Death of a Child and Parental Heart Failure from Stressful Grief

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The intense grief for a mother who has had to endure the passing of her child or children is one of the hardest roads to walk in human existence. I have been told over and over again; the extent to which we grieve correlates to the extent we have loved. If this is true, my love has been deep, wide, and right to the soul. As mothers, we work on protecting our children every day of our lives, and when they leave our world it feels like the biggest betrayal of life ever. I was told once by an army lieutenant whose mother lost her older child that there is nothing more sad and daunting than the cry of a grieving mother. I have to agree. I feel sad for those who have had to hear me grieve the loss of my two children. It is not for the weak, that’s for sure.

Unfortunately, the grieving process we read about in books does not often talk about physical issues the grief of a child can bring, such as heart failure. It makes sense to me because it is the greatest heartache I think I have ever felt in my life. According to the National Library of Medicine in Bethesda, MD, a grieving parent has at least a 35% higher risk of developing heart failure than non-grieving parents due to the stress of the event. This statistic in and of itself shows the care that must be given to a grieving mother, especially during the first year or so after the passing of her child. The grief will never fully go away but will settle into a part of everyday existence.

Good medical care, a lot of loving support, and caring counselors are what truly help during grief cycles. Also, meditative methods, time alone to process the loss and those who understand are also helpful. One of the hardest parts of grief is feeling so misunderstood only second to the loss itself. Life goes on without us as mothers while our hearts truly break. I have always believed our emotional and spiritual state will eventually be spoken to us through our physical bodies as they reflect our state of being. It only goes to show the breaking of our emotional hearts, the feeling of life betrayal, and the hardship of not having our loved one can eventually break our physical hearts to the point of heart failure. Our hearts speak out, “Life has failed me so now I am failing.”

It’s a difficult cross to bear as life seems to dish out events that feel very unfair. Can we, as grieving mothers, ever overcome the trauma? Of course, we can. Hopefully, we can overcome trauma before irreversible heart failure happens from the intensity of loss and grief of the loved one we have carried all of our lives. We will never stop carrying them, that is for sure.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

**Wei D, Li J, Janszky I, Chen H, Fang F, Ljung R, László KD. Death of a child and the risk of heart failure: a population-based cohort study from Denmark and Sweden. Eur J Heart Fail. 2022 Jan;24(1):181-189. doi: 10.1002/ejhf.2372. Epub 2021 Nov 16. PMID: 34693593.

This is Love in Friendship…

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This is love in friendship: When you never have to ever guess as to whether someone truly cared. When life throws a wrench in the works, they are there seeking out how you are. When it comes to defending you, there is no question in their mind that they will. Love stays regardless of time or distance. Love remains regardless of circumstances or trials. Love heals, regardless of who is involved and who is not. Love forgives, no matter how much it hurts or how it all happened. Love is a gift from God, not something someone plays with for a while and then leaves…

Love in friendship is a special kind of love; a bond that automatically states, “I have your back and I will stand with you no matter what the cost.” There is a huge difference between having someone’s back and stabbing someone in the back when they are down. Having someone’s back means even if it will cost something desired the friend comes first and not the other way around.

Love pursues, not to prove someone’s “rightness” or “wrongness” but to state “I am sorry” when someone is wronged and to fix it. Sometimes fixing things means going against the current or correcting the action by reversing it. Love understands or tries to understand the other’s point of view and gives it validation even if it is not agreed upon. Love makes things right when actions have created a wrong. Then love lets it all go…

Out of all of the things that remain, the love of God will be there when others pull back and create a breach that hurts in the heart. The heart will heal, but a breach left unsettled will always remain a breach.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie

Your Surroundings Reflect Back to You for a Reason

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The world around us is constantly changing, and it is supposed to. Nature and our creative planet always reflect the condition of humanity. Our problems and issues we face are solvable if we always learn to ask questions to solve them. In the same respect, just as a body of water reflects the sky, our atmosphere shows us the conditions of our life as well. We could say life is always a reflection.

When looking at our worldly existence and surroundings, we intuitively see what requires changing in our hearts. Our lives, our love or lack thereof, actions, words, and thoughts all create the surroundings and lives we live.

Yes, heaven and earth will move at our thoughts, and before we know it, we are surrounded by synchronicities made available to us, reflecting the condition of our heart and soul. A soul reflection is meant to help us learn and make changes when we need to. Our lives are all about evolution, obtaining more wisdom, and finding more love within us to heal.

No individual is an island nor sustainable alone. Our lives are also expansive. We are meant to not only heal ourselves but help lead and heal others from the heart to a soul level. We all need others to step into our lives to heal, reflect, and honor one another. Unfortunately, not all of us have learned this, but sooner or later, we all will. It is our divine and human purpose of learning to evolve into a more loving nature.

We learn through our curiosity and inquisitiveness. We are meant to have the mind of a researcher, always seeking and never stopping. Just as a detective investigates a case, we are meant to analyze our lives, our soul’s condition, and our love’s depth. If there is a need for healing, we are meant to seek out that healing. Healing might come directly from our Creator into our intuitive nature, or healing might come from others who have been attracted into our lives through our life’s conditions. If anyone truly desires to become wise, seek God. If anyone truly wants to become healed within the soul, seek God, and meditate on what surrounds us in life. Situations speak volumes, much more personal than a universal encyclopedia.

Here is some advice. Don’t think you have all of the answers because once you believe this, your heart has become too rigid and prideful to continue to grow and heal. When you have healed, then go and heal others. Stay open, or your closed-off convictions will end up convicting you.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph. D

Do You Know if You Are a Gossip?

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Before I start out, let me give you a little definition of gossip I found in a google search:

“Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. 2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts. 3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.” (google definition)

“1 : a person who repeats stories about other people. 2 : talk or rumors involving the personal lives of other people. gossip. verb. gossiped; gossiping.”(google definition)

 I always thought of myself as a private person. I like to talk about some of my personal experiences when I teach or get to know someone. This is a part of life. No one gets to know another person without an exchange of personal information.

I always considered gossip as intentionally harmful or that the gossiping person has the intent in their heart to cause damage to another. This certainly is many times the case. Gossip can also be about issues that are none of our business concerning another person. Spreading rumors and information about another person can be damaging just by exchanging information.

To some degree, we all have to talk about certain things that involve another person. This is a part of caring, a part of business, or a part of protection for ourselves or others. We can not simply cut ourselves off from the world and never discuss another human being. After all, we are all interwoven. Some things should be addressed if they will save a person from harm or out of genuine concern.

Investigative discussion regarding another might occur when finding the information is vital to our own health, well-being, or safety. I’ve been known to investigate many things about people just out of mere protection or understanding. Not everyone puts their cards out on the table in the beginning. So, I watch. It’s a way of getting to know someone.

Gossip in the tackiest form is just spreading rumors, whether they are true or not. They can be entirely true, and the formal gossip thinks it is their duty to spread the garbage. Unfortunately, they are sadly mistaken. It is no one’s business or duty to spread junk about another person.

We all know how harmful it can be when we have become the subject of someone’s gossip. It happens sooner or later because the practice is so widespread. Since I truly believe we reap what we sow, usually if there is gossip going around, the subject of the gossip usually had been doing the same thing. In the same respect, the one who is now gossiping about them will suffer the same consequences. So before you point a finger, better seek your own heart first! Don’t open your mouth until you thoroughly search your own heart and determine if the information is just being spread or essential to discuss.

What goes around truly comes around and in the same measure, if not more, later on! So it pays to be careful!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Five Ways You Can Remove Coldness from Your Heart

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Have you ever seen such a time in history as we are going through now? We have so much strife in our country. The only place it can begin is in our spiritual walk and then within our hearts. Remember, our mouths speak out of the inner chambers of our hearts. The words and hateful comments coming out of the mouths of people these days are coming from souls that have become bitter and hateful.

There are some ways you can personally overcome and change the coldness that might be residing in your heart.

  1. Ask God to examine your heart. King David in the Bible did this very same act. David asked God to reveal any wicked way within; he wanted a pure and clean heart. David knew his mouth would speak out of the inner working of his heart. Therefore, the world could cloud David’s decisions with hatred or bitterness if he did not cleanse his soul and render it to God’s ways.
  2. Be willing to admit to yourself you have an issue within you and resolve to deal with it. If you can not accept this, then no change can happen. Only through our clear and honest evaluation can you overcome any bitterness that might arise out of your wounds.
  3. Accept that everyone has wounds. That includes you. When you see others know, they might also be acting out of their injuries. It is your responsibility to seek out healing for your wounded heart and soul scars. Once you recognize your inner wounds, it is time to take action. God within you can reveal internal injuries and helps you change your ways.
  4. Seek out to only speak light whenever you can. Speaking from a place of light means talking out of grace and mercy. Talking out of grace and mercy is taking upon yourself the characteristics of God. Remember, this does not negate wisdom. Sometimes we all need to be blunt and to the point. Ask God for knowledge in your heart and speaking, and He will give you wisdom
  5. Confess your wounds and the need for healing. Opening up to someone you trust is paramount to healing whatever it is within you. Becoming open is not a session where you point fingers at others. Your honest thoughts are between you and God’s presence within you alone.

Bringing more love, mercy, grace, and healing into this world starts with you. It has to start somewhere! Tell others what you have decided to do! Telling others will help the domino effect even more. Let the fire begin! We need a revival of good-hearted people arising in our country. A revival means loving those who do not love themselves. If we can’t love them in person because of their hearts’ harshness, then love them in prayer. Lift the spirits of those who are around you by pouring out goodness to them whenever you can. Do this without harming the boundaries of those you love. Remember where those are and stay within those lines!

You can do this! You can begin to change the world right now! Let the change begin within you and then with you! The country will thank you, and the world will thank you!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Do You Lead With Your Heart or Your Head? How Do You Choose?

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Every single day we are all bombarded with decisions. Sometimes we don’t even notice what they are. Our autopilot just kicks in and there we go, making new decisions every moment of every day. Even deeper we are faced with choices and loom up in front of us and then we find ourselves in a place where we need to decide. What you choose might be depending upon what leads you. Or, I should say, what part of you leads you. We all have that inner God part of us, that yearns to lead and then of course there is the rational part of us that always wants to contradict. We know what we might rationally want to choose but our hearts seems to beat to another drum. Ever experience this?

Depending on how you are led, your choices might be very different. Like I said, our hearts and our heads contradict. God choices and ego choices are almost at odds all of the time. So, what do you choose and what guides you? In order to determine what is going on in the choice department I like what I call the meditative or creative pause. This might sound kind of impressive, at least I think it does! Actually, it is just like the moment before creation. There is a pause. Right at the moment before choice we are standing at the doorway of the void. This is where God spoke everything into existence. First there was no form and there was the “void”. It sounds a bit esoteric but the void is simply a place where there is nothing and is just a hiccup before something is created. Before that creation there is a pause, a thought, and a choice.

So, how do you choose? While you are in the void, do you ask yourself what the heart or God decision would be instead of the ego decision? They can be polar opposites and usually are. I wonder how this world would have been created if God would have been filled with ego instead of love-spirit?  I shutter to even think, lol. Thought provoking. I will leave you with your thoughts.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Where is the Love?

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Whitney Houston came out with a new song back in the early 80’s called “The Greatest Love of All”. I needed that song so much. There is no lonelier place to be than in a relationship alone. That was what I had. Every day was empty, hurtful, and alone. I am not one to cheat or find attention elsewhere, so I suffered alone.

What Whitney says in her song is true; children are our future. The way they are guided in the beginning is the way they will guide their lives later. I took care of myself every single day of every part of my life. It made no difference who was there or not there. My life depended on God and myself. It was good training for what was ahead. Or, maybe what unfolded ahead was because of how I was trained; to be independent.

Over the years it started to become very easy to walk away from anyone who left me empty, because I learned to fill myself. I always thought it was because I was weak, or that I have been a runner, leaving behind whatever did not nurture me. Now I have realized it has not been the case at all. It takes a lot of strength to need to nurture one’s self because those around us forgot we are someone who should be cared for. Maybe they got too caught up in themselves? I guess that could be the case.

Regardless to the issue or circumstance, the lesson has always been the same. I had to learn to depend on myself, so that is what I do. I always know when the need arises because the emptiness comes and tells my heart like a deep ache that won’t go away. It means it’s time to take care of myself because no one else can do it for me.

One of the reasons I have always performed marriages is because I get to be a part of the happiest day of a couple’s life. They always have so much love and promise in their eyes. It is the witness of two lives becoming one. I always remind them they are individuals first before they are one in marriage. It’s a reminder that has had to sink deeply into my heart. It still is rooted right where it was from the beginning.

The song says, “Everyone is searching for a hero, everyone needs someone to look up to, I never found anyone to fulfill my need. A lonely place to be, so I learned to depend on me.” My hero was always Jesus, the one who I watched in those black and white movies long ago, whose love never would fail anyone. There is more though. I had to learn that depending on myself and loving myself enough  is one of the greatest things I could ever do in my life. I pledged to never walk in the shadows of anyone else. It sounds strong, and I guess it is, but more than that it has been necessary.

The greatest love of all that Whitney speaks of is the love inside of herself. I can close my eyes and see, feel, and know that inner temple inside. It exists because over a lifetime I have had to build the “temple”. Now it has become my refuge; a place to go when nothing else in life makes any sense. I go there daily and even more profoundly when things hurt the most and life is the hardest or loneliest.

I not only discovered long ago to not walk in someone’s shadow, but that I have a place to run to that is not always physical. It’s a place where God resides and I can go there any time I want. All of the guidance and comfort is there. It is filled with deep self love, admiration, strength, and healing for the heartache along the way. Today, it’s my refuge and my strength. Even when the deepest tears could fill an ocean, it is the greatest place to find peace in the storm. The greatest love of all is God’s inside of me. No need to look for God “wherever”. God is right here, in the depth of my soul and guides me from that place. Love is there when love is nowhere else. Healing is there when healing seems to not come in any other way.

Bottom line, we are not each others healer. We are our own; tears and all. Living life includes overcoming the hard parts as much as it is celebrating the victories. Sometimes the hard parts water a garden deep inside that will someday lead to new blossoms, new decisions, and new growth. Growth is always hard, and often lonely. It’s often a dark time. I’m thankful that God created a universe with a sun that everything revolves around. In the same respect God built one inside of us with a sonship that everything revolves around as well. It is in that “sonship”, or fellowship, I find my peace. Even when the only peace that can be found are tears from heartache. Eventually a garden will grow out of that watering and all will be new again.

Loving you from here,

Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry

Here Is Your Weekly Wisdom!


You know what is right for yourself. 

The words that God speaks are written upon your heart through Holy Spirit. God lives and dwells inside of you. Because of this you know what is right for yourself and what is not. Keep in mind others might not agree what is right for your life. That’s alright. No one has to agree with you, but they should respect your choice for yourself.

You know best what God has written in your love and life story. It is private, personal, and perfected by God. No one can take it from you unless you allow them to. You know what is right for yourself today. Hold onto whatever that is and give thanks. Being diligent and true to yourself, and God, has great rewards!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Here Is Your Weekly Wisdom!


Your heart is never far away from others. 

It can be hard to be far away from our loved ones, either in miles or when they have passed on. Sometimes love almost feels bittersweet. When those moments come, and they will, when those you love are so very far away, just put your hand on your heart and remember they are right there with you. There is no distance or time that can break the bond of love. Your loved ones are always engraved on your heart the same way God is.

The moment you see yourself as separate grief or sadness will flood in. It’s the illusion of separateness that causes most of the pain. Sure, you miss the physical presence of those you love and adore, but the depth of a person and their love is their true existence.

Send love right now to those you miss and adore. Guaranteed they will feel or sense it as it comes their way. Heart to heart and soul to soul, we create a love bridge that Jesus calls…ONE.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

Necessary Heart Surgery

th0UQQ2EAJHave you ever found yourself in a very awkward or difficult situation because of something you said or had done? I think this can happen to all of us. Every single one of us has an issue of the heart that comes from the unregenerate part of us. The heart issue might have come from when we were growing up. It has been said that by the time we are about 6 years old much of our personality has been formed according to our experience and environment. Harshness or dysfunction can cause some tough heart issues that eventually will cause us to find ourselves in not so happy situations in life.

I’ve heard some people as described as having “no filter”, meaning that the issues of their heart just squirts on out their mouths at any given time. Most of the time it is inconvenient, insulting, and irrational. God actually wants us to guard our hearts, to take care of those issues indwelling it, and to renew ourselves.


Psalm 51:10 

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

When the psalmist wrote this prayer to God, we have got to know he was struggling with some things. No one prays for a pure heart without having had experienced some hardness and what that creates in our lives. The scripture couples a pure heart with a steadfast spirit. To be steadfast is to be dedicated and unwavering in that dedication. Meaning, when our heart is pure then we are more dedicated to God, and that dedication begins to drive our lives.

Proverbs 4:23 

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

We are instructed in God’s word to watch over what is going on in our heart area because everything else in life is guided by what is in there. We can be guided into great things or we can destroy everything around us according to our heart condition. We all need heart surgery, meaning that we need to evaluate what is in there and work toward correcting the areas that lead us astray and cause us to not be diligent in our faith and lives.

Luke 6:45 

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

There is no doubt that we can create our lives by what we speak into them. Our mouths and speech have the ability to bless or curse. A person can actually curse their life by the way they talk. Its the truth! If you have a hard time remaining positive, or if you tend to insult people around you with no mind to the chaos you just created, then you have a heart issue. God instructs us to be slow to speak for a reason. Our speech sets forth our lives and the kind of speech we have comes from what is in our hearts.

Is it time for you to get some heart surgery? Take some time to examine your life. Are there things that keep going wrong without stopping? Do you often feel overwhelmed by chaos and issues that keep arising? Try asking God to search your heart and allow Him to reveal any evil ways, or dysfunctional thinking within you. The thoughts that are being created, even unconscious things can be driving your life into the kind you don’t want to have.

I ask the Lord to give you divine revelation concerning your heart. You can try doing all the right things but if you have a heart issue you need surgery for life to be better for you. Give it a try. Its the truth.

Lovingly yours,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

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