What Defines You?

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The question my title presents is much more important than you might think. We tend to become what our minds believe we are. Sometimes it feels like a true battlefield. Our minds might insist one thing when we want it to believe something else. Our belief is tested when someone accuses us of being something we don’t feel we are or don’t desire to be. This is when the question in my title becomes even more important.

What is it that defines you? Are you defined by what others think or say you are? Or, are you defined by old stories your head might be telling you that spring up from the past?Sometimes people can define themselves by what they were told they were from others long ago. The crazy thing is those times have long drifted into nothingness, and yet, sometimes we are still battling those words or thoughts. Sometimes they are blame or shame based statements toward us that we take on today.

The mind is the biggest battlefield we can ever try to overcome. Not only will it tell you things about yourself that are not true, but if you believe the thoughts, you will also react as if they are true. Old thoughts in error can guide you to assume things about other people that are not true as well. I always tell others to not assume things about someone’s thoughts. Always ask! It’s the only way to really truly find out. Even if you don’t want to know the answer. Truth is truth. We only should act out of what is true and not a false belief as to what is true.

This is why it is so important to reprogram your mind daily. It is a daily battle to conquer the false statements we believe about ourselves and others. Any time something comes to mind about yourself or someone else, ask first , ‘Is it true?” before you act. Otherwise you might act out of a lie or false belief. This can cause more hardship than you ever wanted to experience, or even worse, hurt someone or yourself needlessly.

Take the time to reprogram your mind daily. Use what you want to be true about yourself, life, and align your thoughts with those goals. Also, erase your false beliefs about others by starting each day as brand new. Take in these affirmations:

“I affirm that my life will go as I have determined in my mind it will be.

“I affirm that I will ask others about their thoughts before I assume.”

” I affirm that I will walk in peace with all beings, act in honesty with myself and others.”

“I affirm I will work through whatever I believe about others that makes me uncomfortable as to not harm them.”

“I affirm to work through the hard things so that peace and harmony can be my bannor and not chaos that I create for myself.:

You might think of some new ones for yourself! Bottom line, don’t assume you know. Also, change what you don’t want in life to what you do want by creating peaceful resolutions toward that goal.

“First do no harm.”

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

Assuming Things About Someone is Not Truth but a Reflection of Yourself

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Every human being has the key that unlocks the truth about themselves. Often its hard enough figuring out what those truths are let alone what someone else’s are. Unless we are mind readers, the personal thoughts, feelings, and ponderings of another individual are their own. They are not known unless or until they reveal them.

When we assume we know what another is thinking it is not truth about them. Only they hold their own truth. Our thoughts about others come from our own thoughts unless they have expressed them to us personally. For example, we can not determine if we have hurt someone or not. Another person’s feelings belong to them, and only they know what they are and why. Or, we also can not determine what another person’s possible actions are. We won’t know them until they actually act.

We all do this. We assume we know instead of ask. I’m not sure why its so hard to ask but often it is. Maybe we don’t want to know the answer so we create one. Either way, the thoughts we manufacture about another person come from our own personal experience and thoughts. We might have experienced a lot of reasons to mistrust, so we can not trust others easily but often assume they will leave us. Or we might not have a good self image so we believe others think we are unattractive.

No one can live in the reflection of another’s thoughts or actions even when we feel we know them well. Someone often told me, “We never know what others are thinking.” This is absolutely true. Unless they tell us, we don’t know. Sometimes we assume others don’t like us but in reality they might just be too shy or overwhelmed to get to know us. Assuming can bring us a lot of pain but discovering where that pain comes from can help us walk in true reality and not what we think it is.

Let me give you examples of some personal things I have observed that others assume about me.

It is often assumed if I post something on my blog or in social media it reflects what is going on in my personal life or with me as an individual. This is not always true. In fact, it is rarely true. It’s usually about what I have observed in someone else or in the character of people in general.

A great deal of the time it is assumed if I am put together, dressed well, make up on, that I am doing completely alright. This is not true at all. I was raised by example from women in my family that we put ourselves together daily. Its almost a matter of habit for me now. I put myself together with full make up, did my hair etc while I was in labor with all of my children before I went to the hospital! My outer exterior is not always a reflection of how I feel. In order to know, someone has to ask me, or they simply don’t know.

Here is a huge one. Since I was a Pastor in my past, it is often assumed that my relationship with God has slipped because my doctorate is in Transpersonal Psychology, I provide hypnotherapy and alternative healing. Actually, I have been working on these things for many years. In fact I began my first psychology degree in 1996. I went to a community college for 2 years and then a 4 year university after that. Life has been a process for me, but my relationship with God is stronger being who I am meant to be than being in a role that was truly not the right fit for me. It is a position I was placed in after my graduation from seminary. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it. In fact it was one of the more precious joys of my life. My personal devotion time is more private than it used to be but it is deeper than it used to be as well.

These are just some things I can personally relay that might bring this point to light. In fact, being a light in the darkness is something I learned from my Father, my Creator, my God. How cool is that? The things I mentioned above regarding myself are reflections of what others think and not what is reality for me. For those who have wondered, now you know!

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry