Don’t Allow Someone’s Rejection Define You!

beautiful-sky-with-mountains-in-the-distance_1232-718It’s pretty common for women who have been in an abusive relationship to continually place their worth and value outside of themselves. Part of the abuse cycle is practically begging the abuser to want you, and part of their abuse is to reject you. This is especially true if the abuser is a narcissist. I know this sounds sickening but they thrive on it and depend on your response to their neglect of your needs. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Then when you express what you need you have fallen into their trap. They can tell you how unreasonable you are, and to just be happy with what you have even though you feel neglected. Let me release you here. You are entitled to your own feelings even if no one else agrees with them. They are yours and if you feel hurt then no one can tell you that you are overreacting. You are a person of great value and your heart matters as well as how you express what is in it no matter how it comes out. (Meaning even with tears).

The best response in this situation is to agree with them. They are right. Your happiness, your value, and your worth do not depend on them or anyone else wanting you. Your beauty does not depend on anyone else expressing desire for you. I know it takes a lot to begin to truly believe this if you are in the habit of not believing it.

It can be very frustrating and humiliating to feel you need to constantly beg someone to love you when there is only so much they can give. It’s also very frustrating to wait on someone to express their devotion to you when that might not ever happen. Hear me. You don’t have to hang your hat on a wrack that won’t support it. Recognize that some people are limited when it comes to the compassion department. It’s not you, its them. Your part is allowing yourself to be sucked into the pattern over and over again. STOP.

Remember God supports you and loves you the way He made you. You might even “know this” but it has not sunk deep enough for you to truly believe it. Give yourself time. I am positive that if you work on this every single day you will begin to see how much you truly are worth without any one else’s affirmation. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Live out loud. Don’t keep things stifled inside of you or isolate yourself in your feelings. Talk to someone who will edify you and remind you who you are.
  2. Write down all of the things that are your strengths and go with those. Focusing on strengths can help you stop looking at what you perceive as weakness or what you feel is “not good enough”.
  3. Connect with others who deal with what you do and support, lift up, and edify each other. There is strength in numbers.
  4. Look up Scriptures in the Bible that remind you of your worth to God and post them everywhere so you can see them on a regular basis. Let the truth of them soak into you.
  5. I know this one is a weird one, but get mad at the situation enough to make a change for the better. Allow your hurt feelings and anger about bad treatment to propel you forward instead of inward.

Remember that your value in this world is off the charts. There is not even a large enough number to even come close to explaining it. God sees your value every day. Commit yourself to seeing it as well. If your heart is broken work on healing it with God and become stronger. This does not mean “hardened”. You don’t need to be hard hearted to be strong, but on the contrary you can be strong by giving of who you are to someone who truly wants all you have to give!

Finish these sentences: I am valuable because _______________________________________

My greatest strengths are ____________________________________________________________

My God given gift is/are ___________________________________________________________________

My love in this world is important because _________________________________________\

These are the people who need and appreciate me: _________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________

A Statement for You

“I will give my attention to those people and consider myself as a gift. I will release myself from the feeling that I have to beg someone to love, care, or appreciate me, no matter how much it hurts. I will let God heal those areas of my life.”

It takes some work on your part to overcome the affects of someone else’s neglect, abuse, or lack of appreciation, but you have this one! You can do this with God. Repeat:

“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.”

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

 

You Were Made for This Time, So Go On and Soar!

photo 3 (4)One afternoon I had walked into a bookstore on a quest to find a book by a specific author. I bumped into someone I knew and had not seen for quite some time. I asked her, “How are you doing”? Her reply was, “Oh I am just fine, just looking around for some inspiration to read until God tells me when to work out my destiny”. At the time, I really was confused as to how to address her with this. The question came to mind, “Why wait”? I pretty much knew this type of situation before. ( I had gone through this myself). I could only assume at the moment that her destiny confused her. I can understand that feeling; been there, done that. I remember not wanting to feel bossy or like I was telling her what to do. I wanted to shout from the roof tops to stop waiting and just go ahead and do what she was created to do!

Aside from the obvious to love one another, love ourselves, and love God, there are specifics that we all have the pleasure to accomplish in this life. It is not hard to find out what those things are. We recognize them because we are absolutely “in love with them”! I remember the very first time I preached a message after I was ordained many years ago. I was so afraid inside and out. I wondered if I had anything that would make any sense, or if I was going to completely flop doing it. I did it anyway because there had been a love planted inside of me to do just that. God knows I had good education! Not only that I was accumulating life experience to add to the messages. My passion for preaching a message that was given to me was so strong that I could not help but press past any anxious nerves I had. I loved it so much!

Let me just interject to you right here and now. You have been created for a time such as this. God planted things inside of you that you love so much! Once you are honest with yourself about what those things are, there is no stopping you, and no reason to wait at all. In this world, we can think of a million things we could be doing, but the very special ones that we are passionate about will not be able to help but bring passion to others. Our glow in it will outshine any fear at all.

I’ve said this to encourage you today. If you are passionate about creating and completing a household that is welcoming and vibrant to others then do that! If you love the thought of opening a new business and always dreamed of doing it, then do it! If you were called to teach and enlighten others, then please give us the benefit of your ideas! I think you get my drift here. When it is something you are so in love with and the thought of it makes you smile from the inside out, then it is something you should be doing right now. This is YOUR time! You have God breathed life inside of you. You have gifts that only you possess and can give of in this world. We all need you, and we need you working your passion.

Don’t you see? Stepping out in what you love elevates us all. When you shine your light, you bring us all light as well. When you glow in your purpose, we all glow a little brighter because of you. Bringing more joy and life into this world is never a mistake, ever.

Rise to the occasion my eagle! You were made to soar. Block out all the resistance and negative thinking about your ability to accomplish your goals. If you love it, and God has given it to you, then you will not fail. You will make mistakes, but you will not fail.

Do you want to solidify your destiny and dream? Tell someone what it is! Speak it out as much as you can and with all the enthusiasm you can muster! Just be wise in the telling. Tell someone who you know will embrace you and who you can trust with your vision. To be blunt, don’t tell negative Nellie down the street when you know she won’t be supportive. Even more intimate, tell yourself daily. I know this sounds strange but procrastination seeps in like a boil and it will stop you if you let it. Speak to it and tell your dream it will come true. Then take one more step after another. I’ve given you the first one, now soar! If you want, you can tell me! Whatever you do, just own it my dear. The more you own it the more you will make it yours. Make sense? I hope so! I want to see you soar!

So, today, close your eyes and imagine that special “thing”. Take it to the next level. What would you do right after you tell someone what it is? One more step darlin’, that is ALL it takes! Just keep repeating that “one more step”. You’ve got this and God has granted it to you, so go girl, go!

Motivationally yours,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

(Yep, I love being a shepherd out in the pasture of life. That is MY passion! Do me, and yourself proud gals. You won’t regret it, ever)

http://jeninemarie.com

 

Finding Confidence Through Discerning Anger

11903843_1021780967852338_8196902700816901363_n

Anger is a very tricky emotion sometimes. God has given us the ability to be angry and yet it seems like the world always wants to stop us from feeling it. In all honesty, anger has a real God given purpose. Without it we would find it much harder to discover the places inside of us that hurt. Anger expresses our emotion of feeling slighted, stepped on, rejected, hurt, and many other things. Sometimes our anger can reveal things that we never realized were there in us. Anyone who lives in this world will experience things that will potentially cause emotional issues that can fester deep inside the inner parts. Often these things live in us until something or someone comes along to bring it to the surface. If we stop anger from happening all together then we stop our ability to discover those things that anger will reveal in us.

God tells us to “anger but sin not”. This means basically, “By all means be angry, but do not allow it to flow out of control or get out of balance”. If anger can be used to mindfully bring forward an important issue that needs to come to the surface so it can be dealt with, then it is anger well spent. The hard issues come if the balance of anger goes beyond its true purpose. Once anger has revealed that there is a problem that is coming up, then the real tricky part is to allow it to just simmer enough to uncover it.

The next time anger comes to the surface, by all means express the issue because it hurts you more not to. Then mindfully stop and examine the issue that is behind it. Ask God to help you discern what the anger means and why it is present. Really, anger can be your confident friend if you allow it to. Not all anger is bad, so keep that out of your mind. No guilt for expressing the truth of what is inside of you, even if the truth seems a bit misguided. This is what life is experienced for! You will find a new confidence in this process and a new empowerment as you learn to use your God given emotions to bring real healing to yourself and others!

In addition, never go to bed angry! Meditate, pray, and allow yourself to be settled before sleeping. Keeping anger inside all through the night will cause terrible issue in your health. This would be anger out of balance! Keep yourself on even keel. Learning to manage the waves of life’s emotional ocean is a very lofty endeavor, but well worth the journey!

God’s blessing upon you!

Jenine Marie

Ephesians 4:26 (American Standard Version)

26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Confidence Through Brokenness

Rev Jenine MarieI’m not sure how it works when empowerment comes shining through brokenness. I can only say that I am so glad that it can and does happen. There is a God given miracle that comes through tears, struggle, and a broken heart. Maybe it is because those are the times when we turn our hearts to God the most, or the moments we seek something higher than ourselves. Either way, or regardless to how it happens the reality is that it does happen. There is a shining moment when everything in life takes a huge shift. Sometimes the circumstances have not even changed yet, it is just the understanding that they will change. It is the power that comes from the knowledge that things will become brighter and better than they were before just in the light of the release of frustration and struggle.

Think of all the times you struggled in your own soul. The emotional train wreck alone is enough to send someone packing from the things of life on this planet. Yet, every single time there is a powerful rescue if you choose to look for it. We are powerful people. You are a powerful person. This truth can never be realized unless there is a struggle and growth period involved.

Sleep soundly and well in the knowledge that dramatic change is taking place in your life! There are moments in life that seem to suck the air right out of us, but without them we would never know how radiant the bliss is when transformation comes. Even more amazing is that the transformation will always come!  The next time there are internal struggles over external things, take some time to reflect on the transformation. The miracle comes through turning life over to the power Who is always faithful to you. Our universe was created with set standards. Those things that are truth will never change. Take your broken pieces and put them on the altar of hope for awhile. Wait for the powerful transformation to begin as you reflect on speaking your heart to the One who always cares, is always there, and will always support you! God never fails. He is confidence through brokenness.

Confidently Yours,

Jenine Marie

Matthew 5:3-4

3“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.…

Take On a Dose of Integrity

10556464_427421444062789_1781922537085214413_n

Everyone in this world seems to love being in a place of influence. I think it is human nature to want to be “the one” for someone or others. Influence can be a powerful thing, and it does not always mean a person needs money to achieve it. Influence can be done through a simple dose of walking in integrity. To have integrity is to walk in honesty and sound moral principles. It also means to show we can be trusted. A person who has integrity is one who others can trust and count on through any weather. If you have a friend you can trust, then you have a great treasure! If you are a person who can be trusted, then you are a great treasure!

Powerful confidence comes through walking in deep integrity. Confidence does not mean perfection. Please keep this in mind! Perfection is not ever obtained in this world as long as we are here in our current state. According to scriptures in the bible, someday “perfection will come” in the personified as our Christed Light and then “we shall be like Him.” Until then, we will fall, and we will fail. The main thing is to keep on getting up. To continue to get up when things fall apart shows excellent strength and integrity!

It seems as we seek meaning for ourselves in this world, our illusion is the most excellent movers and shakers are those who cheat others. Ingenuine people never prosper even if it appears they do. Those who walk with great integrity receive the most significant rewards, are the most fulfilled, and are the greatest treasures to humankind.

