If it Was Real Love Would They Have Left?

adult beautiful bed bedroom
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I listened on the phone to a woman who was sobbing as she expressed her fear and pain. I’m an empath, so I could feel the pain in my chest as she tried to settle down long enough to even talk. Her life had fallen apart in one instant. Little did she know, it had been falling apart for some time. She was just not informed of it. When it all finally hit the fan, her husband she had been married to all of her adult life had told her he was leaving her for another woman. In fact, he had been seeing the woman for awhile.

They had been together through raising children, buying a home, planning for retirement, and family vacations. They fought battles when the kids rebelled against them, prayed while they were sick, held one another through unexpected funerals and celebrated every joyous event. Now all of that became a blur as she vented her feelings to me with tears rolling down her cheeks. I had invited her out for breakfast the following day; her heart was so broken she could hardly fix herself meals.

I wondered how someone went from being involved in the life they built with another, to starting all over later in life. It was mentioned he stayed for the sake of the children. I think its a very noble reason to stay, don’t you? Giving children a good life is wonderful and they deserve the best from both parents. The only part the husband had left out was he was planning to leave without his wife’s knowledge. She was hit like a ton of bricks with the news.

Her children were all off living their adult lives, and her husband was packing his bags. On top of it all, the house would have to be sold during the divorce so she was going to have to leave the home she spent over 25 years putting together. She kept asking me why he could possibly do such a thing? I can’t say how this happened but what blurted out was, “If he truly loved you as a husband loves his wife, he never would leave.”

They had many years together, building and creating a family. I can’t completely believe he had no love for her at all. What I can say is someone who truly loves another might have moments of reconsideration during arguments or hard issues, but the idea of living without the other never really enters into the mind of one who loves without conditions. The woman continued to sob and tell her story. I realized it was himself he was not loving. His actions had very little to do with her or lack of love for her. It was a lack of love for himself that guided his decisions at that time.

It’s hard to understand this, but we reflect in our lives the feelings we have within ourselves. We display our inadequate feelings and wounds by the decisions we make a long the way. When our lives go unhealed, and wounds unattended to, we create a mixed up mess.

She made it through her ordeal. In fact, she did better than she ever imagined, just taking one step at a time. He, on the other hand was stuck in yet one more relationship he wanted out of, not realizing the person he had left was himself.

We do ourselves a great disservice by leaving our inner wounds unattended. This does mean we need to dig a bit into the past and let our voices express the pain and sorrow created through our interactions with others.  We owe it to ourselves and others to heal from the inside out. Otherwise we make decisions out of the lens of the holes in our hearts instead of making them how of wholeness. Make a decision today to heal the hurts from the inside out. Your life and those around you will thank you!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph. D

Basic Foundations of Earthly Life Series

Hello to all!

I created this series as a beginner kick off to my upcoming spiritual life and law of attraction series of videos. You are welcome to come explore, ask questions, or you can book a session with me if you have life questions and need help with the solutions! I would love to become a part of your goals and your success!

Basic Foundations of Life-Earthly Foundations (We Create from Spirit)
Basic Foundations of Life Part 2- Marriage, Earthly Marriage
Basic Foundations of Life-Family (Earthly Life Creation)

Look forward to the power of the law of attraction, spiritual creation, manifestation, and more!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

LifeLessonsbyJenineMarie.com

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Basic Foundations of Life Series

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

I would like to welcome you to my basic foundations of life series. This came about during a time of much confusion for me, as to where my life is going and what life might look like in the phase I am finding myself in.

Wisdom led me to go back to some foundations. I am teaching them a bit differently than I ever have before. Our basic foundations in life are:

God

Marriage/Partnership

Family

These are the areas I will be exploring with you over the next few videos and blog posts. For some reason we have the idea that political values, government, or a hierarchy of leadership is supposed to be what we look to for our guidance first. This is not so. I would like to bring you back to the foundations of life and how the branches are supposed to begin from the roots of our foundation and then spread out to other forms. The additional forms from what we create through God, Marriage, Family, might be community, organizations and other forms of leadership. Our personal leadership starts with ourselves and our relationship with our Creator. Step into the divine! Here is a video to start you off!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

JenineMarie.com

LifeLessonsbyJenineMarie.com

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Creating a Positive World

No doubt we live in strange times. Sometimes I look at life as it unfolds in society, and I wonder what next year will look like, or even tomorrow. If I want to stay on the positive side of life, I have to say to myself, “Stay in your own world and create the most productive and positive umbrella possible.” It’s hard to stay positive in environments that are so counterproductive we wonder why people would want life to be as they present it.

Structurally society is meant to be made up of units, marriage being the center and family surrounding marriages. Spiritually our foundation is intended to be based on the design our Creator God has set before us. Without that foundation, our morals, ethics, and positivity go out the window into the no-fly zone of society’s negative aspects.

I’ve always been taught; attitudes are contagious. Within the nucleus of the family set in motion by God, our positivity can affect the units that makeup society. What does this take? The first answer is willingness. We have to be willing to make the necessary changes to change our nuclear family and community. Next, we need to have the desire. Taking an “I don’t care about anyone else” attitude will never create positive changes. Last but certainly not least, we need love. I’m not trying to sound wishy-washy since I am always touting the gloriousness of what real love is like. I’m taking the subject of love very seriously. Without self-love that comes from God’s love, we have no love at all.  

We are the embodiment of our Creators genius. Knowing this and behaving as we know this are two different subjects. We need more than knowing. We need love and action. The two go together like pumpkin pie and whipped cream. Do you like my analogy? When love meets desire and willingness, we have the seeds that breed action.

We get nothing changed by complaining about things all being wrong. We do get something by using the love and action formula to create a new environment in marriage, the family unit, and our outer facets of society. Do you have anything else that is more important than this? Think about all of this for a moment. What kind of world do you want your children and their children to have in years to come?

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

JenineMarie.com

LifeLessonsbyJenineMarie.com

Relationship Magic

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There was nothing more sweet than watching the romantic dances between my mother and father as a young child. I would peek around the corner just to watch them dance to their favorite music, lights dimmed low, and serenity on their faces. Life was not always serene with them but there were those sweet moments that reveals themselves when my parents were caught up in the magic and romance of marriage and relationship.

I have to admit the moments gave me that old time movie impression of what romance was supposed to be like. It was always the wine, roses, music, and of course the dance of romance. I think it’s why I embraced marrying couples for a time. The sweet smiles, gentle tears, glowing faces, and of course the romance between two people.

There are so many ways to keep that magical moment sparkling for years to come. Life does not have to get boring or dull. Marriage can evolve into a depth of companionship that goes beyond the sun and sky. If we are together, it might seem strange to say, we were meant to be together. Even if it is for a moment in time.

Our moments should be cherished although some of them might be strained. It is the dance between two people making their way toward becoming one. We don’t always feel this way, but our oneness is magical. We attracted a person into our lives in order to learn, to love, and to be entranced by that magical dance.

I know it is not always a pretty sight. We strain to find our way when there are moments we feel we have packed our bags and moved in with an alien from another planet. I have to tell you, though, when you feel this way, look around sweetheart. Like attracts like, and you just married yourself in another form. Yes, we differ in some ways. Those are the gifts we bring to the other. It’s the greatest trade off in all the history of humanity. This beautiful and sometimes strenuous dance, we might call a mess at times and others we call it MAGIC!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry, PhD

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC

832-484-8306

True Love and Sexual Intimacy

man and woman kiss each other
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Love should be simple, and it really is, but we make it very complicated. Love has its own attributes and when we know them we know love. God describes love as something based on character and not a feeling. Love is patient, kind, long suffering, etc. We think, or believe, its supposed to be a feeling. The emotional high we get when we meet someone is attraction. We are supposed to have that too. If not, no one would ever connect with anyone and “couple”.

The sexual part of loving someone can be an emotional high, but it should be much more profound and deeper than that. It is a physical connection that has spiritual, emotional, and mindful components to the intimate action. The type of depth we can experience during sexual intimacy can not be obtained early on before establishing a deeper understanding of love and devotion. Basically what I am saying is, without getting to know the character of love then the sexual encounter is only physical. There is no devotion in the mere physical part of having sex. There is no intimacy in just going through the sexual motions. All of the things required for the characteristics of love happen aside from having sex. They are deeper, have depth of understanding, and come to agreement even if it is to agree to disagree.

