I Learned the Greatest Lesson of All…from MY Clients

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If you have ever known me, or have been connected to me, you know how much I love my work.  There is nothing more amazing to me than to be trusted enough to be allowed into another person’s heart and life. I count it an honor to be held in confidence. At times it has been to such a level, I have been told things that my clients have never revealed to another single soul.

There is nothing quite as satisfying to me than to know I have left a conversation and my client has had an “aha” moment, or has felt a great load being lifted from their shoulders. Yet, there have been those from time to time who have either come right out and told me I had not helped them at all. Or there have been those who have just quietly distanced themselves from me. In those cases I would get off the phone or go home feeling tied up in knots wondering what I could have done better.  I took it hard and usually put all of the load on myself.

Comforting myself, I would reason that I am not perfect, and don’t know all of the answers. While this is true, there had been one piece of the puzzle I had not considered, “I can not assist anyone who does not love themselves enough to realize they need to make their own changes”. I can facilitate, but I can’t change anyone. Change comes from the inside out. One element that has to always be there is self love.

The amazing thing, is the most difficult clients revealed to me my own lack of self confidence and self love. Everyone is a mirror to us no matter what the role we play in one another’s lives. Literally, my rejecting clients expected me to fix them and I strained within myself thinking that it was my job.

Learning the lesson about fixing my own self, loving myself, and being confident within myself, has been a hard one. I’ve had to weed through all of the junk that led me to “people please” and allow others to judge me, or compromise my sense of self worth. Bottom line, we are all a work in progress. With my progression, I discovered it has been alright to walk away from those who dishonored me, because I could honor myself. It’s easier said than done.

This is the reality; no one changes without having to do the work and without finding self love first. Without self love we only live in the reflection of those who want us to conform to their image. I take a deep breath and relax when I remember that the only image I need to conform to is God’s. Even then, it is not God outside of me but God who is a part of my being. The power of love is in our own DNA. I had to get a grasp of this completely, or I would always feel like I would fall short.

It’s work, but when done right everything shifts in the right direction. People leave because they become insulted, irritated, or offended. I’ve learned to let them go. The payoff is others will appear. It’s like a miracle of life. Those that appear are the ones who are ready for what I have to offer and always give me the gift of appreciation in return.

This is the pleasure of life. Walking in the Light of love is always the greatest feeling in the world. Sometimes I forget, like I suddenly have some sort of amnesia. Spirit always draws me back to where I need to be. Sometimes this happens with a struggle but when I turn to the greatest love ever, I always remember.

So, with all of this said; the greatest work I have ever achieved was to love myself the way God does. When this happens everything falls into place. Resistance never allows miracles to happen. Self doubt and struggle will never bring balance or miracles. Yes, my clients have taught me the road to least resistance. The responsibility has always been their own. Mine is to be there, to listen, to interject wisdom when wisdom comes, and to smile at the end of the day.

A job well done always comes with a life well loved.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry, Phd

JenineMarie.com

Stuck in Between

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I realize this is not a typical Easter message, but then again, there is nothing typical about this Easter. I can’t say if this is a new normal or if it is a return to love. I like the believe the latter is true. During this season, I find myself stuck in between so many things. Some of them are probably just a lack of decisions but others are areas where I feel I am in a place of waiting. Ever feel like you just want to get the show on the road? You are all packed and ready but there is no gas in the car. Yep, I am there. Stuck in between.

Moses found himself in the cleft of a rock as he stood on the mountain waiting to hear what God had to say to him. In fact, God placed him there. He said, “When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.” (Exodus 33:22). God did this because no one can look at that full glory of God and live. So, God gave Moses a hiding place. He placed Moses in a cleft between the rock. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place! Yet, as promised, God’s glory passed by. It was the only way Moses could experience the glory of God and still live to tell about it. How magnificent must that have been!

Maybe that is where I am? Maybe that is where YOU are right now? It’s not so bad to be stuck in between. It is a moment in time when God truly wants us to “see” His glory. He shows this by how He moves things in life. Or sometimes he speaks in a dream, or whispers into our hearts. He might show us direction through other people. He so loves to show up through the least expected person for the least expected reason. That’s our God! He drives us from the inside out and the outside in. Not to mention He holds up his hand to guard us and keep us safe.

During this season of being stuck in between, God spoke to me through the book of Exodus. This is the story of when God used Moses to let His people be released from the bondage of an unfair pharoah. In fact, he was totally brutal. Pharoah got a huge lessen in that season and so did Moses and the Israelites. God wastes nothing! The Israelites were also stuck in between a very long season of brutality and their freedom. God did deliver them, but when they were ready and no sooner. You see, the Israelites were a strong people. They were used to carry heavy things and hoist up heavy man made bricks in order to build the pyramids. Little did pharaoh know, he was building an army of very strong and yet humble people.

Maybe God is using this time of feeling stuck to build your character muscle and faith?Maybe its a time to find humility, more faith, hope, and even love. Growth is Gods wonder and miracle. Everything He planted on this earth grows from small to bigger or from weak to strong. Isn’t that a crazy amazing plan? It means we grow even in our darkest hours of indecision. God has a decision for you. Go with what you have and leave the rest for Him to show His glory. If you find yourself stuck in the cleft of a rock, know that God’s glory is passing by! Your new season has just begun!

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

 

 

Is it a Mess, Message, or More?

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The last week I met with the challenge of cleaning out my storage unit. My things had been packed and stored away for the last five years. I know, an incredible amount of time to have things in storage. I opened the door and stared inside. The contents were more daunting then I had remembered. Somehow I had thought it would be a simple thing to do, but now it was staring me in the face. It was obvious to me it had been let go of far too long. The mess was now becoming a message.

I clicked a few photos and sent them off to my husband. His first comment, “What a mess!” I agreed. I pulled out one of the dining room chairs and just sat there for a few minutes. I thought, “So this is the mess I left behind and have not dealt with.” I tend to hold the belief that our mess created on the outside of us come from something on the inside of us. As I sat, I wondered what mess in me created this contained and locked up disaster! I changed my question to what message this had for me and wondered why I had allowed it. Was it not to put off for tomorrow what I could do today, or was it to deal with things before moving onward to something else? I shook my head and decided it had to be a little bit of both.

Whatever the reason I had come to this place on my journey it was obvious my cleaning up and clearing out process was not going to be an easy one and it was not going to happen completely in one session. As I weeded through papers, boxes, and long forgotten items I thought again about the mess in me. What was I weeding from my inner life at that moment? Maybe it was a little self care neglect, and putting off what I needed to deal with at the moment. Maybe it was holding on to things that I should let go of and move on to a new level of growth. Again, it had to be a little of both, and maybe then some.

I found myself in the middle of the unit turning around in circles. I moved things to one side and then to the next and back again. I discovered long forgotten treasures that I knew I had to keep. Then there were other things I could not understand the reason I had kept them in the first place. An overwhelming feeling washed over me, as I sat down again. I concluded that some things are important because they have meaning attached to them, and other things are just things. The same thing on the inside seemed to be true. I decided to keep what was meaningful and brought a specific memory or feeling of joy into my life and leave the rest.

My inner process was not as hard as the outer process. I let go of things that really did not matter and decided to cling to the memories that I cherished and have brought me a smile along the way. It all surrounded forgiveness and gratitude. I thought of the things I was grateful for and the things I had not forgiven as I continued to weed through memories and material things. Surprisingly the number one person I had to forgive was myself. As I shuffled boxes I could not help but cry. There was some past life staring me in the face each time I cut open a box. Everything from photos to bed sheets were exposed. Each time, I found something to be grateful for and something to forgive. My storage unit was, and is, very symbolic of my achievements and losses. I found degrees I had earned, and documents that were as old as God and really had no meaning accept being a stepping stone to a new phase of life.

I chose the best things to bring back with me, some things to give away, and others for another part of my journey. I think my inner world is the same. I think I will choose the best things to retain in me, let go of some, and give away any wisdom that is obtained from my life lessons. As for the other part of my journey, who knows? Maybe that lies within the contents of the rest of my storage unit.

Do you have a mess, a message, or something to clear out in your life? I hope this gives you some thoughts to ponder.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev Jenine Marie Howry

 

A Lesson from the Cross We Don’t Always Think About

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Easter weekend always brings a sense of spring, good weather, celebration, family, and food. Alright, these days sometimes the weather is not all the greatest around. But Easter brings up thoughts of chocolate, hard boiled and dyed eggs, leg of lamb and family gatherings.

In the Christian church the focus is on Jesus, the cross, His sacrifice, His rising, and His love. In a time of celebration, the church has been lifting up Jesus every year for centuries for His acceptance of an experience that has gone down in history as one of the most profound acts of sacrificial love ever known to humankind.