If you want to influence this world, then allow integrity to be your banner! Everyone on this earth seeks out those to follow, emulate, and become apart of influential groups. Our honest and trustworthiness within our sense of community and compassion always speaks loudly for our reputation. If you want to be one who has a good reputation as one of this world’s most influential people, then take on a dose of integrity and follow integrity’s ways. You will never be sorry!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

JenineMarie.com

LifeLessonsbyJenineMarie.com

Confidence Through Power Prayers

Praying WomanAny time spent in prayer has to be the most sacred time of a day.  We don’t often turn to prayer unless there is an issue we need to address with God regarding ourselves or others we love. God loves when we pray, and in addition, He loves to bless our prayer time with His goodness! Communication with our maker brings everything into perspective. I know that recently when I went through something challenging it was a real blessing to be able to stay in contact with the One who knows me best and to also enlist others to go to Him on my behalf.

I can’t exactly explain what happens when I personally know that others are praying for me through a challenge. It’s a mystical thing and in all honestly I really don’t care as much to know how it happens as to just know that it does happen! Empowerment and confidence come through prayer and connection with God and others who know God as well!

It can be real easy to just say prayer does not work but that idea has to come from those who have not faithfully tried it. My challenge to you today is to find powerful confidence through connection to the highest loving power there is! Spend every morning talking to your Maker and make it quality time. Follow up by an evening of prayer and listening before bed. Prayer is transformational and very powerful!

I guarantee your efforts will never return void. It’s God’s promise to you and to those who come to Him with a heart in faith. Look for Him in answers and in blessing each day you connect. You will see Him in all you encounter! Be powerfully confident, be in prayer!

Love and blessing

Jenine Marie

The Power of Confidence Through Rest

Peaceful Power“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV)

There is a gentleness in God that brings complete rest when we allow it to happen. We are invited to lay down our burdens at the throne room and release ourselves from the strains of life. During this time we give over our burdens and allow rest to be our power and confidence. We can never be confident when we are tired, weary, and pressed down. A confident soul is one that allows itself to be free and to rest from life’s troubles.

When we are bogged down with so much in life that it becomes too hard to handle our confidence and power in life will be zapped as well. The old adage, “don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today,” is not always the best advice. Sometimes the best thing to do in some circumstances is nothing. At some point we have to know that the highest power is working on things for our better good.

So, my dear sisters, go and find your rest when you need it! Your confident life depends upon it! We never have the opportunity to see miracles if we are always at work in situations and acting as our own god. Sometimes we need to step aside and allow ourselves to be confident in the God who made us unique and powerful! Yes, we are powerful!

Powerful does not mean we always have to be moving, doing, and acting. Sometimes power sits quietly and waits for some of the storm to pass. The words “Be still and know that I am God” can be the most powerfully soothing words that there is! So, be good to yourself! Take some time away, and allow time for all things to be made new! God has promised you that this will happen! Believe it!

Rest in the power of confidence in God when life’s storms become more than you can handle yourself!

Blessings!

Jenine Marie 

Powerful Confidence Through Personal Support : Women Need Women!

Have you ever heard the expression, “No man is an island”? I think most people have. No woman is an island either, nor should she ever be! Granted there are times when we really need to step aside and take some independent personal time away from everything and everyone. We need that mind space to figure out life sometimes. Even Jesus went off on His own to seek, pray, and meditate. I believe that sometimes He just plain needed rest! Hey, don’t we all!

Women grouped together are like a bouquet of wild flowers!
Women grouped together are like a bouquet of wild flowers!

Yet, there is something so ingrained in women that causes us to take great pleasure in congregating! Since the beginning of time, the men went out to hunt to bring back the provision and the women stayed behind tending to the home, the family, and to each other. I’m sure that they all stuck together in order to protect those home fires, and each other, while the men were away. Otherwise the animals might ravage the homestead! I truly believe that women were designed to be in groups and when we don’t congregate we are not as powerful as we are when we do! No doubt about it, women need women.

Can you see the scenario in the village as the men go off to kill their prey? The women put the children to bed then hover over the fire to talk about how they can better secure their families. I am sure during the course of the night the subject of their men came up from time to time. Alright, maybe more than from time to time!

