Do You “One Up”?

Take a look at my title here. It’s a very odd question, right? Even the question begs the question. There is a purpose for it, though. It’s one of my “pet peeves,” if you will humor me. It’s about equality in an interesting way.

When I look at others, I don’t see anyone better than I am or myself as better than anyone else. In my own words, I call this “inner personal equality.” I am unsure if the phrase is a psychology phrase, but it fits what I am talking about.

Alright, here is my peeve. When someone does a “one up” on you, they have the need to somehow discredit your accomplishments by doing the same, only more, or “better.” Sometimes this displays as someone who sees what you have, and they have to get it as well, only more or better. For instance, if you buy a home and are overjoyed to be gifted such a great thing in life, the “one upper” will either brag about their house or, even worse, go out and buy one they feel will outdo yours. The “one upper’s” life is always more grand, more blessed, and more productive. (At least in their own mind.) Putting this in focus, “Who really gives a flying fig if they have something better or have done something they consider better?” Actually, I personally don’t care. I am happy and glad when others prosper. Where my peeve comes in is when they do this ALL THE TIME. And I mean continually. It’s like I could never ever have or do something that can stand out without them doing the “one upper dance.”

Honestly, it sounds like a narcissistic personality trait. Someone can have traits of a narcissist and not actually be diagnosed as one. This is a subject I would like to tackle later. The “one upper” has to be better. The thing is, they choose one person they feel they can get focus on to get away with it. What I personally end up doing is backing away. Why? I back away because it becomes a form of delineation. If they see me doing something successful, they have to brag about how they do it or did it and how successful it was or is. Or they will just mention how they do it to prosper on the tails of my success. Do you see what I mean?

I see a person who does this as someone who probably did not get enough attention at some point in their lives and still needs healing emotionally. Yet, they might never see this reality, and backing away often seems like the only thing to do.

Let’s get back to the question in the title. “Do you one up?” Take a really good, long look at your actions, and before you have the urge to try to make someone smaller than you are, maybe find ways to turn it around and feel great about how they are doing. None of us can make ourselves bigger by smashing another person to try and make them smaller. Right? Either way, we are all the same as the other. Material items don’t make us better. Money does not make us better. Accomplishments, although wonderful, don’t make us better either. What makes us wonderful for others is when we are edifying no matter what. Sometimes we need to see things as they are and give people space to figure themselves out, and that is alright. Sometimes it gets crazy, and we must tell them to knock the heck off. Trust me, it might seem harsh, but in the long run, it is so edifying to just get it all off our chests! Can you relate?

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Life Lessons by Jenine Marie