Take some time with me to create a holy moment for yourself for transformation into a new dream! We can not move onward to our deepest desires and dreams without making some inner and even outward changes. I have begun to develop this series for YOU to be guided as we take a walk on the beach at sunset.
Let the segments help you with your transformative journey! YOU DESERVE IT!
When you were a child, did you ever hold onto a toy you loved even though it was broken? It’s a sad situation when a broken thing can not be fixed and yet it’s held onto like it will somehow come back to life.
Relationships with people can be the same way. They might be broken, but for some reason, we keep on hanging onto what no longer works, or maybe never worked. All this will cause is suffering. We have to look at that broken thing every single day of our lives and just feel bad.
No matter what we think, believe, or imagine, someone who disrespects you or does not put into a relationship the same as you do is just dead weight. You will carry that broken thing until you are broken as well. Letting it all go might feel like hell for the moment but in the long haul… it’s a blessing.
Some connections are lessons to be learned, but once that lesson has been accomplished there is no reason to allow dead weight from an uncaring person to weigh you down. Rethink your relationships. A broken irreparable toy will never be of use to you again but will continue to make you feel loss over and over. Do you want or deserve that? Your life is more important than having someone come into it and break YOU because of their brokenness. Don’t allow that to happen again. Not ever.
Anxiety and depression are two of the most prevalent and devastating mental issues humans struggle with.
Whether the issues come from a chemical imbalance or life situations not dealt with, it’s all the same. If not addressed it can all become out of control!
Since the subjects are near and dear to my heart I am dedicating my services to anxiety, and depression and also will be adding grief support at a later time. I have struggled with anxiety and depression all of my life. Over the years I have discovered through education and my own life experience that there were so many things I did not know that I wish I had. To top off the struggles with symptoms I never understood, I am an OVER ACHIEVER! Yep, it has plagued me all of my life, sometimes to the point of shutting me down out of adrenal exhaustion.
We will get into that! My developing program will include:
6-hourly directional guidance sessions, one per week for 6 weeks.
6 Guided meditation recordings, one for each week, that can be downloaded and kept forever!
2 Hypnosis sessions are recorded and can be downloaded to use forever. These can be used at the beginning of the 6 weeks or split up however desired!
2 Energy healing sessions with Reiki, Chakra balancing, Chakra adjusting, and intuitive clairvoyant insights into your energy field. These sessions are done as partners and we work together to help bring out issues, clarify them and help heal them!
1 PDF file workbook all about anxiety and depression with journal prompts and spaces to do some writing or use your own journal!
I can’t wait to get these completed so you can begin to heal as soon as possible! I have one discounted price for all of it and a payment schedule to help you along.
All of my services can be booked separate from the program and have an hourly rate. I use PayPal as a payment method. You can not lose giving it a try!
Come visit me atJenineMarie.com and see a new developing blog just for anxiety and depression. Grief issues will be added later on!
Loving you from here!
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry
** My programs and sessions are not to take the place of medical advice or clinical therapy but to enhance them and bring a more broad scope of healing information your way!
One piece of wisdom I’ve learned over time is once things are said, they can not be “unsaid.” Hurtful words can be forgiven but there is one thing to remember; once words come out of our mouths we can not unsay them. They spew out like a curse when they are hurtful and the person they curse is yourself. Words that are set out into the airways through your emotions can come back to haunt you if you are not careful. They are like little revelationary targets that will return to you.
In the bible, it says that God’s word will not be returned “void“, which means the words spoken out of that power will always reap a result. The thing about God is, that the power spoken through is pure unconditional love. When you speak words that come from the emotional ego-self they are not coming from the God part of you, nor unconditional love. They reveal things about you that are a whole lot less flattering than I am sure you would like. We all like to be seen in a good light. It is a part of our instilled nature.
