Addictions: The Lying Trap

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Remember that old saying back as a child, “Liar, liar, pants on fire?” Sometimes I wondered what our pants had to do with the lying part. I know its a very strange thing to meditate upon but I did that today. This is what came to me. When someone’s pants are on fire it is very obvious. They are being burned, hopping around, and part of them is being destroyed in front of anyone who might be looking.

Since I am on an addictions role lately, I thought I would address the lying that comes with addicted personalities and why an addicts “pants are on fire”, (so to speak). First and foremost I want to say that no one is ever kidding themselves or others when it comes to addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, people, drama, food, or any other addiction. The very first lie an addict creates is to themselves. They lie, believing that:

  1. Some day I will stop
  2. No one knows I am addicted
  3. No one sees that I lie to get by
  4. There is no hope accept to keep on keeping on
  5. Addiction can not be counteracted with first accepting the truth
  6. I’m not really harming my body
  7. I’m not harming anyone else
  8. I have a long life ahead of me, this is not going to affect me, things will change
  9. I need this addiction to make it through life
  10. People will believe my lies if I make them believable for me too

There are also lies that addicts tell those they are around and their loved ones. They might be things like this: (Remember lying to others is abusing them)

  1. I’m going to stop now and do it on my own
  2. I have to work late
  3. No one cares about me
  4. You are the cause of my addiction
  5. I locked the keys in my car
  6. I lost all of my money
  7. I never took your stuff
  8. I did not drink, use, function in my addiction today
  9. She/he is only a friend
  10. I never spoke of you as the cause of my addictions while speaking to others
  11. My addictions are my business and they don’t harm you
  12. You misunderstood

These are only a few. I am sure if you are struggling with addiction you can think of some more or maybe a loved one can think of some for you. This is the deal: Your loved ones KNOW you are lying. Even as much as you might try to convince them otherwise they still know. You can argue, kick, scream, and rant, and it does not make them know less. The people you work with KNOW you are lying. You can not hide an addiction from everyone no matter how hard you try. Even distance can not do it. The ONLY one you are kidding is yourself. You are hurting everyone around you, there is no doubt about that, but more than that, you are hurting yourself.

Eventually people will distance themselves from you. If they don’t they are co-dependent to your addiction. Don’t kid yourself. You might wake up and find yourself very alone. A dear friend of mine used to say, “You can’t kid a kidder“. Everyone who has or is experiencing addiction with you or around you know that you lie as well. Is THIS the life you want to lead?

No, I am not trying to be mean here. I am being honest. If you think you won’t lose everything in life no matter how successful you might look on the outside, you are lying to yourself. You might even lose your life. Then those around you will grieve. Is this the legacy you want to leave behind?

I am challenging you with no judgement to make a new decision in life. First be honest with yourself. Admit your problem is out of control. Then admit to those around you that you have been liar liar, pants on fire. It’s been obvious all along. So what is the harm in just being honest? Everyone knows, so what is the harm in coming clean with the dirt? It is your first step to freedom. I remember reading in the bible for the first time that God hates liars. Please don’t take this that God hates YOU. God hates the actions created. He wants better for you and I think you do too!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

832-484-8306

Some Memories Are Just Too Precious

11988378_10153670839814255_4027848974804248960_nBack in the 90’s I was a struggling mom with five children. I was married to someone who was not very supportive of our family and often was gone for long spurts of time. Faith is not even a strong enough word for what I needed to have.

My older son was about 12 years old when I sold Avon products for the first time. One season I purchased an entire case of Skin So Soft Spray and had planned to sell them all for a good profit. My youngest daughter was just a baby, not even walking as of yet. Sometimes the weather was just to hard to take her out in a stroller and then there were the other children.

My son Jayson (now in heaven) would go out into the neighborhood and not only take out my brochures for me but sell my Skin So Soft Spray to the neighborhood. That way I could stay with his brother and sisters at home while he helped bring in some food funds. Every not and then his friends would help him pass out my brochures and I paid them to be of service.

Jayson was a great worker and helper. He was always willing to put in some extra time to keep our family going when things were hard. Now, 18 years later, I am selling Avon products again to benefit my ministry for women who need healing from abuses and infidelity in relationships. I love that Avon places women in places of respect enough to have their own fundraisers for the causes of breast cancer and domestic violence.

It seemed so obvious that this business was and is a good fit for my ministry fund raising. I am now working toward my non profit status and then an office outside my home for women to come and be ministered to and counseled for the wounds that haunt them. Today I received my first delivery of my Avon business kit and the first thing I pulled out was the Skin So Soft Spray. It still smells the same and is basically the same price. The memories flooded my mind of my sweet son, now in heaven, and all the great ways he helped to support me in caring for the other children.

It’s only fitting that Avon be my go to place for raising funds for my ministry for God on behalf of women. If you would like to assist me in my ministry endeavor, or even support my blog writing, please consider an Avon purchase. Skin So Soft Spray is still at the amazing price of $6.99 per bottle and I also have a bundle of several products for only $19.99! A great value. Please see the photos! IMG_2999.JPG

You can call me and order at 832-484-8306 or you can just simply go to my website at https://youravon.com/jeninehowry and place an order. You will find an online brochure with the current sales and also the items I have pictures here in this post. I am working on a goal in the next week to obtain $150 in orders as an initial goal. I know I can get there with the support of those who enjoy my blog and also desire to help women recover from the abuses this life has brought to them. 20108548_1755207567840818_5834360564279427736_n

You are greatly appreciated! Please pass on my blog information and my website. I am so blessed to be a part of opening up the lives of women, one woman at a time!

God bless you!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Avon Representative and Pastor

832-484-8306

Don’t Allow Someone’s Rejection Define You!

beautiful-sky-with-mountains-in-the-distance_1232-718It’s pretty common for women who have been in an abusive relationship to continually place their worth and value outside of themselves. Part of the abuse cycle is practically begging the abuser to want you, and part of their abuse is to reject you. This is especially true if the abuser is a narcissist. I know this sounds sickening but they thrive on it and depend on your response to their neglect of your needs. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Then when you express what you need you have fallen into their trap. They can tell you how unreasonable you are, and to just be happy with what you have even though you feel neglected. Let me release you here. You are entitled to your own feelings even if no one else agrees with them. They are yours and if you feel hurt then no one can tell you that you are overreacting. You are a person of great value and your heart matters as well as how you express what is in it no matter how it comes out. (Meaning even with tears).

The best response in this situation is to agree with them. They are right. Your happiness, your value, and your worth do not depend on them or anyone else wanting you. Your beauty does not depend on anyone else expressing desire for you. I know it takes a lot to begin to truly believe this if you are in the habit of not believing it.

It can be very frustrating and humiliating to feel you need to constantly beg someone to love you when there is only so much they can give. It’s also very frustrating to wait on someone to express their devotion to you when that might not ever happen. Hear me. You don’t have to hang your hat on a wrack that won’t support it. Recognize that some people are limited when it comes to the compassion department. It’s not you, its them. Your part is allowing yourself to be sucked into the pattern over and over again. STOP.

Remember God supports you and loves you the way He made you. You might even “know this” but it has not sunk deep enough for you to truly believe it. Give yourself time. I am positive that if you work on this every single day you will begin to see how much you truly are worth without any one else’s affirmation. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Live out loud. Don’t keep things stifled inside of you or isolate yourself in your feelings. Talk to someone who will edify you and remind you who you are.
  2. Write down all of the things that are your strengths and go with those. Focusing on strengths can help you stop looking at what you perceive as weakness or what you feel is “not good enough”.
  3. Connect with others who deal with what you do and support, lift up, and edify each other. There is strength in numbers.
  4. Look up Scriptures in the Bible that remind you of your worth to God and post them everywhere so you can see them on a regular basis. Let the truth of them soak into you.
  5. I know this one is a weird one, but get mad at the situation enough to make a change for the better. Allow your hurt feelings and anger about bad treatment to propel you forward instead of inward.

Remember that your value in this world is off the charts. There is not even a large enough number to even come close to explaining it. God sees your value every day. Commit yourself to seeing it as well. If your heart is broken work on healing it with God and become stronger. This does not mean “hardened”. You don’t need to be hard hearted to be strong, but on the contrary you can be strong by giving of who you are to someone who truly wants all you have to give!

Finish these sentences: I am valuable because _______________________________________

My greatest strengths are ____________________________________________________________

My God given gift is/are ___________________________________________________________________

My love in this world is important because _________________________________________\

These are the people who need and appreciate me: _________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________

A Statement for You

“I will give my attention to those people and consider myself as a gift. I will release myself from the feeling that I have to beg someone to love, care, or appreciate me, no matter how much it hurts. I will let God heal those areas of my life.”

It takes some work on your part to overcome the affects of someone else’s neglect, abuse, or lack of appreciation, but you have this one! You can do this with God. Repeat:

“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.”

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765

 

You Are NOT What Others Say You Are!

beauty girl cryDoesn’t it seem like these days no matter what we do there is always someone who is unhappy about it? We’ve talked about differing opinions before. They are a dime a dozen (maybe with inflation a quarter a dozen)! We are our own self, a reflection of God’s unique creation.

Even in community doesn’t it seem like we all end up morphing into people who all start to look the same from the inside out? We are supposed to be around like minded people, but not to the extent where we morph into each other. The truth is, no matter how hard one might try, we can’t become someone else no matter how much we admire that person.

Sometimes we even compromise our uniqueness. We do this by people pleasing or feeling bad about ourselves when others don’t like something about us. We are a sensitive bunch, aren’t we? What about what YOU like about yourself? Even more, what about what God loves about you?

I like to talk about this subject because my primary ministry is to women affected by abuse and infidelity. Harshness, rejection, and lack of acceptance can send a person to tip the scales the wrong way in the uniqueness department. An abused woman or one who has been cheated on will go out of her way to please everyone around her just to overcompensate for her past lack of acceptance. There are a couple of hard realities when it comes to this.

  1. If she does this she will never heal and rediscover the true value of her real self the way God made her.
  2. No one can please everyone no matter how hard we try.

