To be certain is to know for sure that something is going to be there for us to help us survive. It can be a person, a situation, and even an addiction. Sometimes it is our spirituality or the need for love or comfort. Regardless to where it comes from or how we get it, being certain brings us a sense of security. We feel we need this in this uncertain world and as a human being. In fact, we sometimes need this so much that we will either compromise love for it or we will mistake it for love. It makes no difference what is compromised, if being certain is important, our choices will be guided by it.
Here is an example. A young woman is out on the street and has nowhere to go. Her life has had one crisis after another. Suddenly, she meets a man who offers her comfort. Maybe this is that he will be there for her, or give her some sort of sense of security. The woman is feeling very uncertain about her life or where to turn, so his offer for security is mistaken for love. The man can be totally wrong for her, or even detrimental to her life and well being. Yet, she stays because now she believes his being there gives her certainty in an uncertain world.
Let me give you another example. For some, feeling certain is having a bank account that is always filling with what they believe will give them security, comfort, and a certain stable life. This is an illusion. When life changes dramatically, like a loved one dies, an accident happens or in a face of a tragedy, that bank account is no longer able to be strong enough to give certainty. If someone suddenly becomes paralyzed or has a stroke, the bank account is rendered useless because it will not fix something that can not be changed by money. Money does not solve everything. It is only an energy exchange to be used not savored as false sense of security.
The reality is, none of us can have a true sense of certainty or security until we learn to love and trust, first God and then ourselves. We need to be able to count on our ability to spring back from tragedy, create newness in life, move forward in transition, and face our deepest fears. No one can have a sense of security without the strength to love and take action through the knowledge of what love truly is. If you really want a certain and secure life that is not an illusion, learn about love in its fullest. God asks us to learn the depth, width, and breadth of love. Along with that knowledge comes trust in God and in ourselves. With those things we can face anything.
Loving you from here,
Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry, PhD