Take some time with me to create a holy moment for yourself for transformation into a new dream! We can not move onward to our deepest desires and dreams without making some inner and even outward changes. I have begun to develop this series for YOU to be guided as we take a walk on the beach at sunset.
Let the segments help you with your transformative journey! YOU DESERVE IT!
When you were a child, did you ever hold onto a toy you loved even though it was broken? It’s a sad situation when a broken thing can not be fixed and yet it’s held onto like it will somehow come back to life.
Relationships with people can be the same way. They might be broken, but for some reason, we keep on hanging onto what no longer works, or maybe never worked. All this will cause is suffering. We have to look at that broken thing every single day of our lives and just feel bad.
No matter what we think, believe, or imagine, someone who disrespects you or does not put into a relationship the same as you do is just dead weight. You will carry that broken thing until you are broken as well. Letting it all go might feel like hell for the moment but in the long haul… it’s a blessing.
Some connections are lessons to be learned, but once that lesson has been accomplished there is no reason to allow dead weight from an uncaring person to weigh you down. Rethink your relationships. A broken irreparable toy will never be of use to you again but will continue to make you feel loss over and over. Do you want or deserve that? Your life is more important than having someone come into it and break YOU because of their brokenness. Don’t allow that to happen again. Not ever.
Since life is about “relationship,” most likely, we have all had at least one relationship where we merely did not have much in common. The relationship imbalance can occur during any type of relationship, from romantic, to friendships to work relationships. Sometimes relationships are so out of balance it is hard to get along with one another, therefore there is continual friction. Usually, the lack of cohesiveness is recognized eventually, and people part ways. There is no difficulty in parting, and both parties will feel relieved to be finally apart.
This is not the case when there is trauma bonding involved. Trauma bonding occurs when one person or group in the relationship is toxic. I include groups here for the sake of employment and even religious groups. Toxic relationships are easy to spot, usually from the outside of one. There is a massive degree of control, manipulation, sabotage, jealousy, and a ton of friction. Why would someone want to be in a type of relationship like this? No one really would want that type of person (or group) in their life. None of us are happy when we feel controlled to the point where we are told what we can do and what we can’t. No one wants a relationship where they are controlled to the point of who they can connect with or not. We see this in religious groups, unfortunately.
People get locked into trauma bonding with someone because the other person or group always seems the best thing that ever happened to them. They are swept off their feet with charm, love, acceptance, and a feeling of bliss begins to create the release of powerful neurotransmitters in the brain that make us feel good. These can be a release of norepinephrine, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. To a drug addict, this is the addictive high they get while using and then dropped when the drug is no longer present and providing it for them.
It is the same with a trauma bond. The same neurotransmitters are released in the body when someone feels they are in love or have reached what is referred to as a “natural high.” In romantic relationships, the trauma bond can cause a person to continue to go back for more even when they are being treated poorly. This occurs after the “honeymoon” phase of toxic relationships is over. The relationship moves from the charming demeanor of a toxic person into manipulation and a whole lot of pain. Yet the bond from the initial high of the relationship keeps the other person trapped into wanting more of the high. So they keep going back for the fix even though they know it is not suitable for them and even after the world comes crashing down on them once again.
This type of relationship is not the same as the romantic kind, where there is such a strong sense of compatibility that the couple will both shine and sparkle from the inside out just being together. Even after things have settled, the love grows, matures, and deepens. This is not true with a toxic relationship. One person in toxic connections will suffer greatly at the hand and actions of the toxic person.
In many cases, the toxic person is considered to be a narcissist, and they might be just that. Sometimes, a person can have a narcissistic part of their personality, but they are not narcissists. It is up to a skilled professional to determine if someone has a full-blown personality disorder or not. Being involved with a toxic person is very painful and will rip your life into pieces. You will feel crazy, but you are not. People might think you are crazy because of what the toxic person has done or said behind you. Yet, you are not the crazy one.
The addiction to a toxic person (or group) is similar to that of a drug addict. It’s hard to kick the high, and it’s hard to see the damage being done while in its midst. All that is known is that you need more of the person or group to feel that high again and feel a sense of wholeness. We can get locked into a situation like this and feel very isolated because that is the idea of the toxic person or group. You are isolated and played with, so they will have a sense of power and control.
Remember, the trauma bond is an addiction, so don’t be hard on yourself if this is in your life. Love yourself enough to get help, just as a drug addict must reach out for help in their situation. You have to come to the point of hitting bottom. No one can make you get to that point. It all has to be done for yourself. Working on self-love, fostering good relationships privately, and finding a good counselor to help you out of your misery are essential to your health and well-being. Even after you are not under the influence of a toxic situation, there still might be a recovery time. Allow yourself that time! Remember your worth. You are gold in anyone’s life. Let your most significant relationship be with God and with yourself first. Work on your self-esteem and consider the reasons you lock into toxic people or groups, to begin with.
Come to recognize the trauma bond high and don’t allow relationships to happen too quickly. Any good relationship is nurtured over time. Be honest with those you leave behind and tell them from a place of safety that you feel they are not suitable for you. Be straightforward. It is essential to speak your truth at a safe distance as toxic people can also be dangerous. Make it crystal clear you want no more contact and why. Tell the other person or people why you feel your connection is not good for you or them. Even in situations where there is little in common, communication is important. In healthy people, breakups are easy like that. Healthy people communicate, “I don’t want to see you again” in a healthy way and is accepted healthily. If this is not expressed, don’t think you are in a trauma relationship if the other person does not understand and pursues you. You have to be clear for your sake and theirs!
It all sounds so complicated, and this could quickly turn into a book, but it is not that complicated. Let your happy indicator let you know if you are in a good relationship fit or not. Even with groups, it is the same thing. It might not be a good fit for you if one person in a place of power calls all the shots. Recognize power-hungry people and keep your distance. Your life will thank you with blessings you never dreamt of if you protect and guide yourself by the gut instincts God has given you.
No doubt this human experience is not always easy. We have certain needs, desires, and even aspirations. One of our needs is to be appreciated. Appreciation is a part of our need for acceptance. We can not operate optimally in our emotions and in life if we, or our deeds, are not appreciated.
It’s beautiful when we appreciate others but when that appreciation does not come back it creates a glass that is out of balance. The glass we hold is no longer full but completely drained out. This is why it is so important to surround ourselves with those who appreciate us for who we are and for what we do.
To live a balanced life, be choosy about who gets to stay in your circle of people. This includes both places of employment and personal life. When you are not appreciated and you see yourself becoming bitter, upset, emotionally drained, and sad, it means it is time to move on. Lack of appreciation will drain you faster than even physical labor. When others don’t appreciate you or walk on your kindness then it causes an energetic situation that begins to literally suck the life out of you.
If you care about your own life, then rethink the situations you are in and the people who surround you. If you are not appreciated then you are surrounded by energy vampires who are sucking you dry. It’s time to move on and move forward into a brighter and more healthy environment. It’s time to heal and be refilled again.
Remember, you deserve love AND appreciation for who you are and all that you do!
If you have ever known me, or have been connected to me, you know how much I love my work. There is nothing more amazing to me than to be trusted enough to be allowed into another person’s heart and life. I count it an honor to be held in confidence. At times it has been to such a level, I have been told things that my clients have never revealed to another single soul.
There is nothing quite as satisfying to me than to know I have left a conversation and my client has had an “aha” moment, or has felt a great load being lifted from their shoulders. Yet, there have been those from time to time who have either come right out and told me I had not helped them at all. Or there have been those who have just quietly distanced themselves from me. In those cases I would get off the phone or go home feeling tied up in knots wondering what I could have done better. I took it hard and usually put all of the load on myself.
Comforting myself, I would reason that I am not perfect, and don’t know all of the answers. While this is true, there had been one piece of the puzzle I had not considered, “I can not assist anyone who does not love themselves enough to realize they need to make their own changes”. I can facilitate, but I can’t change anyone. Change comes from the inside out. One element that has to always be there is self love.
The amazing thing, is the most difficult clients revealed to me my own lack of self confidence and self love. Everyone is a mirror to us no matter what the role we play in one another’s lives. Literally, my rejecting clients expected me to fix them and I strained within myself thinking that it was my job.
Learning the lesson about fixing my own self, loving myself, and being confident within myself, has been a hard one. I’ve had to weed through all of the junk that led me to “people please” and allow others to judge me, or compromise my sense of self worth. Bottom line, we are all a work in progress. With my progression, I discovered it has been alright to walk away from those who dishonored me, because I could honor myself. It’s easier said than done.
This is the reality; no one changes without having to do the work and without finding self love first. Without self love we only live in the reflection of those who want us to conform to their image. I take a deep breath and relax when I remember that the only image I need to conform to is God’s. Even then, it is not God outside of me but God who is a part of my being. The power of love is in our own DNA. I had to get a grasp of this completely, or I would always feel like I would fall short.
It’s work, but when done right everything shifts in the right direction. People leave because they become insulted, irritated, or offended. I’ve learned to let them go. The payoff is others will appear. It’s like a miracle of life. Those that appear are the ones who are ready for what I have to offer and always give me the gift of appreciation in return.
This is the pleasure of life. Walking in the Light of love is always the greatest feeling in the world. Sometimes I forget, like I suddenly have some sort of amnesia. Spirit always draws me back to where I need to be. Sometimes this happens with a struggle but when I turn to the greatest love ever, I always remember.
So, with all of this said; the greatest work I have ever achieved was to love myself the way God does. When this happens everything falls into place. Resistance never allows miracles to happen. Self doubt and struggle will never bring balance or miracles. Yes, my clients have taught me the road to least resistance. The responsibility has always been their own. Mine is to be there, to listen, to interject wisdom when wisdom comes, and to smile at the end of the day.
A job well done always comes with a life well loved.
Did you know you are always “on”? What I mean by that is, your mind is always working. Not just your brain, but your mind. This includes what we call the “unconscious” mind. You have both consciousness and a part of you that is always running in the background. The unconscious mind is kind of like a computer program that just runs and monitors everything. The only thing is, the unconscious mind also controls a lot of things; much more than you might believe.
Also, like a computer, it can be programmed to change things you desire to change. It’s really quite simple. You tell it what you want instead of having it run on autopilot in the background telling you how life will be. Much of what is there can be attributed to what you have experienced in the past and other things are habits you have picked up along the way as a result of past and choices you have made.
In an article printed this month by Chicago Magazine, a writer speaks of her experience going to a certified hypnotist in order to stop her from clenching her jaw. This is something many of us do. It comes from stress, becomes a habit, and not only grinds the teeth down but causes headaches too. The title of the article is “A Hypnosis Skeptic Gets Very, Very Sleepy.” In the article she explains how hypnosis proved to be advantageous and effective in making much needed, or desired, changes in life.
Like the author, many go into hypnosis sessions very skeptical. I know I did at one time. The hypnotist proved me wrong. I had a very uncomfortable situation to face in life and it brought about a great deal of fear. It was fear of being in the presence of a person and confrontation. During the first session I suddenly saw this person as a small mouse and I was a huge cat! The hypnotist did not feed this into my brain, it just appeared! As she did her thing, vision after vision entered into my mind. I was so relaxed, empowered, and honestly wanted to fall asleep. Yet, I was also aware of everything. My fear was resolved and I confronted my situation with confidence and won!
Most people only go into mild hypnosis, which is the Alpha state of trance and are aware of what is being said, and surroundings. In fact, just reading this article you might still be aware of what is going on around you while you read. Or you might stare at your phone reading a text, and yet be working out what to fix for dinner at night. Then there is the situation where you might be driving and envisioning other scenarios at the same time. Before you know it, you are at your destination. It seems like time has flown and you have been mildly entertained at the same time. This is hypnosis. Its not deepeened hypnosis but it is still hypnosis.
We all have things we would love to change; some things more critical than others. Hypnosis can do this! There is nothing scary or freaky about it. You do it every day of your life. The difference between that and going to see someone for a clinical hypnosis session is the decision is mutually made to make a change and the intent is focused on that change. Usually it only takes a few sessions and a recording of the original hypnosis session to take home with you. It’s quite an amazing miracle for those who truly suffer from anxiety, fears, habits, depression, weight issues, and more. Unlike what many are led to believe, the hypnotist does not have control of your mind and can’t give you any suggestions that you would normally not accept. You are still in control of everything, especially the desired change you truly want!
So, to take away the fear of coming out of a hypnotic trance clucking like a chicken, let me assure you in this. The stage hypnosis we have been taught in days gone by are not the results that will happen while seeing a certified and trained hypnotherapist. Why not give it a try for those things you wish were different in your life? It won’t help you control others but it will help you handle others actions better if that is what you are seeking.
I love to wake up happy, don’t you? There is nothing better than a morning cup of coffee, some meditative time, and enjoying the sunrise. Appreciating the best things in life is one of the greatest keys to happiness. Love what you have, live what you love!
In the midst of just trying to get along with the rest of the world, there is always that gloomy negative person, or people. They happen. Somehow they just have not received the memo that the key to having more happiness in life is the appreciate it, be grateful for it, and give love instead of heartache.
Today, and this week, don’t allow negative people to rain on your parade! Love the life given to you and be in joy no matter what. Soak up the beauty of life like a sponge and not the negative junk that happens around you. God shines in you, so let all of that God love light shine stronger than any garbage the world wants to dump into your lap.
For some reason we are conditioned to expect our acknowledgement, and credit where credit is do, from others outside of us. I think it comes from a world which has the idea that we don’t have all we need from the inside out. It’s easy to look back and place blame on those who raised us for not giving us the “kudos” we always wish we had, but in spite of what we think we were lacking, those experiences have actually been teaching us to give those “kudos” to ourselves.
Yes, it is very nice and greatly appreciated when others appreciate us. We do need that, but when we don’t get it, we also should not die on the inside from feelings of lack. Today, take some time to close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and give yourself the compliments you always have wanted and needed to hear. Remember, they are just as important coming from you than from anyone else. We live in a fast paced society where others have their minds filled with whatever life is throwing at them. Their occupied minds don’t mean they don’t appreciate you. Give them grace! Send yourself love and appreciation every single day, and believe me, you will attract the same automatically from others anyway. Let me give you a head start.
“You have done a great job in your life! You have weathered many storms and have still come out alright. You have a good heart, have contributed to this world and those around you. You are awesome!” (Repeat things like this in first person to yourself. It’s alright to give yourself some good vibes for being such a great person!)
I was elated when my doctor once informed me that my heartbeat was right in sync with my breathing. To me, it was confirmation my meditative practice was working! Everything in life has a special balance. Where there is rhythm there is balance and harmony. When a choir or quartet is in harmony, they create a beautiful sound. When there is harmony in our lives and homes, we create a beautiful sound as well. It’s the sound of a life in order; an existence of peace.
Harmonious situations are when we are at our most creative. All of the things that stand in the way of God move out of the way, and our lives are filled with God’s love and light. A harmonious life is a healthy life. Remember, emotions out of whack, issues unresolved, life lived out of order with God, are things that create a lack of harmony. Our bodies feel that lack of harmony and respond accordingly. This creates disease. If you want to make a beautiful sound, reach for the rhythm that brings harmony in life.
Singing your song with you and loving you from here!