This is love in friendship: When you never have to ever guess as to whether someone truly cared. When life throws a wrench in the works, they are there seeking out how you are. When it comes to defending you, there is no question in their mind that they will. Love stays regardless of time or distance. Love remains regardless of circumstances or trials. Love heals, regardless of who is involved and who is not. Love forgives, no matter how much it hurts or how it all happened. Love is a gift from God, not something someone plays with for a while and then leaves…
Love in friendship is a special kind of love; a bond that automatically states, “I have your back and I will stand with you no matter what the cost.” There is a huge difference between having someone’s back and stabbing someone in the back when they are down. Having someone’s back means even if it will cost something desired the friend comes first and not the other way around.
Love pursues, not to prove someone’s “rightness” or “wrongness” but to state “I am sorry” when someone is wronged and to fix it. Sometimes fixing things means going against the current or correcting the action by reversing it. Love understands or tries to understand the other’s point of view and gives it validation even if it is not agreed upon. Love makes things right when actions have created a wrong. Then love lets it all go…
Out of all of the things that remain, the love of God will be there when others pull back and create a breach that hurts in the heart. The heart will heal, but a breach left unsettled will always remain a breach.
Since life is about “relationship,” most likely, we have all had at least one relationship where we merely did not have much in common. The relationship imbalance can occur during any type of relationship, from romantic, to friendships to work relationships. Sometimes relationships are so out of balance it is hard to get along with one another, therefore there is continual friction. Usually, the lack of cohesiveness is recognized eventually, and people part ways. There is no difficulty in parting, and both parties will feel relieved to be finally apart.
This is not the case when there is trauma bonding involved. Trauma bonding occurs when one person or group in the relationship is toxic. I include groups here for the sake of employment and even religious groups. Toxic relationships are easy to spot, usually from the outside of one. There is a massive degree of control, manipulation, sabotage, jealousy, and a ton of friction. Why would someone want to be in a type of relationship like this? No one really would want that type of person (or group) in their life. None of us are happy when we feel controlled to the point where we are told what we can do and what we can’t. No one wants a relationship where they are controlled to the point of who they can connect with or not. We see this in religious groups, unfortunately.
People get locked into trauma bonding with someone because the other person or group always seems the best thing that ever happened to them. They are swept off their feet with charm, love, acceptance, and a feeling of bliss begins to create the release of powerful neurotransmitters in the brain that make us feel good. These can be a release of norepinephrine, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. To a drug addict, this is the addictive high they get while using and then dropped when the drug is no longer present and providing it for them.
It is the same with a trauma bond. The same neurotransmitters are released in the body when someone feels they are in love or have reached what is referred to as a “natural high.” In romantic relationships, the trauma bond can cause a person to continue to go back for more even when they are being treated poorly. This occurs after the “honeymoon” phase of toxic relationships is over. The relationship moves from the charming demeanor of a toxic person into manipulation and a whole lot of pain. Yet the bond from the initial high of the relationship keeps the other person trapped into wanting more of the high. So they keep going back for the fix even though they know it is not suitable for them and even after the world comes crashing down on them once again.
This type of relationship is not the same as the romantic kind, where there is such a strong sense of compatibility that the couple will both shine and sparkle from the inside out just being together. Even after things have settled, the love grows, matures, and deepens. This is not true with a toxic relationship. One person in toxic connections will suffer greatly at the hand and actions of the toxic person.
In many cases, the toxic person is considered to be a narcissist, and they might be just that. Sometimes, a person can have a narcissistic part of their personality, but they are not narcissists. It is up to a skilled professional to determine if someone has a full-blown personality disorder or not. Being involved with a toxic person is very painful and will rip your life into pieces. You will feel crazy, but you are not. People might think you are crazy because of what the toxic person has done or said behind you. Yet, you are not the crazy one.
The addiction to a toxic person (or group) is similar to that of a drug addict. It’s hard to kick the high, and it’s hard to see the damage being done while in its midst. All that is known is that you need more of the person or group to feel that high again and feel a sense of wholeness. We can get locked into a situation like this and feel very isolated because that is the idea of the toxic person or group. You are isolated and played with, so they will have a sense of power and control.
Remember, the trauma bond is an addiction, so don’t be hard on yourself if this is in your life. Love yourself enough to get help, just as a drug addict must reach out for help in their situation. You have to come to the point of hitting bottom. No one can make you get to that point. It all has to be done for yourself. Working on self-love, fostering good relationships privately, and finding a good counselor to help you out of your misery are essential to your health and well-being. Even after you are not under the influence of a toxic situation, there still might be a recovery time. Allow yourself that time! Remember your worth. You are gold in anyone’s life. Let your most significant relationship be with God and with yourself first. Work on your self-esteem and consider the reasons you lock into toxic people or groups, to begin with.
Come to recognize the trauma bond high and don’t allow relationships to happen too quickly. Any good relationship is nurtured over time. Be honest with those you leave behind and tell them from a place of safety that you feel they are not suitable for you. Be straightforward. It is essential to speak your truth at a safe distance as toxic people can also be dangerous. Make it crystal clear you want no more contact and why. Tell the other person or people why you feel your connection is not good for you or them. Even in situations where there is little in common, communication is important. In healthy people, breakups are easy like that. Healthy people communicate, “I don’t want to see you again” in a healthy way and is accepted healthily. If this is not expressed, don’t think you are in a trauma relationship if the other person does not understand and pursues you. You have to be clear for your sake and theirs!
It all sounds so complicated, and this could quickly turn into a book, but it is not that complicated. Let your happy indicator let you know if you are in a good relationship fit or not. Even with groups, it is the same thing. It might not be a good fit for you if one person in a place of power calls all the shots. Recognize power-hungry people and keep your distance. Your life will thank you with blessings you never dreamt of if you protect and guide yourself by the gut instincts God has given you.
“People know who they are and what they do. When they become defensive because you somehow “know”, they expose themselves not you.” – Jenine Marie
No one is fooling anyone. We only fool ourselves. We know the truth about ourselves whether admitted or not. Some just don’t realize how transparent they truly are. Taking responsibility for personal actions is the ONLY way to heal anything. When someone does not take responsibility for hurting you, whether they admit to doing wrong or not, then it is time to move on. Those who keep trying to cover their behind eventually end up with no more blanket to use for cover.
PS sticking to their “story” rarely helps their case. They just expose themselves more.
Sometimes moving forward is the hardest thing that we can do because of so many changes in life. But life is full of changes. Heartaches, heartbreaks, and letting go are a huge part of what this life is about. All we can do is keep holding love, light, faith, and be in God’s presence. No matter what, forgive. It does not mean we have to remain in someone’s life who did the wrong things to us. What forgiveness is, is there is a release of bad energy from within us and from within our heart. Forgiveness is for us, ourselves, our hearts, and our well-being. It releases the one who did wrong to us, and allows them, to go on and experience what they need to in order to evolve themselves. Experience all of life, stay grounded, stay rooted in the foundation that you have. If your foundation is shaky then change the one that you have and make sure that you are on solid ground. Stay in God‘s presence, I am repeating that one because it’s the most important one ever. Embody the Spirit of God and embody your very soul and higher Spirit because when we do that we receive the best for ourselves and attract the best in our lives. Even more so we heal in places that we have so needed to heal so long.
No doubt this human experience is not always easy. We have certain needs, desires, and even aspirations. One of our needs is to be appreciated. Appreciation is a part of our need for acceptance. We can not operate optimally in our emotions and in life if we, or our deeds, are not appreciated.
It’s beautiful when we appreciate others but when that appreciation does not come back it creates a glass that is out of balance. The glass we hold is no longer full but completely drained out. This is why it is so important to surround ourselves with those who appreciate us for who we are and for what we do.
To live a balanced life, be choosy about who gets to stay in your circle of people. This includes both places of employment and personal life. When you are not appreciated and you see yourself becoming bitter, upset, emotionally drained, and sad, it means it is time to move on. Lack of appreciation will drain you faster than even physical labor. When others don’t appreciate you or walk on your kindness then it causes an energetic situation that begins to literally suck the life out of you.
If you care about your own life, then rethink the situations you are in and the people who surround you. If you are not appreciated then you are surrounded by energy vampires who are sucking you dry. It’s time to move on and move forward into a brighter and more healthy environment. It’s time to heal and be refilled again.
Remember, you deserve love AND appreciation for who you are and all that you do!
There is a huge reason I included the words “straight-up” in the title of this blog post. I could have used straight-forward but some of the meaning of this post loses something. Straight-up communication is speaking from a higher perspective and a higher realm of influence. This means before speaking to consider what comes from the higher realm of God’s presence. It means speaking our truth in a way that is straight-up honest, forthright, and gets to the heart of the matter of our concerns and expression.
Equally important are straight-up honest responses to our communication with others. When issues are either hidden or communication is shut down it causes problems energetically, emotionally, and in relationship with one another. One of the more significant issues is how our communication affects the energy centers of the body (chakras). When faulty communication occurs the heart and throat energy centers are mainly affected. When these energy centers are shut off, shut down, or closed off it can cause emotional and physical problems in the body. This is important information because we can not operate in a balanced fashion when either we are not communicating effectively or someone we speak with communicates in a faulty way.
Since our lives and lessons are based mainly upon relationships we need to learn to always be as honest and tender in our communication as we can. Not speaking our truth honestly will shut down the throat and heart chakra faster than we can blink. Not only that, dishonest communication makes our lives a lie. If we want to live a life of truth it is so important to speak honestly.
Guarding ourselves to not allow others to shut our speech down is also important. Many of us were not given a voice as we were growing up. It is time to make sure we have the ability to communicate openly and honestly. If someone shuts you down it is time to rethink connecting with the individual or even a group of individuals. If someone feeds you lies attempting to make them true then it is time to rethink that connection.
Keeping in good health is more than taking vitamins, eating well, and exercising. Keeping in good health is taking care of our emotional health and also our relationships with others. Our energy centers are important. Even more so, our lives and our ability to openly communicate our truth is important as well.
Take some time to evaluate how you speak to others and how others deal with your interaction with them. If you need to cut them out of your relationship circle for the sake of your own health and safe communication then so be it. It takes strength and also deeply caring about ourselves to guard our hearts and our speaking abilities. Keeping in balance in all things will assure we are on the right track with our relationships and our emotional/spiritual health. Love yourself enough to be a truth speaker and to only allow other truth speakers into your heart space and life.
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie is an energy healing master and energy clairvoyant.
Oh my goodness: energy cords! Energy cords are entanglements and attachments from previous generations and our current lives. Energy cords can be sneaky little buggers! They happen spiritually and also generationally according to our wounds and actions. They mostly attach to our soul wounds and if gone unchecked they will rule and create havoc on our emotions and lives.
Energy cords can be a deep cause of repeated bad choices in our lives or repeated relational issues. Our lessons always come through our wounds and our relationships. If you want to know what is causing havoc in your life, take a look at repeated patterns or negative feelings. Are you jealous, envious, or always on edge around certain people? Do you seem to make huge mistakes in your relationship choices? This might come through as choosing a different relationship but still experiencing the same issues. This is not the time to look at the other person but to look deeply at yourself. It is time to cut cords and create new boundaries!
For instance, if you see a pattern of always somehow forming attachments to overbearing prideful people, then take a peek at what is inside of you that has an unhealthy desire to serve that personality in them. Energetically we attach ourselves through our wounds and weaknesses to certain types of people. That attachment becomes a cord that keeps us off balance and many times deeply unhappy with our lives.
Energy is REAL folks! Energy exists and the only way to get away from the entrapment of yet another mistake is to first cut the cord that keeps you attached to the problem. THEN it is time to heal the wound and reprogram your choices and responses. This can be accomplished by working with a very experienced intuitive energy healer/master.
Learning to cut karmic cords can be generationally healing! Learning to cut cords to heal a wound can be life-altering! If you have been crying out to be free you are not reading this by mistake! It is time to BE FREE! Let’s cut the cord that keeps you attached to unwanted behaviors, relationships, and misguided choices. Patterns emerge in your life for a reason. They are here to teach you a lesson for yourself. Take control! Don’t sit in darkness but find yourself awake in the light!
Set up energy healing and cord-cutting sessions by going to JenineMarie.com, and connecting with me. I would love to be a part of your healing journey!
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry
** This is not meant to be medical or psychological advice but an alternative spiritual method of creating life changes that really work!
I had to giggle out loud when I saw a posting that compared “real love vsimaginary.” I thought to myself, “Seriously?” The very first thing that spirit brought to my mind was the Scripture, ” For God so loved the world that Hegave…” Of course, the personna is there ie. “he” when God clearly has been defined as spirit and not a person. Then the next place spirit went with me was the creation of the world story. Out of the higher consciousness, or higher mind of our Creator our world was formed and fashioned. Was this not a thought or imagination that created the world? So if God created the world first out of thought and imagination and God also loved the world then imagined love is still love itself. Imagination creates.
Love is defined in biblical terms in qualities such as patient, kind, long-suffering, basically tolerant, etc. Either way, love is love. It all begins with thought and imagination and it is all valid. Even if love is not returned it is still our love that is valid. Love need not be returned and there is no degree of love. Love simply “is,” and it stands on its own.
Love expresses itself in different ways through relationships. First, it is our relationship with God’s light inside of us. We express love within ourselves and in fact, should embody love if we have any sense of God. In this world, our love can be directed as friendship, romantic love, love of family, and love for our planet or pet. Where we direct love does not validate or invalidate it. Love simply is love. God is love and God simply “is.”
PLEASE don’t let anyone invalidate you because you “love” them. Your love is valid and it is alright to experience it inside of you. Would you rather have hatred? I fully believe we are not meant to love just one human on earth and that is it. We are meant to love as God loves, and see the good where we direct it! Please don’t see love as limited but a limitless gift is given to you by your Creator to direct wherever you desire!
Why do people tell a lie? There are a few reasons that come to mind. People lie to save themselves from exposure or to get out of some sort of perceived punishment. Sometimes people lie to just lie, but that is a whole other psychopathic discussion. Often people lie to be perceived as what they believe is better than they are seen. Those types of lies come from a lack of self-confidence.
Who are we really kidding here? Lying only creates a lie for one’s self. The act of lying creates a type of spiritual vacuum where a person is living a lie. It is a type of prison no one ever really considers before a lie and rarely considers it afterward unless some sort of consequence is created to bring humility. I remember when I told a little fib as a child my mom would put me in my room and close the door! This is what a lie does in life! SLAM!
As a clairvoyant and clairaudient person, I was able to “see” and “hear” about the spiritual vapor lock that happens when someone lies. The act of lying will quickly slam the door on any type of blessing. The biblical commandment “Thou shall not bear false witness”was not a setup for God to keep creation in some sort of sinful prison. It is a universal law that helps us to avoid the vapor lock in life that keeps blessings from flowing in.
Let’s look at the lie from a spiritual perspective. Someone tells the lie and immediately it “speaks” to the universe something that is not true about the life of a person, but it MAKES the lie true. You see, the universe has no emotion to it. Whatever it “hears” is what is created and echoed back from it. Our words, actions, thoughts, and deeds actually create in our lives. If we create from a lie then that is what our life becomes. It is not as simplistic as a lie coming back from another person. Lying will actually create a lock on your life that will STOP manifesting blessings into your life. Our ability to consciously create what we want becomes like a stopped-up drain. (If I could insert a shocked emoji here I would!)
Listen very carefully or that beautiful thing or situation you have always wanted in life just might be at stake here! Lying will take that away faster than anything else can! Not only is the action not aligned with your God light within, but it slams the door shut on what you truly want to produce in your life! The lie becomes what you focus on even if you don’t think so.
This is HUGE! Imagine a vapor lock on your dreams, visions, and aspirations! What are you working on manifesting in life? If you want a vapor lock on your dreams then go right on ahead and lie if it makes you feel protected! Believe me in this; there is only a false sense of protection. Even the lie creates a lie of protection. Everything put out there will manifest in the presence of truth either now or eventually. Every lie is revealed and every single falsehood will rear its ugly head, because what we put out there…we create!
The question is how to clear it! If you want to know and understand clearing what disaster you have created then you have come to the right place! Check out my website and watch some new things unfold. I kid you not, your manifested life depends on it if you are lying to yourself!