One of the more difficult people to deal with in relationship are those who are narcissists. For some reason this has become a buzz phrase to attach to anyone who seems to be “in to themselves”, but a true narcissist is more than just a cliche. A narcissist can spin someone’s head around so fast it happens before they know what hit them. One of the traits a narcissist will use on their victim is to not stay in integrity with what they have done or said. Basically this means they will say something one moment and then later, or even in the next five minutes contradict what they said or even deny saying it.
This is enough to make anyone frustrated and upset. So, if you are one who deals with this now, don’t despair even if you are reacting in harsh ways. You are trying to make sense of something that does not make sense and you are standing up for your self preservation.
The Bible says that a “double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.” When someone flip flops between their words that is called being double minded. That person is the one who is unstable, not YOU. You can become unstable through the interaction, which is the point of this post. I want to feed some mantras into you.
“I know what I know and I know what I heard.”
“I matter and my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and opinions matter.”
“I will stay in integrity with myself even when others around me are not.”
“I will be true to who I am and what I know to be true about me.”
“I will not blame myself for others actions but will only take responsibility for my responses to them.”
” I will seek peace with myself and live in that peace even when there is chaos around me.”
“I will confide in someone I trust and ask for help when life becomes too hard to bare.”
You might come up with some of your own. After having had lived with a narcissist before, I know the trauma that can be taken on by someone else’s lack of balance and inconsistency. Narcissistic abuse can be emotional, mental, and sometimes physical. It causes what is termed a “trauma bond” which alters brain chemistry. Most of the time the trauma bond begins in childhood with those who interact with us and around us. The relationship to an out of balance person becomes our “normal” and so that is all we understand until we experience better.
Keeping in your own integrity will keep you in balance. Stay true to who you are and what you want in life. Have trust in God and trust in the love He made you from. Let God guide you through the storms of life. Listen carefully for that guidance and stick to what you know and understand about someone. People teach you who they are in the beginning. Always believe them….
Loving you from here,
Dr. Jenine Marie Howry
832-484-8306 (If you are dealing with narcissistic abuse)