When I look back at my life it’s pretty obvious to me I have spent most of it as a single mother. I had five children; two boys and three girls. I want to start off by saying my children have been the light of my life, but that does not mean times were not hard. Each child is a different soul with different personalities. I guess you could say I had a mixed bag!
People would look at me in the store and always make the same comment, “You really have your hands full, don’t you?” I guess it never occured to anyone that maybe I could have used a helping hand. For a time I didn’t have a vehicle so our store trips consisted of one son riding a bike while I pushed my youngest in a stroller. The others just walked or ran along as we covered blocks before we got to the store. When shopping was done, my oldest son rode back home with grocery bags hanging from the handle bars of his bike. I stuffed as many things as I could below the stroller and my other children carried bags by the handles as we made the trek home.
People I knew would occasionally ride by, honking their horn and waving, yet none ever stopped to help out. I guess it looked like we had it handled! My days began early for school and my nights seemed endless as we went through all of the baths, homework, and making sure clothes were ready for the next day. There was dinner, lunches, and morning breakfast to think about. I guess it can all sound very simple just to read details but nothing was ever simple. It was often stressful as I also handled several different personalities including my own.
It was lonely, stressful, and overwhelming. I had calls now and then that began with, “How are you and how are the kids?” My answer was always the same, ” We are fine.” I learned early on, no one wanted to hear the real answer. I was never fine. I had single mother overload. I was tired, anxious, cranky, and often had panic attacks. Sometimes I could not sleep due to issues that would arise, and there was always something.
I feel the hardest thing to handle was outside judgement. It’s easy to be on the outside looking in and come to a judgemental conclusion, especially in light of my fatigue, anxiety, and tears. I had my church, but they never helped, not even when I mentioned I needed it. I eventually left because the stress of going was bigger than any benefit I might have received. All I really needed was someone to care and put some action to it, but honestly, no one ever really asked if I was ok, and I was NOT ok.
I suffered from single mother overload and over sensitivity. Everything loud felt louder. Too much light was too much for me. My anxiety ran crazy but I had no time to deal with it. I had nightmares of terrible things happening and would wake with anxiety and had trouble breathing. Sometimes I would go to the hospital ER because I could not get my heart to stop racing. I think it was on automatic tachycardia and there were very few pieces of advice offered to me that might help. “Try to calm down”, did not help my sensory overload. I just took a deep breath and prayed.
Why am I telling you all of this? I have a couple of reasons. One, is when you see a single mother, help her even if you think she does not need it! Trust me, she needs it. The other is if you are a single mother there is help for your sensory overload that can last way after children are grown. There is meditation, relaxation and breathwork plus Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique. All can be very healing and relaxing. If you have burnout, learn to rest, to be alone sometimes and to do things that bring you pleasure. Even more important is to use your voice loud and clear. When no one asks you if you are alright, make sure someone hears you loud and clear that you are not. Some may not care all that much but someone might and actually be there to talk with you so you will feel heard. Remember, emotional issues become physical. A single mother needs deep expression and someone to actively listen. Also, laughter is a great healer. If you can not be an active listener, be someone who brings joy to an over stimulated mother. Her heart will thank you!
PS. I love my children forever. They have still been the biggest blessings in my life.
Loving you from here,
Dr Rev Jenine Marie Kent-Howry
Also find me at JenineMarieHypnosis.com
Life Lessons by Jenine Marie 