Do You Know if You Are a Gossip?

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Before I start out, let me give you a little definition of gossip I found in a google search:

“Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. 2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts. 3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.” (google definition)

“1 : a person who repeats stories about other people. 2 : talk or rumors involving the personal lives of other people. gossip. verb. gossiped; gossiping.”(google definition)

 I always thought of myself as a private person. I like to talk about some of my personal experiences when I teach or get to know someone. This is a part of life. No one gets to know another person without an exchange of personal information.

I always considered gossip as intentionally harmful or that the gossiping person has the intent in their heart to cause damage to another. This certainly is many times the case. Gossip can also be about issues that are none of our business concerning another person. Spreading rumors and information about another person can be damaging just by exchanging information.

To some degree, we all have to talk about certain things that involve another person. This is a part of caring, a part of business, or a part of protection for ourselves or others. We can not simply cut ourselves off from the world and never discuss another human being. After all, we are all interwoven. Some things should be addressed if they will save a person from harm or out of genuine concern.

Investigative discussion regarding another might occur when finding the information is vital to our own health, well-being, or safety. I’ve been known to investigate many things about people just out of mere protection or understanding. Not everyone puts their cards out on the table in the beginning. So, I watch. It’s a way of getting to know someone.

Gossip in the tackiest form is just spreading rumors, whether they are true or not. They can be entirely true, and the formal gossip thinks it is their duty to spread the garbage. Unfortunately, they are sadly mistaken. It is no one’s business or duty to spread junk about another person.

We all know how harmful it can be when we have become the subject of someone’s gossip. It happens sooner or later because the practice is so widespread. Since I truly believe we reap what we sow, usually if there is gossip going around, the subject of the gossip usually had been doing the same thing. In the same respect, the one who is now gossiping about them will suffer the same consequences. So before you point a finger, better seek your own heart first! Don’t open your mouth until you thoroughly search your own heart and determine if the information is just being spread or essential to discuss.

What goes around truly comes around and in the same measure, if not more, later on! So it pays to be careful!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Avoiding Gossip and Drama

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I kid you not, I have spent a lifetime working at avoiding various types of gossip and drama. Either it has been in the workplace, friendships, or extended family issues. This is putting aside genuine caring for one another. What I am speaking of is needless, painful, discord, that only feeds negativity and hurtfulness toward others. I want to be honest and open here. I have been absolutely HATED because I don’t agree with being involved with drama and discord. Anyone can plainly see, when people are involved in those kind of things, hatred can only spawn from them. It takes me to the point where I struggle to forgive and not to spawn my own hatred from the circumstances.

I don’t like hearing it. I don’t like people trying to draw me into it. I don’t like what it does to relationships that otherwise would be loving and connected ones. I do like discovering things about people, understanding their struggles, and staying in the loop when it comes to others issues. It’s part of being a minister and I also learn from them. Sometimes I am just plain curious. But, that does not mean I desire to take anyone’s “stuff” to the next level and spread it around like peanut butter on a ritz cracker.

Recently I found myself seeking God on issues that should not be happening. I can’t stop them, I can’t control them, and I can’t even come to an understanding about them. The one thing I know I can do is distance myself from the issues. There is something that really baffles me though. Why on earth would anyone want to create such havok in their lives and the lives of others? I am not fond of witnessing greed, manipulation, lies, control, and other madness that should not exist in the lives of those who are supposed to love one another.

I have some clear cut examples of my own where gossip about me has caused whole families of people to absolutely hate my guts. That is the only way I can describe it. The thing is, I never really understood what it was I did to cause it. I really believe that some people just have to generate it to feel alive. It’s almost like when a person cuts themselves because they want to feel something; anything. I believe discord spreaders and drama creators do it because they are addicted to the emotions that the drama creates for them. Otherwise their lives appear to them too boring to be a part of.

I know this is not the usual touchy feely kind of blog post I might usually have but its honest and straightforward. God help us all when I finally learned to have a voice! It created a whole other crop of issues for me. No longer was I someone that others could use as their drama subject and get away with it for long.

So how do we end it or keep it from happening? Well, we can’t’ control others nor their emotional drama high and addictions, so we are helpless to change them. All we can do is turn them over to God, and the Universal powers that be, then just RUN in the other direction! It is alright to not want to be a part of what violates your personal moral standards or beliefs. It is also alright to back away from those who do violate them. Yes, you might get the cold shoulder, a bit of hatred spewed out, or just some gossip spread about you. If you really know yourself and tap into the power of God daily this won’t be an issue for you. I love the saying, “Other people’s thoughts about me are none of my business.” I don’t know who originally said that but I think it is very profound and empowering.

Since we are all ONE in the sight of God through Christ, what is done to others we also do to ourselves. So, keep this one in mind the next time you are tempted to be involved with discord, drama, or gossip. Sometimes they all go hand in hand. The Universal law of reaping what you sow will not bypass you. Stay uninvolved and only hear from a distance with no emotional response. After all, it is the emotional high that drama queens feed on. I believe it is an illness. I truly do. So pray for them, forgive them, and then go on about your own life. You will reap the rewards of staying in integrity when others are taking a spin in the old karmic wheel.

Loving you from here,

Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry

 

The Drama Addict: (Promised Post)

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This is most confusing to me as to how or why anyone would want drama in their lives when it can be avoided. Yet, it is an addiction. Drama addicts love chaos, either self created or borrowed from others. Drama addiction kind of goes along with gossip and it’s horrible to get caught in the wind of those who are addicted to this practice. There is actually an endorphin high that goes on in the brain when a drama addict gets their fix. Most often this person suffers from low self esteem or has the need to be higher than others. So therefore they step on people emotionally to create the illusion that their lives are better than those they step on.

The drama addict will feel the need to create anger out of someone else just to get a fix, or relish in the news that someone is doing poorly. They have to know what goes on in everyone’s life so they can manipulate, spread gossip, or create some sort of chaos out of it in order to satisfy their need. It’s almost a narcissistic personality trait but can be an addiction on its own.

An in-law I had in the past was this sort of person. Every single day was spent sitting around on the phone gossiping about others, or creating some sort of gossip to make someone else feel bad. If she got a reaction, she was in a heavenly illusion. She lived to make others miserable, and that she did most of her life. Its a sad existence but those who are addicted to drama have learned this through family dysfunction and its all they know. It is their “norm”.  I used to think this woman hated my guts and I wondered why. I never thought I gave her a reason to feel that way about me. Then eventually, I realized she did not hate me; I was just an easy target. I’m sensitive, intuitive, and compassionate. (Sensitivity is a good thing in people. We are teachers of compassion in this world). I have all of the things she never could have because they were just boring to her. For a long time I thought of her as an evil seed, but eventually understood her to have drama addiction. This woman felt the need to gossip about me on the phone even while she was on her death bed! I don’t know if I could live in that negativity.

Drama addicts love to make sensitive people cry, be uncomfortable, or get them upset. This feeds the drama need and then can be passed on in the form of gossip. When we think of it, really, its a kind of smear campaign against others who just want to live their lives and not be involved in any of it. They love to reel us in like fish on a hook.

If you know a drama addict, I have this advice for you: 

  1. See them as an unenlightened person who has a dysfunction or sickness. They need our prayers but this does not mean we should be involved with them.
  2. This leads me to #2. RUN, in the other direction! Sometimes prayer is all we can offer for those who have this or any type of addiction. Stay out of their covert clutches.
  3. Don’t buy into their gossip, smear campaign, or strategy, even if they appear to confide in you and you find yourself on their good side. Eventually you will be their target again because they always need one.
  4. Drama addicts have their co-dependents just like any addicts. Stay away from them as well! You will always recognize their co-dependents. Birds of a feather flock together as they say.
  5. Forgive and move on. Stay out of the gossip column. Keep your business to yourself and NEVER confide in the drama addict! You might as well heap coals on your head!

The above is just a bit of advice. I am sure you can come up with your own. If you find yourself stuck in the clutches of a drama addict and want out, please always feel free to call me! 832-484-8306. I can deprogram you from the hurt this dysfunction causes. Don’t pass on the gossip! Talk to someone who will hold your thoughts in confidence.

If you are a drama addict and need healing and release, please also feel free to call and make an appointment. Life can be so free if you let it be!

PS It is a falsehood  that women are the only ones who are drama addicts. Many men are as well. Please be aware of this!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC 

 

Do You Hang with a Telephone Gossip, or Dirty Talker?

road-people-street-smartphone.jpgIt is so true that we become like the people we hang around with or talk to. I have watched people transform in the wrong directions just talking to new people who bring out the worst in them instead of the best. This is absolute truth. If the words of your friends, connections, and others, are not edifying, you will become just like them. Ditch them!

Seriously! What you put out there is what you manifest in your life. What you listen to and engage in regarding conversation is what will also guide your life. Marriages are broken, families are separated, reputations are lost, and lifestyles go down the drain through bad connections.

Remember God’s words about hanging out with a gossip. DON’T DO IT! Everything they say to you and everything you say to them will become like a radio broadcast. Before you know it you have no idea why others start to avoid you. You stop getting promotions, people won’t like you, and you will wonder why. Watch your words. If they are changing and you are becoming more bold with things that are less than pure, you are talking to the WRONG people in your life.

You will then watch God and His created Universe only support and send dirty things into your life that will keep you from His best. Do you want this? Here is a suggestion.

Make a list of all of those you connect with on a regular basis and think about how interacting with them affects your life. Do they bring blessing or do they bring division between you and God’s blessings? If you listen and talk with a dirty talker then you will be pegged as one as well. Not only that, you will BECOME one.

Look toward those who have good hearts and pure minds. They are those who will be supportive when things are hard. There are a lot of good people and good choices to make out there. Make the good ones and watch your life be blessed and cared for!

**Talk to someone you can trust and will hold your confidence. These are those who you can let everything hang out and they are accepting, non judgmental, and support you no matter what. Stick with friends who will compassionately listen, laugh with you, and hope the best for you no matter what you have to share with them.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC