The Disheartening Treatment of Women

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This is a message I have felt so compelled to share. Not everyone will like it but I can not help that. Please pardon the audio-speaking portion. For some reason, it came out lower than the beginning music and the app would not allow me to change it. You will need to just turn it up. Thank you!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

JenineMarie.com

Why Do Women Often Seem to Compete With One Another?

girl-dandelion-yellow-flowers-160699.jpegAs  I read an article written in 2015 by the New York Times, Why Women Compete With Each Other , I could not help but remember how difficult it was at times to fit into a culture that seemed to always find ways to count me, and others, out. As I look back I wonder, “Is this the nature of women and how we have been created?” At one point I had read somewhere that ancient women used to live in villages and protect one another while their men went out on long hunting trips to bring back food for the winter. As I read, I had a visual of women caring and nurturing one another while protecting the young within a tribe. I believe God instilled within us, as women, to care for one another and make sure we are all safe. It makes me wonder what happened to that instinct along the way.

We see glimpses of it when we gather together to pray, network, and console each other when one is going through a hard time. Of course there have been women’s causes to lift us up along the way in history but not all of them were the example of caring toward one another we really need to see. Where did our sense of competitiveness come from? Is it because there are more women in the world than men and we feel like we have to compete for attention from them?

Honestly, I believe we lost track of our purpose as women. If God placed the instinct within women to rally around one another ,to care for and protect each other, then it must still reside within our reach. Somewhere along the line women have taken on the idea that we are in some sort of contest to be better than one another or to undercut each other. Of course, it’s not true of all women. I don’t want to generalize here. Yet, it is true of many. There often is this silent competition within families, friendships, work places, and especially politics. Seems to me if we want to be lifted up we should stop the stomping and do some lifting.

Since when are we a threat to one another? The most common times I personally feel like I have the need to stand up for myself, it’s usually due to the actions of another female. Why is it that some females love to make others look bad, feel down, or cut each other apart? Is it because of society and the way women are portrayed, and is there some silent competition that is supposed to be displayed in front of men? They don’t even have to be our men, they can be any men.

This is not “rag on women day” so please don’t take it that way. I have been wondering how women can remember our God-given instinct to love and care for one another like the village tribes of old. I can’t help but ponder how women can become more empowered together in a way where we stop undercutting each other and lifting one another up instead. I mean in a global sense. I do know there are a lot of wonderful and amazingly loving women in this world and they give their lives over to making the world a better place for all of us, just by virtue of their love and caring.

Is there a solution to this sometimes unspoken competition and sometimes right out in the open loathing? Where does the secret lie? Is it in our self-image and the need to push others down to look better and can we stop that if that is the what is happening?

I am hoping we can. Where is the village mentality in women? Would you love to see that caring and uplifting to happen globally again? Can we ever overcome society’s ideas of what we should be and just be as we should?

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC. 

Yes, Fellas, Women Can Make Great Leaders!

Rev Jenine MarieI did not realize how much this subject was stuck in my craw until recently. More and more I began to hear about how women still struggle for respect while in leadership positions. This morning my memory took me back to a time when I worked in banking and had to turn down loans. I was young, and maybe I looked like I was too young to make the type of decisions I was making, but I certainly was not stupid! I especially recall one very special moment when an “ah hem” gentleman pretty much let me know how he was not going to let some dizzy young blonde determine his financial future! Much to his disappointment no matter who he talked to the decision remained the same. The man just did not know how to handle his finances. He did not handle women very well either. Part of that memory included him bellowing for a man to look at his application. Hmmm. That ruffles my feathers just thinking about it again.

If you ever get the chance, take a look around in your bank. The mass majority of banks are ran by women in many positions. If you are involved in any organized church regardless to the gender of the pastor, women are the ones who really cut into the depth of how the church is organized. Women work hard in pharmacies, doctors offices, medical fields, and are attorneys. Gee, women are even judges, hold congressional positions, and yes, we have infiltrated the senate.

This is not going to be a women’s rights post. Women have rights, sometimes they are just not respected. When I think back to that loan decline experience I often wonder why blondes are suddenly considered dizzy if a man does not get his way. I have even a better one. Why is it that a woman who has a certain breast size it suddenly makes her a bad choice to preach the gospel or Pastor a church? Yep, it happens. I hate to have to break it to the fellas out there; our brains are not in our cup size. In fact, in business, or in ministry, the only cup a man should be concerned about should be the one he holds his coffee in or he might be treading on a slippery slope.

I do realize boys will be boys. That’s just the point though. Men who focus on things that are not important in either business or ministry, such as body form, age, looks, or whatever have you, are still boys and need to grow up. WOMEN make great bosses, business leaders, Pastors, counselors, and law leaders. Women fight for our country and serve in our military. Some risk their lives and some have lost their lives as well. I don’t think any of their family members thought of them as dizzy blondes while burying them in the ground.

Honestly, this is more than just a rant. It is ILLEGAL to give a woman a hard time in the workforce simply because she is a woman. I can’t say that every woman is a good leader any more than every man is, but I can say that many women are GREAT leaders and are under a lot more pressure than they need to be. My message to the fellows out there who think that joking about women’s bodies in the work force is a great idea, “I wonder what your mother would think of your behavior?” Not to mention sexual harassment in any form is, like I said, ILLEGAL. It should be illegal in the church as well. Oh yes, I did in fact go there.

I’m going to be a little blunt here fellas. Women have not “arrived”. We have always been here. You sometimes just did not want to accept that we are good leaders and we have brains that work just as well as any man’s brain can. We are not going away any time soon. After all, we give birth to your babies, grand children, give love to you, and provide a home. I’ve always heard it said, “Buy a woman a house and she will make it a home”. We also head very successful corporations and deal with huge financial decisions on a daily basis. I’m sure some of the great female executives in this country are not real interested in your comments as to whether we are on our period or not. We just want you to know, even if you don’t want to respect us; we WILL respect ourselves!

For all the men out there who are too immature to accept how proficient we can be and all the women who rock this world!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Don’t Allow Someone’s Rejection Define You!

beautiful-sky-with-mountains-in-the-distance_1232-718It’s pretty common for women who have been in an abusive relationship to continually place their worth and value outside of themselves. Part of the abuse cycle is practically begging the abuser to want you, and part of their abuse is to reject you. This is especially true if the abuser is a narcissist. I know this sounds sickening but they thrive on it and depend on your response to their neglect of your needs. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Then when you express what you need you have fallen into their trap. They can tell you how unreasonable you are, and to just be happy with what you have even though you feel neglected. Let me release you here. You are entitled to your own feelings even if no one else agrees with them. They are yours and if you feel hurt then no one can tell you that you are overreacting. You are a person of great value and your heart matters as well as how you express what is in it no matter how it comes out. (Meaning even with tears).

The best response in this situation is to agree with them. They are right. Your happiness, your value, and your worth do not depend on them or anyone else wanting you. Your beauty does not depend on anyone else expressing desire for you. I know it takes a lot to begin to truly believe this if you are in the habit of not believing it.

It can be very frustrating and humiliating to feel you need to constantly beg someone to love you when there is only so much they can give. It’s also very frustrating to wait on someone to express their devotion to you when that might not ever happen. Hear me. You don’t have to hang your hat on a wrack that won’t support it. Recognize that some people are limited when it comes to the compassion department. It’s not you, its them. Your part is allowing yourself to be sucked into the pattern over and over again. STOP.

Remember God supports you and loves you the way He made you. You might even “know this” but it has not sunk deep enough for you to truly believe it. Give yourself time. I am positive that if you work on this every single day you will begin to see how much you truly are worth without any one else’s affirmation. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Live out loud. Don’t keep things stifled inside of you or isolate yourself in your feelings. Talk to someone who will edify you and remind you who you are.
  2. Write down all of the things that are your strengths and go with those. Focusing on strengths can help you stop looking at what you perceive as weakness or what you feel is “not good enough”.
  3. Connect with others who deal with what you do and support, lift up, and edify each other. There is strength in numbers.
  4. Look up Scriptures in the Bible that remind you of your worth to God and post them everywhere so you can see them on a regular basis. Let the truth of them soak into you.
  5. I know this one is a weird one, but get mad at the situation enough to make a change for the better. Allow your hurt feelings and anger about bad treatment to propel you forward instead of inward.

