in there is a constant prayer, affirmation, hope, and appeals to the powers that “be.”

When I learned my daughter was as sick as she is, it has been like my foundation created a crack in it that is in deep need of repair. It hurts tremendously even to consider not having her here on earth. Within my foundation is my deep belief in God within us, the power that comes with God, and the spiritual support that comes through channels we often do not see.

Besides healing for my daughter, my most profound appeal is “repair the cracks and breaches, oh God.” I know my faith is intact because my heart is in a constant state of prayer even when it does not visibly show. I hurt for her, I hurt for myself, and I hurt for my family. We have overcome so many odds, and this one is one more we shall overcome. The details are hard to face, but I know somehow facing them will make us all stronger. The details shake our foundations to the core, but I know God will sew up our wounds like a surgeon closes a surgical site.

When my foundations are shaken, I get into a state of emergency within my inner self. It’s like every breath is counted, every heartbeat is more critical, and every single thought is processed. I have hard ones that I know I should not have. I counter them with my attempts at better affirmative thoughts. It’s hard. I have “Mama” heart syndrome. It means I ache for my daughter 24 hours a day and seven days a week. She is one of my fondest creations; she is strong-willed, stubborn, heartfelt, loving, caring, giving, and sometimes childish. I love every single part of what she is because I helped to create her. How could I feel less about anyone I helped create when God feels deeply for all of us even when we fail?

“Mender of the breach in my foundation, please hold me still while You weave a new tapestry into the layers of love, light, and power I have inherited from You! I am continually seeking out the repairer of the foundational breach as I reach for more faith, love, healing, and hope. When foundations are shaken and torn, then the mender has to be the Creator of them. Our Creator is the only power we have to mend our hearts and help others mend the hearts of those who are suffering. Today and every day I acknowledge that unforgettable power that surges within us all.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

If it Was Real Love Would They Have Left?

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I listened on the phone to a woman who was sobbing as she expressed her fear and pain. I’m an empath, so I could feel the pain in my chest as she tried to settle down long enough to even talk. Her life had fallen apart in one instant. Little did she know, it had been falling apart for some time. She was just not informed of it. When it all finally hit the fan, her husband she had been married to all of her adult life had told her he was leaving her for another woman. In fact, he had been seeing the woman for awhile.

They had been together through raising children, buying a home, planning for retirement, and family vacations. They fought battles when the kids rebelled against them, prayed while they were sick, held one another through unexpected funerals and celebrated every joyous event. Now all of that became a blur as she vented her feelings to me with tears rolling down her cheeks. I had invited her out for breakfast the following day; her heart was so broken she could hardly fix herself meals.

I wondered how someone went from being involved in the life they built with another, to starting all over later in life. It was mentioned he stayed for the sake of the children. I think its a very noble reason to stay, don’t you? Giving children a good life is wonderful and they deserve the best from both parents. The only part the husband had left out was he was planning to leave without his wife’s knowledge. She was hit like a ton of bricks with the news.

Her children were all off living their adult lives, and her husband was packing his bags. On top of it all, the house would have to be sold during the divorce so she was going to have to leave the home she spent over 25 years putting together. She kept asking me why he could possibly do such a thing? I can’t say how this happened but what blurted out was, “If he truly loved you as a husband loves his wife, he never would leave.”

They had many years together, building and creating a family. I can’t completely believe he had no love for her at all. What I can say is someone who truly loves another might have moments of reconsideration during arguments or hard issues, but the idea of living without the other never really enters into the mind of one who loves without conditions. The woman continued to sob and tell her story. I realized it was himself he was not loving. His actions had very little to do with her or lack of love for her. It was a lack of love for himself that guided his decisions at that time.

It’s hard to understand this, but we reflect in our lives the feelings we have within ourselves. We display our inadequate feelings and wounds by the decisions we make a long the way. When our lives go unhealed, and wounds unattended to, we create a mixed up mess.

She made it through her ordeal. In fact, she did better than she ever imagined, just taking one step at a time. He, on the other hand was stuck in yet one more relationship he wanted out of, not realizing the person he had left was himself.

We do ourselves a great disservice by leaving our inner wounds unattended. This does mean we need to dig a bit into the past and let our voices express the pain and sorrow created through our interactions with others.  We owe it to ourselves and others to heal from the inside out. Otherwise we make decisions out of the lens of the holes in our hearts instead of making them how of wholeness. Make a decision today to heal the hurts from the inside out. Your life and those around you will thank you!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph. D

Do You Take on Other’s Dirty Rocks and Garbage?

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So many of us are like sponges. We tend to soak up what others give out, then place blame, guilt, and shame upon ourselves. Our burdens are heavy when we do this. We were never meant to carry other’s burdens. We were meant to care, not internally carry.

Along life’s road of bumps and grinds, we pick up those dirty rocks of blame, guilt, and shame then throw them at ourselves. No one else need throw them at us when we do the job for them. So, along we go, battered on the inside and wiped nice and clean on the outside like we took a shower in servitudes soap.

When we have a healed heart and are filled with grace and mercy, we can stand up to attend to other’s scrapes and bruises. If we can’t, it simply means we have not done our inner work. Not even prayer for another will work out when we carry resentment from taking on more than we need. Our sacks are filled with the wrong things, so we either suffer internal emotional bleeding or blame the one who is hurting.

Trust me, those who are hurting don’t need us to fill them with more than what they have. They need us whole. We need ourselves whole. A whole person will not create segments into dirty rocks that not only sling out at themselves but others. We all need to attend to the mess inside and the mess on the outside. We all need grace, mercy, healing, and hope.

It is possible to replace our dirty rocks for the things that give us strength not to take on other’s junk but to be a buffer in the storm for them. If we try to be that buffer without attending to ourselves first, we make jerks of ourselves and go around hurting people out of our hurt.

First, drop inner guilt, shame, and torture from taking on junk when we were not healed enough to do so. What I am saying is, “Drop the dirty rocks,” and get to cleaning up your inner closet! Your heart was meant for more than just being burdened and shamed.

Get things in proper order, even if this means spending special quality time with yourself. Take the time to heal, seek, and find who you really are without the grime you have added upon yourself.

Go to God within you for healing, empowerment, and hope. Do not leave that closet or sanctuary until you have found complete healing and sanity. THEN extend yourself into what makes you happy. This need not take the form of not being there when someone needs you. You can healthily do this if you do the inner work that stabilizes you. If you don’t, you will dump your mess all over anyone who approaches you and believe that you are justified doing it. This is NOT loving or caring.

In a world where real love is rarely properly defined, let me define it for you in a way it is not. It is NOT sacrifice at the risk of your own heart. Instead, love is giving out of wholeness. Love is also healing out of the same wholeness.

Be careful not to be rude in the process, or you will attract to yourself more reasons to be rude. Be merciful. “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.” (Holy Bible, and the Universal Law of Reciprocity)

Today during my morning meditation, I dropped everyone’s dirty rocks they threw at me over the years, and even some of my own I put on myself. What I heard in spirit was, “It’s time to clean the closet.” So I did. Will you join me?

Affirmation:

“Today, I release all the dirt that I have had thrown at me and kept inside. I release all of the rocks thrown at me that hurt me over the years that came to me from other’s pain. Today, I release all of the garbage I put upon myself unjustly. I release guilt, shame, blame, dishonor, and rudeness. I release harsh words spoken to me that dishonored me as a person.

“Today, I replace all of the holes created by dirt, bringing into my inner soul love, tenderness, joy, happiness, respect, honor, and mercy. I will walk in these things until I draw them back to me many times over. Then, I will be fruitful and multiply the good things in life, always!”

And so it is..

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Healing Can Be as Simple as Expressing Yourself

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When I receive calls from a client, it is often needed to simply voice their issues. Sometimes it is about heartbreak or something from the past that hurt them a great deal. Many want to know if someone they around care about them. My first response to that is, “Have you asked them?” Usually, they are afraid to ask because they have been hurt and rejected so much.

Rejection is one of the biggest roadblocks to communicating with others and offering our voices to heal the wounds that inflicted us. So many are afraid to step out again and honestly tell someone what is deeply felt. When our voices are held back either by fear or an overbearing person, we become stopped up inside like a drain that won’t flow. The blockage will create blockages also in our energy centers. Eventually, this will affect our physical health as well.

Our voices and emotions behind our expressions have been created in us for a reason. It is not only about talking with others but also about healing our hearts and soul scars. Without a voice, these inner wounds will fester and create blockages in our lives. Believe it or not, more people are held back in life simply because of the soul scars and wounds that energetically keep them closed off from what they truly want.

To get to the bottom line, it takes communication; it takes a voice! When we consider exercise, we either use it or lose it. It is the same thing with our expressions and communication. We need to use our voices or lose out on opportunities to make new choices and realize our dreams. When we neglect to voice our opinions, ideas, and hurts, we stop the life force flow from our lives.

Why are so many of us afraid to speak our minds? Most of the time, it is about not wanting that sore spot within hurt again. Sometimes it is about rejection, but another reason is the sense of judgment or failure. It all boils down to perceiving a loss of our self-esteem and self-worth. Sometimes we think we will be laughed at. Interestingly, many very successful people were humiliated and laughed at over and over again. At some point, they had to have thrown up their hands and chose not to care about it so much.

Sooner or later, we all need to face our fears. Opportunities will arise over and over to give us that chance to do just that! If you neglect your voice because of fears or false perceptions, maybe it is time to express yourself and move on. Healing only comes with opening a wound to air it out. It’s time, honey. Do it today!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

JenineMarie.com

Law of Attraction: How to Improve Your Life by Attracting Differently!

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Have you ever wondered why you attract the same types of people that are hard to be around? Or maybe there are wounds inside of you that you just can’t seem to get over. Sometimes we just want life to be better but don’t know how that works or what to do.

Does the Law of Attraction and Universal Law really help make life changes, and if so, how? Dr. Jenine Marie explains some of the answers in detail in this video! Please feel free to subscribe for upcoming new videos!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph. D.

JenineMarie.com

LifeLessonsbyJenineMarie.com

Hypnosis: What it is and What it Isn’t, Plus Some of Dr. Jenine’s Personal Journey!

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

There are so many assumptions and even misunderstandings about hypnotherapy. Many have no idea what hypnosis is and also what it is not. The benefits of hypnosis are beyond explanation because they are uncountable!

Dr. Jenine Marie talks about her own hypnosis experiences and also what hypnosis can do to change a life for the better! Also included in this video is some education about the practice. Decide for yourself! You can live the life you have always wanted, free from fear, anxiety and depression. You can change your thought processes and therefore what you attract into your life!

This very detailed video will help you understand how the law of attraction works with your wounds and how the practice of hypnosis can change it all!.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph. D.

JenineMarie.com

LifeLessonsbyJenineMarie.com

Loss of The Lilac Center for Healing and Enlightenment: My Continued Grief

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As someone who practices positive psychology, I’m not particularly eager to talk about the subject of loss so much. When I do, I usually do so in the context of renewal or regaining what was lost. This time I think talking about my own losses is therapeutic. I also believe in living in the moment. This moment beckoned me to release what I am feeling inside and out.

In the early 2000’s I opened a place of healing called The Lilac Center for Healing and Enlightenment in California. I needed to do the healing work I provided. After having lost my son, I needed to give myself an outlet that brought a sense of goodness and purpose in my life. I built my business from the ground up with no help.

At first, I had the adviser line I worked on from home, and later I proudly opened my office in a nearby city. I loved my business so much! My clients told me they felt like they walked into another world when they visited me. I wanted them to feel a sense of peace, and in return, I felt peace as well. The best part of my healing place was I had the opportunity to use my gifts and help my clients transition to a better life. I offered hope, healing, help, and support.

I was privileged to hear the innermost workings of my client’s hearts. I listened to their pain, sorrow, excitement, and sometimes joy. I had the honor of witnessing healing from the inside out. The work I was doing was so much more than work; it was my purpose. Not everyone understood it, but their understanding was not necessary. I knew I had God’s blessing, and the hope in the hearts of those who came to me was enough to keep me going. The spiritual work I found myself doing helped me channel my grief into other people’s healing. I know not everyone embraced my beliefs or even my presence there. Acceptance from some people did not matter compared to the healing God blessed me to bring to others.

In all honesty, I often did not understand how it happened. I don’t question my Creator. I did as I felt led. The one thing I did not count on was a sudden divorce. After being married for quite a few years, my life suddenly came to a standstill. Please don’t ever think a marital breakup does not affect other people outside the marriage. I know the hardship extends its reach far and beyond the severing of the ties of a couple.

I can’t explain it all without writing a book, but I can say that my divorce was like a slow bleed in my life. I watched myself lose one thing after another. One of my divorce terms was I had to refinance my home in my name if I wanted to keep it. I had to keep it for my children, so I did what I had to do. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I could not maintain everything on my own. I lost the equity line of credit through the refinance that helped support my business start-up and anything else when I needed it.

No matter how hard I tried, I could not keep up with the looming needs of my home, my family, and my business. I lost the company next. I cried for days in my office before I could even tell the landlord I would have to leave. On top of losing my business, I found out my new refinanced mortgage was running backward. During the 2008 housing crisis, when so many people were being foreclosed upon, I was soon to learn I had to be one of them. My home loan balance was getting bigger and not going down with payments, and the bank would not refinance me again with a new business loss. All they wanted to do was foreclose anyway. Foreclosure was the goal, and they got what they wanted. I lost my home. Even worse, my family lost their home too. The word depression does not even describe what I felt. I remembered when God had told me once, “If I should find myself waking up sitting in darkness, then He would be the Light that raises me up and pulls me through.” I held onto this promise for a very long time. I have survived. The only thing I have not been able to recover from was my healing center loss. For over a decade, I have not been able to come to the point of rebuilding it. There is no doubt, God has taken care of me, and I have taken care of myself. I have had to jump over more obstacles than I ever imagined. Still, I would do anything to reopen my place of peace and healing physically in this world again.

I need the work I do. My work sustains my heart and gifts me with a sense of passion and purpose in life. Without it, I still struggle with an emptiness that never seems to go away. I believe in universal law, God’s blessings on life, restoration of what has been lost, and the love of a Creator who never could let me down. This is the hardest blow in my life since I lost my son. I need my healing work to resume. I need to be the spiritual guidance counselor, the life coach, the hypnotherapist, and the energy master I have always been. This is my purpose, my passion, my reason for being present. Without my full purpose played out on this earth, I still grieve…

What to do When The One You Have Loved No Longer Loves You

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It is an issue that has plagued relationships since the beginning of time. One day someone wakes up and realizes their love given has or is no longer going to be returned. All of the time and moments that have been put into trying to bond with someone have now seemingly been wasted. First, I want to say; nothing is ever wasted. Time well spent is a lesson well learned. (I think that should be a quote somewhere)!

I don’t want it to appear I’m stating the process of grieving an ended love is an easy thing; it is not. The painful process of severing ties with someone you thought you knew is nothing to take lightly. Breakups are just plain painful.

Eventually, we have to pick up the pieces and move on with life. Expect this to be a process. Grief is a process. Recreating life is a process. So, what do we do when the one we loved no longer loves us in return? Let me give you some starting points.

  1. Face the truth head-on. Realize that your life has now changed; you have changed. What was once time spent with someone else will now evolve into time spent on just yourself.
  2. Take life as it comes; this sometimes means one day at a time and sometimes one breath at a time. Don’t expect things to fall into place in one second. It took time to create a relationship, and it will take time to complete your severing of one.
  3. Permit yourself to grieve. Cry, pray, and meditate on what your heart is feeling. Ask yourself what you need right now. The answer to all of your questions will be revealed, and you will be surprised at how much you know what to do.
  4. Celebrate yourself and the life you hold. I am not advocating that hurting in your heart is a time for celebration, but there is a time to celebrate the brilliant creation and creator you are. Remember, you are a gift of life, a unique creation in God’s universe.
  5. Make your moments count instead of counting your moments. I genuinely believe it is not the time we spend in life but the quality of time that makes a difference. Create cherished moments that become your own memories.
  6. Realize your own worth and gift to this world. Everyone has a unique presence and present we give to this world and our planet. Find yours in the light of where you are at this very now moment.
  7. Honor when your heart needs to rest and rest it well. There is so much to look forward to in life, but there is a time of rest necessary to recover from heartache.
  8. Know you are not broken but transitioning. You might feel hurt at the time, but your life will come back together in different ways. See your transition for what it is. This moment in time is a moment to form yourself again. You will be a butterfly again soon.
  9. Talk to those who love and care about you. Be honest about how you are feeling. Make sure whomever you talk to is wise enough and stable enough to hear your heart pain. This might be in the form of a counselor or therapist, but remember you were created for a relationship. We all need love from those whom you can call a true friend. Find those who are friends and not those who want just to hear your pain. A good listener embodies compassion for others, especially you.
  10. Love yourself. Learn to heal, to laugh, to cry, and be human. Give gifts to yourself in ways you never did before. The gift of a spiritual awakening is an excellent place to begin. You owe it to yourself and your life to allow the process of grief to complete itself. This means honoring your love as much as your hurt and anger. A life in balance is a life well spent.

I am sure there are so many things I have missed, especially some of the details that come from walking through the severing of ties, grieving, and regaining a new life. A good life coach or counselor can help you reprioritize your life to fit the season you now find yourself in!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph. D.

JenineMarie.com

LifeLessonsbyJenineMarie.com

The Haunting of a Relationship Ghoster

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When I was little, I had this massive curiosity about ghosts and the hauntings that went with them. True confessions, I still do! The type of ghosting I am writing about here is not the house haunting, chain-rattling, howling kind. Although, relationship ghosting does rattle chains. Let me sum the experience up in one word it’s HORRIBLE. Let me clarify what relationship ghosting is first, so we are on the same page. There are some characteristics of the ghosting monster. During a relationship ghost experience:

The ghoster might be, or usually is, associated with narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder.

There is no altercation or reason to believe the ghoster will be leaving your life.

Things appear and seem to be going smoothly with no apparent reason for alarm or concern.

The ghoster will not respond to text messages, emails, phone calls, in-person knocks on the door, etc.

The ghoster means to cause you harm, alarm, and delights in your pursuit, knowing they will never respond to you. They love that this causes you distress.

The ghosting intent is to leave you with no closure.

The list above is by no means an exhaustive one. There is great distress when someone ghosts another person. For the distress to be accomplished, the resemblance of a serious relationship must be established. The only way the impact can be as traumatic as it is is when we believe or think a strong love connection has been made.

Yes, this is horribly cruel, and unfortunately, there is nothing to do but get as much love and support from loved ones and move on. When someone ghosts us, there is no recourse. The ghoster will make sure you have nothing to hold onto, and the distress is massive. Ghosting goes far beyond the desire to not be with someone any longer. The ghosting person will completely disappear.

What Does a Mature Break Up Look Like?

Mature people will communicate their lack of desire to continue a relationship. When a usual relationship ends, there will be indications along the way that things are not working out. A mature person confronts their issues with someone honestly and openly, even when they know it will be hard and often hurtful.

Mature people learn to take responsibility for the heart they chose to be in a relationship with and do all they can to guard the painful part of a breakup. Breakups are hard enough. Even when hard feelings are involved, the mature person will still face hardship, work to make it easier for the other, and be open to communication.

For some reason, our advancing technology makes it so much easier to be a relationship ghost. Guaranteed, if this happens to you, your ghoster will make sure humiliation is a part of your journey and healing process. The ghoster will tell everyone you caused it just to cover their behind. Does this sound cruel? It is. It’s heartless. As I said, the usual breaks of relationships have a form of communication that will occur before it happens. The break might be hurtful, but ghosting is painful and humiliating. It is preplanned, premeditated relationship torture.

What to do…

If you have been ghosted and need someone to chat with, please reach out to those who care or a professional who can help you through it. You will survive! You might have a hard time trusting for a while afterward, but you will survive.

Nurture yourself, your self-esteem, and all of the beautiful things you are—Ghosters prey upon those who have beautiful hearts. Take refuge in the truth about who you are and the gift you bring to others. If you stay positive about yourself, past the pain, you will eventually attract someone who will value you too much to ghost you. First, you must respect yourself. Remember, you are worthy of love, and ghosting is not a loving thing. The act of ghosting is about them, not you!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Knowing When to Heal Internally

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I’ve often discussed we are like transmitters that send out information over the spiritual airwaves. In the same respect, we are also like mirrors who show others a good look at themselves when they look at us. We can shine back at someone and show their light or respond when they lash out and show them their wounds. We come together for this purpose. Couples mirror one another often. When one does or says something mean to the other, their injury is imposing on the other.

Most of the time, the unhealed are tempted to take someone’s lashing out personally. It can be, but honestly, it is not. People always spill out their wounds onto others. Or they will help us process our own when we choose to react instead of search our hearts to find where we need to heal. An individual can always know when they heal internal wounds when nothing seems to affect them much anymore. Don’t mistake this for the hardness of heart. It is more like a coming of age from the inside out. It is a transformation that reveals we have grown, healed, and are happy within ourselves.

When growth is being tempted during these moments, remember we have the roots of unholy messes all bottled up inside of us. Many of us don’t even realize it because we are too busy blaming someone else. Life begs us to take a good look at ourselves. It is our responsibility to heal from the inside out and is for our own sake.

Realize we all have “stuff.” There are no exceptions. If you spend less time trying to judge others, feeling hurt by others,  and getting angry, you will have time to settle into yourself and discover where you need to heal. Bringing out those issues can come either willingly, or God will send a messenger that you attract to help do that for you! You can choose either one way or the other.

If you want good relationships, start one with yourself. Learn to love yourself enough to heal. Learn to accept you have flaws like everyone else and work on your wounds. You will know you have completed the work to heal when people don’t seem to rub you the wrong way any longer.  When your injuries no longer affect you, your responses will no longer bring you anxiety or anger. You will finally have come to yourself and stepped into your power!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, PhD.

http://jeninemarie.com

832-484-8306