Memorial Day is NOT Just a Three Day Weekend!

For many people in this country, the upcoming Memorial Day is about having a three-day weekend to bar-b-que, have friends over, go on a short vacation or just relax. Retail stores, outlets and places to purchase treasures are all having those notorious Memorial Day Sales events where we can buy things at 20% off or more. In fact, I noticed this year that the Memorial Day sales started earlier than usual. It’s like the department stores want to get a jump on making the almighty dollar earlier and earlier. While I always love a great sale, a fun bar-b-que and all, it is hard to witness many who have completely forgotten why we have this special day, to begin with.

Let me tell you the honest truth. Memorial Day is not a fun day for me. In fact, the whole Memorial weekend stinks. The reason I feel this way is because my firstborn son is not here to celebrate any weekends or special moments where things are on sale and people gather to drink beer or celebrate and relax at the beach. My son served his country and now we live without him here. I’m a proud Mama. I love his courage, his desire to do something for his country that is meaningful, and his tenacity in the face of a system that is partially broken. Yes, I am talking about our US Military. Anyone who has served knows it is not an easy life and the chance of risking one’s life is always there.

Since the inception of our country, men and now women, have fought to keep our country a place of freedom and safety. Men and women are deployed for months and often more at a time to fight battles in places we don’t even live on behalf of peace, fairness, and freedom. Humanity has lost its mind if we think dishonoring our heroes can be captured in moments of shopping sprees and gatherings is a great thing. Real people lose their lives through sacrifice and a sense of duty on behalf of us all.

This should be a moment of pride, honor, and even mourning. For those of us who have lost our loved ones, Memorial Day is both a time of honor and grief. Believe me, it never ends. The month of May has become the worst month for me of the year. Not only is it the anniversary of my son’s birthday but a three-day weekend reminder that he is no longer with us here on earth.

Please keep in mind there are many people like me who would give up their three-day weekend fun in the sun just to hug their loved ones again. Although it hurts a great deal, I am proud to be the mother of someone who honored his country the best way he could. I will always love him. I will always miss him, and I will always feel every moment of the grief others experience alongside me during our Memorial weekend. It was created to honor and remember the fallen. Let’s keep things in perspective. PLEASE!

Loving you from here,

Jenine Marie

“Military grieving mom and one who keeps things in perspective.”

** Photo credit giphy.com

Guilt by Association?

Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com

Guilt by association has always been a bit confusing to me. At the root of the idea, we are judged by those we hang around. In some situations, I have to agree with this. If like attracts like, then it only makes sense; we embrace the ideas of those with whom we choose to spend our lives. It might even be assumed we embrace the opinions of those we choose to converse with regularly. Since like does attract like we are usually pretty correct in our thinking when associating someone’s ideas with those they continually connect.

Sometimes we are subject to other’s life choices even though we disagree with them. When the guilty flag gets attached to our behind because of the choices of loved ones, their actions, or behavior, life becomes unfair. Whatever a person’s choices are, they can unfairly become our problem when others view them as wrong, but we suffer the consequences.

There can be times when those we love make decisions we can’t possibly agree with, but we love the person just the same. Outsiders might not look at this the same way. They see our continued love as meaning we support all of their ideas and actions. This can be a far cry from the truth. It is entirely possible to love people but not agree with or love their actions. We can even separate our lives from that part of their life or even most of their life. Whatever our personal choice is would be totally up to our discretion.

Being deemed guilty by association is fair when we participate in discretionary deeds or partake of the same ideas. If we are not involved, then the deeds, thoughts, ideas, and choices belong to the one making them. Sometimes it takes a drastic step away not to be associated with another’s actions, and sometimes we leave their lives altogether. It’s a matter of the degree of the issue. If someone’s actions or ideas grossly violate our own ethical, moral standards and boundaries, then a life disconnect might be the only move to make.

Sometimes I speak from experience, and other times I speak from merely the knowledge I have gleaned from. In this case, I speak from experience. I know what it is like to have my life torn apart because of the actions of others. Who can stop the flying judgment arrows when someone close to us makes a very discretionary choice?

I have suffered my degree of humiliation and have even had to lose almost everything I worked hard for because of someone’s actions in my life. I had no control of their actions, and I had no control of other’s responses. Unfortunately, I had no control of my losses either. My experience still hurts to this day. Others’ judging hearts caused so many losses in my life that I left everything in my life behind me. I moved, and I moved on. Moving does not change the events or even the painful part. The hard part is when the judgment comes from those we would expect it should not.

Thank God I have my spiritual support from God. I would not have survived the slow bleeding in my life that went on for years, not months or days, years. There has been a long road, and over 2000 miles traveled toward a way to find healing. I’m still not there yet. The slower the bleed, the longer it takes to heal; apparently.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Here Is Your Weekly Wisdom!

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Your heart is never far away from others. 

It can be hard to be far away from our loved ones, either in miles or when they have passed on. Sometimes love almost feels bittersweet. When those moments come, and they will, when those you love are so very far away, just put your hand on your heart and remember they are right there with you. There is no distance or time that can break the bond of love. Your loved ones are always engraved on your heart the same way God is.

The moment you see yourself as separate grief or sadness will flood in. It’s the illusion of separateness that causes most of the pain. Sure, you miss the physical presence of those you love and adore, but the depth of a person and their love is their true existence.

Send love right now to those you miss and adore. Guaranteed they will feel or sense it as it comes their way. Heart to heart and soul to soul, we create a love bridge that Jesus calls…ONE.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry