If it Was Real Love Would They Have Left?

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I listened on the phone to a woman who was sobbing as she expressed her fear and pain. I’m an empath, so I could feel the pain in my chest as she tried to settle down long enough to even talk. Her life had fallen apart in one instant. Little did she know, it had been falling apart for some time. She was just not informed of it. When it all finally hit the fan, her husband she had been married to all of her adult life had told her he was leaving her for another woman. In fact, he had been seeing the woman for awhile.

They had been together through raising children, buying a home, planning for retirement, and family vacations. They fought battles when the kids rebelled against them, prayed while they were sick, held one another through unexpected funerals and celebrated every joyous event. Now all of that became a blur as she vented her feelings to me with tears rolling down her cheeks. I had invited her out for breakfast the following day; her heart was so broken she could hardly fix herself meals.

I wondered how someone went from being involved in the life they built with another, to starting all over later in life. It was mentioned he stayed for the sake of the children. I think its a very noble reason to stay, don’t you? Giving children a good life is wonderful and they deserve the best from both parents. The only part the husband had left out was he was planning to leave without his wife’s knowledge. She was hit like a ton of bricks with the news.

Her children were all off living their adult lives, and her husband was packing his bags. On top of it all, the house would have to be sold during the divorce so she was going to have to leave the home she spent over 25 years putting together. She kept asking me why he could possibly do such a thing? I can’t say how this happened but what blurted out was, “If he truly loved you as a husband loves his wife, he never would leave.”

They had many years together, building and creating a family. I can’t completely believe he had no love for her at all. What I can say is someone who truly loves another might have moments of reconsideration during arguments or hard issues, but the idea of living without the other never really enters into the mind of one who loves without conditions. The woman continued to sob and tell her story. I realized it was himself he was not loving. His actions had very little to do with her or lack of love for her. It was a lack of love for himself that guided his decisions at that time.

It’s hard to understand this, but we reflect in our lives the feelings we have within ourselves. We display our inadequate feelings and wounds by the decisions we make a long the way. When our lives go unhealed, and wounds unattended to, we create a mixed up mess.

She made it through her ordeal. In fact, she did better than she ever imagined, just taking one step at a time. He, on the other hand was stuck in yet one more relationship he wanted out of, not realizing the person he had left was himself.

We do ourselves a great disservice by leaving our inner wounds unattended. This does mean we need to dig a bit into the past and let our voices express the pain and sorrow created through our interactions with others.  We owe it to ourselves and others to heal from the inside out. Otherwise we make decisions out of the lens of the holes in our hearts instead of making them how of wholeness. Make a decision today to heal the hurts from the inside out. Your life and those around you will thank you!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph. D

Do You Take on Other’s Dirty Rocks and Garbage?

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So many of us are like sponges. We tend to soak up what others give out, then place blame, guilt, and shame upon ourselves. Our burdens are heavy when we do this. We were never meant to carry other’s burdens. We were meant to care, not internally carry.

Along life’s road of bumps and grinds, we pick up those dirty rocks of blame, guilt, and shame then throw them at ourselves. No one else need throw them at us when we do the job for them. So, along we go, battered on the inside and wiped nice and clean on the outside like we took a shower in servitudes soap.

When we have a healed heart and are filled with grace and mercy, we can stand up to attend to other’s scrapes and bruises. If we can’t, it simply means we have not done our inner work. Not even prayer for another will work out when we carry resentment from taking on more than we need. Our sacks are filled with the wrong things, so we either suffer internal emotional bleeding or blame the one who is hurting.

Trust me, those who are hurting don’t need us to fill them with more than what they have. They need us whole. We need ourselves whole. A whole person will not create segments into dirty rocks that not only sling out at themselves but others. We all need to attend to the mess inside and the mess on the outside. We all need grace, mercy, healing, and hope.

It is possible to replace our dirty rocks for the things that give us strength not to take on other’s junk but to be a buffer in the storm for them. If we try to be that buffer without attending to ourselves first, we make jerks of ourselves and go around hurting people out of our hurt.

First, drop inner guilt, shame, and torture from taking on junk when we were not healed enough to do so. What I am saying is, “Drop the dirty rocks,” and get to cleaning up your inner closet! Your heart was meant for more than just being burdened and shamed.

Get things in proper order, even if this means spending special quality time with yourself. Take the time to heal, seek, and find who you really are without the grime you have added upon yourself.

Go to God within you for healing, empowerment, and hope. Do not leave that closet or sanctuary until you have found complete healing and sanity. THEN extend yourself into what makes you happy. This need not take the form of not being there when someone needs you. You can healthily do this if you do the inner work that stabilizes you. If you don’t, you will dump your mess all over anyone who approaches you and believe that you are justified doing it. This is NOT loving or caring.

In a world where real love is rarely properly defined, let me define it for you in a way it is not. It is NOT sacrifice at the risk of your own heart. Instead, love is giving out of wholeness. Love is also healing out of the same wholeness.

Be careful not to be rude in the process, or you will attract to yourself more reasons to be rude. Be merciful. “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.” (Holy Bible, and the Universal Law of Reciprocity)

Today during my morning meditation, I dropped everyone’s dirty rocks they threw at me over the years, and even some of my own I put on myself. What I heard in spirit was, “It’s time to clean the closet.” So I did. Will you join me?

Affirmation:

“Today, I release all the dirt that I have had thrown at me and kept inside. I release all of the rocks thrown at me that hurt me over the years that came to me from other’s pain. Today, I release all of the garbage I put upon myself unjustly. I release guilt, shame, blame, dishonor, and rudeness. I release harsh words spoken to me that dishonored me as a person.

“Today, I replace all of the holes created by dirt, bringing into my inner soul love, tenderness, joy, happiness, respect, honor, and mercy. I will walk in these things until I draw them back to me many times over. Then, I will be fruitful and multiply the good things in life, always!”

And so it is..

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Empath: Embrace Yourself

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All of my life I knew that things “felt” different for me. I could not really place my finger on it as a little girl, but let’s just say I knew who would protect me and who could be my nightmare. It was so much more than this though. A very shy little girl, I never could understand people the way that others did. It’s like I deeply could see into them and interacted with very few of my school mates. It hurt a lot when others disliked me and I never knew why I took things so hard. I felt like I was born into a time I never belonged in. By age 12 I felt like I should have been 20.

This went far beyond growing up too fast. Back then, we still played with dolls at age 12. I knew things bothered me that happened in the world. I felt injustice and often felt others were unjust toward me. All I knew to do was to find my place within the hands and the heart of God. As I grew older empathy evolved into what I thought were sugar drops. Suddenly I would just start shaking so I would stuff myself with food and over a few moments I felt better. Yet this was not the real case. I definitely was having an experience but they were never sugar drops. As I look back I now know I was being overstimulated. My so called sugar drops always happened when I was either stressed, in traffic, or crowded, loud, or confused situations.

There is even more than this though. I “knew” and “know” the insides of people. It is not a mind reading issue, it is more like a feeling issue. I know people by how their energy feels, what their insides are like and what they transmit to the world. To some, this is creepy, or maybe even crazy sounding. If it were not an experience I have learned I share with so many, I would think those things myself. I also often know when individuals are lying to me, being fake, or not exactly genuine. I don’t always say something. I like to think God takes care of those things.

In Christianity, it might be called discerning of spirits. Yet, it goes far beyond that too. I often know a persons past, their emotions and where they are out of balance. When I began studying Reiki to become a Master Healer and Instructor I realized I could see the energy centers inside another person’s body. I also realized I don’t have to be in front of them to know. I can just be on the phone with them. I see the colors of the chakra system. I know what is bleeding out of them in energy drains and where more attention should be done on certain areas of their emotional and physical health. This is very different than a medical intuitive, although there is a large degree of intuitive information that comes through to me.

I feel the vibration of a persons body and the energy that omits into the aura field of their physical system. Before any of you start to think this is not of God or not Christian, please consider that good things are never given through evil means. Doing good only comes from God and can be created by God. I had to reconcile that all with myself over time. There were moments in the past I felt ashamed of myself for knowing the things I know. There were also times others tried to create shame in me by saying what I know or how I am gifted is not Godly.

I know its a bit unconventional but I have to go back to the time Jesus was accused by religious law leaders of casting out demons by being associated with the devil. Why would the devil cast out himself? Interesting question to ponder. So why would any gift given by God for healing and understanding be associated with being ungodly?

Empathy comes in a lot of different forms and can be gifted in many different ways. For me it manifests as a feeling, with intuitive associations with others, and with myself. Feeling is the key word here. Empaths FEEL everything. We often try to shut it down because it does become overwhelming. Often the feelings surface as anxiety, depression, headaches, over stimulation, panic attacks, energy drain, and sometimes even adrenal fatigue.  We are often seen as overly sensitive, very emotional, and a bit analytical. We not only feel sad things strongly but also feel joy even more abundantly. Now that is a huge plus!

Empath: Embrace Yourself 

If you find yourself feeling no one understands you because the depth of you can’t help but see more into people. Or if you are easily overstimulated, get emotionally hurt more easy, are called too sensitive, have emotions that go over the top when others seem to maintain. If you often think others seem cold and uncaring. If you know things about people that others don’t seem to know. Or if you struggle with anxiety, panic, crowds bother you, or too much noise becomes overwhelming, you could very well be an empath. Are you tired around overbearing people, and do you have to go and space out into nature, sleep when others might not, have deep and often vivid dreams?

Consider all of the things above and maybe even some of your own. More than this, please embrace who you are! This world needs you. We need more compassion, empathy and healing. We need the gifts that God gives to us in order to help each other heal. In a world that can often leave us cold, can feel unhealthy or cruel, we need those who are willing to step up to the plate and embrace all they are. Remember, we are One. We all experience each other in different ways.

If you need to know about empathy give it a good google search. There is a lot of information about it. If you need to understand why your body feels out of sorts, maybe you need an intuitive empath to help you balance and sort things out. Help is always there when you ask for it. Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be open to you!

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

832-484-8306

Book a phone session or video chat session to find out more about empathy or to receive some intuitive guidance about your emotions, life and body!

 

Addictions Are Not for the Weak

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Yesterday I was going through some photos of those I have known of who have struggled with addictions of many kinds. Most of them are no longer here on earth. Some still are and struggling. Then there are those who feel they have it “under control” only choosing a new addiction to supply their needs.

After watching so many over a lot of years struggle with one addiction or another the truth of its power over people has become overwhelming. I have no doubt that addiction is an illness of the soul. Yes, there is also a family genetic component we can’t ignore, but either way, it all becomes facilitated by a deeper soul scar. The deeper the scars the harder it is to break the cycle.

Since addictions are an illness, I also feel they should be treated as an illness. Soul scars are nothing to take lightly. They cause many issues in life. They guide our behavior, can cause physical and emotional illness, and facilitate addictive behavior. The harder part is what another person’s addiction can do to others they love. It’s so hard to struggle alongside an addict and even harder to watch the destruction it has on people’s lives. Addicted people make decisions based on their addictions. The disease begins to control them until they are no longer in charge of their decisions. It takes over their lives like some monster entered in that refuses to be beaten back.

I heard a saying once that “aging is not for the weak”. I thought about that statement at the time because it is so true. Becoming older causes us all to struggle harder with one thing or another. The difficult part is the more we struggle the harder things become. What we focus on becomes bigger. I feel the addict struggles harder and harder. The disease is not for the weak, it is for someone who has a lot of strength. When I think of how much of their day an addicted person will put in just to feed it it’s overwhelming to me. When I studied opioid addictions during a class with Harvard Medical School, I learned that most individuals who are addicted to opioids will spend the bulk of their day just finding ways to feed their addiction. It’s a struggle and not one for the weak at heart. It is inconceivable to think that any one person would wake up one morning and say to themselves, ” I think I will become an addict for my life’s goal.” Just could not happen.

Before we focus just on drugs or illegal drugs, I have to mention that addictions come in all forms. There are drugs, yes, and alcohol, internet, food, comfort zones, sex, religion, reinforced habits of all kinds. Whatever the case may be, additions are substitutes for pain and suffering that is below the surface and not being dealt with. I have seen addictions rip the rails right out from under people’s lives and before they know it, life has changed forever. Sometimes we lose our lives and sometimes we lose our loved ones.

Brutality never heals addictive behavior. I don’t care how we want to look at it. Maybe we just don’t want to look. It’s so much easier to blame. Yet, before we blame, we have to look at ourselves, don’t we? Since what we see is always a reflection of a part of who and what we are. Remember, we all have ways of covering either what we don’t want to look at or what we don’t want others to see. Some will lie, commit crimes, make excuses, cause upheaval in life, or even worse, die. Pretty serious, isn’t it? If we look at every addict as “dirty scum” that just needs to be taken out of society, then maybe look again. What things inside of ourselves need to be looked at as well? Illness is illness and we are all a part of it.

Somewhere along the line the law decided that addiction is a crime. Yes, it causes people to commit crime sometimes and that has its consequences. Yet, there is a way to deal with it that goes beyond locking someone up and throwing away the key. Think of your morning cup of coffee, your piece of chocolate cake, the series you love on TV, the main focus you put on religion instead of God, the material items you have in your home, the social media you cling to when life is less than enjoyable. We are a society that replaces dealing with things with looking at other things. The sadness is that we never seem to learn, never heal, and never want to understand.

I wonder today, as I think of those who have died for their addictions; were they too weak or were they really strong? Folks the struggle is real and it’s not just someone else’s struggle. It belongs to us all. Think about anger as an addiction, or even giving financially to others can be if it drains our resources. What about the alcoholic who hides their addiction because of embarrassment or ego purposes? Doesn’t this take a lot of strength? An addict who uses illegal drugs can get caught and go to jail any time. Doesn’t it take a lot of strength to live that life? Maybe, just maybe, we all need to be taught another way to be strong. Maybe we need intervention, hospitalization, treatment centers, and others who care and understand? Maybe we need God to help us find wholeness and someone to help show the way to that wholeness? Maybe we need to see our own illness and be compassionate about someone else’s? Maybe we need to treat addiction like the illness it is and stop filling our prisons, jails, and law enforcement time with people who are simply broken from the inside out. Yes, evil happens from that brokenness. Can we even imagine the evil that happened TO them that caused it? How overwhelming is that?

Possibly you might ponder this today. I hope so. Go deep and figure out what addictions you have that hide below the surface, or maybe on the top? Gossip is a huge addiction. Can you think of someone who does this? You can always pick someone out who gets a high out of hearing someone else’s misery. That, my friends, is addiction as well. For some, falling in love is addiction. Once the euphoric feeling of new love has settled down the addict moves on to someone else not even realizing that their brain chemical addiction has cost them a relationship that could have been. Some never discover this in a lifetime, moving from one love encounter to another.

So, with all of this said, and all of this read, what is it that we need? Should we lock ourselves all up and throw away the key or should we heal one another? Should we punch one another in the places that hurt the most or heal the original blow that caused it all to begin with. The choice is ours, you know. It really is. Think about how much of an impact loving someone else whole could have on them? A life could be changed or even saved, and it can start with YOU.

Loving you from here,

Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry

Here is Your Weekly Wisdom!

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“When your eye is filled with light, your whole body is filled with light as well.” Jesus¬†

Today, take in the Light of Life. Whatever is good, pure, joy filled, and love filled, suck it in like you have a straw from heaven. Your wholeness and health depend on what you take in . So make sure whatever you seek and look at in life is Light filled. Depression, sadness, and illness, can not live in any place filled with light. This includes seeing the best in those around you, in situations you encounter, and feeding your soul the best in spiritual food. Your health depends on it and you will be a lantern for others to follow.

 

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry