A cancer diagnosis can feel like a seismic shift in one’s life, often triggering a profound sense of grief. This emotional turmoil might not just be about facing illness, but also about grieving the life that once was — the plans, dreams, and normalcy that suddenly feel out of reach. Just as with any significant loss, individuals may begin to cycle through various stages of grief, which, as identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, typically include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each stage can manifest uniquely, depending on the individual’s circumstances and support systems.
The initial response to a cancer diagnosis often includes denial, where one may struggle to accept the reality of their situation. This can be an emotional armor, a protective layer that cushions the shock. Family members and friends may mirror this denial, often reluctant to confront the harsh truths about illness and mortality, leading to a disconnect in understanding the patient’s emotional landscape. Navigating these interactions is crucial, as doing so with open communication can help dismantle barriers erected by such denial.
Anger frequently emerges as a valid, human response to the feeling of unfairness that accompanies a cancer diagnosis. This anger may be directed towards oneself, the illness, or even loved ones. Family and friends may inadvertently complicate this process by trying to “fix” the situation or providing unsolicited advice. Instead of speaking to the pain and anger the patient is feeling, many may default to platitudes. Encouraging healthy expression of anger — whether through conversation, writing, or engaging in physical activity — can provide a constructive outlet, rather than allowing it to fester in silence.
Bargaining is another emotional phase that those diagnosed with cancer may encounter. The desire to negotiate with fate — perhaps by clinging to alternative treatments or faith-based solutions — can lead to further emotional turmoil. Friends and loved ones often mean well, yet their suggestions can unintentionally impede personal grieving. It’s important for those close to the individual to listen more than they speak, allowing the person to vent their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or interruption.
As depression settles in, the individual grapples with overwhelming feelings of sadness and despair. This stage can be particularly isolating, as individuals may feel overwhelmed by their circumstances to the point where they withdraw from social connections. It is vital for friends and family members to remain present without pushing the individual to engage before they are ready. Providing a safe space, even in silence, can often be more supportive than any words can offer during this challenging time.
The final phase, acceptance, does not mean the end of grief but rather a shifting perspective. It allows individuals to integrate their experiences into their identity while learning to navigate life with the new “normal.” At this stage, open conversations about the illness and shared experiences can foster deeper connections with loved ones. Engaging in support groups where sharing experiences with others can normalize feelings and provide solidarity can significantly aid in arriving at acceptance.
During this entire process, family and friends should educate themselves about cancer and its emotional toll on patients. This knowledge can offer insights into what the individual is experiencing, fostering empathy and understanding. Encouraging open dialogue about feelings can help alleviate some of the emotional burdens and create a space where it’s acceptable for both the patient and their loved ones to express their emotions, concerns, and hopes.
It’s essential for those grieving the loss of their former selves due to a cancer diagnosis to practice self-care. This can include simple acts like journaling emotions, engaging in creative outlets, or taking time for meditation and mindfulness. Professional therapy can also be beneficial, providing individuals the tools they need to work through their grief with guidance. Encouraging loved ones to be there without judgment allows the individual to grieve authentically.
Finally, engaging in activities that symbolize hope or healing can act as a powerful tool in coping with grief. Whether it’s planting a garden, lighting a candle, or creating art, these acts can signify a commitment to moving forward despite adversity. Creating rituals with family and friends can foster a sense of community and support while honoring the individual’s unique journey through grief.
NOTE FROM JENINE MARIE :
** During the beginning of 2025, I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. This does not mean cancer began right at the moment. Chances are more likely I’ve dealt with cancer long before it appeared. During the silence, the transition, the continual treatment, investigation of my status medically, I have barely recognized my life, my body, my face, my dreams. In an effort to keep my dreams alive, I seek to educate others on how to deal with someone who is facing what is life-altering and life-changing. Sometimes, unfortunately for some, it is life-taking. Be kind.
For further reading and support on navigating grief and coping with a cancer diagnosis, consider the following sources:
- Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. New York: Scribner.
- Neimeyer, R. A. (2016). Techniques of Grief Therapy: Assessment and Intervention. New York: Routledge.
- Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy. New York: Springer Publishing Company.
- Hay, D. (2020). Radical Hope: A Teaching Memoir. New York: HarperOne.
Life Lessons by Jenine Marie 