Remember that your value in this world is off the charts. There is not even a large enough number to even come close to explaining it. God sees your value every day. Commit yourself to seeing it as well. If your heart is broken work on healing it with God and become stronger. This does not mean “hardened”. You don’t need to be hard hearted to be strong, but on the contrary you can be strong by giving of who you are to someone who truly wants all you have to give!

Finish these sentences: I am valuable because _______________________________________

My greatest strengths are ____________________________________________________________

My God given gift is/are ___________________________________________________________________

My love in this world is important because _________________________________________\

These are the people who need and appreciate me: _________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________

A Statement for You

“I will give my attention to those people and consider myself as a gift. I will release myself from the feeling that I have to beg someone to love, care, or appreciate me, no matter how much it hurts. I will let God heal those areas of my life.”

It takes some work on your part to overcome the affects of someone else’s neglect, abuse, or lack of appreciation, but you have this one! You can do this with God. Repeat:

“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.”

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

 

For the Men: Be Her “CONSTANT”!

Rev Jenine MarieThere are two definitions of “constant” 

  1. Occurring continuously over a period of time

  2. A situation or state of affairs that does not change 

From the original Latin, it comes from the word “constare” which means “stand”, and translates “staying resolute, or faithful”. 

Can you see where I am going with this already? Since I am talking to the men here, let me address your headship. Wow, did I need to go there with you? Uh huh.

Let’s take a look at the example of headship that men are given through Christ.

Hebrews 13:8 says ” Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. ” 

No wonder so many women fell in love with Jesus and followed him when He was here on earth! Everything about Him is constant, and it still is now that He is the resurrected King.

God’s protection of women is so evident throughout the Bible. He allowed divorce during the time of Moses because husbands were rejecting and not treating their wives well. Jesus tells men in the New Testament that even when a man looks at another woman with lust in his heart he has already committed ADULTERY. Jesus was not just picking on men here, He was, and is, protecting women.

Women are the sensitive, faith filled, and emotional facet of the coupling relationship. We are like Holy Spirit. We carry much of His same attributes. Holy Spirit is also faithful, sensitive, sparks emotion in His presence, and leads with compassion, truth, and reverence. Women are the glue that hold families together and our part in relationship guides with a special type of wisdom. Even in the Bible wisdom is referred to “as a woman” or in the female context.

Men are designed to lead in headship as God the Father and God the Son. I am by no means dividing the Godhead between men and women, so please do not take it that way. We all have every part of the Godhead when we are in Christ. I am speaking about the nature of the parts of the Godhead and a man’s responsibility to a woman in relationship. A man/husband has been instructed to lead in the relationship. The order is God, husband, wife, children. This does not mean that each individual does not have their own relationship with God. I am speaking of “order”. God is a God of divine order. He likes it that way and when we follow His lead it works out pretty darned good!

Getting Back To Being a Constant 

So, men, let me “go there” with you. I hope I have not lost your attention because this is very important. YOUR woman needs to know you are there for her, always. She needs a constant in her life; a representative of God’s faithfulness in headship. She needs to know she is protected, covered, loved, and appreciated. You have the divine opportunity to show your woman that you are faithful as God is, and you will stand with her. NO MATTER WHAT. 

This means placing your relationship with her FIRST before anyone else. After all, in marriage we promise this to each other. It means being continual, and to stand unmoved when it comes to your love for her, and your protection. It also means to make sure she knows that she has a forever partner in you. We know you are not perfect. No one is perfect, but when you stand “in Christ”, He gives you what you need to “stand” for your woman as well.

