Why Do Women Often Seem to Compete With One Another?

girl-dandelion-yellow-flowers-160699.jpegAs  I read an article written in 2015 by the New York Times, Why Women Compete With Each Other , I could not help but remember how difficult it was at times to fit into a culture that seemed to always find ways to count me, and others, out. As I look back I wonder, “Is this the nature of women and how we have been created?” At one point I had read somewhere that ancient women used to live in villages and protect one another while their men went out on long hunting trips to bring back food for the winter. As I read, I had a visual of women caring and nurturing one another while protecting the young within a tribe. I believe God instilled within us, as women, to care for one another and make sure we are all safe. It makes me wonder what happened to that instinct along the way.

We see glimpses of it when we gather together to pray, network, and console each other when one is going through a hard time. Of course there have been women’s causes to lift us up along the way in history but not all of them were the example of caring toward one another we really need to see. Where did our sense of competitiveness come from? Is it because there are more women in the world than men and we feel like we have to compete for attention from them?

Honestly, I believe we lost track of our purpose as women. If God placed the instinct within women to rally around one another ,to care for and protect each other, then it must still reside within our reach. Somewhere along the line women have taken on the idea that we are in some sort of contest to be better than one another or to undercut each other. Of course, it’s not true of all women. I don’t want to generalize here. Yet, it is true of many. There often is this silent competition within families, friendships, work places, and especially politics. Seems to me if we want to be lifted up we should stop the stomping and do some lifting.

Since when are we a threat to one another? The most common times I personally feel like I have the need to stand up for myself, it’s usually due to the actions of another female. Why is it that some females love to make others look bad, feel down, or cut each other apart? Is it because of society and the way women are portrayed, and is there some silent competition that is supposed to be displayed in front of men? They don’t even have to be our men, they can be any men.

This is not “rag on women day” so please don’t take it that way. I have been wondering how women can remember our God-given instinct to love and care for one another like the village tribes of old. I can’t help but ponder how women can become more empowered together in a way where we stop undercutting each other and lifting one another up instead. I mean in a global sense. I do know there are a lot of wonderful and amazingly loving women in this world and they give their lives over to making the world a better place for all of us, just by virtue of their love and caring.

Is there a solution to this sometimes unspoken competition and sometimes right out in the open loathing? Where does the secret lie? Is it in our self-image and the need to push others down to look better and can we stop that if that is the what is happening?

I am hoping we can. Where is the village mentality in women? Would you love to see that caring and uplifting to happen globally again? Can we ever overcome society’s ideas of what we should be and just be as we should?

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC. 

Pastor Jenine Ministers on Healing from the Effects of Rape

cropped-14208503182375381246Some things, although hard, must be said. Some things must be revealed completed to be given over to God for healing. Let me start your voice by extending to you mine. God bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries 

Yes, Fellas, Women Can Make Great Leaders!

Rev Jenine MarieI did not realize how much this subject was stuck in my craw until recently. More and more I began to hear about how women still struggle for respect while in leadership positions. This morning my memory took me back to a time when I worked in banking and had to turn down loans. I was young, and maybe I looked like I was too young to make the type of decisions I was making, but I certainly was not stupid! I especially recall one very special moment when an “ah hem” gentleman pretty much let me know how he was not going to let some dizzy young blonde determine his financial future! Much to his disappointment no matter who he talked to the decision remained the same. The man just did not know how to handle his finances. He did not handle women very well either. Part of that memory included him bellowing for a man to look at his application. Hmmm. That ruffles my feathers just thinking about it again.

If you ever get the chance, take a look around in your bank. The mass majority of banks are ran by women in many positions. If you are involved in any organized church regardless to the gender of the pastor, women are the ones who really cut into the depth of how the church is organized. Women work hard in pharmacies, doctors offices, medical fields, and are attorneys. Gee, women are even judges, hold congressional positions, and yes, we have infiltrated the senate.

