We all identify ourselves in different ways because we are all uniquely fashioned. One way we often identify ourselves is through the lens of others, or by what we do, instead of who we are. Many of us do not even consider who we truly are. There is a stamp of authenticity upon you and chances are you have NO idea what that means!
Have you ever sought out your true self? Have you ever presented your authentic self to the rest of the world and considered what that means for your life? Many have not. Yet, we have an authentic self hidden inside of us and buried under a lot of junk we have accumulated along the way.
Here are two videos and some photos I am attaching to this post. In the videos I discuss authenticity and some of my story about when I lost it ALL to discover EVERYTHING! What will you discover?
The photos go with the story in the videos. I hope you enjoy the message!
Expectations from others are hard to keep up with. Everyone has a different opinion of who or what we might be. This is hard for those who are people pleasing types. It can cause our thoughts to go one way, and then the next, creating a great deal of confusion on our life’s journey. What is really happening when people place expectations upon you is, they are wanting you to live or think the way they do. The problem with this is we don’t always agree with each other.
When someone expects something of us or for us to be a certain way, they are looking outside of themselves inside of inside. We get into a mess when trying to control our outer environment, especially people. When we accept their expectation and change then that person has controlled us and who we are. They are also empowered in a way they should not be. No one should determine who or what we are.
The hard thing is most people want to please others or make them happy. So, we end up adjusting to their desires so we can see that happen. This does not serve anyone. What does serve us is to be just exactly who and what we are with all the bumps, scars, and bruises that we have obtained along the way. Our lives might not be perfect, but they are still ours to be in command of.
To keep from adhering to other’s expectations, take an inventory of what you want in your life and who you truly want to be. If any of the things you come up with are different than what others expect, then set your intention to be empowered as to what you desire and not swayed by other’s ideas. We were all made unique and imperfect. We are meant to be that way. Don’t try to live up to someone’s sense of perfection. We can’t do it anyway, so why try?
Be who you are. Right now. Take the step and take that inventory. If you need help discovering and going over what that might be, then book a session with me! I would love to help you escape the habit of adhering to other people’s expectations. We are not clones of each other. Can you believe that you can be anything you want or desire to be? If you can’t answer this question as a yes, then it is time to talk and get straight with yourself on your life plan, who you are, and what you truly want out of life. We need to make it solid, so you won’t be swayed! I can help you do this if you are open to accepting assistance with it! If not me, then choose someone to be accountable to! You will thank yourself in the days and years to come. Riding someone else’s horseless carriage will never get you where you want to go. Only your own vehicle can do that!
Some time ago I sat quietly and listened to a heart broken client express, “I don’t know who I am anymore, and I have no idea where I am going.” Tearfully she explained how her life had been slowly going through a change. One day she woke up and nothing felt right for her any more. She was devastated, stuck, and had no idea what had happened to the life she once knew and was quite happy with at one time.
As we continued to talk, she described for me how her life used to be, how she used to feel, and what it was that made it so much better back then. As we moved forward to the present it was obvious she had been slowly conditioned to her environment by the people she now knew, and the changes that had occured in her life. Nothing happened suddenly, it was a slow boil. Ever hear the frog story about putting a frog in boiling water? If you put it in hot water it will quickly jump out, but if you put it in water it likes and raise the temperature slowly it will get used to it, not realizing its life was being taken.
Life can be like that sometimes if we are not aware. It’s easy to be slowly conditioned into a life we don’t recognize, either by environment and often our choices. Like my former client, we can wake up one day and no longer recognize ourselves because of the changes we made. Sometimes they are deliberate changes and sometimes they are subtle ones that we are just conditioned into because of outside influences. It’s easy to get stuck there and even conditioned to stay there unhappily.
We are born into this life a blank slate and innocent from our God and Creator. There is nothing quite like a breath of heaven entering this world for the first time. We all were there in the beginning. What we have now is a collection of stuff we have picked up along the way. Our world and society has a way of conditioning us into thinking and acting in certain ways that create a fluent “fitting in”. The problem is we are taught to believe what the “norm” is and if we deviate from it we are the ones who are considered lost. We don’t realize how much we are told who we should be, how we should act, and what type of life we should lead.
We are trapped in an ideal that says we are supposed to learn, grow up, have families, and make money. Before we know it our focus is more about those things than simply being our true selves. For instance; there is so much more about learning than reading and writing. We forget to learn how to be the amazing beings we have been created to be. Schools don’t teach us to learn about our creative selves, or how powerfully we are made and how powerful we are. Our families become a “family unit” where we somehow tend to lose our identity in the process. Even in marriage we forget we are individuals first and then a couple second. We are joined “as one” but within that oneness we allow our true selves to be lost. We get a job, create a business, or find a means of support. Suddenly, that means of support becomes the major part of our lives to the point that we identify ourselves according to what we do instead of who we are.
We can watch this happen at a social gathering. One of the primary questions we consider while getting to know someone is “What do you do for a living?” Suddenly, we are a doctor, an attorney, a business owner, and so on. The issue with this is we are none of these things first. We are first and foremost that breath of heaven born into this world as an individual. Born from love, our mission is love. We are never taught we are healers, believers, understanders, and creative builders. The truth? God never sent us into this world to make money, have families, and then go home. We are meant to live from the spirit and not society’s ideas of who we should be or become.
We are told by religion to believe a certain way or by psychology what is normal and what is not. We are conditioned to understand that life is “hard” instead of living at ease and in discovery. Our creative gifts are smothered by feelings that we have to adjust to “fit in” and conform. It’s a slow boil. Before we know it we forget who we truly are and why we are here. The next thing we know we are older and have no idea how we got where we are or where we are going. We lose our authentic selves.
Our challenge? Our spiritual selves are beckoning us to return to our authentic lives. For example, the woman I spoke of in the beginning had no idea what a gifted artist she is because she never had taken the time to find out the deeper and more creative things she harbors within herself. We all have those things. We might know what they are and feel we will get to them some day. Although, in the slow boil we have been living in, that some day might never come. We have to make it come once we know how unsettled we have truly been.
Returning to our authentic self means seeking within, not outside of ourselves. We can’t find ourselves in other people or in earthly situations. We find ourselves by allowing God in us to reveal who we really are. We are meant for so much more than to be born, live, and then die. There is so much in between. We are meant to dance, for our hearts to sing, our lives to give healing, and our love to bring peace. We are meant to create beauty in this life, not turmoil. Our tears are for compassion and not pain. Our anger should be toward injustice, not held against one another. The only way we become one as a couple or a society is extending compassion, grace, and creating an environment where we thrive as our true selves. We are not meant to be clones of one another but the breath of fresh air for each one we encounter. We are born to bring our gift to a hungry world and share it with others and then receive them as a gift in return.
Our world is looked upon as chaotic. I feel that way myself quite often. Remember that God created this world from chaos and we can return to ourselves through the chaos we have felt in our lives. If you are feeling unsettled, unfulfilled, and upset, that is great! Your life is calling you toward finding your true self again. Your heart wants to heal, to be lifted to a place where compassion, love, and giftedness become the norm and not what society has told you. You are you and there is no one else like you. How special is that?
Take a deep breath, allow your tears, and let them be the water that grows a garden of truth, new understanding, and authenticity. Find that breath of heaven you were born to be! Then give who you are to a world that has no idea how to find itself any more. Return to yourself. Return to love. When you do, love yourself deeply. It is an honor to have you here. Don’t allow disrespect. You are a treasure. No one will recognize that unless you accept nothing less.
I know, it’s a strange title isn’t it? I was thinking about fashion today and designers. Lately, I have been interested in fashion and how to create a wardrobe that will interchange and match to create several outfits on a budget. In my seeking, I have seen a lot of great designer things and also the knock offs of them as well. A knock off is a replica of the design from the original designer but it’s really not the real deal. It might be less expensive, but it’s still a knock off.
To the less discerning eye no one would be able to tell the difference but to those who know fashion it could be quite obvious that the item is a fake representation of the original designer. What an insult to the designer, right?
It occurred to me that this can apply to us as well. We can present ourselves as authentic or we can present ourselves as a fake knock off of our real self. The thing about being fake is that we have to live with the knock off and to the discerning person we are not kidding anyone. Just like the original designer of high fashion items, being a knock off of our real self is insulting to our designer who created us all to be unique and real. When we don’t walk according to our real truth we present that knock off of ourselves to the world. It might not hurt anyone, accept maybe ourselves, but our designer knows the truth and would like us to be authentic.
We can be authentic when we know we are loved just as we are and that is enough for us. We can be authentic when we don’t try to compete with others or try to be like someone else. We are authentic when we stay in integrity as to how our lives are being lived. I understand we do not all wish to air all of our dirty laundry to the world. That is not what I am talking about. What I am saying is to walk in integrity of how we are feeling for the moment, every moment. We might be down, upset, happy, joyful, grieving, or struggling. Regardless to what we are, walking in integrity of who we are is walking as someone who is honoring our designer. We are a work in progress and no one is perfected. How will others offer their compassion when we are presenting a knock off of our real selves?
When pursuing something in life, pursue that thing that God has gifted you with, not what others might pursue because you think life is greener on the other side of the fence. Believe me, the life on the other side is just the same and our own side of the fence is much more authentic and profitable for our soul growth.
Today, remember to be the best authentic you that you can be! You are amazing even on your worst day or night. You are a treasure even when you are grieving or upset. When you make a mistake God never sees you as a mistake. He is there to help the authentic you be the created blessing He intended you to be. Ask yourself every day if you are presenting yourself as a true authentic version of who God created. Align yourself with your own destiny, because someone else’s purpose is not going to serve you or others. Your deepest heartaches will never be healed if you live as a knock off of the real you.