Re-evaluating The Hard Things: Talking About Shame

DrRevJenineMarie3

When you were growing up, have you ever heard someone say to a child, “You should be ashamed of yourself!” This usually came after  some perceived error in judgment or just plain bad behavior. I wonder if any parent ever stopped to think about those words and what they might mean when someone becomes an adult. I wonder where parents heard those words themselves, took on the shameful perception of themselves, and then unconsciously passed it on as “good morality” teaching. When I hear those words myself, I see a little girl sitting cross legged on a bed with her head down ready to cry.

When a person grows up in shaming then shame is what they carry either unconsciously, consciously, or both. As shaming is passed down through family lines it becomes like a genetic disease. Most of the time it goes unnoticed like a program that runs in the background of a life, just like on a computer. Then it comes out the first opportunity it gets, to stab a person right into the shame wound. The next thing they know it comes out of their pores in the form of anger, fear, humiliation, and the list goes on.

Someone who has been seriously shamed can never take any type of correction, teaching, or instruction. They just believe they are being wronged, bruised, and shamed again and again. This does not end until awareness is brought to the wound. Once something is known it can not be unknown. It becomes a person’s truth and can be very transformative if an individual decides to make it that way.

The next time someone corrects you, tries to teach you, criticizes you, or worse, think about what feelings are suddenly brought up. How does your body feel and is it reacting as well? Sometimes you might feel sick in your stomach, your breath might become faster and shorter, or you might feel like you want to storm off, lash out, or RUN!  Pain is always an indicator of illness of any kind. It makes no difference if it is physical or emotional. It brings an opportunity to create healing. The next time a situation brings you distress, instead of blaming another person or a situation, let it be a healing moment.

Close your eyes, put one hand over your heart and one on your stomach. Breath deep and slowly. Ask yourself what feelings this issue is bringing up for you and if you would like to decide to heal yourself instead of react. If you want to heal yourself, sit with God and tell yourself the words that others never seemed to ever say. “I am valuable.” I am enough.” “Others’ opinions or thoughts of me don’t have to be made my own.” “I am deeply loved and admired.” “I am unique and God sees me as powerful.” There are many you can say. Maybe write down some of your own and keep them in a place where you see them every day. Then when shame comes to call, open the door with a self love bomb that sends it packing for good!

Practice makes perfect in this case. Let it become second nature to you. Refuse to pass shame down through family lines. Refuse to allow others words, actions, or thoughts of you make you feel less than what you really are. Instead of blame, heal. Instead of lash out or react, reaffirm. Instead of shame, brilliance!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

If you struggle with shame or if you tend to take on others thoughts of you, please call and make an appointment. I can guide you through a course of healing that can reaffirm who you really are!

832-484-8306

Freedom from Guilt and Shame

canstockphoto11547372-300x199It’s a miracle that we get through this life as an intact person when we are attacked almost daily with the haunting of the things which have occurred in our lives. It’s not just about the things which have happened TO us, or things we have done to others, but even more about the way we handle the aftermath. Honestly, we often treat ourselves much worse than others have ever treated us. It’s sad when we do this because it is completely unnecessary. We live in a society that fosters more insecurity and self hatred than one person could even consume in a lifetime. Our hope is that we do have relief from the effects of what happens around us in Jesus.

Regardless to how things transpired; whether someone did something to you or you did something to someone else, you don’t have to live with two of the more devastating life draining conditions we humans tend to take upon ourselves. The two that I am speaking about are guilt and shame. First let me clarify what these two things are:

Guilt:

Guilt is where we take upon ourselves condemnation for something we have done or perceived we have done. Guilt attacks our “right standing“, or righteousness.

Shame:

Shame is when we take upon ourselves condemnation regarding how we see ourselves as a person. Shame attacks our identity. It steals from us the truth about “who we are and whose we are”.

One of the key words here is “condemnation”. When we are in Christ Jesus there is no more condemnation in our lives. He has sacrificed already for our forgiveness.

Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus…”

The Real Accuser:

So who was it that really told you that you are guilty and should suffer shame? Don’t think this dilemma was your original creation. We have an enemy who is the enemy of God. This enemy is Satan. The thing you need to know and remember about this enemy is that he is the liar of all liars and has no power. Jesus is the one with all of the power. Satan just wants you to think he has it. If we look at the situation from the end we can see where Satan really stands. This is Satan’s position. He is conquered and powerless!

Revelation: 12: (9-11) “And the great dragon was hurled down—the ancient serpent called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him. And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and  of His Christ. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down, he who accuses them day and night before our God. They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…”.

As you can see, Satan is a defeated foe. Jesus tells you that you are saved, free, and forgiven. These are the edifications that come from your Savior. These are the things that come from the Holy Spirit; the spirit of truth. So who are you going to believe? If you want forgiveness and to walk in right standing then ask Jesus for it! If you want to be reminded of whose you are then ask Jesus to reaffirm your position with Him! There is no reason to walk in any guilt or shame in this world. They are lies that come from the evil one and they are NOT your position or identity! Let Jesus wash you with his love and forgiveness. Let Him be your “truth” because He IS the truth.

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness”.

As you can see, all that is asked for is a confession. Jesus is faithful and will forgive us when we are in need of it.

A Prayer for You! 

Dear Jesus, Please reveal to me any wrong doing on my part and forgive me for my actions. I confess those things to You now. Forgive me for not walking in the truth and for being harder on myself than I should. I release to You now, any thoughts of guilt regarding actions I have done or have perceived to have done. I also release to you any beliefs that place shame upon me. This is not my identity! I ask You to remove them completely from me now. Help me to see myself in “right standing” and also to see myself as a recipient of your grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I am Your child; a child of the King. I accept no other description within my conscience. Thank You for loving me and for allowing me to walk in freedom! Amen and amen!

 

Hebrews 10:22, “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.”

Walking free with you,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching

800-421-1765