I’m going to give you some statements to keep you on the right track.

“I am how God made me, not what others say I am.”

” I am worth loving when I am just being myself.”

“The only one I truly need to please is God. Others will have to accept me as I am or not accept me at all.”

“I will not overcompensate just to make someone else happy with me, or compromise what I like, love, or desire in my life.”

“Other people’s thoughts about me are their own business, not mine.” (One of my personal favorites)!

Please don’t compromise the unique person that you are just to please someone else, or morph yourself into someone else’s idea of who you should be. Like what YOU like. Do the things YOU like to do. Remember that Jesus thought you were worth dying for, so please remember your value is immeasurable just the way you decide you want to be!

I challenge you today to not conform to any person’s abusive view of you! Do the healing work needed in order to overcome another person’s nastiness concerning who you are, what you like, your gifts and talents, your body image, and your self worth. Need prayer for this? Don’t be shy. Be bold enough to heal and call me! YOU can do this with God! Don’t put it off. You are NOT what others say you are. You are who GOD created you to be!

Also, stop trying to conform to another person’s image of who you should be. Go to God for healing. See once again who God created you to be! That image might be buried deep inside you but it is still there! Let others see the unique person you are, and even more, love yourself as you are!

Being ourselves together,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765 for prayer

Understanding Workplace or Business Abuse

r1113127_13550802I’ve had to think a long time before I felt ready to write this one. Workplace abuse happens quite often and it can be anywhere from subtle to extreme. Before we go any further on this, lets define what abuse is. Basically abuse is mistreatment or misuse of a person, in this case employee or even business partner. Abuse most of the time is about control. Someone feels like their life is out of control and so to feel they have order they control others. Sometimes abuse has to do with envy or jealousy. The abuser feels like they are less than or feels another might not deserve the accolades they are receiving from others. It can be jealously of success. For instance one business partner is making more progress than the other for a company.

Regardless of the reason, any abuse or mistreatment makes life miserable for those who are in the receiving side. Abuse can occur from one person in management or it can occur in a a group form  called “mobbing”. The abuser says and does things to get others on their “side” and tricks them into actively participating in the abuse. Usually the abuser poses as the victim in order to gain some form of sympathy so others will side with them.

An Example from My Personal Files

A long time ago I worked for a commercial bank. I was pressured by my manager, and overloaded with work. She made personal phone calls and filed her nails at the desk behind me. To add to the pressure I became pregnant with my second child. Soon I had to take more frequent bathroom breaks and sometimes eat crackers during the day to settle my stomach. I had stacks and stacks of files on my desk daily. I felt overwhelmed much of the time. It was not long before I was called in and placed on 3 months probation for not keeping up with my work. During the probation meeting I broke apart at the pressure of my manager. Although I was straight forward about her lazy management skills, I ended up leaving due to the pressure. I lost my medical insurance, which I desperately needed, and felt horrible my whole pregnancy.

My manager used “mobbing” in order to control the situation for herself. Long before the probation meeting she had been going to upper management complaining about me about every little detail. Her complaints were completely unwarranted. I also happened to know her personally outside of work and she did not agree with some of my personal choices. I guess she decided to teach me a lesson and make life hard on me. The strange thing, is I could “feel” this happening before it did happen. Strange looks and being shunned by those above me began to happen. Then there were comments made to me that seemed out of context. I was being primed for abuse and eventually to leave my job.

According to the Workplace Bullying Institute in 2014, 27% of those surveyed nationally felt they were bullied or abused at work. Keep in mind that this is a figure regarding bullying. There are many types of abuse such as sexual discrimination, sexual or verbal harassment, mobbing, discrediting through gossip or undermining. These are just a few to make a point. This is a very serious thing. Many people come out from workplace abuse with a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, loss of wages, loss of insurance, loss of integrity, and even sometimes lose their lives because of the pressure.

So What Do You Do?

  1. Tell someone! With any type of abuse people feel too ashamed to talk about it. Telling someone takes courage but once it is done there is a great deal of relief. Talk to a counselor, the Labor Board, or an organization like Workplace Bullying Institute. Talk to a good friend and gain others who are sympathetic to your side.
  2.  Confront! Allow authorities to do an intervention with yourself and your management. With some employers this can be a labor union or you can even find a labor attorney or advocate.
  3.  Contribute. Be the person that others can come to and make others aware of abuse in the workplace or in business. We are all stronger when we band together.
  4. Take good care of yourself! Practice a lot of self care doing things that are healthy for you. You can train for another job. Do things that create happiness in your life. Surround yourself with the right kind of friends who help you move on and not keep you stuck in the post traumatic stress.
  5. Pray. Stretch your faith toward better days ahead.

Ask yourself. Do you want to be a part of a company that treats you poorly or won’t defend you when you have a problem? Do you want to be a part of a business where you are subjected to unwarranted pressure, gossip, control, manipulation, or harsh behavior?

Life is too precious to allow any part of it be subjected to those who treat you bad regardless to the reason they might have. It is their job to change their tactics. It is your job to defend your own well being and those around you!

Pursue peace,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765