I chose the photo above to reflect friendship the way it should be. There are two hands with interlocking fingers. When I look at this example it reminds me of interlocking lives who care about one another, lending a hand when one is needed, desired, or to express love. Friendship, love relationships, and love connections are for the purpose of giving love expression. In my life and in my opinion, our purpose for being in relationships is to give love expression through giving, communication, caring, and mutual exchange of life experiences.
Of course, there are many different types of friendship connections, and the way we define them is completely up to us. Friendships and love connections are as diverse as we are. The main thing is to define any connection with someone early on so it is clear what type of relationship is being created. The main thing to keep in mind is friendships and relationships that should be based on love and mutual caring have a natural cycle of giving and receiving. In other words, the interaction is based on fulfillment in life and love, not the fulfillment of a specific need.
Be wary when you express love and care for someone in a friendship and they push you off as too clingy, needy, or lacking anything they perceive they need. Remember, you are never “too anything”. You are a unique human being who will express yourself in many diverse and different ways. If you happen to connect with someone who seems to appear to want you to fill their specific need or desire it is time to back away. This type of person is most likely a narcissistic personality who will discard you when they are done receiving what they need or want from you. Your true intention of friendship, love, and affection will never be appreciated by this type of person and you will end up empty, feeling used, and often hurt.
In a true friendship, love connection, or any romantic relationship, you will feel a sense of caring from the other in times of trial and difficulty. True love will support you, love you through the hard times, express compassion, and care about your thoughts and feelings. You will also have a strong desire to care for the other person in the same way. This is the cycle of love and care you should look for in any relationship. If that is not present you will know it and feel it. The moment you reach out for support you will be discarded by any individual who never had the true intention to be a good friend or love connection with you. What is worse they will usually judge you when you need support and call you needy, clingy, or too sensitive. Remember, you are never “too” anything. You are you. You are a unique human being who is worthy of love and affection. You are worthy of support during difficult times and will have the true desire to care for others when they need the same. When you are accused of being things you are not, it is usually a reflection of how the other person actually is and they are projecting their personality on you.
Get to know the person you are connecting with. If they feel a sense of “invasion” it is time to back away. If they feel you are prying too much, they have something to hide. If they begin to judge you they are most likely done with you and ready to discard you because someone else has now filled their need. Forgive them and move on!
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, PhD.
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