Unpack the Inner Baggage

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Everyone, I mean everyone, has emotional baggage from something somewhere. We are born into this world with innocence, and on the way, we absorb what comes from our families, society, friends, and circumstances we find ourselves in. Some things might be beyond our control, and others we brought on ourselves. We tend to live and act out of the junk the accumulates inside of us.

The first thing we all tend to do is blame. Humans are so good at the blame game. “My ex-wife/husband treated me poorly,” “My parents were not good parents,” “I was abused and raped as a teen.” Whereas these things are traumatic and can be quite horrible, we don’t need to live in a reflection of them.

One of the other things we tend to do besides blame is numb the feelings that spawn out of the issues. We become addicted to substances, material things, bad relationships, food, individual behaviors, hiding our emotions, and put ourselves down.

Life does not have to be this way. Our primary responsibility to ourselves is to excavate past the junk we pick up along the way, deal with it, throw it out, and find the true essence of who we really are.

Our divine nature is one of love and light. We were created to shine out of those elements. The other sludge we pick up along the way only serves to dim the brilliance of who we really are. The spark of fire we carry comes from all of the elements we find around us. Our bodies function and are made of air, water, and elemental nutrients that are also found in the earth.

The soul body carries the spark of our Creator. We are love, laughter, joy, patience, kindness, strength, and creativity. From within each of us is the capacity to manifest greatness. We carry within us the temple of God. All together, we create an image of the divine. True divinity is humble in nature, never puffed up nor prideful. We are creators in our own right and should be created out of the foundation God made us from.

Our responsibility to ourselves and others is to clear the clutter, unpack the baggage, and shine the way we are meant to shine! Nothing is stopping any one of us, accept ourselves. We get in our manner. Humans tend to love and protect the wrong things. We think we have to hide our insecurities, our hurts, and our soul scars. So we watch them instead of releasing them.

Under all of the clutter, all of us are free. We think and even believe our freedom comes from the outside and the conditions we live in. Not so. Our freedom comes from unpacking the baggage we have locked inside of us for so long, and becoming the true nature of who God created us to be. Together, with God and each other, we rise!

Most of society just does not get this yet. So we see people living in a constant state of trying to shift the outside of themselves. The human race is not going to evolve out of the bitterness, disharmony, agenda pushing, and blaming, everyone seems to be accustomed to. We rise from beginning with ourselves.

Today, do yourself the most outstanding service you could ever do. Unpack the baggage and choose to live from the light of our Creator, live from the inside out. Be the peace you want to see in this world, and suddenly you will see peace everywhere you go! We are who we believe ourselves to be. What if every person decided to unpack their baggage, stop blaming, and started shining?

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries, LLC

Racial Tension Back in the Days of Integration in Schools: My Own Experience

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A person would have to be hiding in a cocoon to not see the racial issues that have been going on in our world today. Some things are hard to watch, others endearing, and some inspiring. As I think about racial events taking place in our country, I am reminded of a saying coined by an old black slave preacher as told by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “Lord, we ain’t what we oughta be. We ain’t what we want to be. We ain’t what we gonna be. But, thank God, we ain’t what we was.” Dr King was almost magical in how he passionately spoke.

My story from back in the 70’s during school integration and busing is a bit different than the ones we hear and see on television today. I really was not sure I wanted to write about it, but how could I not? In the early 1970’s I was in Junior High School. Some call it “Middle School”. For the most part my memories are good ones. School integration and busing children back and forth, on the other hand, was not an easy issue in those days. The idea was to place black children in primarily white schools and the other way around. The concept was a good one. I know the intention was to promote equality in education and experience.

In my area, Oakland, California, it was often an angry situation on both ends, white and black. I believe children are socially taught ether by society or parents. Children are not born with a sense of prejudice. It is a learned behavior. During the integration days the parents were ticked off, outraged and down right nasty about it all. Not everyone agreed that integration was a good idea. Since the parents were so angry, the kids were as well. According to my experience, what we had was a whole load of angry black teens getting off buses met with a lot of angry white teens who felt they were invaded. A mess is what we had. That leads me to my personal experience.

Let me give you some background. I was a shy little girl who evolved into a shy teen with light blonde hair and obviously white. I had my small group of friends and that was the extent of my social interaction. I was not really even allowed to date at the ages of 14 and 15 but that did not mean I did not try! In fact, a lot of black boys were very attracted to me, and probably more outgoing than most of the white teen boys I went to school with. The problem with that was it made the black girls extremely angry at me. So, what usually occurred is a lot of prejudice and anger slung in my face; and I mean right in my face. There was one girl who made it her personal goal to say something racially angry at me every single school day of my life. It usually consisted of “There she is, that pretty little white girl with her nails, and make up and cute little self thinking she is all that”. It was followed by angry looks, sneers, threats of violence, and some comments by her group of friends that all seemed to back her up whatever she did. If a teacher saw it they usually just told her to get to class.

I never said a thing to her. In fact, usually my friends would just ask her to knock it off, mentioning I never did anything to her, or any of them. I only went into my locker, exchanged my books, got to class, dressed for gym, tried my best, and kept myself quiet. I was not afraid, but I felt very very hurt. I never let it show but when I was at home in my bed at night I cried constantly. I could not stand the thought of facing it one more day, but I did. I faced it for two years of my life, all the way to graduation from Junior High.

Then we came to the day where yearbooks came out and we were all anxious to get that week over so summer can start. After summer a whole new world of High School was in front of us. I was walking down the hall with my friends as usual only this time I was carrying my new yearbook. Of course, here they came, my little group of mean girls  and their ring leader. The meanest one looked at my yearbook and asked if she could sign it. I think my friends mouths must have dropped to the floor. I had no idea because I never turned my back unless I had a destination. Onlookers were probably even more astounded because I handed it to her and said yes. She did sign it. Before I could read it one of her friends asked to sign it to. I agreed. She read what the other wrote and immediately turned to her and said, “We are all graduating. Now why do you want to go and say something like that in her yearbook?” I just stood there while the other girl began to write in my book. Her name was Pam. I will never forget it. You see, she used to say mean things to me as well, but I never returned a sound to her. I expected to read things I really did not want to read from either of them. Yet, when I went off to get my ride on the bus I read them both. The first mouthy girl wrote something mean and hurtful, but not Pam. Pam wrote the most kind expression of good will to me that I had heard or even read since the whole school issue began. I really don’t remember the name of the other girl or her other group of  friends. It was a long time ago.

You see, we might not remember names but we certainly remember actions; especially ones that hurt us. We also remember the actions of those who are the most kind. Sometimes we remember their names too. Pam had written, “it was great going to school with me and she wished the best for me in my future”, then she walked off. I went my own way as well.

During those angry days of integration, I don’t think any of us younger people really knew why anyone was so angry to be mixed together. As for me; all I wanted to do was to be kind to everyone and have them all get along. I remember wondering why it was so hard. You see, I really did not mind having diverse people bused into the same school. I just did not want the heartache. Here it is 2020 and I still remember those days like they were yesterday. I refused to have anger or hatred for anyone because of their ethnicity. I certainly don’t want to come off like I was some sort of saint. I know I have never been that. Honestly I did not know what to say because it felt like it would not matter. Then there were the angry faces all bigger than me and more intimidating.

I will say this though, “Wherever you are Pam, I love you. You healed my heart that day”. Writing this is not about blame. I’m a little more bold now, as you might tell. I guess writing this is to say that racial issues and prejudice go both ways. The hurt is the same because we are all people. I wonder why we have such a hard time seeing when one person is affected, we are all affected. I suppose had I provoked some of it, I would feel I should be sorry, but I didn’t. I was judged by the color of my skin and my obvious light blonde hair. I was not someone of extreme privilege at that time. I came from a broken home. I was broken at home and broken at school.

I’m crying now. I’m sorry our country is struggling so much with this and has for so long. I am an empath; I feel literally everything. I’m sorry people judge one another by the color of their skin. I’m sorry slavery happened. I’m sorry we never seemed to understand. I don’t want to generalize but I will say that there are more of us who just want peace than those who don’t. There are more of us who pray for understanding than those who don’t. There are more of us who just want what is right than those who don’t. We just need to be more like Pam and be peace makers and heal. It takes way too much more energy to hate than it does to heal.

Loving you all from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Citation: King, Martin Luther, (2014). “A Promise Unfulfilled: 1962 MLK Speech Recording is Discovered”. https://www.npr.org/2014/01/20/264226759/a-promise-unfulfilled-1962-mlk-speech-recording-is-discovered


I Could Easily Be Sick to My Stomach (Read Anyway, It Gets Better!)

bh7gmftkI woke up today in the same way I usually wake up. I stumbled into the kitchen to get my coffee, fed the cats, and said good morning to my hubby. It’s a beautiful day today so I slid open a few windows to hear the birds and take in the wonderful spring like air! Wow, that really is nice! Then I like to check my messages and see what is happening in the world. I need to know these things because I live here! You know…in the world.

I sipped my coffee and just got caught up on some friends updates, some emails, and even a few prayer requests. I had not prayed yet this morning because I like to see what is going on first before I do that. It’s a good practice. We can’t address what we don’t know about and everything is pretty important when it comes to our lives.

Then it happened. As I got caught up, I suddenly felt like I wanted to PUKE! Yep, I just said that! I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. It only took me about 30 minutes to get  to that place, where I wanted to puke. I’m not fond of that feeling but I am sure God is not fond of it either when it happens to Him. Oh yes! It DOES happen to Him too!  You think not? Check out Revelation 3:16 where God tells the church that they are neither hot nor cold so He will SPIT THEM OUT OF HIS MOUTH! The love just was not there in the church, ya know? God just wasn’t feelin’ it.

Ok So Here Is My Rant ! 

In all honesty I really don’t want to hear about what Pastor people feel is apostate or not. I’m not in the mood for dishonoring our country by calling our President “Hitler”. I could care less what bathroom people feel they need to use. I mean really, when a person has to go, just go! When I really need the bathroom, I use what is available because its a natural thing, its going to happen regardless to where I plant my body! Yep, I do care a lot about gender and race issues. I mean, I would love to have people get along and go a bit deeper than what is on the outside, but that is not going to happen just because I want it to. Let’s face it, people will think what they think and believe what they believe. I don’t give a rats potato about having an argument about any of that!

Yep, it all kind of made me want to vomit this morning. Just like God feels when the church’s love is neither hot nor cold. This is not a reflection on the church. It’s just a point I am making here. Let me tell you what I DO care about and let’s see if this makes any sense at all.

I care about if people are hungry and if there is a good shelter for them to get out of the heat or cold. I care if people need love, because if that is true, I will give them some! If someone is struggling with addictions I want to pray that right out of them because that stuff is just messy and it hurts them and everyone around them. If someone needs a hug, I am right there! I WILL hug you and I don’t care what bathroom you need to use! If something is bothering someone, like if their marriage is a struggle today, I want to LISTEN to their issue. I might not have an answer. I might just have some suggestions. I do know what is really needed the most is to have someone listen. We all need someone who will listen. I care about loving not hating. I care about faith and not having people feel lonely.

Yes, I have my rants and sometimes I am not happy with political decisions. In all honesty, anyone’s opinion about whether Trump builds a wall or not is not going to heal a broken heart when someone gets dumped by someone they truly love. The wall will go up or maybe it won’t, but a broken heart needs love, faith, prayer, and kindness in order to reconstruct it. This is the greatest part; AND JESUS ALREADY PAID FOR THE HEALING! We don’t need Mexico or anyone else to pay for it! JESUS did that for FREE! 

So you see, although I have my opinions about a lot of stuff, I really would much rather be a part of what this world needs more than anything else, and that is God’s love. It’s so much more constructive! I can’t tell anyone to think the same as I do. I can’t persuade someone to even believe as I believe. Heck, I can’t even make anyone like me when they don’t! Truth is, whether ya like me or not, my focus has to be what the world truly needs.

I pray a baptism of love, compassion, listening, honoring, warmth, shelter, food, wisdom, faith, and Holy Spirit, upon this land and world today. I pray that especially upon the lives of those who need it. I pray deliverance to whatever people are captive to, and I do this all in the name above any other name, JESUS! Regardless to who is at the helm of our country’s ship, or who is called Pastor, JESUS IS KING!

Loving you all right from here,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765 for prayer