I have been so contemplative recently, as I meditated on the cross and what Jesus endured that day on Calvary’s mountain. I let my mind wander to the scene in the garden when Jesus prayed, sweat and cried, with blood, and anguish. He knew He was going to be crucified. Did He want this? Who would? We know He did not in his words, “Father please take this cup from me.” Following those words were the bravest surrender that humankind has ever known. He said, “but if it be Your will Father…”

This whole scene brought me to the point of this message. Jesus was completely willing to move head on right into one of the most graphic death scenes one could ever imagine. His problem loomed before Him. His choices were completely His to make. He could have called upon the angels and He could have been saved from the fate that awaited Him. Instead, He chose to not side-step the issue, but to face it, embrace the lesson, the experience, and the outcome. With trust and faith, Jesus carried the cross He would soon die upon down a road that most would never have chosen to take. No one saved Him from this fate, not even Himself. Beaten down and torn from whipping and lashing, He still moved forward and faced what He had prayed to not have to do.

My point? As humans, it seems like most of us would do anything to avoid pain. Usually we turn to something that comforts us; a habit or diversion from the issue. We turn to food, money, shopping, drugs, alcohol, sex, and the list goes on. We like to do anything that will take the sting out of what we see ahead of us. Instead of facing it head on, we seek to dull our senses, take on the wound, and forsake the healing or “rising”. We forget that pain is a part of life. We forget the lesson from the cross that pain comes before the rising and there is no shortcut, and nothing that can dull our senses enough to change this truth.

How many of us can think back and know for sure had we faced our issues head on without trying to divert from the problem, we would have come through with healing to our hearts and the rising would have come afterward? The honest truth is the only way to our personal rising is to face every problem, every pain, and every situation, head on with dignity. Our words should be, “If it be Your will Father…”  The reality is without facing and walking through the painful part, there is no healing. We want to not “feel”. Since when did feeling become so hard? It’s not pleasant for sure, but the rewards are great.

I thought about the death of my own son. My mind went back in time to the days, nights, and lonely moments in my own garden of anguish. For me, there was no sudden healing, no escape, no shortcut. I did not deaden my pain with alcohol, drugs, food, or anything else. Honestly, there would be nothing that could help me or make me feel any better. There was no side stepping the pain. It just “was”, and sometimes still “is”. When others want to know how I survived the loss of my 20 year old son, my answer always has to be, “I faced it head on with God and God alone”. It was the only way I knew I could survive with some form of wholeness left in tact.

As I continued to meditate this week, I thought of Mary, the mother of Jesus. In days gone by, I wondered how she survived watching her son die. Now I know. She was right there, front and center. She faced the pain head on and when it was over, she privately processed the pain. There was no side stepping, and no numbing the feeling or senses. Only she could have been chosen for the part she played in the most dramatic death scene one could imagine. She survived afterward, and so did I. Was life the same? Of course not, it had dramatically changed forever.

The lesson is there, in the message of the cross. Facing our greatest fears and greatest pain with dignity, faith, and determination is the only way to heal from anything. There is no side stepping this truth. The outcome might not be known to us. We have to take the steps down the road, just as Jesus did toward Calvary. We have to carry our load, but ironically it’s the only way our load can ever be taken from us or off of us. The burden is lighter when we understand there is a reason. The task is endurable when we remember the pain always has to be endured before we rise. No exception. Its truth.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev Jenine Marie Howry

The Drama Addict: (Promised Post)

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This is most confusing to me as to how or why anyone would want drama in their lives when it can be avoided. Yet, it is an addiction. Drama addicts love chaos, either self created or borrowed from others. Drama addiction kind of goes along with gossip and it’s horrible to get caught in the wind of those who are addicted to this practice. There is actually an endorphin high that goes on in the brain when a drama addict gets their fix. Most often this person suffers from low self esteem or has the need to be higher than others. So therefore they step on people emotionally to create the illusion that their lives are better than those they step on.

The drama addict will feel the need to create anger out of someone else just to get a fix, or relish in the news that someone is doing poorly. They have to know what goes on in everyone’s life so they can manipulate, spread gossip, or create some sort of chaos out of it in order to satisfy their need. It’s almost a narcissistic personality trait but can be an addiction on its own.

An in-law I had in the past was this sort of person. Every single day was spent sitting around on the phone gossiping about others, or creating some sort of gossip to make someone else feel bad. If she got a reaction, she was in a heavenly illusion. She lived to make others miserable, and that she did most of her life. Its a sad existence but those who are addicted to drama have learned this through family dysfunction and its all they know. It is their “norm”.  I used to think this woman hated my guts and I wondered why. I never thought I gave her a reason to feel that way about me. Then eventually, I realized she did not hate me; I was just an easy target. I’m sensitive, intuitive, and compassionate. (Sensitivity is a good thing in people. We are teachers of compassion in this world). I have all of the things she never could have because they were just boring to her. For a long time I thought of her as an evil seed, but eventually understood her to have drama addiction. This woman felt the need to gossip about me on the phone even while she was on her death bed! I don’t know if I could live in that negativity.

Drama addicts love to make sensitive people cry, be uncomfortable, or get them upset. This feeds the drama need and then can be passed on in the form of gossip. When we think of it, really, its a kind of smear campaign against others who just want to live their lives and not be involved in any of it. They love to reel us in like fish on a hook.

If you know a drama addict, I have this advice for you: 

  1. See them as an unenlightened person who has a dysfunction or sickness. They need our prayers but this does not mean we should be involved with them.
  2. This leads me to #2. RUN, in the other direction! Sometimes prayer is all we can offer for those who have this or any type of addiction. Stay out of their covert clutches.
  3. Don’t buy into their gossip, smear campaign, or strategy, even if they appear to confide in you and you find yourself on their good side. Eventually you will be their target again because they always need one.
  4. Drama addicts have their co-dependents just like any addicts. Stay away from them as well! You will always recognize their co-dependents. Birds of a feather flock together as they say.
  5. Forgive and move on. Stay out of the gossip column. Keep your business to yourself and NEVER confide in the drama addict! You might as well heap coals on your head!

The above is just a bit of advice. I am sure you can come up with your own. If you find yourself stuck in the clutches of a drama addict and want out, please always feel free to call me! 832-484-8306. I can deprogram you from the hurt this dysfunction causes. Don’t pass on the gossip! Talk to someone who will hold your thoughts in confidence.

If you are a drama addict and need healing and release, please also feel free to call and make an appointment. Life can be so free if you let it be!

PS It is a falsehood  that women are the only ones who are drama addicts. Many men are as well. Please be aware of this!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC 

 

Addictions: Is There a Way Out?

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Before I begin with this blog post I want to say that addictions in our country is one of the hardest issues we deal with. The complications an addiction can bring to one life are so saddening. It often goes from wasting precious time to the loss of life. Regardless, addiction is not only a personal illness or disease. Addictions to substances or actions affect everyone the addict is in connection with. The worry, the concern, and the stress caused by being in connection with an addicted person can wear away at the life of those who love them.

Let’s Take a Look at the Bottom Line of Addiction and the “Whys” 

I’m going to just put this out there. It’s pretty simple actually. Every addicted person feels that they lack pleasure in life and need a substance, action, or even person, to bring comfort from the difficult feelings one has. For some reason every addict seems to believe that life is supposed to be blissful, joyful, and problem free all of the time. NOT TRUE! Life is a learning journey and there is no way any life will ever have complete peace all of the time. This world is filled with problems from relational to humanitarian. It might seem simplistic but one of the greatest battles to fighting addiction is for an addict to first come to the understanding that life will have challenges and will not always “feel” good all of the time. Going by feelings instead of faith or practical knowledge is probably the first mistake any addicted person makes. We all feel and all can be sensitive to one thing or another. Yet, being driven by feelings alone can create a multitude of issues.

Bottom line, we are not meant to be comfortable all of the time. Masking the hard issues in life by using a substance or situation only stops a person from receiving the life lesson they need to grow up as a human being. What is the result? Stunted growth; especially spiritual growth.

So what about the pleasure centers of the brain? 

Our brains are an amazing part of our creation. The brain is meant to control our bodily functions, guide our lives and record them. We also have pleasure neurotransmitters that are like carriers to the rest of the body. They tell us we are having a good experience or not. Sometimes they can control how we look at life if we allow them to. For instance, someone who has depression usually does not maintain adequate serotonin in the brain and therefore “feels” depressed. An anti-depressant can be given to help the brain maintain serotonin in order to correct the problem. Depending on the person, the same can be accomplished by helping the brain maintain the right level of dopamine. Both of these neurotransmitters are like “feel good” connectors. Those who have issues with neurotransmitter imbalances struggle with every day life and being able to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.

Much to our misunderstanding there is a way out of addictions and what they do to the brain chemistry. The neuro-pathways of the mind can be rewired by meditation, affirmation, and also hypnosis. Spiritual practices can also be just as uplifting as an anti-depressant given that the practice is created as a good habit in life. There is a way out! If you struggle with addictions of any kind you can correct the imbalances in your brain that life has created and actually overcome the addictions that plague you. Also, learning how to deal and cope with life’s setbacks is a real important part of the process. Dedication and desire come into play because without these nothing else will work out. If you really want out of the addiction trap the good news is there is one! The decision that you must make is if your dedication and desire are strong enough to really work on making the necessary changes. Often if a person experiences enough pain created by their addiction it can be enough to create a strong desire to change and heal.

Your life is waiting ahead of you! Why not consider making the change from being trapped in a nowhere life to really living the life you have been given! If you need help in this area, please call and find out how you can overcome your addictions!

++IMPORTANT Note: Detox from any substance such as a drug or alcohol is a very serious process and should not be attempted alone. Please seek medical attention before beginning any other process or along side a new process. Your overall health must be assessed. Remember, if you have been altered for a long period of time your entire body has been altered down to a cellular level as well. 

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry, PhD.  832-484-8306

Life Lessons by Jenine Marie 

Freedom is Not Always Just About Our Country but Also About Humanity

36404822_10156759836734255_1300871849369927680_nOn this day where we celebrate freedom I can’t help thinking about those who live in a prison no one seems to understand or often recognize. I’m talking about DEPRESSION. No matter how free we express we are on the outside or in our country, if there is a battle going on inside we are never free. Our out side will always reflect what is happening on the inside. Depression is a dark prison of the thoughts, emotions, and sometimes complicated brain chemistry. Not everyone wants to talk about it or admit they have it. It’s like it has become an embarrassment to say “I feel depressed”. Its not a situation where someone can just say, “Be positive” or “Cheer up”. It just does not work that way. No matter how we believe it got there; whether demonically influenced, chemical imbalance, deep grief or sadness, chemical addictions, or some sort of hole inside that never seems to be filled, it does not take away from the truth. DEPRESSION KILLS LIFE and that is the truth. Armies are not only just ones that fight for our constitutional freedoms in our land, but armies are also those who fight for emotional , mental, and soul freedom too. They are the army of God and those who are enlightened enough to realize and accept that we are all a part of one another. When one is sitting in darkness, we ALL do, whether we want to admit this or not. We are the hands, feet, mouth, face, and experience of God. I can’t help but wonder when our true armies of the soul will arise and help peace and healing be the norm instead of the opposite. I pray it soon. I pray it swiftly. I pray it now. No one should sit in a dark place, EVER. We are born free and meant to live that way. Our peace is in the serenity that God brings inside of us and the truth that we can all heal one another…..if we truly want to. Please WANT to. Amen

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC

Virtual Therapist Network 

832-484-8306

You Need Soul Care and Why

IMG_20170904_140736_219Are you curious as to what soul care is and how it can help every aspect of your life? Soul care goes into the depths of a person and finds the amazing vision that God has set inside of each and every one of us. We all have messiness inside but we all have great things that were made in the image of God. Caring for the soul brings out those amazing things.

We are body, mind, and soul and they all work together with one another. I guess you could say we are a trinity like our creator! Why care for only the body and mind but leave the soul unexplored and not excavated ? Who knows what things can be unearthed when soul care is applied to ones life!

Let me ask you something. When is the last time you thought about the vision God has placed inside of you for your life? Do you dwell on surface problems and issues that never seem to be solved? Can I give you a pointer? Dealing with surface issues will never heal you nor does it have the power to change your life! In order for something to be life changing it has to touch you at a soul level. That is what God does through His Holy Spirit through soul care between one another. We work toward bringing out the best parts of you that lay below the surface of all the junk dealt with on a daily basis.

Do you need someone to facilitate soul care? How about dealing with soul scars and soul ties? A liberated spirit who shines the light if Christ is one who has been set free from the bondage stuck within ones soul. We all have these things, and we all should be working on soul care as much as we go to the doctor for the body, or a counselor for care of the mind.

Lets release the things you were destined to know and understand about yourself in Christ Jesus! Soul care is waiting for you and freedom is within your grasp.

If you need to find out more about soul care sessions, please call me at 800-421-1765 or email me at angelwings7777@gmail.com

I can provide session via phone or in person.

God bless you!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries 

Are You Backing Into a Tomb? Lazarus Come Forth!

11988378_10153670839814255_4027848974804248960_nThe Lord’s promise is if we were to wake and find ourselves sitting in darkness that He would be the light that shines to bring us through. Sometimes life causes us to back into a dead place. Maybe we think God has forgotten us or that we have made too many mistakes to fulfill our calling or destiny. Take heart, Jesus is calling you forth!