Aren’t we like that though? Don’t we sharpen one another when we stick together, gather together, and work out life together? It is also very true that women can be our worst adversaries as well. Why do we do this when working together makes us much more powerful? This is the deal; there are many more women in the world then men. Women instinctively try to eliminate the competition! Our ingrained fear of being lost in the crowd,  over looked for relationships, or left behind, cause us to work against each other. Just consider how we feel when our men look at another woman in the store! We get ANGRY! Then we take it out on our man, on the woman he looked at, and on other women! This is not the only thing we compete about, but you get my drift! Before you become ashamed of our gender, consider that this is really not our fault. We tend to be protective and territorial about the things we love. God made us this way in order to preserve the family unit and the human race. If we did not care about our loved ones, families, and relationships, then the fiber of our families would break down. We are the glue that holds these things together!

So, what is our answer here? It is very simple. We need to acknowledge that we have this personal possession rivalry, set it aside, and decide that we are more powerful when we work together then when we shove each other aside. Becoming angry over things that we can not help will never get us anywhere. We are more powerful when we are personally supported by one another. Do you agree with me here? I hope so, because I am on a tangent with this. We have to get over ourselves so we can get under our barriers and lift ourselves and each other up!

If you are a woman who really wants to find lasting success, then you have to be one who is an ambassador to women! This is the only way to have the lasting powerful success as well as confidence we are all looking for! Women are great at lifting each other up when we decide we want to be. Consider this; when we help everyone be confident and successful then we all will have that power among us. Our men are wonderful, but they don’t understand us the way we understand each other! We are lifelines to one another!

Are you ready to be an ambassador to other women and what can you personally do in order to sharpen iron with another? We can all achieve powerful confidence through personal support of one another! How do we think that diet and fitness programs work so well? Its the buddy system of personal confidence and success!

Tell me; what ways are you willing to lift up other women as well as yourself? Inquiring minds really want know!

Your ambassador in confidence!

Jenine Marie 

Can Women Be Powerfully Confident?

“I am praying for the confident woman to arise in you to be an over comer regardless of circumstances”. Rev Jenine Marie

I’ve heard it said that there is nothing more attractive in a woman like confidence! I suppose this is very true. Self assured women can be very magnetic! I also believe that confident women are very powerful and have a power to draw others to themselves and draw good things to themselves as well. I feel, as women, we all seek a confidence that will some how magically wipe away our fears and insecurities. In fact, I believe many of us pray for this.

In reality our confidence does not mean that fear is absent. Most of the time fear is present to warn us from things that bring us harm. The trouble comes when we let our fears run rampant enough to rule inside us. I have come to believe that confidence is not the absence of fear but comes out of a transformed way of how we think about it.

It might seem a lot easier to ask God to remove our fear. Honestly it is highly unlikely that He will magically do this, because it is more beneficial to allow us to overcome it and develop a new relationship with it.  So, how do we do this? Sometimes it is a matter of learning to not react to our fearful thoughts and learning how to act in a way that allows fear to propel us forward.

Believe it or not, it is highly possible to do this and find a way toward a more secure confidence. Nothing ever comes completely easy or we would never grow in life, so this might just require some work , some faith, and some dedication. Would you like the kind of powerful confidence that comes from learning how to overcome fear and insecurity? If you just nodded your head, “Yes”, then stick here with me. We have some good discussion to get into!

Before you think that this will mean one formula is revealed and that takes care of everything, consider all of the scenarios you might have to apply it to. The possibilities can be endless! My hope and prayer is that some of women’s main insecure issues can be brought to light in this blog and how to build a new relationship with those fears in order to be an over comer of them. Instead of reacting and over reacting, let’s learn to act in a way that resembles the Spirit of God in us as women! Let’s learn how to be powerfully confident in a way that not only lifts us up but other women with us!

Does this sound wonderful to you? I hope so! I have a mission in life now to lift up women to a new place of confidence that will bring powerful transformation in life. Before I go further, realize that this takes togetherness. It takes faith in God, faith in ourselves, and faith in one another. Can we live in a world where women stop mistrusting one another and begin to work together with each other on transformation? I really believe so! If you want to find powerful confidence for yourself and help bring it to others then stay around for awhile and invite others as well! A new transformation is waiting!

Sincerely and prayerfully yours,

Jenine Marie