Avoiding Gossip and Drama

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I kid you not, I have spent a lifetime working at avoiding various types of gossip and drama. Either it has been in the workplace, friendships, or extended family issues. This is putting aside genuine caring for one another. What I am speaking of is needless, painful, discord, that only feeds negativity and hurtfulness toward others. I want to be honest and open here. I have been absolutely HATED because I don’t agree with being involved with drama and discord. Anyone can plainly see, when people are involved in those kind of things, hatred can only spawn from them. It takes me to the point where I struggle to forgive and not to spawn my own hatred from the circumstances.

I don’t like hearing it. I don’t like people trying to draw me into it. I don’t like what it does to relationships that otherwise would be loving and connected ones. I do like discovering things about people, understanding their struggles, and staying in the loop when it comes to others issues. It’s part of being a minister and I also learn from them. Sometimes I am just plain curious. But, that does not mean I desire to take anyone’s “stuff” to the next level and spread it around like peanut butter on a ritz cracker.

Recently I found myself seeking God on issues that should not be happening. I can’t stop them, I can’t control them, and I can’t even come to an understanding about them. The one thing I know I can do is distance myself from the issues. There is something that really baffles me though. Why on earth would anyone want to create such havok in their lives and the lives of others? I am not fond of witnessing greed, manipulation, lies, control, and other madness that should not exist in the lives of those who are supposed to love one another.

I have some clear cut examples of my own where gossip about me has caused whole families of people to absolutely hate my guts. That is the only way I can describe it. The thing is, I never really understood what it was I did to cause it. I really believe that some people just have to generate it to feel alive. It’s almost like when a person cuts themselves because they want to feel something; anything. I believe discord spreaders and drama creators do it because they are addicted to the emotions that the drama creates for them. Otherwise their lives appear to them too boring to be a part of.

I know this is not the usual touchy feely kind of blog post I might usually have but its honest and straightforward. God help us all when I finally learned to have a voice! It created a whole other crop of issues for me. No longer was I someone that others could use as their drama subject and get away with it for long.

So how do we end it or keep it from happening? Well, we can’t’ control others nor their emotional drama high and addictions, so we are helpless to change them. All we can do is turn them over to God, and the Universal powers that be, then just RUN in the other direction! It is alright to not want to be a part of what violates your personal moral standards or beliefs. It is also alright to back away from those who do violate them. Yes, you might get the cold shoulder, a bit of hatred spewed out, or just some gossip spread about you. If you really know yourself and tap into the power of God daily this won’t be an issue for you. I love the saying, “Other people’s thoughts about me are none of my business.” I don’t know who originally said that but I think it is very profound and empowering.

Since we are all ONE in the sight of God through Christ, what is done to others we also do to ourselves. So, keep this one in mind the next time you are tempted to be involved with discord, drama, or gossip. Sometimes they all go hand in hand. The Universal law of reaping what you sow will not bypass you. Stay uninvolved and only hear from a distance with no emotional response. After all, it is the emotional high that drama queens feed on. I believe it is an illness. I truly do. So pray for them, forgive them, and then go on about your own life. You will reap the rewards of staying in integrity when others are taking a spin in the old karmic wheel.

Loving you from here,

Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry

 

The Drama Addict: (Promised Post)

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This is most confusing to me as to how or why anyone would want drama in their lives when it can be avoided. Yet, it is an addiction. Drama addicts love chaos, either self created or borrowed from others. Drama addiction kind of goes along with gossip and it’s horrible to get caught in the wind of those who are addicted to this practice. There is actually an endorphin high that goes on in the brain when a drama addict gets their fix. Most often this person suffers from low self esteem or has the need to be higher than others. So therefore they step on people emotionally to create the illusion that their lives are better than those they step on.

The drama addict will feel the need to create anger out of someone else just to get a fix, or relish in the news that someone is doing poorly. They have to know what goes on in everyone’s life so they can manipulate, spread gossip, or create some sort of chaos out of it in order to satisfy their need. It’s almost a narcissistic personality trait but can be an addiction on its own.

An in-law I had in the past was this sort of person. Every single day was spent sitting around on the phone gossiping about others, or creating some sort of gossip to make someone else feel bad. If she got a reaction, she was in a heavenly illusion. She lived to make others miserable, and that she did most of her life. Its a sad existence but those who are addicted to drama have learned this through family dysfunction and its all they know. It is their “norm”.  I used to think this woman hated my guts and I wondered why. I never thought I gave her a reason to feel that way about me. Then eventually, I realized she did not hate me; I was just an easy target. I’m sensitive, intuitive, and compassionate. (Sensitivity is a good thing in people. We are teachers of compassion in this world). I have all of the things she never could have because they were just boring to her. For a long time I thought of her as an evil seed, but eventually understood her to have drama addiction. This woman felt the need to gossip about me on the phone even while she was on her death bed! I don’t know if I could live in that negativity.

Drama addicts love to make sensitive people cry, be uncomfortable, or get them upset. This feeds the drama need and then can be passed on in the form of gossip. When we think of it, really, its a kind of smear campaign against others who just want to live their lives and not be involved in any of it. They love to reel us in like fish on a hook.

If you know a drama addict, I have this advice for you: 

  1. See them as an unenlightened person who has a dysfunction or sickness. They need our prayers but this does not mean we should be involved with them.
  2. This leads me to #2. RUN, in the other direction! Sometimes prayer is all we can offer for those who have this or any type of addiction. Stay out of their covert clutches.
  3. Don’t buy into their gossip, smear campaign, or strategy, even if they appear to confide in you and you find yourself on their good side. Eventually you will be their target again because they always need one.
  4. Drama addicts have their co-dependents just like any addicts. Stay away from them as well! You will always recognize their co-dependents. Birds of a feather flock together as they say.
  5. Forgive and move on. Stay out of the gossip column. Keep your business to yourself and NEVER confide in the drama addict! You might as well heap coals on your head!

The above is just a bit of advice. I am sure you can come up with your own. If you find yourself stuck in the clutches of a drama addict and want out, please always feel free to call me! 832-484-8306. I can deprogram you from the hurt this dysfunction causes. Don’t pass on the gossip! Talk to someone who will hold your thoughts in confidence.

If you are a drama addict and need healing and release, please also feel free to call and make an appointment. Life can be so free if you let it be!

PS It is a falsehood  that women are the only ones who are drama addicts. Many men are as well. Please be aware of this!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC 

 

“Coming To a Theater Near You”: Do You Have Too Much Drama?

downloadWhen I was in high school I used to come home every day with my friend to find our mothers clinging to the television set. It was time for the latest version of a very popular soap opera. I have to admit that I also got just as hooked on the drama as our mothers were. Pleas for something we perceived we needed were met with “Shhhh, after the show”! I suppose there is something intriguing about the suspense of not knowing what will happen next and having to wait to find out the next day, or even worse, after the weekend.

The drama would consist of anything from some romantic interlude, to someone finding out they had a terminal illness. I’m still not sure if the main draw to those types of programs is the plot themselves or if they just take us out of our own real life drama. Actually when things are hard in life, I don’t mind focusing on something else for awhile, but there are only so many scenarios that can happen to soap opera characters. After awhile it gets kind of old to hear about the same issues over and over again, only with different people. It got to the point where I would wonder, “Whose turn is it for an affair this time”? Then what made the whole thing even more interesting were the conversations about the lives of the characters outside of the program. Its almost like we talked about them as if they were really living around us and we knew them. “Did you hear what happened to Susan the other day”?

Its kind of strange how we can find those situations so interesting when they are portrayed in a dramatic presentation on TV, but they are not quite as fun when they happen to us in real life. How many times have we watched a sitcom and witnessed a couple having a knock down drag out argument and laugh at the comments they make? The irony is if they were our real life issues they sure would not be as funny. (Probably not funny at all).

Real life drama is draining. Take the issues off of the television set and put them in our lives and they become heartache and hardship. Have you ever had that one friend who seems to dramatize everything that happens to her in life? The one who has to reenact every single scene with you over a cup of coffee? Basically the way I look at this is when a person shovels out drama about their lives, they are only gossiping about themselves. The whole thing is really defeating and quite draining. I’m not referring to when we need to discuss life situations with treasured friends. We need to share one another’s lives in a safe and secure environment. I mean when drama becomes so addicting that we can almost hear the suspense music in the background when someone discusses their latest real life screen play. I used to know someone who would tell me her latest life’s dramatic events only to move on to another fellow friend and repeat the whole thing to her as well. Unfortunately it did not even stop there. There is not much that is as defeating or exhausting as reenacting our own soap opera to a real life audience over and over again, accept maybe hearing it. Again, this excludes devoted friendships where our listening ears are more important than any amount of gold on this earth. I personally have been given emotional healing just having good friends hear my heart. I can thank them for my secured sanity.

But when life is taken over by the discussing of dramatic events surrounding us, we miss so much of the things God wants for us. I’m not sure what makes creating drama so interesting. It might be the need for attention of some sort. Unfortunately the type of attention is not the healthy kind. It’s almost like when a child acts out to get a parents discipline for attention. There are a whole lot easier ways to go about getting the things that meet out needs. I think creating drama is right up there in the devils workshop with being idle in life.

If you really want to be empowered, make your life a drama free zone. We are only given so many minutes in every day. Lets make every one of them a quality moment! If this does not seem possible maybe becoming a real actress is your main calling! Otherwise, go for the things in life that make it worth living, like giving to others, being a good friend, helping others feel more secure, or just plain enjoy the wonders of the world we have been gifted with!

Drama free,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching

http://jeninemarie.com

** Photo credit: HealthUsNews.com