When you speak things to someone out of your own hurt you just set up a curse against yourself that will come back right at you until you learn the lesson your words are speaking to you. Anger spewed out at others is not about them, it is about YOU. Your words are revealing to you just how you are feeling within yourself. People often believe, and feel, that what is going on around them is about other people, but in truth, your environment is about you, not them. You make your own choices about who is around you, who you speak to, and how you react to all of it.
If you are less than happy with outcomes in your life, you can thank yourself because you are the one who set up the whole scenario. It’s best not to blame others for the consequences of your own doing and the consequences of your own words. Where is the lesson in that? The lessons you put out there are for your own benefit. They are meant to reveal where your soul is scarred and therefore you can seek healing. If healing is not sought out, then the lesson will repeat itself over and over until you get the picture.
Maybe it is best to stop, breathe, and think before you speak a word curse over yourself, or hurt others in the process. Remember God lives in you and nothing that is said will return void. Your hurtful words will haunt you one day, guaranteed.
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry
Come visit me and my new blog about anxiety, depression, and grief, at JenineMarie.com! Discover what these issues are we deal with and how comfort can be found through it all. Namaste!
Since life is about “relationship,” most likely, we have all had at least one relationship where we merely did not have much in common. The relationship imbalance can occur during any type of relationship, from romantic, to friendships to work relationships. Sometimes relationships are so out of balance it is hard to get along with one another, therefore there is continual friction. Usually, the lack of cohesiveness is recognized eventually, and people part ways. There is no difficulty in parting, and both parties will feel relieved to be finally apart.
This is not the case when there is trauma bonding involved. Trauma bonding occurs when one person or group in the relationship is toxic. I include groups here for the sake of employment and even religious groups. Toxic relationships are easy to spot, usually from the outside of one. There is a massive degree of control, manipulation, sabotage, jealousy, and a ton of friction. Why would someone want to be in a type of relationship like this? No one really would want that type of person (or group) in their life. None of us are happy when we feel controlled to the point where we are told what we can do and what we can’t. No one wants a relationship where they are controlled to the point of who they can connect with or not. We see this in religious groups, unfortunately.
People get locked into trauma bonding with someone because the other person or group always seems the best thing that ever happened to them. They are swept off their feet with charm, love, acceptance, and a feeling of bliss begins to create the release of powerful neurotransmitters in the brain that make us feel good. These can be a release of norepinephrine, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. To a drug addict, this is the addictive high they get while using and then dropped when the drug is no longer present and providing it for them.
It is the same with a trauma bond. The same neurotransmitters are released in the body when someone feels they are in love or have reached what is referred to as a “natural high.” In romantic relationships, the trauma bond can cause a person to continue to go back for more even when they are being treated poorly. This occurs after the “honeymoon” phase of toxic relationships is over. The relationship moves from the charming demeanor of a toxic person into manipulation and a whole lot of pain. Yet the bond from the initial high of the relationship keeps the other person trapped into wanting more of the high. So they keep going back for the fix even though they know it is not suitable for them and even after the world comes crashing down on them once again.
This type of relationship is not the same as the romantic kind, where there is such a strong sense of compatibility that the couple will both shine and sparkle from the inside out just being together. Even after things have settled, the love grows, matures, and deepens. This is not true with a toxic relationship. One person in toxic connections will suffer greatly at the hand and actions of the toxic person.
In many cases, the toxic person is considered to be a narcissist, and they might be just that. Sometimes, a person can have a narcissistic part of their personality, but they are not narcissists. It is up to a skilled professional to determine if someone has a full-blown personality disorder or not. Being involved with a toxic person is very painful and will rip your life into pieces. You will feel crazy, but you are not. People might think you are crazy because of what the toxic person has done or said behind you. Yet, you are not the crazy one.
The addiction to a toxic person (or group) is similar to that of a drug addict. It’s hard to kick the high, and it’s hard to see the damage being done while in its midst. All that is known is that you need more of the person or group to feel that high again and feel a sense of wholeness. We can get locked into a situation like this and feel very isolated because that is the idea of the toxic person or group. You are isolated and played with, so they will have a sense of power and control.
Remember, the trauma bond is an addiction, so don’t be hard on yourself if this is in your life. Love yourself enough to get help, just as a drug addict must reach out for help in their situation. You have to come to the point of hitting bottom. No one can make you get to that point. It all has to be done for yourself. Working on self-love, fostering good relationships privately, and finding a good counselor to help you out of your misery are essential to your health and well-being. Even after you are not under the influence of a toxic situation, there still might be a recovery time. Allow yourself that time! Remember your worth. You are gold in anyone’s life. Let your most significant relationship be with God and with yourself first. Work on your self-esteem and consider the reasons you lock into toxic people or groups, to begin with.
Come to recognize the trauma bond high and don’t allow relationships to happen too quickly. Any good relationship is nurtured over time. Be honest with those you leave behind and tell them from a place of safety that you feel they are not suitable for you. Be straightforward. It is essential to speak your truth at a safe distance as toxic people can also be dangerous. Make it crystal clear you want no more contact and why. Tell the other person or people why you feel your connection is not good for you or them. Even in situations where there is little in common, communication is important. In healthy people, breakups are easy like that. Healthy people communicate, “I don’t want to see you again” in a healthy way and is accepted healthily. If this is not expressed, don’t think you are in a trauma relationship if the other person does not understand and pursues you. You have to be clear for your sake and theirs!
It all sounds so complicated, and this could quickly turn into a book, but it is not that complicated. Let your happy indicator let you know if you are in a good relationship fit or not. Even with groups, it is the same thing. It might not be a good fit for you if one person in a place of power calls all the shots. Recognize power-hungry people and keep your distance. Your life will thank you with blessings you never dreamt of if you protect and guide yourself by the gut instincts God has given you.
If you have ever known me, or have been connected to me, you know how much I love my work. There is nothing more amazing to me than to be trusted enough to be allowed into another person’s heart and life. I count it an honor to be held in confidence. At times it has been to such a level, I have been told things that my clients have never revealed to another single soul.
There is nothing quite as satisfying to me than to know I have left a conversation and my client has had an “aha” moment, or has felt a great load being lifted from their shoulders. Yet, there have been those from time to time who have either come right out and told me I had not helped them at all. Or there have been those who have just quietly distanced themselves from me. In those cases I would get off the phone or go home feeling tied up in knots wondering what I could have done better. I took it hard and usually put all of the load on myself.
Comforting myself, I would reason that I am not perfect, and don’t know all of the answers. While this is true, there had been one piece of the puzzle I had not considered, “I can not assist anyone who does not love themselves enough to realize they need to make their own changes”. I can facilitate, but I can’t change anyone. Change comes from the inside out. One element that has to always be there is self love.
The amazing thing, is the most difficult clients revealed to me my own lack of self confidence and self love. Everyone is a mirror to us no matter what the role we play in one another’s lives. Literally, my rejecting clients expected me to fix them and I strained within myself thinking that it was my job.
Learning the lesson about fixing my own self, loving myself, and being confident within myself, has been a hard one. I’ve had to weed through all of the junk that led me to “people please” and allow others to judge me, or compromise my sense of self worth. Bottom line, we are all a work in progress. With my progression, I discovered it has been alright to walk away from those who dishonored me, because I could honor myself. It’s easier said than done.
This is the reality; no one changes without having to do the work and without finding self love first. Without self love we only live in the reflection of those who want us to conform to their image. I take a deep breath and relax when I remember that the only image I need to conform to is God’s. Even then, it is not God outside of me but God who is a part of my being. The power of love is in our own DNA. I had to get a grasp of this completely, or I would always feel like I would fall short.
It’s work, but when done right everything shifts in the right direction. People leave because they become insulted, irritated, or offended. I’ve learned to let them go. The payoff is others will appear. It’s like a miracle of life. Those that appear are the ones who are ready for what I have to offer and always give me the gift of appreciation in return.
This is the pleasure of life. Walking in the Light of love is always the greatest feeling in the world. Sometimes I forget, like I suddenly have some sort of amnesia. Spirit always draws me back to where I need to be. Sometimes this happens with a struggle but when I turn to the greatest love ever, I always remember.
So, with all of this said; the greatest work I have ever achieved was to love myself the way God does. When this happens everything falls into place. Resistance never allows miracles to happen. Self doubt and struggle will never bring balance or miracles. Yes, my clients have taught me the road to least resistance. The responsibility has always been their own. Mine is to be there, to listen, to interject wisdom when wisdom comes, and to smile at the end of the day.
A job well done always comes with a life well loved.
I entitled this blog post the way it is because I was thinking about choices this morning. My meditative practice was harder than usual because I had so many things swirling around in my brain. As it settled, some interesting thoughts came to me. Even though I don’t believe anyone should live in the past, I do believe the past has lessons we can still learn and sometimes those lessons even define who we eventually are.
A long time ago I worked for a commercial bank called Bay Bank of Commerce in San Leandro, CA. I think the years were somewhere around 1982. I was a single mother with one small son at the time. I loved that bank. I loved the way I was treated by those who founded it and those who appreciated me as a young professional. I have to thank the CEO and founder @DickKahler for the opportunity I was given. I was only there maybe close to 2 years, and worked in the commercial real estate loan processing department. Unfortunately, one person who worked above me gave me a very difficult time during a pregnancy that was pretty delicate. After some careful consideration I had to quit my job there.
No way had that move ever reflected on the wonderful way that commercial bank was built or how business was executed. I knew I had the finest of the best in the business. Yet, I had to stand up for myself due to one person’s treatment. I was a pretty shy and very unassuming person at the time. I have to say, quitting without another job to hang onto was not an easy prospect. It really took a lot of faith. Actually, it built my faith.
I went on to build a family, was married and then divorced. For many years I raised five children on my own with no real help from anyone. After consulting with a superior court family judge, I decided to educate myself. Her advice was straight on for me. Judge Chew, wherever you are, I LOVE YOU! I started at the community college level but that was only the beginning. My education took me to places I never thought I would be.
I was accepted by a pilot program through Stanford University in California. I studied with students from various places on the globe. I did some of my trans-personal/spiritual internship at Mt Madonna, CA. I graduated with a liberal arts degree with emphasis on psychology and human behavior through Southern New Hampshire University. I have three degrees in theological study leading to a Master’s from Grand Canyon University along with 3 years of Clinical Psychology study, and a Doctorate from the University of Sedona. I am excited to have studied in classes conducted by Harvard University. I also have learned from some wonderful spiritual, philosophical teachers from Daytona Beach, Boca Raton, and Miami, Florida. Much of my study led to certifications in Life Coaching, Trans-personal Counseling, Holistic Healing, and Hypnotherapy. Yes, I have a lot of education!
I was surprisingly privileged to conduct a class, a church service, and speak before some of our country’s leaders during one of the dedication moments near Arlington Cemetery on Memorial Day weekend. I was honored to be the Pastor of two small group churches, speak in local places of worship, and now I meet the most amazing people on earth that I call “my clients.”
My major point here is that one move to step into my own personal power, along with the power of God, created who I am today. I am assertive in ways I never would have been had it not occurred. It might seem simple and small, but it created a domino affect of so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. In fact, it changed my life. Over the course of time I have made good decisions and not so good. Fact remains that one step of empowerment made all of the difference in the world.
Don’t ever underestimate your own power to make decisions that could define the rest of your life. Step into it. Yes, you might step into some thick mud but lotus flowers bloom in thick mud, and so can you!
Not all of my messages are uplifting. I would like them to be, but most are teaching and usually what brings the hard lessons so a difficult life can be spared from you. It’s a dirty job. You know the rest, “someone has to do it”. The first lesson in the Bible is about hypocrisy; a lie.
One reason so many love they can count on God is the ability to trust. It’s hard to trust people because of the human temptation to be hypocritical. Meaning, saying one thing and yet doing another. Some believe this is not lying, but it is. A hypocrite is a liar. Even worse those who are, lie to themselves, make excuses with themselves, and crush any trust they have attempted to gain with anyone.
Some, often rake up a real hard to swallow reputation by exposing their inner hypocrisy. It’s a difficult burn inside to find out from your so called “friend” that your reputation has lost it’s luster because of all of those who now know you have lied, been a hypocrite, and even worse lied to yourself by making excuses.
Grace is a wonderful thing. It gives forgiveness when we don’t deserve it. Yet, there comes a time when even God says there will be no forgiveness and the offender will be turned over to their own mistrusted heart. I have a huge pointer, or piece of advice for those who feel it has been hard to keep their word, have made excuses for all out lies, or think they can be a hypocrite and always be forgiven.
Practice trusting YOURSELF- if you can maintain trust in yourself then you are most of the way there. This requires complete HONESTY as to why or how you feel you can be trusted. Would you trust your same actions from others? I’ve just given you your launching pad. So, my advice is to take it and launch.
I could go on and say trust God but I would rather tell you to seek God and emulate that character. It’s a hard lesson to learn but those who lie, are hypocritical, and omit facts by making excuses will attract the same to them in others and eventually repel those with a lot of inner integrity from them. I want to spare you this pain, so maybe you might want to go back to the beginning and read this again if you need to. Don’t be someone who repels the character of God.
“Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.”
Ever since I was a little girl I have had an issue with doing what I discern is right. I’m not sure why, but early on I had a sense of what was the right thing in any given situation. That is not to say I never did anything wrong, because that is certainly not true. Morally, though, I have always had the knowledge of what the right decisions should be. Temptation was always there, especially when the wrong thing was either appealing or easier to get through.
This brings me to my next point. Doing the right thing is not always easy nor is it always popular. Let’s say I did not have much popularity amid the masses growing up. Yes, it made life hard, and there was a lot of rejection. Then we feed into the mix my own personal spiritual beliefs life became even harder, or maybe just more confusing. The diversity of things people can believe tend to segregate us more than bring us together. I feel that in America, church hour on Sunday’s still remain the most segregated and even bigoted time we spend. This is not always the personal case. I am generalizing just a little bit. Even my own personal relationships tended to go through separation over what I feel has always been a moral issue.
When I look back, I have noticed that past relationships did not work out due to moral decisions that I held and the other did not agree with. Sometimes my morality sent them packing and running in the other direction. Other times dysfunction and co-dependency were the underlying problems that brought things to a halt. Regardless as to what the issues were, the separation always felt like rejection. In actuality, it was usually a difference of belief and life decisions.
On a consciousness level, I have had an issue with immorality or acts that are not upright. This is not meant to be a finger pointing or judgemental topic. I am simply stating my own personal experience. I guess early on I had a tendency to sense and gravitate toward God in my life. I always felt things very deeply and have always had a sensitivity that often can award me a look or comment of disapproval. It has taken me a very long time to overcome the tendency to seek out approval from others over my own personal convictions.
People pleasing is a hard issue to break and takes the power of Godly conviction and resolve. I guess my people pleasing issues became easier to overcome when I realized how much of myself I had to sacrifice in order to get approval. I got sick of sacrifice. I even came to understand the truth that sacrifice was not needed since God never required it of me, even when I was a Pastor. For some reason people sometimes believe I am supposed to give more than I am able just because I am a minister. This is not true. Ministry is guidance, love, and compassion. Never was it ever meant to be sacrifice.
I’m just speaking honestly and openly here. I get into trouble when people don’t like that I want to do the right thing while they want to do the wrong thing. When others around me want to violate my moral compass the outcome can be disturbing and that is an understatement. I find myself in a position where I feel I have to defend my right to not agree with what violates my boundaries. I know God is on my side, so that makes it easier but it never makes it more comfortable. Maybe I need to be a bit more determined when it comes to overcoming the need to be liked over the need to be right for myself and God? I’ve always desired to do the right thing for God. After all, God is the One I need to please and not people. This is true no matter how we all believe.
I know God forgives. This is the amazing part of love. Yet, God created our universe in a way where we all receive discipline when the wrong thing is chosen. It’s easy to justify it because our actions were the easier route or the temptation was greater than the conviction at the time. Nonetheless, we all receive the discipline we deserve to get sooner or later. We can all bet our last dollar on that one. I have seen it happen.
Do other people get mad at you for wanting to do the right thing when they don’t? Keep this in mind. We are all ambassadors for God and on God’s behalf we live, breathe, move, and have our being. (Yes, I snuck a little “bible” in there!). My desire is to give God the best experience of His life, through mine. Since He lives in us, He knows what we do. There is no hiding. Adam and Eve tried that little move and it did not work for them. It will not work for us either. What God desires from us is closeness and relationship. Since He can not be a part of darkness He will not be a part of our breach of moral compass. Yes, He is forgiving, but that does not excuse us from the discipline we will eventually receive. My mother forgave me for sneaking an extra piece of cake when I was little, but she still sent me to my room. I think you get the idea. Love will not excuse indiscretion or deliberately making the wrong choices.
This might end up sounding like a lecture, and it is! I want your life to be filled with the blessing of closeness with God. I want you to have all of the things God has promised, including prosperity, mercy, grace, and the power that comes from walking uprightly. I want that for myself. So, as for me, and hoping my house, we will follow the ways of God. I know blessing will come from it.
“Closer is He than breathing, nearer than hands and feet.” Emmet Fox
The word toxic has become a buzzword lately when it comes to a certain kind of relationship. Toxic in the original sense means something that is poisonous or potentially harmful in a chemical. Now, the word toxic, being applied to relationships has come to be known as something that is abusive or corruptive.
What I am seeing and sensing, though, is the word has gone crazy out of hand. Now the word toxic is being used any time someone believes something different from someone else. Or, if there is any difference of opinion. One person might like something and someone else not like it at all. Now, this somehow has become known to be a toxic relationship.
Or, a toxic relationship has been identified as one person being abusive to another. Although abuse does occur, the sensitivity of certain situations has become vastly misused. We are being taught to stay away from those who differ or do not agree on one situation or another. One person is considered to be toxic to another if they feel their opinion or attitude will hinder them in some way. This is such a misuse of what God has intended for relationships. Not to mention, no one can affect another on the inside of them unless they allow it.
God does not want us to distance ourselves because of differing opinions. In fact, the Apostle Paul taught if one person eats pork and another does not then not to judge the one who eats pork. What he was saying is to just allow people to be themselves and if they differ not to judge them. Even better yet, not to distance from them or take offense because of differences. Our differences are what make us unique and amazing even if they are hard to deal with or work through. In married situations our struggles are what help us come to an understanding of one another. Sometimes the struggle is real and even very hard. Yet, its hard when two people try to come to an understanding or meeting of the minds with one another when they have been very wounded deep inside.
We carry our wounds and sometimes wave them like badges of courage when we should be healing them. Our conflicts are what exposes them. This is an opportunity to heal them together. It is a hard lesson to learn and we all have to learn it. It’s so much easier to just push away, but who will ever heal and become stronger that way? No one.
Maybe we can put the word toxic back in its place and not apply it to human beings? Toxic can be poison if it likes, but people are not poison. Humans were created to be a gift even if they are differing in opinions or even misbehaving. Although we are not encouraged to take abuse, we should love the person and not the actions. Realize our actions come from a place inside that have been learned in society over time. Relearning the best way to live, love, and be, takes time and encouragement. Push them away and you have not created victory. What you have done is allow wounds to remain unhealed. It’s brave to expose one another and sometimes confrontation is hard. Confrontation is the only way to come to a meeting of the minds sometimes. Understanding is what Paul taught us to have, not isolating from one another.