I want to update you on some changes to my website, at least for today! You might have found that in the last few months it has been more difficult to access my website. This is for personal reasons. I am now moving onward and excited about moving forward with my purpose and passion while I am here in this life!
If you go to JenineMarie.com you will find a lilac-colored button on the right side at the bottom. When you click it, a chat box will open up! You can say hello, ask questions, book sessions and generally connect with me. Be mindful that this dings my phone! If I am not available you can still write a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can! PLEASE NO SPAM!
On the landing page, you will find information about me. The second tab will give you information on my sessions and pricing. The third tab gives you this blog you are reading now!. Look forward to some new exciting changes in the days and months to come! I am so looking forward to connecting with you soon!
Kind of a throwback photo from when I first landed in south Texas.
Some “food for thought.” I’ve been thinking a lot lately about life decisions. There is something about loss that causes us to re-evaluate our lives. I’ve heard once that the grief of a loss can be the most powerful time in life because it feels like there is nothing left to lose. (And it’s true, it does feel that way). When Paul addressed the church he talked about the difference between being a child and being a grown person. He said when he was a child he thought like one, talked like one, and understood things in life like one. But NOW, he said, since he is a MAN he put away childish things. Basically, in a nutshell, he was saying “Grow the heck UP”! Seriously. This means it’s time to move onward to grown-up stuff. It means leaving the fundamentals behind and moving forward to the powerful person life designed us all to be. We are expected to be grown-up, thinking independently, and taking charge of our own lives. Being stuck in one spot does not move things in life forward or onward. We are expected to mature, to enlighten, to speak and think like a grown person and move ON. It’s a part of life. At this point, no one is supposed to tell us how to think, how to behave, or what to say. Paul clearly tells us that these things are what come for us as an adult who has the privilege of thinking for ourselves. Unfortunately, it’s a requirement. We get older and when we do that we are expected to act our age. This is NOT a lecture, just some thinking out loud. I guess part of me is saying “Move on” and “be grown-up”. We are not meant to stay stagnant in one place but to continue to grow in the directions our life path has captivated us to grow in. Whatever that looks like for us independently is how it should be. It is OUR ADULT CHOICE! Freedom in a nutshell
There comes a time when we all need it. It’s that moment in life where we know we should stop, take a breath, and just “be”. When nothing seems to fit any longer it’s time for a life-changing diet. I don’t mean the physical food kind, but a diet from all of the things that weigh us down emotionally and spiritually.
When it seems like a loss is all we have going on in life, it is time to rethink our direction, decisions, and destinations. We all basically have the same ultimate destination. That is back in spirit, and we have no choice in the matter. How we get there along the way is our personal decision. When we feel like we have hit a wall in life, it is time for a new decision or maybe a few. Sometimes life-altering experiences can change our whole way of being.
Life can be hard and filled with experiences of loss, confusion, and grieving mistakes. I’m using this time to recreate who I now desire to be from the mud I find myself sitting in. Sometimes sitting in deep mud is a good thing.
This is love in friendship: When you never have to ever guess as to whether someone truly cared. When life throws a wrench in the works, they are there seeking out how you are. When it comes to defending you, there is no question in their mind that they will. Love stays regardless of time or distance. Love remains regardless of circumstances or trials. Love heals, regardless of who is involved and who is not. Love forgives, no matter how much it hurts or how it all happened. Love is a gift from God, not something someone plays with for a while and then leaves…
Love in friendship is a special kind of love; a bond that automatically states, “I have your back and I will stand with you no matter what the cost.” There is a huge difference between having someone’s back and stabbing someone in the back when they are down. Having someone’s back means even if it will cost something desired the friend comes first and not the other way around.
Love pursues, not to prove someone’s “rightness” or “wrongness” but to state “I am sorry” when someone is wronged and to fix it. Sometimes fixing things means going against the current or correcting the action by reversing it. Love understands or tries to understand the other’s point of view and gives it validation even if it is not agreed upon. Love makes things right when actions have created a wrong. Then love lets it all go…
Out of all of the things that remain, the love of God will be there when others pull back and create a breach that hurts in the heart. The heart will heal, but a breach left unsettled will always remain a breach.
Since life is about “relationship,” most likely, we have all had at least one relationship where we merely did not have much in common. The relationship imbalance can occur during any type of relationship, from romantic, to friendships to work relationships. Sometimes relationships are so out of balance it is hard to get along with one another, therefore there is continual friction. Usually, the lack of cohesiveness is recognized eventually, and people part ways. There is no difficulty in parting, and both parties will feel relieved to be finally apart.
This is not the case when there is trauma bonding involved. Trauma bonding occurs when one person or group in the relationship is toxic. I include groups here for the sake of employment and even religious groups. Toxic relationships are easy to spot, usually from the outside of one. There is a massive degree of control, manipulation, sabotage, jealousy, and a ton of friction. Why would someone want to be in a type of relationship like this? No one really would want that type of person (or group) in their life. None of us are happy when we feel controlled to the point where we are told what we can do and what we can’t. No one wants a relationship where they are controlled to the point of who they can connect with or not. We see this in religious groups, unfortunately.
People get locked into trauma bonding with someone because the other person or group always seems the best thing that ever happened to them. They are swept off their feet with charm, love, acceptance, and a feeling of bliss begins to create the release of powerful neurotransmitters in the brain that make us feel good. These can be a release of norepinephrine, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. To a drug addict, this is the addictive high they get while using and then dropped when the drug is no longer present and providing it for them.
It is the same with a trauma bond. The same neurotransmitters are released in the body when someone feels they are in love or have reached what is referred to as a “natural high.” In romantic relationships, the trauma bond can cause a person to continue to go back for more even when they are being treated poorly. This occurs after the “honeymoon” phase of toxic relationships is over. The relationship moves from the charming demeanor of a toxic person into manipulation and a whole lot of pain. Yet the bond from the initial high of the relationship keeps the other person trapped into wanting more of the high. So they keep going back for the fix even though they know it is not suitable for them and even after the world comes crashing down on them once again.
This type of relationship is not the same as the romantic kind, where there is such a strong sense of compatibility that the couple will both shine and sparkle from the inside out just being together. Even after things have settled, the love grows, matures, and deepens. This is not true with a toxic relationship. One person in toxic connections will suffer greatly at the hand and actions of the toxic person.
In many cases, the toxic person is considered to be a narcissist, and they might be just that. Sometimes, a person can have a narcissistic part of their personality, but they are not narcissists. It is up to a skilled professional to determine if someone has a full-blown personality disorder or not. Being involved with a toxic person is very painful and will rip your life into pieces. You will feel crazy, but you are not. People might think you are crazy because of what the toxic person has done or said behind you. Yet, you are not the crazy one.
The addiction to a toxic person (or group) is similar to that of a drug addict. It’s hard to kick the high, and it’s hard to see the damage being done while in its midst. All that is known is that you need more of the person or group to feel that high again and feel a sense of wholeness. We can get locked into a situation like this and feel very isolated because that is the idea of the toxic person or group. You are isolated and played with, so they will have a sense of power and control.
Remember, the trauma bond is an addiction, so don’t be hard on yourself if this is in your life. Love yourself enough to get help, just as a drug addict must reach out for help in their situation. You have to come to the point of hitting bottom. No one can make you get to that point. It all has to be done for yourself. Working on self-love, fostering good relationships privately, and finding a good counselor to help you out of your misery are essential to your health and well-being. Even after you are not under the influence of a toxic situation, there still might be a recovery time. Allow yourself that time! Remember your worth. You are gold in anyone’s life. Let your most significant relationship be with God and with yourself first. Work on your self-esteem and consider the reasons you lock into toxic people or groups, to begin with.
Come to recognize the trauma bond high and don’t allow relationships to happen too quickly. Any good relationship is nurtured over time. Be honest with those you leave behind and tell them from a place of safety that you feel they are not suitable for you. Be straightforward. It is essential to speak your truth at a safe distance as toxic people can also be dangerous. Make it crystal clear you want no more contact and why. Tell the other person or people why you feel your connection is not good for you or them. Even in situations where there is little in common, communication is important. In healthy people, breakups are easy like that. Healthy people communicate, “I don’t want to see you again” in a healthy way and is accepted healthily. If this is not expressed, don’t think you are in a trauma relationship if the other person does not understand and pursues you. You have to be clear for your sake and theirs!
It all sounds so complicated, and this could quickly turn into a book, but it is not that complicated. Let your happy indicator let you know if you are in a good relationship fit or not. Even with groups, it is the same thing. It might not be a good fit for you if one person in a place of power calls all the shots. Recognize power-hungry people and keep your distance. Your life will thank you with blessings you never dreamt of if you protect and guide yourself by the gut instincts God has given you.
“People know who they are and what they do. When they become defensive because you somehow “know”, they expose themselves not you.” – Jenine Marie
No one is fooling anyone. We only fool ourselves. We know the truth about ourselves whether admitted or not. Some just don’t realize how transparent they truly are. Taking responsibility for personal actions is the ONLY way to heal anything. When someone does not take responsibility for hurting you, whether they admit to doing wrong or not, then it is time to move on. Those who keep trying to cover their behind eventually end up with no more blanket to use for cover.
PS sticking to their “story” rarely helps their case. They just expose themselves more.
Sometimes moving forward is the hardest thing that we can do because of so many changes in life. But life is full of changes. Heartaches, heartbreaks, and letting go are a huge part of what this life is about. All we can do is keep holding love, light, faith, and be in God’s presence. No matter what, forgive. It does not mean we have to remain in someone’s life who did the wrong things to us. What forgiveness is, is there is a release of bad energy from within us and from within our heart. Forgiveness is for us, ourselves, our hearts, and our well-being. It releases the one who did wrong to us, and allows them, to go on and experience what they need to in order to evolve themselves. Experience all of life, stay grounded, stay rooted in the foundation that you have. If your foundation is shaky then change the one that you have and make sure that you are on solid ground. Stay in God‘s presence, I am repeating that one because it’s the most important one ever. Embody the Spirit of God and embody your very soul and higher Spirit because when we do that we receive the best for ourselves and attract the best in our lives. Even more so we heal in places that we have so needed to heal so long.
No doubt this human experience is not always easy. We have certain needs, desires, and even aspirations. One of our needs is to be appreciated. Appreciation is a part of our need for acceptance. We can not operate optimally in our emotions and in life if we, or our deeds, are not appreciated.
It’s beautiful when we appreciate others but when that appreciation does not come back it creates a glass that is out of balance. The glass we hold is no longer full but completely drained out. This is why it is so important to surround ourselves with those who appreciate us for who we are and for what we do.
To live a balanced life, be choosy about who gets to stay in your circle of people. This includes both places of employment and personal life. When you are not appreciated and you see yourself becoming bitter, upset, emotionally drained, and sad, it means it is time to move on. Lack of appreciation will drain you faster than even physical labor. When others don’t appreciate you or walk on your kindness then it causes an energetic situation that begins to literally suck the life out of you.
If you care about your own life, then rethink the situations you are in and the people who surround you. If you are not appreciated then you are surrounded by energy vampires who are sucking you dry. It’s time to move on and move forward into a brighter and more healthy environment. It’s time to heal and be refilled again.
Remember, you deserve love AND appreciation for who you are and all that you do!