Bottom line: We need a Christ following example of a husband on this earth who will guard our hearts as much as Jesus wants them guarded. We need to know you have our back and that your love for us is everlasting, all the way too physical death. Headship does not mean “Lord over”. The word headship means:

The position of a leader or chief. 

Yep, God chose you to lead as Jesus leads. When Jesus addressed His disciples to take a trip to the other side of the waters, His words were “Let us go over…”. Notice, there is no demand there.

Jeremiah 31:3 “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

You see, this is the “nature” of God. He draws us toward Him with His love and kindness. There is no demand there, only guidance and protection. He also has everlasting love. His kindness is unfailing. Now, I know that as people we can fail, but in humility a man can pull off having unfailing kindness. If you really want your woman to respond to you with willingness, compassion, faith, grace, love, and acceptance, then this is the kind of headship to work toward giving her. Bottom line, be Godly good to her!

With All Reverence,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

The Beauty of a Woman

photo 3 (4)“The beauty of a woman is not in the make up she applies or the clothes she wears, but in the depth of her love and the heart that she shares. So if you are concerned about the lines on your face, that botox can’t erase, cast your care on the One who died in your place. Nothing can compare with what heaven can share, or the embrace of a Savior whose life is better than air.” (Yep, a very strange Pastor Jenine moment from 2013)

Nothing like looking into the past and seeing what interesting things come out when we have been up all night after eating Chinese food! LOL
Love to all of you beautiful women out there!
Pastor Jenine Marie Howry
800-421-1765 for prayer

The Gift of True Friendship

58227da52ba860fe8510f9be725df51eOne Saturday I was out shopping  with my husband in our new area here in Texas. The store was pretty busy and I was frantically looking for something with baby Jesus on it for our Christmas decorations. All of a sudden I began to notice something. The store was filled with women and most of them were coupled with one friend. There is nothing like a fun friend to shop with, right? I think I could spend hours shopping, then have lunch, and shop some more.

It’s not about the shopping that makes it so great. It’s about the company of a true friend. There is nothing quite like it. Its about the laughter, the tears, the understanding, the sharing, and the caring. Every woman needs that “one friend” that always stands out against the others. You know the one I am talking about. It’s the friend who hears your voice sounding down on the other end of the phone and says, “I’m coming to pick you up and we are going for coffee and anything chocolate!” That one person who “gets you” more than any other ever could. It’s the sisterhood that nothing can sever no matter what is going on in life. She laughs with you and hurts in her heart when life has thrown something nasty at you.

Her love and caring go beyond space and time. She can be far away and you know she would be there in ten seconds if you ever needed her and you would do the same for her. You can tell her your deepest secrets, she knows the faults you carry, and can count all of the victories you have experienced.

You have been there for each other. Bad hair days are not a huge deal, and neither really cares if you put make up on today, or if you look like something the cat drug in because you cried yourself to sleep. You feel one another’s prayers, hold each others heart in yours, and automatically know if the other is not doing well without even being told.

You laugh at the same jokes, have several inside jokes that no one else understands, and can tell one another’s stories because you have listened to them over and over without tiring of them.

The spirit of true friendship is a gift from God. Sisterhood is a love that goes beyond any other type of love. It’s like a warm fuzzy blanket when the world has been much colder than we ever hoped for and like that first cup of coffee that opens our eyes with the new dawn.

If you have a true friend like I just described, you are a fortunate and blessed lady! If you don’t then I pray that for you right now. God bless the gals whose hearts go with us where ever we go!

Proverbs 17:17 

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother/sister/friend is born for a time of adversity.

2 Kings 2:2 

“Elijah said to Elisha, “Stay here; the LORD has sent me to Bethel.” But Elisha said, “As surely as the LORD lives and as you live, I will not leave you.” So THEY went down to Bethel.”

In Love and Friendship,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Bleed It Out My Dear

th0UQQ2EAJI don’t want to seem graphic here, but this is the truth; women know how to bleed. Our bodies have been created that way for obvious reasons; to have children. For us, bleeding and producing seem to go hand in hand. We are miracle makers and sometimes even world shakers! Lovable creatures that we are, we can also be profoundly ugly, especially when something or someone we love is threatened in some way. We are protective, territorial, and we love to be detectives and explore others lives and passions.

But, we do bleed, and it has its productive purpose. When we don’t we suffer. Literally. I bet at this point you are trying to figure out where I am going with this, right? Basically, I am joining the analogy with our emotional need to bleed out our “stuff”. Every now and then it is so important to dump all of the residue from the inside out in order to get clear on what is important in life. This is not only a suggestion for you my dear. It is necessary!

Let me explain.

When you allow your wounds to fester, and then let them be covered over with hardened scars, you allow bitter elements to come through into your life. You become the manifestation of the very thing that hurt you. If you don’t believe me, do some inventory. I guarantee you will find that this is the truth.

The solution?

Something I have often said, is we really need someone to listen to our hurts. This has to be someone we trust. On an even higher level, we need God to listen to our hurts. He is right there with you all of the time. No need to “conjure” Him up. Just acknowledge He is there and His presence will be easy to notice.

The amazing results are this.

The miraculous benefits of bleeding out your personal wounds is that they are opened up to allow those wounds the air they need to heal. Jesus has a spiritual bloodline that is so powerful and when we allow His bloodline to filter ours, bleeding out those wounds is so much easier than we could ever have imagined. In order to be productive we can not have those bitter issues coming through every thing our hands touch in this world. Our lives deserve more than that.

It’s very simple.

Just do the work, and ask God to help you though it. It might be a process, but it will be one with great rewards and will produce wonderful new fruit in your life!

With Love,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching

 

 

“Coming To a Theater Near You”: Do You Have Too Much Drama?

downloadWhen I was in high school I used to come home every day with my friend to find our mothers clinging to the television set. It was time for the latest version of a very popular soap opera. I have to admit that I also got just as hooked on the drama as our mothers were. Pleas for something we perceived we needed were met with “Shhhh, after the show”! I suppose there is something intriguing about the suspense of not knowing what will happen next and having to wait to find out the next day, or even worse, after the weekend.

The drama would consist of anything from some romantic interlude, to someone finding out they had a terminal illness. I’m still not sure if the main draw to those types of programs is the plot themselves or if they just take us out of our own real life drama. Actually when things are hard in life, I don’t mind focusing on something else for awhile, but there are only so many scenarios that can happen to soap opera characters. After awhile it gets kind of old to hear about the same issues over and over again, only with different people. It got to the point where I would wonder, “Whose turn is it for an affair this time”? Then what made the whole thing even more interesting were the conversations about the lives of the characters outside of the program. Its almost like we talked about them as if they were really living around us and we knew them. “Did you hear what happened to Susan the other day”?

Its kind of strange how we can find those situations so interesting when they are portrayed in a dramatic presentation on TV, but they are not quite as fun when they happen to us in real life. How many times have we watched a sitcom and witnessed a couple having a knock down drag out argument and laugh at the comments they make? The irony is if they were our real life issues they sure would not be as funny. (Probably not funny at all).

Real life drama is draining. Take the issues off of the television set and put them in our lives and they become heartache and hardship. Have you ever had that one friend who seems to dramatize everything that happens to her in life? The one who has to reenact every single scene with you over a cup of coffee? Basically the way I look at this is when a person shovels out drama about their lives, they are only gossiping about themselves. The whole thing is really defeating and quite draining. I’m not referring to when we need to discuss life situations with treasured friends. We need to share one another’s lives in a safe and secure environment. I mean when drama becomes so addicting that we can almost hear the suspense music in the background when someone discusses their latest real life screen play. I used to know someone who would tell me her latest life’s dramatic events only to move on to another fellow friend and repeat the whole thing to her as well. Unfortunately it did not even stop there. There is not much that is as defeating or exhausting as reenacting our own soap opera to a real life audience over and over again, accept maybe hearing it. Again, this excludes devoted friendships where our listening ears are more important than any amount of gold on this earth. I personally have been given emotional healing just having good friends hear my heart. I can thank them for my secured sanity.

But when life is taken over by the discussing of dramatic events surrounding us, we miss so much of the things God wants for us. I’m not sure what makes creating drama so interesting. It might be the need for attention of some sort. Unfortunately the type of attention is not the healthy kind. It’s almost like when a child acts out to get a parents discipline for attention. There are a whole lot easier ways to go about getting the things that meet out needs. I think creating drama is right up there in the devils workshop with being idle in life.

If you really want to be empowered, make your life a drama free zone. We are only given so many minutes in every day. Lets make every one of them a quality moment! If this does not seem possible maybe becoming a real actress is your main calling! Otherwise, go for the things in life that make it worth living, like giving to others, being a good friend, helping others feel more secure, or just plain enjoy the wonders of the world we have been gifted with!

Drama free,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching

http://jeninemarie.com

** Photo credit: HealthUsNews.com

Acceptance vs. Judgement

8902765-Two-beautiful-women-having-conversation-drinking-coffee-and-sitting-on-couch-home-Stock-PhotoI remember sitting in a restaurant one afternoon and happened to overhear a conversation going on at the next table. One woman was telling another, “I really don’t care what people think of me, or if they even like me”. She definitely had a tone that carried an attitude with the statement. I smiled to myself at that moment because I knew that I had thought, and even said, the very same thing at one time or another. Usually we say this when there is some sense of lack of acceptance or scorn as to what we do or have done.

Bitterness aside, we tend to lie to ourselves when we make a statement like this. We all know that a basic human need is to be accepted, and it is totally alright to admit we have this as a need in life. Acceptance tends to be blended in with how we feel we are loved and looked upon by others. Our lives were never intended to be lived as an island without those who love, accept, and care for us. In fact to be without the acceptance and love from people we are basically dead or dying from the inside out.

We all like to know that we have value placed upon us by others. We should know we have tremendous value placed upon us and within us by God. We all need a reminder that acceptance is a gift both to receive and to give. We totally cause people to live when we give them unconditional acceptance in life.

The biggest deterrent to acceptance is judgement. (Something none of us are truly qualified to do). We tend to judge quite often, though. It is easy to do when we are filled with so many different opinions, ideas, and beliefs. Sometimes we forget that we can reject an action or belief and still accept the person. I’m inclined to believe this is the high road to take. I know it can be easier said than done.  A person is a being of many facets and an accumulation of many life experiences. Surely there can be one or even two things one can like or accept about most people. This does not mean we keep the door open wide for each individual to share our more personal life. Discernment in whom we completely relate to as friends and loved ones can go a long way. Still, this does not keep us from showing all others that they are accepted for their strengths and things that we aspire to as well. We tend to attract to us those we are most like anyway.

It is easier to accept the lives of others when we examine our own need for the same thing. As the Bible says, we really should “do unto others as we would want done to ourselves”. It is always nice to have someone in life who will counteract the lie when we say we don’t care what others think of us or say about us. We really really do care. Maybe as a gift to our empowerment process as women, and as people, we need to think of someone everyday and tell them how accepted they are and for what reasons. Complimenting a person’s attributes can be a very empowering thing.

Can I give you the challenge right now to accept something you like about someone whom you tend to not think highly of? Take a moment, close your eyes, think of that person. Tell yourself, “Instead of judging this person for what I don’t like about them, I am going to accept the great things that I do like about them”. I’m willing to bet your attitude will change about them. Again, this does not mean you need to let someone into your life who will come in and just wreak havoc. I have had to let people go in my life who do this sort of thing. Life comes with enough drama to invite more. Living in chaos is not worth the ride.

But, acceptance in the heart can go a long way in helping us all be a little kinder to one another and to judge less. Do you agree? In the mean time, pray about that times you say that you really don’t care what others think of you and what that really means. You probably need some sort of healing for a wound, or there can be something you are not accepting about yourself!

Acceptingly Yours,

Rev Jenine Marie Howry

http://jeninemarie.com

**Photo credit from www.123rf.com