This is not going to be a women’s rights post. Women have rights, sometimes they are just not respected. When I think back to that loan decline experience I often wonder why blondes are suddenly considered dizzy if a man does not get his way. I have even a better one. Why is it that a woman who has a certain breast size it suddenly makes her a bad choice to preach the gospel or Pastor a church? Yep, it happens. I hate to have to break it to the fellas out there; our brains are not in our cup size. In fact, in business, or in ministry, the only cup a man should be concerned about should be the one he holds his coffee in or he might be treading on a slippery slope.

I do realize boys will be boys. That’s just the point though. Men who focus on things that are not important in either business or ministry, such as body form, age, looks, or whatever have you, are still boys and need to grow up. WOMEN make great bosses, business leaders, Pastors, counselors, and law leaders. Women fight for our country and serve in our military. Some risk their lives and some have lost their lives as well. I don’t think any of their family members thought of them as dizzy blondes while burying them in the ground.

Honestly, this is more than just a rant. It is ILLEGAL to give a woman a hard time in the workforce simply because she is a woman. I can’t say that every woman is a good leader any more than every man is, but I can say that many women are GREAT leaders and are under a lot more pressure than they need to be. My message to the fellows out there who think that joking about women’s bodies in the work force is a great idea, “I wonder what your mother would think of your behavior?” Not to mention sexual harassment in any form is, like I said, ILLEGAL. It should be illegal in the church as well. Oh yes, I did in fact go there.

I’m going to be a little blunt here fellas. Women have not “arrived”. We have always been here. You sometimes just did not want to accept that we are good leaders and we have brains that work just as well as any man’s brain can. We are not going away any time soon. After all, we give birth to your babies, grand children, give love to you, and provide a home. I’ve always heard it said, “Buy a woman a house and she will make it a home”. We also head very successful corporations and deal with huge financial decisions on a daily basis. I’m sure some of the great female executives in this country are not real interested in your comments as to whether we are on our period or not. We just want you to know, even if you don’t want to respect us; we WILL respect ourselves!

For all the men out there who are too immature to accept how proficient we can be and all the women who rock this world!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Don’t Allow Someone’s Rejection Define You!

beautiful-sky-with-mountains-in-the-distance_1232-718It’s pretty common for women who have been in an abusive relationship to continually place their worth and value outside of themselves. Part of the abuse cycle is practically begging the abuser to want you, and part of their abuse is to reject you. This is especially true if the abuser is a narcissist. I know this sounds sickening but they thrive on it and depend on your response to their neglect of your needs. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Then when you express what you need you have fallen into their trap. They can tell you how unreasonable you are, and to just be happy with what you have even though you feel neglected. Let me release you here. You are entitled to your own feelings even if no one else agrees with them. They are yours and if you feel hurt then no one can tell you that you are overreacting. You are a person of great value and your heart matters as well as how you express what is in it no matter how it comes out. (Meaning even with tears).

The best response in this situation is to agree with them. They are right. Your happiness, your value, and your worth do not depend on them or anyone else wanting you. Your beauty does not depend on anyone else expressing desire for you. I know it takes a lot to begin to truly believe this if you are in the habit of not believing it.

It can be very frustrating and humiliating to feel you need to constantly beg someone to love you when there is only so much they can give. It’s also very frustrating to wait on someone to express their devotion to you when that might not ever happen. Hear me. You don’t have to hang your hat on a wrack that won’t support it. Recognize that some people are limited when it comes to the compassion department. It’s not you, its them. Your part is allowing yourself to be sucked into the pattern over and over again. STOP.

Remember God supports you and loves you the way He made you. You might even “know this” but it has not sunk deep enough for you to truly believe it. Give yourself time. I am positive that if you work on this every single day you will begin to see how much you truly are worth without any one else’s affirmation. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Live out loud. Don’t keep things stifled inside of you or isolate yourself in your feelings. Talk to someone who will edify you and remind you who you are.
  2. Write down all of the things that are your strengths and go with those. Focusing on strengths can help you stop looking at what you perceive as weakness or what you feel is “not good enough”.
  3. Connect with others who deal with what you do and support, lift up, and edify each other. There is strength in numbers.
  4. Look up Scriptures in the Bible that remind you of your worth to God and post them everywhere so you can see them on a regular basis. Let the truth of them soak into you.
  5. I know this one is a weird one, but get mad at the situation enough to make a change for the better. Allow your hurt feelings and anger about bad treatment to propel you forward instead of inward.

Remember that your value in this world is off the charts. There is not even a large enough number to even come close to explaining it. God sees your value every day. Commit yourself to seeing it as well. If your heart is broken work on healing it with God and become stronger. This does not mean “hardened”. You don’t need to be hard hearted to be strong, but on the contrary you can be strong by giving of who you are to someone who truly wants all you have to give!

Finish these sentences: I am valuable because _______________________________________

My greatest strengths are ____________________________________________________________

My God given gift is/are ___________________________________________________________________

My love in this world is important because _________________________________________\

These are the people who need and appreciate me: _________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________

A Statement for You

“I will give my attention to those people and consider myself as a gift. I will release myself from the feeling that I have to beg someone to love, care, or appreciate me, no matter how much it hurts. I will let God heal those areas of my life.”

It takes some work on your part to overcome the affects of someone else’s neglect, abuse, or lack of appreciation, but you have this one! You can do this with God. Repeat:

“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.”

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

 

“I WILL Restore You”, says the Lord.

sept_feature_02_hHave you ever done some things that you have completely regretted; a poor decision that left you feeling shame and maybe some guilt as well? How about years and years of difficult issues that had been created because of one or several poor decisions? I know that I have! Aren’t you glad that God is one of restoration? In fact, He has a promise to repay and restore to us all of what the years have taken from us. Let’s take a look at Joel Chapter 2.

Joel 2:25 

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm—
my great army that I sent among you.”

What an awesome promise! What we sometimes fail to look at, though, is what comes before the promise. You see, there is a covenant condition that God had given to Israel and also to us when we seek out restoration. Let’s back up to verses 12 and 13.

Joel 2:12-13

“Even now,” declares the Lord,
    “return to me with all your heart,
    with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

Although this chapter in Scripture has to do with Bible history, as well as prophesy, it reveals the nature of our God and how He dealt with Israel. He deals with us in the same way because His nature never changes. I, personally, am so happy about that! A relationship with God through Christ does not promise our lives will be perfect, but it does give us the assurance that we will have all we need when going through a trial. Our love relationship with our mighty King who laid down His life for us makes life easier in and of itself. Have you ever noticed when you are “in love” the world could change its axis and you will not even bat an eye? Nothing moves us when we are in that “in love” state!

 Rend your heart
    and not your garments.
Return to the Lord your God,
    for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
    and he relents from sending calamity.”

God requires repentance and a contrite heart before Him. He asks for dedication. Notice He mentions fasting with weeping and mourning. He does not like to see His people go through difficulty and trial. He loves restoration, but what He wants more than anything is our relationship with Him to be restored. It’s our choice, and He likes it that way. Would you want someone to love you because you require it or because someone desires to? Of course its because someone truly wants to! God is the very same way. He wants our love, dedication, relationship, and repentance. In return He promises to restore “the years” that were destroyed.

Joel 2:25 

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm—
my great army that I sent among you.”

You know, I had to wonder why God had to mention so many different locust situations. It’s not one of those real deep theological questions, but I am so curious that I just had to know! So, I questioned God about it. Have you ever felt like you have been swarmed by so many situations that hit all at once? I think I can identify some of the locust situations in my life. Here are some examples for you:

  1. The great locust had to be that huge financial situation I went through when I unexpectedly found myself going through divorce. I mean, I lost everything one thing at a time. I slowly had to let go of my home, my business, my ministry, my marriage, and all of the financial security I had lived in.
  2. The young locust must have been something new that came into my life, like a new relationship that really did not work out because it was not God’s best for me, yet it made me grieve because of the deep desire to be restored in a permanent commitment.
  3. How about the other locusts? Boy, I can think of so many other things that hit me when I was down just to keep me off kilter. There were issues with my kids, life’s little dramas and you name it!
  4. Then there was the locust swarm! Ever have that day that had to be sent from hell where everything seemed to go wrong and happened all at once? Welcome to the locust swarm!

Now, I know this is a lot of revelation about my life, which I don’t mind, but I think you might understand the examples of what many locusts might look like. Lets get to the point. God wants to restore you from those things to a point where your very years are restored. His desire is that you suffer shame no more. We were not born for shame but for right standing with God. He wants that right standing for you and promises to give it to you. Being restored to God has great rewards! Even more than His restoration of years and of all you have had but He will pour out His Spirit as well! Look up Joel 2:28-32!

His restoration is so complete. He promises to restore grain, new wine, and olive oil (Joel 2:19)! The restoration of grain is material and financial blessing. New wine is joy, gladness, and fulfillment. New olive oil represents a fresh anointing! All of these things are so completely appealing but they are not the things we should seek, they are the things restored from seeking God.

I pray that God will restore you today, and that you will lay down all of your pain, your issues, your trials and your pride. Lay them all at the feet of our Jesus who sits at the right hand of the Father. He is ready to meet you at the throne of grace! We have Jesus as our great restorer of the breach between us and our heavenly Father. He is our intercessor, our redeemer, and our new coming King!
Pastor Jenine Marie Howry
800-421-1765 for prayer

Be a Proverbs 31 Woman!

4090bc77a9f41de80e5c4c5554a6a35bThere is no description of a Godly woman in all of the Bible unlike the one in the book of Proverbs chapter 31. In this small portion of Scripture, God outlines for women some of the keys that create in her a successful and blessed life. Who IS this woman and how can you be one?

She is active! She creates things with her hands, sells them, and buys land. With that land she plants a vineyard and it prospers in her hands to feed her family. She never eats of the bread of idleness. She is strong, and keeps on going even when things are hard. She is giving. She feeds her family and she also gives graciously to those who work for her. Obviously if she has servants, she is well off and financially secure. She provides greatly to the marriage and family.

Her work is completed without hesitation. She knows her role and she does it well. She learns of God, speaks with wisdom, and is charitable to those who are less fortunate. Because she is all of these things, her family, her children and husband call her “blessed” because she IS blessed! She is a woman of nobility in the eyes of God and walks in dignity with her head held high. Her husband has esteem because of her good reputation.

No doubt the Proverbs 31 woman spends time with the Lord, her King. Believe me, you will always tell a woman who spends time with Jesus because her glow, her personality, her actions, her life, will be as bright as the living Son. This does not mean perfect. It means she shines in ways that others take notice and wonder what it is about her that we can not resist?

If you want to be an empowered woman that others arise and call blessed, then take Proverbs 31 and break it down into small segments. Study each line and ask God to perfect it within yourself and you will be as respected, blessed, and prosperous as this noble woman in the Bible!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries        800-421+1765

The Anointing of the Prophetess, Anna

309515_10150385309261033_1604323817_n-280x300Luke 2:36-38

36 “There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37 and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. 38 Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem”

Anna was a prophetess from the tribe of Asher.  Asher means “happy or blessed”. She was the very first woman to spiritually behold the incarnation of the living Christ when she prophesied over Jesus in the temple. She spent most of her time in the temple praying and worshiping God after her husband had passed away. It was thought that maybe her husband had been a prophet of God but that is not completely determined.

She never remarried after her husbands death and it is thought that she was most likely in her 100’s when she saw Jesus for the very first time. When her eyes beheld Him, she instantly knew she was looking upon her Savior. Her discernment was keen and her vision far surpassed physical vision. She “saw” things in the Spirit.

Where did this anointing come from? Back then, there was a physical temple, so Anna spent most of her time there before the face of God. She had relationship with her Father which translated into a prophetic gifting and discernment. Today, our “temple” is within us where Holy Spirit resides. When our hearts become saturated with the praise, worship, and prayer life that Anna had, we can be as discerning and gifted as she was as well. The Lord uses women and gifts them for His purposes!