Compassion, as a part of love is necessary to give sexual intimacy meaning. Without compassion there is no true passion, only lust. Do you see where I am going with this now? Can you see why God wants the physical sexual connection to be within the bonds of marriage and devotion? It takes time to even come to understand how the characteristics of love happen between two people. This also takes commitment. Within that commitment there is a discovery of the passion that comes from true compassion and depth of insight into one another.

So often couples come together after they have had a sexual encounter. This is only lust or to fulfill what is perceived to be a feeling of some form of love. Although it might seem loving there is no devotion connected to it, therefore it is merely an encounter and physical exchange. Basically said, sex without love is not real intimacy but only  a lustful encounter. This is so mistaken in society today. For some reason many have been led to believe that once a couple has a sexual encounter they are then sealed as a couple. Not so. Physical sex does not bring devotional love. Real love brings devotion within the physical encounter. We get it backwards. No wonder there are so many divorces!

Love and devotion say, ” I will be there for you when you are at your lowest, when life has sent a curve ball, when finances don’t seem to add up, when we don’t see eye to eye, and when the darkness seems bigger than the light.” Real love and devotion bring growth, and can feel frustrating at times, as two people struggle to become one within their partnered bond. This struggle is the dance we call true romance. It does not feel great at the time, but our frustration is the character of love trying to come to understanding. Two people are never the same. We are all unique. True attraction comes from getting to know a person from the inside out, not the other way around. This can be an easier process or it can be extremely hard. The choice is ours.

Do you confuse sex with love? Maybe take some time to meditate on the qualities and character of love as God has designed it to be. Then compare those qualities to what you present to another and what that other person presents to you. Can you come to an agreement with one another and go deeper into the commitment of love and devotion? If not, then the physical part is a waste of time. We often call having sex, “making love”, but the true making of love is to receive loves character and give out of that wisdom and understanding every single day, especially when it is hardest to do.

Love goes the long haul. Physical sex will not deepen it but love can deepen the physical connection. Meditate on this. Go into the Bible’s explanation of true love and compare it to what you feel you understand about it. Put it into the context of your own character. Is your love patient, kind, long suffering? Does it refuse to keep record of wrongs, but forgives as God forgives? Is your understanding of love one that is present for another because of true devotion and not duty? Deep questions. Real love will always be devotional, commitment oriented, and have a depth of kindness even when we have become angry, upset, and have discord. Real love is like a rubber band that will always spring a couple back into harmony after a hard bought if misunderstanding.

This is an opportunity to check your depth if insight and understanding of yourself and how you love your partner and also yourself. Are you patient with yourself? Do you give yourself compassion and forgiveness as well? Do you wallow in the wrong things you have done or do you keep no record of wrongs? I know I have given you a lot to think about. Maybe some meditative journal time is in order here!

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

Today I am Grateful for My Husband. What Are YOU Grateful For?

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This is not a blog post I expected to write, but, I do believe with all of my heart that gratitude is one of the more powerful healers on this planet, aside from love. I also believe gratitude is a part of love. It’s a part of loving others, having compassion, and loving ourselves. No matter what is happening in our lives, there is always something we can find to be grateful for. There is almost a magical power that goes along with being grateful. It means we have appreciation for the blessings we have been given. Having gratitude also shifts focus from the tough things to the things that are greater and more important.

Today, I am sharing some things I am grateful for concerning my husband of almost 4 years now. We don’t always see things eye to eye. Who does? When two people come together to create unity with each other they take two separate lives and attempt to meld them into one. This is not easy and it is not meant to be. There is no growth in the easy things, only in the hard ones. I often have said that “Hard places are Holy ground.”

My focus for this moment comes after a lot of reflection. Of course, I can say all of these things personally, and privately, but making things public has a power all of its own. Most of the time I only open certain areas of my life when they have a message attached to them. It’s how I have been created and part of my purpose on earth. It’s not easy either, just like relationships of any kind are not easy.

