There is no doubt about it, grieving the loss of someone we love is very HARD, especially if the person was very close to your heart. I’m writing this blog post not to expose my grief or my losses, I have done that already, but to give a little bit of an inside look during the grieving process and what that might look like while moving on in life. Maybe I will add some sage advice. Grief comes in many different forms so it is not always the passing of a person we grieve. Sometimes it is a place, a move, a relationship breakup, or any type of change whether a good one or not so good.
Just a quick recap on my own experience here in case you don’t know. I’ve lost two of my five children. I have moved about 35 times in my lifetime so far. One move was out of my home state to a new one and away from my family. I’ve been divorced. I’ve lost animals I love both to relationship separation and their passing. I’ve dealt with skin cancer and a full hysterectomy due to life-threatening bleeding. I’ve lost financial gains I thought I could depend upon and jobs I held aside from my business and I lost a business I loved. I’ve lost homes, friends, dating relationships I thought would work out, and sometimes my dignity when others spoke poorly of me when they did not understand. These are a few things you might identify with as possible sources of grief in life.
The point of the matter here is that grief comes in many forms and absolutely NO ONE has the right to tell you how to grieve, define your grief, or even speak about it. Even if someone had the same experiences as you have they still don’t know or understand how YOU PERSONALLY FEEL! Your grief is uniquely yours and no one can deal with it for you. My personal friend, Jesus, was prophesied as “ a man of sorrows, one who is acquainted with grief.” I have always found it comforting to know someone of such high value truly can be there for me and will understand. As for other people, please don’t expect them to come close to understanding. They won’t.
You might feel tired, misunderstood, unloved, alone, sad, depressed, sick, lost, depressed, angry, hurt, heartbroken, confused, and empty. These are only some of the adjectives I could think of to give to you. They are by far not all of them.
The light at the end of the tunnel is it does not last forever. One day you might lie down to sleep and think, “This was a good day.” Cherish that feeling and thought! You will have more of them as you are grateful for those happy moments. One day your heart will open up and you will laugh out loud. When that happens, be grateful you will draw more laughter to your life. You might realize your life has changed forever and that is not necessarily a totally bad thing. You will have good days and not so good but the days will open up as your heart does. One day you might realize the life you build no longer serves you and it’s time to move on. It’s completely alright, take one step at a time.
While coming through the grief process watch for new people to arrive in your life. They are gifts from God. Adore them! Your heart might not open right away, but it will if you keep gratitude at the forefront of your process. Even be grateful for your tears, they water the inner ground of your soul and you will grow a new garden in your life as you arise from the ashes. Most of all love yourself. Life will move on and love is the greatest healer ever. If there are those around you who do not offer love then they are not meant for you now. They will never understand.
Wish and hope for the best for yourself and others. Don’t take criticism but navigate the waters by realizing life has changed regardless of the reason why. Also, don’t beat yourself up because others just don’t seem to get it. This is YOUR life and YOUR heart you are caring for. One day they might understand but don’t wait for it because life is too precious to waste one single day of it.
A day, or many days in bed is not a mortal sin. It’s ok to nourish your heart and soul as you heal. Just keep in mind the goal is to arise again just as Jesus did! The dishes will wait, and the dust will still be there later. Care for your surroundings as you can but get help if you need it. Order groceries, get a maid for a time, change the atmosphere any way you can, and light candles with fresh aromas. Treat yourself to spa days or a private trip to explore. Do some of the things you always loved but no pressure. All of the field trips in the world won’t change your grief but as you open up again you will enjoy that time!
Just a heads up, we who grieve deep losses don’t need pity from anyone or for others to feel sorry for us. We need love and hope. Giving someone who grieves those two things is the greatest gift in the world. Love helps us heal and hope will help us to arise again! As for the nay-sayers and gossipers: karma is a tough teacher. Enough said.
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry
** If you are going through extensive grief and need help, please find a clinical counselor or grief counselor to help you through or process your thoughts. Take care of your inner landscape.
**The information above is not meant to take the place of good counseling but to give a reflection of grief you might identify with.
** I do not operate as a clinical counselor but am a doctor of spiritual counseling psychology, master life coach, and just an all around good person!
Life Lessons by Jenine Marie 