The Need to Be Certain in an Uncertain World

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To be certain is to know for sure that something is going to be there for us to help us survive. It can be a person, a situation, and even an addiction. Sometimes it is our spirituality or the need for love or comfort. Regardless to where it comes from or how we get it, being certain brings us a sense of security. We feel we need this in this uncertain world and as a human being. In fact, we sometimes need this so much that we will either compromise love for it or we will mistake it for love. It makes no difference what is compromised, if being certain is important, our choices will be guided by it.

Here is an example. A young woman is out on the street and has nowhere to go. Her life has had one crisis after another. Suddenly, she meets a man who offers her comfort. Maybe this is that he will be there for her, or give her some sort of sense of security. The woman is feeling very uncertain about her life or where to turn, so his offer for security is mistaken for love. The man can be totally wrong for her, or even detrimental to her life and well being. Yet, she stays because now she believes his being there gives her certainty in an uncertain world.

Let me give you another example. For some, feeling certain is having a bank account that is always filling with what they believe will give them security, comfort, and a certain stable life. This is an illusion. When life changes dramatically, like a loved one dies, an accident happens or in a face of a tragedy, that bank account is no longer able to be strong enough to give certainty. If someone suddenly becomes paralyzed or has a stroke, the bank account is rendered useless because it will not fix something that can not be changed by money. Money does not solve everything. It is only an energy exchange to be used not savored as false sense of security.

The reality is, none of us can have a true sense of certainty or security until we learn to love and trust, first God and then ourselves. We need to be able to count on our ability to spring back from tragedy, create newness in life, move forward in transition, and face our deepest fears. No one can have a sense of security without the strength to love and take action through the knowledge of what love truly is. If you really want a certain and secure life that is not an illusion, learn about love in its fullest. God asks us to learn the depth, width, and breadth of love. Along with that knowledge comes trust in God and in ourselves. With those things we can face anything.

Loving you from here,

Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Here is Your Weekly Wisdom!

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“During the weakest moments in your life, is where you will find your greatest strength.” Dr. Jenine 

It’s truly amazing the things that can come out of the darkest and hardest times in life. There is something about weak or strained moments that tend to bring out the greatest things in human beings. Take Samson of the bible. His greatest victory and display of strength was not during the time he was on top, but at his weakest moment. When his strength was all gone he had to rely on what God placed within  him and he accomplished more in one moment than he did in his whole lifetime!

Everyone has weak spots and also weak moments. Count them as blessings because they will always be your greatest accomplishments, your greatest displays of strength and faith. See those difficult moments as your opportunity to display God within you, and to rely on the seeds of life that have been planted within your spiritual DNA. If you are feeling weak today, or facing a hard moment. Remember that hard places are holy ground. You will arise with great strength, and just like Samson, your biggest accomplishments will come out of your greatest trials. Step aside from your human self and let God arise in you! Even if you find yourself on the floor, if financially you are destitute, if you can’t shake the illness you struggle with, if life seems to always haunt you because of bad decisions you might have made. You can still arise! Not only that, your purpose can be revealed through your pain.

Count it all gain when life spins out of control. The lesson is there for you when you seek to find it with all of your heart and soul.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

 

Don’t Allow Someone’s Rejection Define You!

beautiful-sky-with-mountains-in-the-distance_1232-718It’s pretty common for women who have been in an abusive relationship to continually place their worth and value outside of themselves. Part of the abuse cycle is practically begging the abuser to want you, and part of their abuse is to reject you. This is especially true if the abuser is a narcissist. I know this sounds sickening but they thrive on it and depend on your response to their neglect of your needs. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Then when you express what you need you have fallen into their trap. They can tell you how unreasonable you are, and to just be happy with what you have even though you feel neglected. Let me release you here. You are entitled to your own feelings even if no one else agrees with them. They are yours and if you feel hurt then no one can tell you that you are overreacting. You are a person of great value and your heart matters as well as how you express what is in it no matter how it comes out. (Meaning even with tears).

The best response in this situation is to agree with them. They are right. Your happiness, your value, and your worth do not depend on them or anyone else wanting you. Your beauty does not depend on anyone else expressing desire for you. I know it takes a lot to begin to truly believe this if you are in the habit of not believing it.

It can be very frustrating and humiliating to feel you need to constantly beg someone to love you when there is only so much they can give. It’s also very frustrating to wait on someone to express their devotion to you when that might not ever happen. Hear me. You don’t have to hang your hat on a wrack that won’t support it. Recognize that some people are limited when it comes to the compassion department. It’s not you, its them. Your part is allowing yourself to be sucked into the pattern over and over again. STOP.

Remember God supports you and loves you the way He made you. You might even “know this” but it has not sunk deep enough for you to truly believe it. Give yourself time. I am positive that if you work on this every single day you will begin to see how much you truly are worth without any one else’s affirmation. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Live out loud. Don’t keep things stifled inside of you or isolate yourself in your feelings. Talk to someone who will edify you and remind you who you are.
  2. Write down all of the things that are your strengths and go with those. Focusing on strengths can help you stop looking at what you perceive as weakness or what you feel is “not good enough”.
  3. Connect with others who deal with what you do and support, lift up, and edify each other. There is strength in numbers.
  4. Look up Scriptures in the Bible that remind you of your worth to God and post them everywhere so you can see them on a regular basis. Let the truth of them soak into you.
  5. I know this one is a weird one, but get mad at the situation enough to make a change for the better. Allow your hurt feelings and anger about bad treatment to propel you forward instead of inward.

Remember that your value in this world is off the charts. There is not even a large enough number to even come close to explaining it. God sees your value every day. Commit yourself to seeing it as well. If your heart is broken work on healing it with God and become stronger. This does not mean “hardened”. You don’t need to be hard hearted to be strong, but on the contrary you can be strong by giving of who you are to someone who truly wants all you have to give!

Finish these sentences: I am valuable because _______________________________________

My greatest strengths are ____________________________________________________________

My God given gift is/are ___________________________________________________________________

My love in this world is important because _________________________________________\

These are the people who need and appreciate me: _________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________

A Statement for You

“I will give my attention to those people and consider myself as a gift. I will release myself from the feeling that I have to beg someone to love, care, or appreciate me, no matter how much it hurts. I will let God heal those areas of my life.”

It takes some work on your part to overcome the affects of someone else’s neglect, abuse, or lack of appreciation, but you have this one! You can do this with God. Repeat:

“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.”

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

 

Strength to Let it Go the Right Way

Rev Jenine MarieSometimes it takes all the strength we have to just keep our mouth closed when our hearts so need to express how we feel. After all, it is not a good feeling to keep things that bother us inside, not to mention it harms our bodies. There are times when I feel I have mastered “being slow to speak” and wait for the better moment to speak when my thoughts will come out better. I don’t always succeed at  this goal though. I do know that when I do wait there is a special reward that comes with it. God never gives us direction without some sort of good result when we have achieved the goal. Sometimes that reward is peace, which is a huge accomplishment. If peace were an island I would book a sail boat to live there right now.

Maybe the idea is to experience enough peace that we come to want it so bad that we will do anything to get it; even be slow to speak when the moment arises. I know that I love that reward even though I can fall short of obtaining it if I am not more careful. A type of empowerment happens when we speak our truth to others and sometimes when we don’t it comes at a difficult price. Achieving balance in this is really not easy but when it is obtained there is a huge reward on many levels. We have to want it bad enough. Once we want something bad enough we will act upon it even if it means keeping our mouth shut when we really need to.

There is a lot of reward in waiting as well. Sometimes things work themselves out while we wait for a more calm moment. That’s a huge bonus! Peace comes as a blessing. Bridling the tongue is a masterful art not to be scoffed at. Sometimes we are like a trash compactor of emotions from wounds of the past that have been stuffed down so much that even a tiny release of it can bring immediate destruction. I’m thinking the atomic bomb has nothing on compacted emotion. It can be a volatile situation.  Everyone needs a safe release. I don’t believe God intended us to not have that, but I do believe He empowers us to release it safely. I also don’t feel God intended us to only release it to Him, although that is a beginning. This does not mean I feel He is not powerful enough to take all of our pain, when I know He really is. Going to Him first can truly allow Him to calm the seas inside of us before they come out our mouth. It is true that “out of the heart the mouth speaks”. Part of our empowerment is speaking our truth though. We need others when we do this. Speaking it in a Godly ordered way brings it  out where it is safe and can be comforted by someone who understands. Obtaining understanding is a huge human need, in fact a lot of our difficult issues spawn forth through trying to obtain understanding of our hearts. As people, we feel like if we are not understood then we are not accepted either. Acceptance is real important to us. For some reason we wrap this all into a ball so we can determine if we are loved or not. True power comes in knowing we are loved no matter what but sometimes we need to dig through the trash compactor to find the place that will also accept ourselves enough to be loved as well.

All of these things are why I truly believe in good counseling. We all need each other. Counseling says that we love ourselves enough to heal and we love others enough not to wound them more.

Now that is powerful!

Sincerely Yours,

Rev Jenine Marie Howry