To prophesy is to preach or to utter something that is unknown to make it known. It is a spiritual utterance that comes from spending time with our Savior. Revelations come from relationship with our heavenly Creator who gifts us through His Holy Spirit and through the life of Jesus Christ within us! The Apostle Paul had stated to the church that he wishes that everyone could prophesy even more than speak in tongues. To prophesy is to speak from the very heart of God. God’s Holy Spirit leads us into all mysteries, so it is completely possible to speak of things to come, of deep things that others might not see, or to have discernment that leads ourselves and others to victory in any situation.

Above all else, dear ones, ask for the gift of prophesy! Then don’t be afraid to receive it! God sees us all the same through Christ and we can be gifted for different purposes. Anna’s purpose was to proclaim the fulfillment of the first coming of the Messiah. God can equip us to proclaim the visions He has for this season and beyond! Another prayer of the Apostle Paul was that God would give the church “depth of insight”. This means to see into deep things, whether within another person, ourselves, or a situation.

All of this takes a relationship with our God through Christ.

Dear Lord, Baptize Your daughters with the power of the Holy Spirit. Gift each one with the Spirit of prophesy and use their gifts to glorify You! Empower women to be all You have called them to be and inspire each one to heal one another as they heal. Hold them in the palm of Your hands, Lord, and let their hearts soar with the completion of their earthly purpose and on into heavenly realms! In Jesus’ name. To God be the glory!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

832-484-8306 or

800-421-1765

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries 

For the Men: Be Her “CONSTANT”!

Rev Jenine MarieThere are two definitions of “constant” 

  1. Occurring continuously over a period of time

  2. A situation or state of affairs that does not change 

From the original Latin, it comes from the word “constare” which means “stand”, and translates “staying resolute, or faithful”. 

Can you see where I am going with this already? Since I am talking to the men here, let me address your headship. Wow, did I need to go there with you? Uh huh.

Let’s take a look at the example of headship that men are given through Christ.

Hebrews 13:8 says ” Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. ” 

No wonder so many women fell in love with Jesus and followed him when He was here on earth! Everything about Him is constant, and it still is now that He is the resurrected King.

God’s protection of women is so evident throughout the Bible. He allowed divorce during the time of Moses because husbands were rejecting and not treating their wives well. Jesus tells men in the New Testament that even when a man looks at another woman with lust in his heart he has already committed ADULTERY. Jesus was not just picking on men here, He was, and is, protecting women.

Women are the sensitive, faith filled, and emotional facet of the coupling relationship. We are like Holy Spirit. We carry much of His same attributes. Holy Spirit is also faithful, sensitive, sparks emotion in His presence, and leads with compassion, truth, and reverence. Women are the glue that hold families together and our part in relationship guides with a special type of wisdom. Even in the Bible wisdom is referred to “as a woman” or in the female context.

Men are designed to lead in headship as God the Father and God the Son. I am by no means dividing the Godhead between men and women, so please do not take it that way. We all have every part of the Godhead when we are in Christ. I am speaking about the nature of the parts of the Godhead and a man’s responsibility to a woman in relationship. A man/husband has been instructed to lead in the relationship. The order is God, husband, wife, children. This does not mean that each individual does not have their own relationship with God. I am speaking of “order”. God is a God of divine order. He likes it that way and when we follow His lead it works out pretty darned good!

Getting Back To Being a Constant 

So, men, let me “go there” with you. I hope I have not lost your attention because this is very important. YOUR woman needs to know you are there for her, always. She needs a constant in her life; a representative of God’s faithfulness in headship. She needs to know she is protected, covered, loved, and appreciated. You have the divine opportunity to show your woman that you are faithful as God is, and you will stand with her. NO MATTER WHAT. 

This means placing your relationship with her FIRST before anyone else. After all, in marriage we promise this to each other. It means being continual, and to stand unmoved when it comes to your love for her, and your protection. It also means to make sure she knows that she has a forever partner in you. We know you are not perfect. No one is perfect, but when you stand “in Christ”, He gives you what you need to “stand” for your woman as well.

Bottom line: We need a Christ following example of a husband on this earth who will guard our hearts as much as Jesus wants them guarded. We need to know you have our back and that your love for us is everlasting, all the way too physical death. Headship does not mean “Lord over”. The word headship means:

The position of a leader or chief. 

Yep, God chose you to lead as Jesus leads. When Jesus addressed His disciples to take a trip to the other side of the waters, His words were “Let us go over…”. Notice, there is no demand there.

Jeremiah 31:3 “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

You see, this is the “nature” of God. He draws us toward Him with His love and kindness. There is no demand there, only guidance and protection. He also has everlasting love. His kindness is unfailing. Now, I know that as people we can fail, but in humility a man can pull off having unfailing kindness. If you really want your woman to respond to you with willingness, compassion, faith, grace, love, and acceptance, then this is the kind of headship to work toward giving her. Bottom line, be Godly good to her!

With All Reverence,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

The Beauty of a Woman

photo 3 (4)“The beauty of a woman is not in the make up she applies or the clothes she wears, but in the depth of her love and the heart that she shares. So if you are concerned about the lines on your face, that botox can’t erase, cast your care on the One who died in your place. Nothing can compare with what heaven can share, or the embrace of a Savior whose life is better than air.” (Yep, a very strange Pastor Jenine moment from 2013)

Nothing like looking into the past and seeing what interesting things come out when we have been up all night after eating Chinese food! LOL
Love to all of you beautiful women out there!
Pastor Jenine Marie Howry
800-421-1765 for prayer

The Gift of True Friendship

58227da52ba860fe8510f9be725df51eOne Saturday I was out shopping  with my husband in our new area here in Texas. The store was pretty busy and I was frantically looking for something with baby Jesus on it for our Christmas decorations. All of a sudden I began to notice something. The store was filled with women and most of them were coupled with one friend. There is nothing like a fun friend to shop with, right? I think I could spend hours shopping, then have lunch, and shop some more.

It’s not about the shopping that makes it so great. It’s about the company of a true friend. There is nothing quite like it. Its about the laughter, the tears, the understanding, the sharing, and the caring. Every woman needs that “one friend” that always stands out against the others. You know the one I am talking about. It’s the friend who hears your voice sounding down on the other end of the phone and says, “I’m coming to pick you up and we are going for coffee and anything chocolate!” That one person who “gets you” more than any other ever could. It’s the sisterhood that nothing can sever no matter what is going on in life. She laughs with you and hurts in her heart when life has thrown something nasty at you.

Her love and caring go beyond space and time. She can be far away and you know she would be there in ten seconds if you ever needed her and you would do the same for her. You can tell her your deepest secrets, she knows the faults you carry, and can count all of the victories you have experienced.

You have been there for each other. Bad hair days are not a huge deal, and neither really cares if you put make up on today, or if you look like something the cat drug in because you cried yourself to sleep. You feel one another’s prayers, hold each others heart in yours, and automatically know if the other is not doing well without even being told.

You laugh at the same jokes, have several inside jokes that no one else understands, and can tell one another’s stories because you have listened to them over and over without tiring of them.

The spirit of true friendship is a gift from God. Sisterhood is a love that goes beyond any other type of love. It’s like a warm fuzzy blanket when the world has been much colder than we ever hoped for and like that first cup of coffee that opens our eyes with the new dawn.

If you have a true friend like I just described, you are a fortunate and blessed lady! If you don’t then I pray that for you right now. God bless the gals whose hearts go with us where ever we go!

Proverbs 17:17 

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother/sister/friend is born for a time of adversity.

2 Kings 2:2 

“Elijah said to Elisha, “Stay here; the LORD has sent me to Bethel.” But Elisha said, “As surely as the LORD lives and as you live, I will not leave you.” So THEY went down to Bethel.”

In Love and Friendship,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry