Every Child Born is in Divine Timing

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I was told, as the story goes, I was not expected to be here. I guess better words are my parents never thought they could have another child after my sister. I was supposed to be here though. Maybe I taught my parents about miracles? I’m not sure, it was their lesson. My lesson has been about divine timing. Do you ever get the feeling God puts us together in circles of others like puzzle pieces to make a bigger picture?

I’m not sure creating a huge puzzle is God’s intention regarding creation but I do know we are no good without each other. Without one of us a piece is missing. When I was 21 years old I gave birth to a son. I was stretched in my ability to be a new mother and yet blessed to have him for 20 years. It’s hard to imagine someone coming into our lives and then having to leave after just 20 years. It’s a long time, two decades, but a small amount of time to have a son on the earth.

I often wondered if he was born at the wrong time, but that would disrupt my belief we all have divine timing and a purpose. I’m not sure my son found his purpose, and I’m still not even sure I have found the lesson I learned as his mother. Patience is always a lesson but maybe strength is a better one to speak of here. I raised him mostly on my own. I saw things in myself I did not like and things that I never thought possible in myself.

His timing was never a mistake. God does not make those kind of mistakes. Having him and each of my children was a glimmer of hope that this world could be a better place just by bringing in someone new. I suppose I never thought I was giving birth to my future but my children aligned my future for sure.

Birth itself is a miraculous thing. It’s not easy but God always blessed me with joy after the sorrow. Isn’t God just like that? We go through sorrows but joy always comes as a result. Maybe sometimes that joy is simply relief. Maybe sometimes it is hope being revealed. Every child is a divine reason to have joy. I believe each one of us was born at just the right time, the right place, for the right reasons. Our earthly minds can’t always perceive those things but the higher part of ourselves can come to understand God’s wisdom within it all. It’s great to be a creator with God, isn’t it?

One night, over 2000 years ago, a little baby was born and His life seemed to be far before the world’s time. Yet His purpose was right on time. His death was on time as well. God knows the number of our days before we even come here. I think if we knew them we would never learn or teach the lessons we are here for.

Every single child, person, individual, is born at the right time, the right place, and for the right reason. It does not matter how the child gets here. Remember Jesus was born out of wedlock, was raised by a step father, His conception not planned by human timing, but His coming was divine and right on time.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC

 

The Gifts

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Some things in life seem so little but mean so much. Even with all of the junk that goes on in our world today, the true human heart always rises above it all when love abounds. Whatever you do, don’t take anything in this life for granted, especially when it comes to those closest to you. We are but a whisper in time on this planet and then we are gone. When we are young it seems like so much time is ahead. Yet, the older we get it feels like time begins to wind down. Make time count, even with little things.

When I was in grammar school we made tie clips for our Dads for Father’s Day. I love those school made gifts, don’t you? I remember when he opened it. His face lit up like it was the greatest thing he ever saw! I think I was about 8 years old. Later in life he passed away due to lung cancer. While looking through some of his things the first thing that stood out to me was that tie clip! Dad kept it all that time! I think by then I was in my 30’s. I still have it. Every time I look at it, I tear up. It obviously was a gift that meant a lot to him to save it so long.

Some things might seem insignificant but the love and thoughts behind them certainly are not. I still have Mother’s Day and Christmas gifts my children made when they were in grammar school. My boxes are filled with hand prints, handmade candles, photos of my kids glued to Christmas ornaments and paintings on large rolls of paper. Over the years the gifts evolved into things that reflect our faith, love, and sense of family. I still have all of those things, including necklaces and special rings my son used to get out of a gumball machine using the change from his lunch money. For awhile he did this daily. I can’t ever forget the smile on his face every time he gave me one. It was always like the first time.

Another precious gift I have is a plastic bag with locks of my hair when I was small child. The hair was from my first haircut that my mother saved in her bible. It’s still there. When times seem challenging, these are the gifts to my heart that mean so much to me. Sometimes I smile, knowing one day my children will open a box filled with things I have saved for many years and understand how much I have cherished every gift and part of their lives. They have been my gifts. More precious than gold, and more loved than life itself. The very most precious of memories to me were the moments I held each of them the very first time. Their eyes so filled with light, right from heaven, the greatest gifts of love I’ve ever known.

Loving you all from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

and…Mom

 

Are You Privately Living With Regrets?

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Every time this year, when a new year is approaching, we tend to think about resolutions. Either we want to lose weight, make more money, spend less, or travel more. It can be just about anything. Sometimes they are the very same resolutions we made last year only to find we fell very short of accomplishing what our goals were or are.

As I pondered the upcoming New Year and what I really want it to look like, some very unexpected thoughts entered into me. It was like I took a time travel back to when I cared for those much older than I; most of them dying. I recalled working on my doctoral dissertation on dream interpretation as well. Part of the dissertation was dedicated to dreams and also desires by those who were sick and dying. I know this could sound like I am approaching a morbid subject but actually I’m not, so stick with me.

Thinking about both my experiences ,and also my research, I began to remember vividly some of the things that were expressed as people were getting ready to enter into their next phase of living outside of the body. I’m convinced our spirit is alive and never ever dies, just as God is alive. Whatever your thoughts on this is beside the point. Let me move on. As I closed my eyes, my thoughts were filled with statements of regret that I heard over and over again. Some of them in person, some I heard of, and some I studied. Most were all the same. I’m going to list some of them here:

  1. I wish I took better care of myself while I had the chance.
  2. I should have told her/him “I love you” but was either afraid or negligent.
  3. I never realized just how fast time would go and I should have taken more time for what is really important.
  4. The office should not have been my top priority.
  5. My spiritual/devotional life could have been better and stronger.
  6. I could have made the choice to be more kind in circumstances and now I can’t change the aftershock.
  7. I should have considered my choices just a little more before I made them. I might have made a different choice had I thought things through more.
  8. I wish I had spent more time with my family instead of being busy, I could have been busy with them.
  9. Why didn’t I say, “I am sorry”? It could have healed the issue but my pride was in the way.
  10. I never took the time to enjoy the beauty of this earth. My mind and actions were always on things that really don’t matter now.

Maybe you can think of some for yourself. Close your eyes and imagine for a moment that today is the last day of your life. What would you greatly regret if you were leaving this earth today? Now, remember, you have time today, tonight, and hopefully tomorrow. Who needs to know you love them? What are you sorry for but have never expressed it to someone? Where have you always wanted to go? Who is the most important person to you and have you neglected them? Who has been there for you every single time but you never seem to say, “Thank you”.

If you were leaving your body tonight, think about it, would you have some regrets? I have watched tears falling down the faces of elderly people and some younger, while stating, “I never saw the Grand Canyon.” “I should have taken better care of myself because I might have more time with my loved ones had I done that.” “I wish I had not caused _______ so much pain and never healed it with them.”

This upcoming New Year as you consider your resolutions, maybe also consider if you have been silently living with regrets. They tend to come to the surface when faced with our mortality. Let them come now, with tears, with healing, and then with action. Don’t live another day with what you might regret tomorrow. Live in love, but love yourself first by honoring what is right, what is honest, what is your heart’s desire, and what love speaks to your heart. Then thank yourself. You are worth it.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Have You Thought About Legacy?

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Over the last few months I have been engrossed in looking at my family lineage. I have never gone as far with it as I have recently. Oh, the amazing things I have discovered! I’m not going to bore you with my family background and details but what I want to do is spark your interest about “legacy”.

As it is with our own past, the idea is not to live in the places we discover or uncover, but to learn from them. One thing I really took to heart were the ways my ancestors pressed through the difficult issues that presented themselves in the days they were here. They were overcomers. Some died, and some had to be left behind to deal with the grief. I am all to familiar with that part. Drawing from that strength gave me more courage instead of sadness. I suppose it depends on how I would choose to look at things; from the negative or positive. I always try to pull from what is positive and bring that forward. It’s a challenge in this day and age let alone how it was in the past.

I learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. As I reviewed family struggles and the dynamics of the time they lived, I realized the importance of legacy. Genetically speaking I can see some of the traits and tendencies that many family members struggle with. Legacy is different. It is bringing forth the best parts of our ancestry and deciding to expand on the foundations built by our family lineages. Then we take those things and pass them down to those who will still be here after we are not.

I had to truly contemplate what legacy I want to leave my children and grandchildren. I definitely want to leave them strength for the journey but also a sense of being proud of where they come from and who I have been on this earth. I want my children, grandchildren and onward to know my passions, what has had meaning for me, and what my contribution has been to this time span in life.

Traditions go along with these things. Sometimes we think we have no traditions but that is not true. We have had them but often we forget them or become lazy with them. Maybe it is time to spark them up again? One thing I always do with my children is to write to them and  sign it, “I love you to heaven and back”. This came from when I used to tuck them into bed at night when they were smaller. I would always tell them that and then I began to ask them, “How much do I love you?” They would have to answer, “To heaven and back.” It might seem trivial but I know long after I am no longer here, they will hold that statement in heaven that lives in their hearts. When they think of me, they will always remember I am loving them from there. It portrays a love that lasts forever.

There are other things as well. I am still working on creating them. My main point is that legacy is important. It is our memory we leave behind for others to cherish as they live their lives. I know I want mine to be a good one. I bet you want that as well! What legacies are you planning to leave behind that are much more valuable than material things?

Loving you from here,

Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry

Re-evaluating The Hard Things: Talking About Shame

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When you were growing up, have you ever heard someone say to a child, “You should be ashamed of yourself!” This usually came after  some perceived error in judgment or just plain bad behavior. I wonder if any parent ever stopped to think about those words and what they might mean when someone becomes an adult. I wonder where parents heard those words themselves, took on the shameful perception of themselves, and then unconsciously passed it on as “good morality” teaching. When I hear those words myself, I see a little girl sitting cross legged on a bed with her head down ready to cry.

When a person grows up in shaming then shame is what they carry either unconsciously, consciously, or both. As shaming is passed down through family lines it becomes like a genetic disease. Most of the time it goes unnoticed like a program that runs in the background of a life, just like on a computer. Then it comes out the first opportunity it gets, to stab a person right into the shame wound. The next thing they know it comes out of their pores in the form of anger, fear, humiliation, and the list goes on.

Someone who has been seriously shamed can never take any type of correction, teaching, or instruction. They just believe they are being wronged, bruised, and shamed again and again. This does not end until awareness is brought to the wound. Once something is known it can not be unknown. It becomes a person’s truth and can be very transformative if an individual decides to make it that way.

The next time someone corrects you, tries to teach you, criticizes you, or worse, think about what feelings are suddenly brought up. How does your body feel and is it reacting as well? Sometimes you might feel sick in your stomach, your breath might become faster and shorter, or you might feel like you want to storm off, lash out, or RUN!  Pain is always an indicator of illness of any kind. It makes no difference if it is physical or emotional. It brings an opportunity to create healing. The next time a situation brings you distress, instead of blaming another person or a situation, let it be a healing moment.

Close your eyes, put one hand over your heart and one on your stomach. Breath deep and slowly. Ask yourself what feelings this issue is bringing up for you and if you would like to decide to heal yourself instead of react. If you want to heal yourself, sit with God and tell yourself the words that others never seemed to ever say. “I am valuable.” I am enough.” “Others’ opinions or thoughts of me don’t have to be made my own.” “I am deeply loved and admired.” “I am unique and God sees me as powerful.” There are many you can say. Maybe write down some of your own and keep them in a place where you see them every day. Then when shame comes to call, open the door with a self love bomb that sends it packing for good!

Practice makes perfect in this case. Let it become second nature to you. Refuse to pass shame down through family lines. Refuse to allow others words, actions, or thoughts of you make you feel less than what you really are. Instead of blame, heal. Instead of lash out or react, reaffirm. Instead of shame, brilliance!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

If you struggle with shame or if you tend to take on others thoughts of you, please call and make an appointment. I can guide you through a course of healing that can reaffirm who you really are!

832-484-8306

Addictions: The Lying Trap

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Remember that old saying back as a child, “Liar, liar, pants on fire?” Sometimes I wondered what our pants had to do with the lying part. I know its a very strange thing to meditate upon but I did that today. This is what came to me. When someone’s pants are on fire it is very obvious. They are being burned, hopping around, and part of them is being destroyed in front of anyone who might be looking.

Since I am on an addictions role lately, I thought I would address the lying that comes with addicted personalities and why an addicts “pants are on fire”, (so to speak). First and foremost I want to say that no one is ever kidding themselves or others when it comes to addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, people, drama, food, or any other addiction. The very first lie an addict creates is to themselves. They lie, believing that:

  1. Some day I will stop
  2. No one knows I am addicted
  3. No one sees that I lie to get by
  4. There is no hope accept to keep on keeping on
  5. Addiction can not be counteracted with first accepting the truth
  6. I’m not really harming my body
  7. I’m not harming anyone else
  8. I have a long life ahead of me, this is not going to affect me, things will change
  9. I need this addiction to make it through life
  10. People will believe my lies if I make them believable for me too

There are also lies that addicts tell those they are around and their loved ones. They might be things like this: (Remember lying to others is abusing them)

  1. I’m going to stop now and do it on my own
  2. I have to work late
  3. No one cares about me
  4. You are the cause of my addiction
  5. I locked the keys in my car
  6. I lost all of my money
  7. I never took your stuff
  8. I did not drink, use, function in my addiction today
  9. She/he is only a friend
  10. I never spoke of you as the cause of my addictions while speaking to others
  11. My addictions are my business and they don’t harm you
  12. You misunderstood

These are only a few. I am sure if you are struggling with addiction you can think of some more or maybe a loved one can think of some for you. This is the deal: Your loved ones KNOW you are lying. Even as much as you might try to convince them otherwise they still know. You can argue, kick, scream, and rant, and it does not make them know less. The people you work with KNOW you are lying. You can not hide an addiction from everyone no matter how hard you try. Even distance can not do it. The ONLY one you are kidding is yourself. You are hurting everyone around you, there is no doubt about that, but more than that, you are hurting yourself.

Eventually people will distance themselves from you. If they don’t they are co-dependent to your addiction. Don’t kid yourself. You might wake up and find yourself very alone. A dear friend of mine used to say, “You can’t kid a kidder“. Everyone who has or is experiencing addiction with you or around you know that you lie as well. Is THIS the life you want to lead?

No, I am not trying to be mean here. I am being honest. If you think you won’t lose everything in life no matter how successful you might look on the outside, you are lying to yourself. You might even lose your life. Then those around you will grieve. Is this the legacy you want to leave behind?

I am challenging you with no judgement to make a new decision in life. First be honest with yourself. Admit your problem is out of control. Then admit to those around you that you have been liar liar, pants on fire. It’s been obvious all along. So what is the harm in just being honest? Everyone knows, so what is the harm in coming clean with the dirt? It is your first step to freedom. I remember reading in the bible for the first time that God hates liars. Please don’t take this that God hates YOU. God hates the actions created. He wants better for you and I think you do too!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

832-484-8306

Your Final Words. What Would They Be?

IMG_20171023_130408The other night I watched a movie where a plane went down and in the debris was found a note written by a father who wanted his child to know his final feelings. A reporter discovered it and made it her mission to find the child and deliver the note so the child could have closure. It was a very touching story.

The subject got me thinking though. I wondered, “What would I say if I knew I only had three more minutes to live and could write a note to each of my loved ones?” Of course “I love you” would be a part of it but they do know that I love them. I pondered this for awhile. I wanted it to be profound, you know, something they would always remember.

It was harder than I thought because three minutes is not a long time to say something profound. There seemed so much I would want to say aside from I loved them. I would want to leave my children good advice, my grand children a piece of history to hold onto, and my other family members a memory they would think of and always smile.

Like I said, it is hard to fit all of that into three minutes. There was only one way I could think of that made sense. That is to say everything I want to right now! One never knows what will happen in the next second and we have no idea if we would have time to write something or not. Most of those sudden last moments don’t give time for any of that. That leaves the obvious. Tell the people we love the things we want to say NOW while there is time. It leaves time to say everything along the way. It’s like a lifelong project of connection and the leaving of memories that can be looked back upon when they miss us.

I found myself making a list of those things. What would I want to continue to always tell my loved ones and in what modes? Do I want to write them letters and cards, or just emails and text messages? I think letters would be best. They are the things that are kept. Cards are usually kept as well. I even thought it would be great to send a card, a photo of us together or something meaningful , and a meaningful statement that can be saved and always remembered. It’s about leaving a legacy of love behind until the moment comes when we all shall meet again!

Loving you from here,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

832-484-8306

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC  

What if the Whole Body of Christ Lovingly Prayed for One Another?

IMG_20170904_140736_219When I close my eyes and think of the church, not the organization, but the whole Body of Christ, I see a huge family that God had put together. We are meant to be family; a global one. God tells us that we are one faith, one baptism, and one body. Jesus even prayed we would be “as one” just like He is with the Father. The Trinity is an amazing mystery. It is three persons in one, meaning the godhead operates in one accord and in unity with itself. There is nothing that is done that is not in agreement between the three persons of God; God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. God is one in purpose, one in faith, one in truth, and one in love.

This is how Jesus envisioned the church. He sees us as one Body, with one vision, one purpose, one in faith, one in truth, and one in love. Can you imagine if the whole Body of Christ prayed together in one accord, all on the same page with the same purpose? Can you imagine the light of Christ shining through His glorious Bride with no dysfunction and no offenses?

The biggest deterrence to this from happening is PRIDE. If the devil can hold us in a prideful stance then Jesus’ vision and prayer for us to all be as one can not become complete. There will come a day when the devil will get his dysfunctional behind kicked by our great King and Savior, but until that day, wouldn’t it be a great vision to have to come together in unity on behalf of our mutual faith? We might not agree with everything but we do all agree that Jesus is Lord if we are Christian.

Can you imagine the sound of millions of Christians all singing in one accord or praying in one accord? Can you imagine what that might sound like in heaven and in the ears of our heavenly Father? This is my greatest prayer; that all of God’s people within the Body of Christ would join together in one purpose, one prayer, one love, and one light in Christ Jesus. I pray there would be no more pride, or reasons to be suspect of one another. I pray that peace will in fact rule and reign in our hearts. I pray that we would face one another with forgiveness, unconditional love, and non threatening ways.

The easiest way for the devil to break up a family is to divide it against itself. Right now it looks like he is doing a good global job of that because we still don’t seem to get it. We need to love one another as Christ loves us. We need to go and reconcile with one another as Jesus has taught us, and we need to lovingly pray for one another that we all be blessed. I know its just a dream I have but at least I know I am in good company. Jesus dreams it too!

Praying for you from here,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries 

Re-creation of Good Childhood Memories for Healing and Joy!

11988378_10153670839814255_4027848974804248960_nRecently, I posted an update on Facebook asking what my friends fondest childhood memories are. I think we focus so much on the negative in life when looking back that we tend to forget some of the great things that have happened in life. When I look back to my childhood I can remember beautiful sunny days playing in the yard, running around with our family dog, and our big old house we lived in with so much to explore. I loved to pretend I was making tea on the heater vents on the floor and serving it up to my dolls with lunch.

No one experiences only negative things, although many of us have had a lot of hard things happen. Yet, I guarantee if you focus real hard on the positive and good things that were a part of childhood you can find some good ones! I still love the rain hitting the windows in our older house we just purchased over a year ago, just like I loved the rain hitting the windows of the old house I began my early days in.

Replicating the good memories and living some of them out brings back peace and some childlike feelings like when we ran through the grass on Easter morning anticipating the events of the day! Close your eyes for just a few moments and find some childhood memories that were wonderful and see where you can find them or reenact them in your life today. Having a childlike spirit brings joy and carefree days in our lives.

The Bible teaches us to come to God with a childlike spirit. A sense of wonder and wide eyed innocence can not only enhance faith but bring a more fancy free feeling as we travel through life. Think of maybe doing some things you used to do when a child. Take a trip to the zoo, plan to travel to Disneyland, spend the day at the beach finding shells and letting the water chase you as you run through the sand.

Recreate meals that were served at family gatherings that were fun and enjoyable. In Biblical times, gathering for meals were considered to be a sacred time. They took time with their meals, prayed over them, and spent the rest of the evening dancing to music and playing like children. Somehow we have lost this in our society and we really need to bring it all back!

What happened to the days when the neighborhood got together for a block party, roped off the area, and shared a large buffet together with great food and conversation? This happens more rarely these days than in the past. Since when did we have to be so distant and separated? I remember summers riding go carts with the boys up the street and having water balloon fights on the grass.

These are the things that have made life worth living and worth remembering. These are the things that should be recreated in life. Children have a faith that is strong and innocent. Work toward that childlike faith and your relationship with God will even soar on eagles wings!

What memories will you recreate today? Think of all of the possibilities!

In laughter and joy,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

 

Be a Proverbs 31 Woman!

4090bc77a9f41de80e5c4c5554a6a35bThere is no description of a Godly woman in all of the Bible unlike the one in the book of Proverbs chapter 31. In this small portion of Scripture, God outlines for women some of the keys that create in her a successful and blessed life. Who IS this woman and how can you be one?

She is active! She creates things with her hands, sells them, and buys land. With that land she plants a vineyard and it prospers in her hands to feed her family. She never eats of the bread of idleness. She is strong, and keeps on going even when things are hard. She is giving. She feeds her family and she also gives graciously to those who work for her. Obviously if she has servants, she is well off and financially secure. She provides greatly to the marriage and family.

Her work is completed without hesitation. She knows her role and she does it well. She learns of God, speaks with wisdom, and is charitable to those who are less fortunate. Because she is all of these things, her family, her children and husband call her “blessed” because she IS blessed! She is a woman of nobility in the eyes of God and walks in dignity with her head held high. Her husband has esteem because of her good reputation.

No doubt the Proverbs 31 woman spends time with the Lord, her King. Believe me, you will always tell a woman who spends time with Jesus because her glow, her personality, her actions, her life, will be as bright as the living Son. This does not mean perfect. It means she shines in ways that others take notice and wonder what it is about her that we can not resist?

If you want to be an empowered woman that others arise and call blessed, then take Proverbs 31 and break it down into small segments. Study each line and ask God to perfect it within yourself and you will be as respected, blessed, and prosperous as this noble woman in the Bible!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries        800-421+1765