Guilt by Association?

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Guilt by association has always been a bit confusing to me. At the root of the idea, we are judged by those we hang around. In some situations, I have to agree with this. If like attracts like, then it only makes sense; we embrace the ideas of those with whom we choose to spend our lives. It might even be assumed we embrace the opinions of those we choose to converse with regularly. Since like does attract like we are usually pretty correct in our thinking when associating someone’s ideas with those they continually connect.

Sometimes we are subject to other’s life choices even though we disagree with them. When the guilty flag gets attached to our behind because of the choices of loved ones, their actions, or behavior, life becomes unfair. Whatever a person’s choices are, they can unfairly become our problem when others view them as wrong, but we suffer the consequences.

There can be times when those we love make decisions we can’t possibly agree with, but we love the person just the same. Outsiders might not look at this the same way. They see our continued love as meaning we support all of their ideas and actions. This can be a far cry from the truth. It is entirely possible to love people but not agree with or love their actions. We can even separate our lives from that part of their life or even most of their life. Whatever our personal choice is would be totally up to our discretion.

Being deemed guilty by association is fair when we participate in discretionary deeds or partake of the same ideas. If we are not involved, then the deeds, thoughts, ideas, and choices belong to the one making them. Sometimes it takes a drastic step away not to be associated with another’s actions, and sometimes we leave their lives altogether. It’s a matter of the degree of the issue. If someone’s actions or ideas grossly violate our own ethical, moral standards and boundaries, then a life disconnect might be the only move to make.

Sometimes I speak from experience, and other times I speak from merely the knowledge I have gleaned from. In this case, I speak from experience. I know what it is like to have my life torn apart because of the actions of others. Who can stop the flying judgment arrows when someone close to us makes a very discretionary choice?

I have suffered my degree of humiliation and have even had to lose almost everything I worked hard for because of someone’s actions in my life. I had no control of their actions, and I had no control of other’s responses. Unfortunately, I had no control of my losses either. My experience still hurts to this day. Others’ judging hearts caused so many losses in my life that I left everything in my life behind me. I moved, and I moved on. Moving does not change the events or even the painful part. The hard part is when the judgment comes from those we would expect it should not.

Thank God I have my spiritual support from God. I would not have survived the slow bleeding in my life that went on for years, not months or days, years. There has been a long road, and over 2000 miles traveled toward a way to find healing. I’m still not there yet. The slower the bleed, the longer it takes to heal; apparently.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

You See In Others What YOU Choose to See: A Reflection of Your “Self”

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Truth: Everyone, I mean, EVERYONE has good things about them and not so great things. We all struggle with the SAME condition. It’s called being HUMAN. If this were not true we could all pack up and just go home. Our mission would be done. But, our mission is not done. We are not perfect, and we are not ready for the purity of our spiritual home yet. As much as we would love to always walk in spiritual practice, see with spirit eyes, and love one another the same, it is not complete in us as of yet.

I am stating this truth because I have another point to make here. Since we are all flying on the same worldly aircraft here, we all struggle to get things right in our lives. We make mistakes. We are human beings. The odd thing about how we see people is we see them how we choose to see them. They are actually a reflection of ourselves. So for instance if Suzy is a great cook but horrible at sewing, don’t criticize her for her sewing flaw just because you are great at it. You might be a lousy cook! Do you get my point here?

If you look at someone and ONLY see their flaws it is YOUR flaw that is showing. That is why Jesus advised to take the log out of your own eye before you judge the speck in someone else’s. A person in our lives is a reflection of how or what WE choose to see. The other way around, if there is someone you look at and only see the good things about them, it’s a great thing! You are looking at them with love and positivity. But, be careful with this one too! You can get yourself in one hot mess not being honest about another person’s character.

Here is my advice. Be honest about YOUR character. How are YOU doing? Life in any respect is always a reflection of how you choose to see it and who you are from the inside out. If two people are looking out over a body of water at sunset, one might see the pollution in the water while the other might see the beauty of the sunlight reflecting off the water. One will think its ugly, the other will think its breathtaking! If you only see toxic water and not a glorious sunset with brilliant colors then maybe it’s YOU who needs to adjust your view.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

Moments of Decision’s Past

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Some moments in time are like dividing lines between seasons of learning, maturing, and growing. Think of those moments where your decisions might have been a bit more wise, clear, and spiritually discerning. Mind you, we don’t live in the past, but we should reflect on it in order to learn. Over the last few weeks I have been in a mode where even in my dreams my past decisions have been looming up in front of me. It’s amazing how the thoughts of possible upcoming trials can spin us into moments of evaluation.

It’s good to evaluate. It brings clarity into our lives and sometimes we even see the gift that resides within what we deem as mistakes. Remember, whatever choices you made in the past were the right ones for the moment according to where you were in maturity, understanding, and faith. There is nothing that grows us up faster than what we see as a wrong decision. Putting things in perspective, there is never really a wrong decision. It is just a decision. The label of “wrong” is something we place upon ourselves out of judgement.

Judgement comes from criticism and thinking something is below or beneath us. Observation comes with logic from the mind and spiritual grace with discernment. Remember when evaluating the past or even the present, to do so as “the observer” and not “the judge and jury”. God’s grace is sufficient to cover us in all of our decisions regardless to how we tend to label them, Often we are concerned about others judgment of us, when we are usually the greatest judge of ourselves. After all, others tend to mirror back to us what is within us anyway. Its like looking into a clear still lake when watching others and seeing our reflection.

When bringing up things of the past that you have deemed as “wrong” decisions, remember to:

First be kind to yourself and understand where you were in mentality and growth at the moment.

Make a list of those things you believe you could have done better.

Look at your list with the spirit of observation not judgement.

Rip up the list or shred it and say good-bye to all of the perceived mistakes you have made in life.

Go out into the breezy sunlight and allow the warmth to radiate on your face. Let the breeze remind you that your life has moved on. (Use a fan and close your eyes if there is no breeze)! 

Be grateful for the experience and laugh over the humor in some of the ways things used to be. Be thankful you are in this place of understanding today. God is always good! 

All things must be dealt with in the open and brought into the Light of God in order to deal with them and heal from them. Seeing them as learning experiences will release you from the bondage of being a mistake. Thank yourself and God for the lesson! Remember your shift in understanding is a creative miracle! Allow the emotional part of all of it be healed in the presence of God’s Spirit!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coachng and Ministries LLC 

The Dirty Little Secret

IMG_20170904_140736_219I can’t wait for you to watch this video because I feel deep in my heart that the church and people of God are coming to a place of new understanding. This is to walk in the grace of God and not judgement or pointing fingers. Our position as the Body of Christ is not to judge others but to love them as Christ loves us. The church is a driving force here on earth in order to push back the darkness. She is not to be the darkness but to be the light of Jesus Christ. God bless you in your hearing!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries 

 

Acceptance vs. Judgement

8902765-Two-beautiful-women-having-conversation-drinking-coffee-and-sitting-on-couch-home-Stock-PhotoI remember sitting in a restaurant one afternoon and happened to overhear a conversation going on at the next table. One woman was telling another, “I really don’t care what people think of me, or if they even like me”. She definitely had a tone that carried an attitude with the statement. I smiled to myself at that moment because I knew that I had thought, and even said, the very same thing at one time or another. Usually we say this when there is some sense of lack of acceptance or scorn as to what we do or have done.

Bitterness aside, we tend to lie to ourselves when we make a statement like this. We all know that a basic human need is to be accepted, and it is totally alright to admit we have this as a need in life. Acceptance tends to be blended in with how we feel we are loved and looked upon by others. Our lives were never intended to be lived as an island without those who love, accept, and care for us. In fact to be without the acceptance and love from people we are basically dead or dying from the inside out.

We all like to know that we have value placed upon us by others. We should know we have tremendous value placed upon us and within us by God. We all need a reminder that acceptance is a gift both to receive and to give. We totally cause people to live when we give them unconditional acceptance in life.

The biggest deterrent to acceptance is judgement. (Something none of us are truly qualified to do). We tend to judge quite often, though. It is easy to do when we are filled with so many different opinions, ideas, and beliefs. Sometimes we forget that we can reject an action or belief and still accept the person. I’m inclined to believe this is the high road to take. I know it can be easier said than done.  A person is a being of many facets and an accumulation of many life experiences. Surely there can be one or even two things one can like or accept about most people. This does not mean we keep the door open wide for each individual to share our more personal life. Discernment in whom we completely relate to as friends and loved ones can go a long way. Still, this does not keep us from showing all others that they are accepted for their strengths and things that we aspire to as well. We tend to attract to us those we are most like anyway.

It is easier to accept the lives of others when we examine our own need for the same thing. As the Bible says, we really should “do unto others as we would want done to ourselves”. It is always nice to have someone in life who will counteract the lie when we say we don’t care what others think of us or say about us. We really really do care. Maybe as a gift to our empowerment process as women, and as people, we need to think of someone everyday and tell them how accepted they are and for what reasons. Complimenting a person’s attributes can be a very empowering thing.

Can I give you the challenge right now to accept something you like about someone whom you tend to not think highly of? Take a moment, close your eyes, think of that person. Tell yourself, “Instead of judging this person for what I don’t like about them, I am going to accept the great things that I do like about them”. I’m willing to bet your attitude will change about them. Again, this does not mean you need to let someone into your life who will come in and just wreak havoc. I have had to let people go in my life who do this sort of thing. Life comes with enough drama to invite more. Living in chaos is not worth the ride.

But, acceptance in the heart can go a long way in helping us all be a little kinder to one another and to judge less. Do you agree? In the mean time, pray about that times you say that you really don’t care what others think of you and what that really means. You probably need some sort of healing for a wound, or there can be something you are not accepting about yourself!

Acceptingly Yours,

Rev Jenine Marie Howry

http://jeninemarie.com

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