Early this morning, just before waking, I had a dream of the past. It was a scene when I was having dinner with a little friend I used to play with. I was with her family and eating the green beans on my plate. It was quiet, as it usually was when having dinner at her home. The only intrusion on the quiet was an adult statement that put me down. Oh, it was subtle, but there. It was always subtle, but I believe I was meant to hear it. I did hear it. I just did not realize how much it affected me until later in life.
The statements always placed me lower than “their child”, and it went on for several years. If it did not come from them directly, it was repeated by “my friend” echoing their words, “my mom said…” I guess the adults thought they were giving their daughter a healthy self-esteem, but all they really gave her was a hauty attitude. I noticed it all; I just was not old enough at the time to really deal with how it made me feel. I dealt with that later in life when my friend and I met again, and I noticed it right away. The attitude had grown in her, but I had grown as well. I guess you could say I grew up. It did not hurt to have several years away from her family to allow that to happen.
As the very vivid dream continued this morning, I felt the horrible feeling I could not express back then. I felt pushed down, much like when another child pushes someone down on a school playground. You would think adults would know better, right? I continued eating my green beans in the dream when I was interrupted by an unknown voice. I am still not sure who it was. The voice sounded like it was on loud speaker and said…
“You were always such a good girl”!
At that moment, I opened my eyes to greet the morning. I had a smile on my face that I could not erase. Was it my angel, my mother, or some female-sounding version of God? I’m still not sure! All I know is that I repeated the comment out loud and then got up to grab my morning coffee.
The moral of this story? I am SO glad you asked! It’s never too late for any type of healing. Healing comes in so many different ways. I smiled again as I wrote this, thinking, “I am still really a good girl!” It might sound a little childlike, but it really means a lot to me. I’m grateful for a morning wake-up voice that gave my inner child a wake-up call.
“I’m a good girl”! Simple, but it heals YEARS of subtle abuse I was way too young to understand at the time. I love how God works, and I love the voice that really made my morning!
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry
(I think I turned out just fine!) 😉
Life Lessons by Jenine Marie 