My Angel Christina Marie

Christina Marie 2/9/83 to 8/12/21

There was nothing about August 12th or the week before it that was usual. Life was turning upside down before my eyes, and there was nothing I could do about it. My daughter was in the ICU in critical condition, and I could not be there to comfort her or even see her. The hospital banned all visitors the day before I arrived. Keeping the faith is most challenging when tested the most, especially when the issue surrounds someone we dearly love.

My sweet Christina was leaving her body as I was on the phone talking to her nurse. Her heart was beating its last beats. Her lungs were taking their last breaths. She was saying “good-bye,” and there was nothing I could do to stop her departure.

My memories of her 38 years are beautiful and challenging, as many mothers have regarding their children. No matter what, nothing she could ever do would take away the way I always saw her. She was strong, willful, sassy, stubborn, loving, and very generous. I guess we call that a mixed bag. It’s something we all have; the good things and not too good.

She did some wrong things, but she also did some very right things as well. Her heart was always in the right place. It’s just her heart gave out way too much of herself. Maybe it was tired. Perhaps she was tired. Maybe it was just time to leave this earth. Who could ever know for sure? All I know is that no effort could be made to keep her from moving on.

All I can do now is hope the best for her in her new spiritual life, wherever that might be and whatever that looks like. I wish she were here in person to hug just one more time, but a spiritual hug will have to be enough. I feel the same way I did when my son Jayson parted this earth. The last time I saw her, if I had known it was my last; I would have hugged her for a lifetime. Since there is no separation between time and space for love, I know she is still here. She lives on with all of us who knew her, loved her, and appreciated her crazy sense of humor. We will laugh when we think of those moments and sometimes cry because we long for more.

We will remember her smile when the sun shines brightly. We will not forget she lit up the room when she walked in and smiled. I know I will feel her in the rain, in the warmth of summer breezes, and the cool winter frost in the morning. She is my baby, my daughter, my friend, and my gift. Nothing could ever keep her love from me or mine from her. Now she is a part of God, the God Spirit that lives within all of us. I determine to allow her to shine through me every time her memory comes to me and to let God shine through me every time I remind myself that we all belong to God first and not to other people.

Loving her from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Unpack the Inner Baggage

Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

Everyone, I mean everyone, has emotional baggage from something somewhere. We are born into this world with innocence, and on the way, we absorb what comes from our families, society, friends, and circumstances we find ourselves in. Some things might be beyond our control, and others we brought on ourselves. We tend to live and act out of the junk the accumulates inside of us.

The first thing we all tend to do is blame. Humans are so good at the blame game. “My ex-wife/husband treated me poorly,” “My parents were not good parents,” “I was abused and raped as a teen.” Whereas these things are traumatic and can be quite horrible, we don’t need to live in a reflection of them.

One of the other things we tend to do besides blame is numb the feelings that spawn out of the issues. We become addicted to substances, material things, bad relationships, food, individual behaviors, hiding our emotions, and put ourselves down.

Life does not have to be this way. Our primary responsibility to ourselves is to excavate past the junk we pick up along the way, deal with it, throw it out, and find the true essence of who we really are.

Our divine nature is one of love and light. We were created to shine out of those elements. The other sludge we pick up along the way only serves to dim the brilliance of who we really are. The spark of fire we carry comes from all of the elements we find around us. Our bodies function and are made of air, water, and elemental nutrients that are also found in the earth.

The soul body carries the spark of our Creator. We are love, laughter, joy, patience, kindness, strength, and creativity. From within each of us is the capacity to manifest greatness. We carry within us the temple of God. All together, we create an image of the divine. True divinity is humble in nature, never puffed up nor prideful. We are creators in our own right and should be created out of the foundation God made us from.

Our responsibility to ourselves and others is to clear the clutter, unpack the baggage, and shine the way we are meant to shine! Nothing is stopping any one of us, accept ourselves. We get in our manner. Humans tend to love and protect the wrong things. We think we have to hide our insecurities, our hurts, and our soul scars. So we watch them instead of releasing them.

Under all of the clutter, all of us are free. We think and even believe our freedom comes from the outside and the conditions we live in. Not so. Our freedom comes from unpacking the baggage we have locked inside of us for so long, and becoming the true nature of who God created us to be. Together, with God and each other, we rise!

Most of society just does not get this yet. So we see people living in a constant state of trying to shift the outside of themselves. The human race is not going to evolve out of the bitterness, disharmony, agenda pushing, and blaming, everyone seems to be accustomed to. We rise from beginning with ourselves.

Today, do yourself the most outstanding service you could ever do. Unpack the baggage and choose to live from the light of our Creator, live from the inside out. Be the peace you want to see in this world, and suddenly you will see peace everywhere you go! We are who we believe ourselves to be. What if every person decided to unpack their baggage, stop blaming, and started shining?

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries, LLC