I want to get back to what I am grateful for though. Are you ready for my launch? Good! I was hoping so! Today, I am grateful for my husband; all he does, and all he cares about. I am especially grateful for whom he cares about, because he would give the shirt off his back for someone who needed it. My late son was like that as well. They have many things in common, like determination, intensity, extreme passion for things they care about, headstrong, and yet giving.

I have not had the privilege of being married to my husband all of  our lives, so I can’t speak into everything. We both came with baggage as we all do. We came back into one another’s life after 40 years of not being connected. We lost one another when we were 13. Such an impressionable age. A lot of baggage can be packed together over many years of just living life. Sometimes I often don’t know what the heck we are doing; and I say that with some humor right now.

There is one thing I have witnessed about him though. He gives his work and those he works for, and with, more than 150% of himself. Sometimes that is a hard thing for me because we are supposed to be married to each other. When I separate myself from our marriage for a moment, I see a man who cares so deeply for those who work for him and with him. I kid you not, the moment he gets home his phone is already ringing, dinging and making email noises. He does not work 8am-5pm. He works 24/7, and I am not kidding about that. He does this with his current employer and he has done it with his previous employment prior. The man’s heart cares for the people around him enough to give his off time to support their efforts and the efforts of the company that is so lucky to have him. Yes, he can be very intense, but that intensity is what makes him good at what he does.

When I watch him. I see a man who carries a lot with him aside from his computer, his phone, and sometimes his pride. I see a man who carries the hearts and lives of other people. I have watched a man who has hurt deeply when his intentions are misunderstood and someone who works hard to make the right decisions. He knows when he falls short of those right decisions and he admits them when he does.

We have had breakfasts on the weekends with his phone and sometimes lunch. We have pulled over to the side of the road on the way to do something together so he can take a call to help straighten out an issue. We have both been awakened at all hours of the night so he can address something that is going on with the night shift. I have heard his voice having a conversation upstairs in his office in the middle of the night talking to those who are working at night. I have seen him come home and sleep so he can work a night shift because someone else could not be there. I can imagine how much of the load he takes off of those who have hired him. It must be a lot, because I see so much of what he does when he is not at the office at work. At home, he is still at work.

So, with all of that said. I want to just put out my gratitude. Yes, it can be done privately. I know this. But maybe this is not something that should be private? He does not do the things he does for “kudos”, and honestly, I am not sure he gets many of those. He should though! Today, I am giving him some “kudos” because he deserves them. Today, I am grateful for a man who cares enough about what he does that he will not sleep if an issue has caused anyone grief. Oh, I appreciate what he provides for me as his wife as far as a home goes, and opportunities to find my business again. But this goes deeper and more broad than that. I appreciate the heart and hard work that I see in him.

Yep, he is intense, but what employer would want less passion than what he gives? I’m deeply proud of him and grateful to watch him as his phone rings, dings, pings, and whooshes emails! What does Tony Robbins always say? “Do things with PASSION!”

What are you grateful for today?

Dr Rev Jenine Marie Howry

The Gift of Marriage: Forsaking All Others and Mutual Respect

couple cuddle-saidaonlineUp on the top of the most precious times in my life have always been the moments I joined couples in marriage. Every now and then I look back upon quite a few of those of the past and smile. I love the look on the grooms face, and the glow of the bride. Then there is the coming together of wedding plans which began very hectic and always ended up so beautiful!

Deeper than the ceremonial moment are the words spoken within the wedding vows themselves. Since I write my own for my couples, I like them to be honest, true, romantic, and touching. More than that, I take the vows I have them speak very seriously. I always consider myself a part of their moment as a witness of the promises they make to each other before God and their loved ones.

Beyond the wedding comes the marriage part of life. This is where the vows are acted out and enforced within the marriage bond before God. It’s hard at times. Marriage is not always a bed of roses. Sometimes it is angry nights, frustrating conversations, and handling difficult storms. I truly believe that those who keep their marriage vows sacred will always transcend the problems and issues that arise, with their hearts in tact. Those tho break them can expect turmoil and hardship. This is the reality of marriage and relationship.

If you want a great marriage, keep these things for your consideration:

Forsake all others and place no one else before your spouse (This means EVERYONE, even friends and family members are not before your wife or husband.) 

Spend time together and establish trust because trust is earned not just given. 

Spend time with mutual friends and family members and not divided by other people or other activities. 

Have honest conversation and communication with the other person in mind and not just yourself. 

Create a battle plan for when times are hard and set your intent to lock arms in the face of adversity. 

Keep relationships of the past in the past. They are exes for a reason. 

When your spouse is deeply hurting due to something you have done, or chosen, consider your actions and how you can change them to make things better. 

Speak highly of your spouse in public even when things are strained between you. 

Consider that marriage is a cycle of giving to the other. Taking for yourself is going to drive a wedge between you that will create hardship in the long run. No one wants to  watch their spouse’s back as they leave. Don’t break the heart of the one who has been by your side. 

These are just some of the things that come to my mind as I reflect upon marriage and the vows that couples take with one another. Marriage is a GIFT from God. To take it lightly is to not respect God’s gift. Don’t tempt your spouse to leave you because of an argument. If you really meant FOREVER and ALWAYS the day you got married then remember those words during every day of marriage. If you break the heart of the one who loves you the most you might regret it for a long time. Let love guide you. Not the love that comes from humans, but the love that God has ordained for marriage.

If you are getting married or if you need a marriage touch up, please give me a call and set a time to talk about some of the hard areas. Having someone who holds confidentiality concerning your marriage issues is important. Don’t trust just anyone but let God help you discern if certain people are trust- able when sharing marriage issues. Even higher, seek God and trust His words over all others for your marriage. He created it and He knows how to maintain it.

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry

832-484-8306

 

 

Online Cheating

IMG_2636.JPGDo I really want to talk about this one? Sometimes God nudges me in directions that I really don’t want to go but it is necessary. This morning it happens to be online cheating. It comes up so much more often than most of us realize. Our techie age has created wonderful ways to meet people we otherwise would not meet, but unfortunately it is becoming the number one mode of marital/relationship infidelity. It is also becoming one of the foremost reasons for divorce in our country and others. After all, our country includes Canada, Mexico, and also the United States. Infidelity extends to the Philippines and other areas of the world. With the world at our fingertips the possibilities are multiplied.

I can already hear the questioning in my ears as to whether online communication with no intimacy is cheating or not. Well, I guess I can ask this question in return. Does your spouse know about your communications? If not, its cheating. It makes no difference if there is flirtation or not. Satisfying emotional needs with someone besides your spouse is cheating. I’ve written on adultery before. It seems to come up a lot. I think because it happens so very much in our society. It makes me wonder if there ever is a faithful marriage or relationship.

Here are some important reasons why connecting online or by text message to someone other than ones spouse is detrimental to a marriage.

  1. It gives intimacy to another person that belongs to a marital partner.
  2. Marital intimacy is affected, and where there is no intimacy it is considered abandonment.
  3. Secret communications and abandonment of intimacy is adultery which is considered to be a Biblical reason for divorce.
  4. It will cause unspeakable pain to the spouse that one thinks will always be unaware. Believe me, spouses always become aware eventually.
  5. It is extremely disrespectful to a spouse who is on the other side of it
  6. Sometimes there is no way to repair the damage it causes.

Bottom line, if you cherish your spouse or relationship and don’t want to lose it, then STOP. The Bible tells us that we should be in control of our actions and our bodies. There really are no excuses that are valid. We should tame the tongue, be in control of our own flesh, and be faithful in our marriage and relationships.

No excuse can change these issues. A strong faith is required in this world and with God. We are expected to walk the upstanding journey with God. If we refuse then we don’t love God and we can’t possibly love our spouse that much. Real love lays down its life for another. That means the temptation to connect with temporary thrills and chills that will end up permanent damage. It’s a huge smoke screen and it causes a lot of damage.

Don’t allow the devil to win in your relationships! If there is someone you cherish, don’t risk the possibility  of losing that person to momentary pleasures or connections that disrespect your marriage.

I pray for you and for your marriage and relationships to come. Be stronger than temptation and dump the junk that the devil uses to break up every marriage he targets. Remember, we are here to run the race with diligence. Don’t allow marriage failure due to adultery or abandonment to hinder your race.

Lovingly,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries

When You Date the “Lemon”

if-you-were-happy-with-the-wrong-one-imagine-how-happy-you-will-be-with-the-right-one-love-quoteI was looking back on one of my past Facebook posts and it was about a date I had long before my current marriage. It was a coffee date and the man wanted me to interpret an often misunderstood portion of Scripture where women should not speak in the church nor teach men. The irony of it all was if I were to interpret it to this man it meant I was “teaching” him, right? I think his point to me at the time was he wanted to tell me, as a female, I should not be a minister. My reply to him was, if God had taken me through all of the things I had endured and then not have me talk about them then what was the point? (I think some forget that God does the calling not man).

It was only one of some very exasperating dates I had in my time. I got a first hand look at some of the cruelty out there in the world. It’s like I had a continual parade of those who ended up not being “the one”. I absolutely hated it. I think those years were some of the most hurtful ones I had in awhile. I feel blessed to be married, because in all honesty, dating really stinks! I did get a good glimpse of who is out there though. I have to say it was truly an education. My heart goes out to the dating world because there are so many who truly want a good mate and it sure is not easy. I shed a lot of tears during those years and finally came to the conclusion that dating was not for the weak. I think I never needed the power of God more than that time.

Seriously, I had so many lemons pass through my life that I was ready to just tell the next man he might as well just jump in and join the bunch. The amazing thing about it all was, what God wanted to happen, did happen, when I gave up the conquest! I can just hear God say, “Are you through yet”? What can I say, I gave it my best shot. Turning my dating life over to God was hard because having the sense of going through life alone is hard. It gets even harder when walking into a place to eat or into church and seeing couples with their arms all wrapped around each other. I used to wonder why I was stuck with the lemons.

Just when I was not looking, when life moved on, God took over the whole parade. I surrendered! It was hard, but I was left with no choice. I was too darned tired to even try any more. I had worn my nerves out to a nub and swore I should have joined a convent a long time ago! God had a different plan though. When I quit sizing up every man I met to see if he was “the one”, that is when God did what He does best. He took the wheel! I had to also give up the idea that there is a perfect “one” somewhere out there for me. The temptation when things are not working out is to begin to settle for the one who is so totally NOT the one! Then I also had to learn that even “the one” is not perfect, but he is perfect for me.

Every relationship is a lesson. Let me repeat this. EVERY relationship is a lesson. It’s supposed to be that way, because life is about relationship. Relationships show us our wounds and the areas we need to heal. Its a struggle for those of us who have endured a lot of painful experiences. When I look back, I am glad that God stepped back and allowed me to date a bag of lemons! I got a glimpse of those who were not for me, so I could learn to see who is, in a way God wanted me to see. Now I am married. Is life easy? NOPE! There are still things to learn, to weed out, to compromise on, and to understand. Actually the one God chose to have me settle down with has taught me the deepest lessons about love, marriage, and commitment. Lessons are hard, especially when we all want the good “in love” parts. I have those too, but they come with the other things as well!

Remember this while dating and also waiting for the right person to come along:

“Life is a mixed bag, and its full of nuts”!

Yep, there ya go! Dating 101 according to Pastor Jenine! PLEASE do not settle for the first one who gives you chills because he might be quite chilling later on. Get to know people and let God step into the process. Allow the Lord to teach you good discernment and grow as a person. Love and marriage is a wonderful thing but it is not always easy and the process of meeting different people can show you what type of person you can go through life with and what type you really should not. When it gets hard, step back and let God do a work in you. I’m thankful for those alone days of preparation now. Those days have given me wisdom and discernment. I’m still learning in my marriage, but I am learning with the one who can handle my past wounds and still love me. I am also learning with the one I can handle as well. I understand him.

You might just date a lot of lemons out there but bless the experience because it will teach you how to be with the right one. Stop looking for prince charming! He does not exist! Instead, be aware of the one who will be there for you when life becomes a three ring circus and you find yourself in the lion’s den. The one for you is the one who will love you when you are not lovely. He will be the one you will be there for even after he has just acted like a donkey’s behind and knows it!

I know this all sounds very lovely, huh? Its honest. Choosing a mate is a serious selection process that might make you feel like YOU are the nut! LOL. Don’t give up, it is still worth the ride!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

**Photo courtesy of Her Campus