Do You Live According to Other’s Expectations?

download

Expectations from others are hard to keep up with. Everyone has a different opinion of who or what we might be. This is hard for those who are people pleasing types. It can cause our thoughts to go one way, and then the next, creating a great deal of confusion on our life’s journey. What is really happening when people place expectations upon you is, they are wanting you to live or think the way they do. The problem with this is we don’t always agree with each other.

When someone expects something of us or for us to be a certain way, they are looking outside of themselves inside of inside. We get into a mess when trying to control our outer environment, especially people. When we accept their expectation and change then that person has controlled us and who we are. They are also empowered in a way they should not be. No one should determine who or what we are.

The hard thing is most people want to please others or make them happy. So, we end up adjusting to their desires so we can see that happen. This does not serve anyone. What does serve us is to be just exactly who and what we are with all the bumps, scars, and bruises that we have obtained along the way. Our lives might not be perfect, but they are still ours to be in command of.

To keep from adhering to other’s expectations, take an inventory of what you want in your life and who you truly want to be. If any of the things you come up with are different than what others expect, then set your intention to be empowered as to what you desire and not swayed by other’s ideas. We were all made unique and imperfect. We are meant to be that way. Don’t try to live up to someone’s sense of perfection. We can’t do it anyway, so why try?

Be who you are. Right now. Take the step and take that inventory. If you need help discovering and going over what that might be, then book a session with me! I would love to help you escape the habit of adhering to other people’s expectations. We are not clones of each other. Can you believe that you can be anything you want or desire to be? If you can’t answer this question as a yes, then it is time to talk and get straight with yourself on your life plan, who you are, and what you truly want out of life. We need to make it solid, so you won’t be swayed! I can help you do this if you are open to accepting assistance with it! If not me, then choose someone to be accountable to! You will thank yourself in the days and years to come. Riding someone else’s horseless carriage will never get you where you want to go. Only your own vehicle can do that!

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

 

Do You Need to Be Set Free From a Controller?

canstockphoto11547372-300x199Control is not the same as command. A person who is in command of their life is one who knows their boundaries and expresses them. A commanding person is like the general of their own life. That person knows what they want in life and knows what they don’t want, so they let others know what is acceptable and what is not. The commanding person stands at the gate of their life and they will allow those through the gate that will respect, honor, and value them as a person even if they disagree. This also means that if there are those who will not respect them as a person then the gate is shut. They might still love them, but their actions are not allowed through the gate. Yet, command never seeks to manipulate someone to do things their way in order to get through the gate. It loves people as they are as people, but does not accept their behavior.

Control seeks to manipulate people to do things their way. It is a spirit that attaches itself to a wound that says, “I am not enough,  I do not have enough, or I will lose what I have”. So, what happens is the person has evil spiritual influences that say, “My way or the highway, or “you will be punished if I don’t get my way”. A controlling person has unreasonable boundaries. This spirit will state, “If you don’t do things my way then you are not acceptable as a person and you must be punished”.

You can always tell when there is a controlling situation because people around them who are being controlled are afraid to cross their decisions and controlling actions. Control feeds on the FEAR of others. Don’t trick yourself into thinking that you are respecting a controlling person by doing their bidding regardless to how close to them you might be. A controlling person does not live to get respect, they live to get their way and impose it upon others.

A spirit of control is a hard one to get someone to release. The inner wounds below the surface need to be addressed and healed first. Once those are released then the controlling spirit is weakened and then they can be spiritually cast away.

How do you know if you are being controlled?

  1. Are you unhappy when you feel you have to succumb to someone else’s needs and desires?
  2. Does this person keep you from family and those you love because they don’t accept them?
  3. Do they have your best interest at heart and not just their own?
  4. In order to get their way do they have to put someone else down or start gossip about them?
  5. Does this person act out of love and protection or hatred of other human beings?
  6. Are they selfish in their quest for money or power?
  7. Will they take what they want with no regard to your feelings or reputation?
  8. Do they make you feel comfortable and happy around them or nervous and self conscious?

A person with a controlling spirit will get rid of you if you stand in their way of what they perceive is their own happiness. This is an illusion. It takes a lot of energy to keep up controlling behavior. So that person will try to recruit others to control with them. Usually this is done by putting someone down or trying to discredit another.

How do you break free? 

One way is by telling that person the truth about themselves. I know it will be most likely be met with hostility, but the truth is what sets people free, not enabling their behavior. Another is by keeping your distance until or unless that person decides to release their wounds and release that controlling spirit. Sometimes it takes a person to hit the bottom in life in order for them to see this. Many who are controlling are so afraid of losing things that they hold onto them too tightly. FEAR controls their life and they don’t even see it!

Romans 16:17-18Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting”.

Titus 3:10Reject a factious man/woman after a first and second warning,

Keep in mind, you are not hating the person, but rejecting their actions. Some people we just can not have in our lives because to be in them will cause chaos. God wants you to walk in peace and that takes wisdom! We all need to be the gate keepers of our own lives. Not everyone out there is someone you can trust! So please do not trust a controlling person! It will cause more problems in your life than you can imagine.

Pray for the person instead. Pray for them to get a breakthrough healing and a deliverance from that controlling spirit. Forgive them of their deeds but do not accept their actions back into your life unless they have truly changed. Walk in wisdom. Love the person from afar because love is a spiritual and delivering power. Pray for your own healing for the things that have caused you to allow their control in your life and ask for deliverance from the weakness and fear you have had. Then STAND in your own God given power!

Dear Jesus, with your authority I release those who are being controlled by someones wounded heart and controlling spirit. Heal their wounds that cause fear and deliver them from the control and manipulation of others in Your mighty name! Deliver and set free those who control and show them what it is to command instead! We love You Lord and are grateful for Your delivering power! amen

Walking free,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching

Do you need healing and deliverance prayer concerning control?

800-421-1765 (leave a message for a prayer time to be scheduled)