Relationship Marketing?

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I love women’s business marketing groups! Elevating women has always been a passion of mine. Of course it is! I am one! I am also a female business owner. Before I moved from California to Texas I not only belonged to a women’s business group but led one for a time as well. These groups are based on relationship marketing, or establishing relationships with one another in order that we all profit from the experience.

The only time when these groups are not a plus is when participants don’t understand the concept of relationship marketing. Or maybe even deeper, the concept of relationship. Let me give you an example of one experience:

During time spent as a member of a women’s business marketing group, I met a young lady who owned a multi-level marketing business I was very familiar with. In fact, it’s a great company. We not only met at the group but she asked me for coffee and even lunch together outside the group. She was a very lovely lady who proudly pulled up in her Mercedes each month as the group met. She thought I had a great business and seemed very interested. We agreed to help one another find business by promoting each other. It appeared I had not only a new business connection but also a new “friend”.

Outside of the group that met monthly, we also met weekly and talked on the phone. Her main aim was for me to use her products, which I did. I loved them anyway! I used to be a part of her same company in years gone by and found great value in the company. I heard a lot about how much she admired me, and she might have. Yet, there was not a whole lot of promoting of my business on her end and a lot of promoting of her on my end. Even though I brought this up several times, things never changed. One day the moment had to come when I had to say, “I’m sorry dear, my services rendered have expired.”

Relationship marketing means to establish a mutual respectful relationship in which both parties, or businesses, thrive from the connection. Honestly, since we are about relationship on this planet, this is the best way to do business and to do life. Just remember that relationship is a mutual exchange and respect for one another. Both sides benefit from the connection, unless one is struggling and compassion causes us to help them out until they stand stronger. This is very admirable, by the way.

I’m writing this to say, “be careful”. Learn from my mistake. If you find yourself in any unequal partnership, whether business or personal, then maybe its time to re-evaluate the connection.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC

http://jeninemarie.com 

 

How To Choose the Right Friends

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Choosing friends might seem very simplistic. We meet someone, we have a rapport with them, and we become friends, right? That is a simple version of how it most likely happens to the majority of people. If God created our universe to attract to us what we are, then more often than not we choose those who are like us, or are like those who have raised us. These are lesson relationships and if we want to survive them it takes figuring out the lesson and then the friendship either grows or ends. Relationship issues can be overcome but it takes two to tango and both need the awareness as to what they are working toward. This is a scenario where a lesson blessing happens and honestly I feel it can be pretty rare.

Hang on just a second because I’m going to quote Oprah! She said, “People show us who they are when we meet them. BELIEVE THEM!” This means that people’s cards are more on the table facing up than we realize, if we are careful and discerning. When something does not feel right or does not settle right then RUN! Trust the intuition that God gave to you! If someone immediately gossips about everyone around, don’t be so nieve to think they will never tell others about YOU! People just don’t gift special character to one person and not others. A gossip is a gossip. If it does not happen when you are friends, it will happen if you tick them off and then you will see!

If someone lets you down ONCE, if they do not have a real good reason, then they will do it over and over again. This type of person disrespects you and your time. BACK AWAY! Now, I know we do want to reflect Godly light into this world and respect all life as much as we humanly can. Yet, this does not mean we need to allow ourselves to be disrespected in the process. People learn how to treat us by what we allow them to do to us. If that same person let you down a few times, then the best thing to do is forgive them and then step back. If you want to really shock them be completely honest as to why you are stepping back. You might teach them a lesson on your way out of their life.

These are some guidelines I like to use when allowing friendships into my life:

  1. There is a cycle of giving and receiving. You are not the only giver and the other is taking from you. If that is happening that person is taking ADVANTAGE of you. Make sure there is a mutual sense of giving in any relationship and it will last a lifetime.
  2. There is a respect for your time, your thoughts and ideas, your individuality, your vocation, your life. Living around someone who disrespects you is just abuse and if you allow it then you are a co-dependent to the abuse. Respect yourself, respect others, and you will attract those who will respect you. Life goes along a lot easier when this happens!
  3. The person listens to you when you need them and you listen to them and have mutual conversation. Someone who dumps on you and then turns away when they are done releasing is NOT a friend! They are using you as a recycling bin and dumping their garbage right into you like you are their waste basket. Good friends are those who SHARE one another’s sorrows, listen to each other, respond with compassion, and love one another as God would have us love.
  4. You share mutual morality and ethics. If you are around someone who is brash, tells nasty jokes, makes fun of the unfortunate, has loose morals, then turn away. If you stay around these those who do not share your values and morals you will eventually find yourself compromising them yourself. In fact, keeping them around is already a compromise. Pray for them, and lovingly let them go.
  5. Choose those who share common interests and speak on your level of understanding. Sometimes we are in others lives to teach them or the other way around, but a mutual friendship needs a mutual bond that can be shared. When there is understanding then misunderstandings are less likely to happen. Also, neither will feel like the other is behaving in a belittling way.
  6. Choose those who foster joy and you can laugh with regularly, even when you feel like crying! The last thing any of us need is someone in our lives who never smiles, can’t laugh, and has no balance of hard issues and light issues. Life is all about balance! Good friends are sad together and laugh with one another. There will always be a feeling of blessing when you are with someone you can trust, be real with, and laugh with.

These are just some wise ideas in order to create good friendship bonds. Another might be sharing the same faith, religious beliefs, and maybe enjoy the same sense of community. Also, I should add, that the people you choose should treat other people in your life with respect, especially family. If they can not respect your family then problems will arise for everyone concerned.

Ask God for wise discernment and for signs as to whether someone is a good choice for you or not. He will help reveal their heart to you if you ask. He is good at that and speaks to you from the inside out; so listen!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

What Happened to Friendship?

cropped-14208503182375381246I can’t think of too many things more precious than a childhood best friend. You know the kind. We stick together no matter what. She is the best friend forever kind of friend and the one we can always count on to be knocking on our door ready for the next days adventure. Nothing is too sacred that it could not be shared, and every plan made had to include this best friend forever.

If we are lucky, we go through quite a few years together; growing, learning, creating playful moments and sharing secrets. This friend knew our first crush, our favorite ice cream flavor and we knew hers. It’s priceless, innocent, and there is no reason to question if she cared if we were hurt or not because she always cared. It’s a child like innocent friendship the way God intended friendships to be. We trusted because there was never a reason given not to trust. It was unspoken that we guarded one another.

They were more simple days back then, you know, childhood. Then we grow up and make things complicated. We experience more rejection, the harshness of he world, and also begin to move forward into what “life expects us to produce”. We are meant to couple, to marry, to have kids, create a home, find a career, finish college, and the list goes on. Sometimes we part. Not because we wanted to but because we had to. Sometimes we remain friends but life makes it more complicated. I’m not sure why it has to be that way but it happens.

Jesus taught us that there is no greater love than to lay ones life down for a friend. He’s a great teacher, isn’t He? I feel like that type of love is becoming more rare though. We are less child like in spirit, more complicated in emotion, and scarred from a world that can be harsh and unforgiving. The “laying down ones life” type of friendship tends to go out the window and can tend to be replaced by a more superficial kind because we just don’t have time for more in our lives. Technology, social media, and so many other things opt into our circumstances and before we know it everything is superficial.

It’s not how God intended it though. He intended friendships to be those that sharpen each other. Iron sharpens iron. We are supposed to lift one another up like those old childhood days when there was no doubt that the other would have our back when things were hard. I wish I could add to Jesus’ teaching and say that there is no greater love than to lay down ones life for a friend; and we are all friends. It can’t be true in this world though. We can’t all be friends. Life has become more innovated but more complicated. Our ease is almost like an illusion that makes me often long for the good old days when a person’s word was their word and a promise was not broken.

At the risk of rambling a bit more, I will get to my point. I’m finding that personal connection with those we call our friends is becoming more and more rare. Maybe its just me. I can’t say. I do know one thing though. I would much rather talk to someone’s voice than to see their fake smiley face on my phone or computer any day of the week.

Just sayin’

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries

The Gift of True Friendship

58227da52ba860fe8510f9be725df51eOne Saturday I was out shopping  with my husband in our new area here in Texas. The store was pretty busy and I was frantically looking for something with baby Jesus on it for our Christmas decorations. All of a sudden I began to notice something. The store was filled with women and most of them were coupled with one friend. There is nothing like a fun friend to shop with, right? I think I could spend hours shopping, then have lunch, and shop some more.

It’s not about the shopping that makes it so great. It’s about the company of a true friend. There is nothing quite like it. Its about the laughter, the tears, the understanding, the sharing, and the caring. Every woman needs that “one friend” that always stands out against the others. You know the one I am talking about. It’s the friend who hears your voice sounding down on the other end of the phone and says, “I’m coming to pick you up and we are going for coffee and anything chocolate!” That one person who “gets you” more than any other ever could. It’s the sisterhood that nothing can sever no matter what is going on in life. She laughs with you and hurts in her heart when life has thrown something nasty at you.

Her love and caring go beyond space and time. She can be far away and you know she would be there in ten seconds if you ever needed her and you would do the same for her. You can tell her your deepest secrets, she knows the faults you carry, and can count all of the victories you have experienced.

You have been there for each other. Bad hair days are not a huge deal, and neither really cares if you put make up on today, or if you look like something the cat drug in because you cried yourself to sleep. You feel one another’s prayers, hold each others heart in yours, and automatically know if the other is not doing well without even being told.

You laugh at the same jokes, have several inside jokes that no one else understands, and can tell one another’s stories because you have listened to them over and over without tiring of them.

The spirit of true friendship is a gift from God. Sisterhood is a love that goes beyond any other type of love. It’s like a warm fuzzy blanket when the world has been much colder than we ever hoped for and like that first cup of coffee that opens our eyes with the new dawn.

If you have a true friend like I just described, you are a fortunate and blessed lady! If you don’t then I pray that for you right now. God bless the gals whose hearts go with us where ever we go!

Proverbs 17:17 

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother/sister/friend is born for a time of adversity.

2 Kings 2:2 

“Elijah said to Elisha, “Stay here; the LORD has sent me to Bethel.” But Elisha said, “As surely as the LORD lives and as you live, I will not leave you.” So THEY went down to Bethel.”

In Love and Friendship,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Keep Your Well Clean: Choosing Empowering People!

I’d like to start of this post by asking you an important question. “How many years do you photo 3 (4)have in this life”? I know it’s an unfair question because obviously none of us really know the answer. We can assume we know but we really don’t. Alright, how about a more fair question? “How much of your time on this earth are you willing to waste”? This is a question answered according to personal choice. Most people would answer “none”. Although, we do waste time sometimes here on earth, don’t we? Since this post is about choosing empowering people in our lives, you can see why I asked that question. I had to set the tone for the importance of this subject. None of us really want to waste any precious moments on energy draining associations. Life is important and your success is important, isn’t it?

This is what the Bible says about giving in to the wrong type of people in life:

Proverbs 25:26The Message (MSG)

26 “A good person who gives in to a bad person
    is a muddied spring, a polluted well”.

Now you know why part of my title is about keeping your well clean. This one is real cut and dry, so I am not sure why we tend to choose to stay around those who are not good for us. Our lives are way too important and our time is way too precious to waste around those who do not empower us but bring us downward.

Here are some examples of empowering people. Maybe you can come up with a few of your own as well. Empowering people are those who:

Want the best for you whether you are doing well or not.

Want the best for you whether you are friends or not.

Will edify you to stay strong in the right things and in the right ways.

Will honor what you pursue and will honor your life lessons.

Will keep your struggles confidential when you need a lift or to be strengthened.

Will honor your faith, beliefs, and pursuits, knowing that your life choices are your own.

Will speak the truth to you even when it is hard to hear because they want the best for you.

Will empower you in relationship with them instead of bring your life downward.

Will celebrate your successes with true joy and admiration.

Will energetically support you and not drain you.

Will honestly and thoughtfully pray for your life and for good things to come for you.

Will not undermine you or the relationship connections that are a part of you by spreading gossip, drama, or create havoc in your life.

If you have people in your life who embody these things, do not let them go! If there are those who fall very short of these things, well, you read the proverb. It is really best to let them go. Of course, people can be redeemed. We forgive them. If they truly have changed then there is no reason not to empower them with your forgiving friendship, but if they have not changed, the only thing to do is let them go.  We should trust people, but I want you to be wise as to whom you do choose to trust. Not everyone in this world is worthy of the trust you give to them. Yes, it is very sad, but it is the truth. Since I want to be an empowering person for you, let me offer you this prayer:

Father God, I will not waste time in my life by allowing those into it who disempower me. I only draw toward me those who will be supportive of an empowered life. I know “if two can not agree they can not walk together”, so therefore, I have only those in my life who agree to be supportive of my life’s choices and who value me as a person. In Jesus’ powerful name and heart. amen!

(Dedicated to those who uplift me, empower me, love me, and want the best for me. Thank you for being respectful of my precious time, breath, and life. )

Empoweringly, (Is that a word? LOL )

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching