Do You Take on Other’s Dirty Rocks and Garbage?

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So many of us are like sponges. We tend to soak up what others give out, then place blame, guilt, and shame upon ourselves. Our burdens are heavy when we do this. We were never meant to carry other’s burdens. We were meant to care, not internally carry.

Along life’s road of bumps and grinds, we pick up those dirty rocks of blame, guilt, and shame then throw them at ourselves. No one else need throw them at us when we do the job for them. So, along we go, battered on the inside and wiped nice and clean on the outside like we took a shower in servitudes soap.

When we have a healed heart and are filled with grace and mercy, we can stand up to attend to other’s scrapes and bruises. If we can’t, it simply means we have not done our inner work. Not even prayer for another will work out when we carry resentment from taking on more than we need. Our sacks are filled with the wrong things, so we either suffer internal emotional bleeding or blame the one who is hurting.

Trust me, those who are hurting don’t need us to fill them with more than what they have. They need us whole. We need ourselves whole. A whole person will not create segments into dirty rocks that not only sling out at themselves but others. We all need to attend to the mess inside and the mess on the outside. We all need grace, mercy, healing, and hope.

It is possible to replace our dirty rocks for the things that give us strength not to take on other’s junk but to be a buffer in the storm for them. If we try to be that buffer without attending to ourselves first, we make jerks of ourselves and go around hurting people out of our hurt.

First, drop inner guilt, shame, and torture from taking on junk when we were not healed enough to do so. What I am saying is, “Drop the dirty rocks,” and get to cleaning up your inner closet! Your heart was meant for more than just being burdened and shamed.

Get things in proper order, even if this means spending special quality time with yourself. Take the time to heal, seek, and find who you really are without the grime you have added upon yourself.

Go to God within you for healing, empowerment, and hope. Do not leave that closet or sanctuary until you have found complete healing and sanity. THEN extend yourself into what makes you happy. This need not take the form of not being there when someone needs you. You can healthily do this if you do the inner work that stabilizes you. If you don’t, you will dump your mess all over anyone who approaches you and believe that you are justified doing it. This is NOT loving or caring.

In a world where real love is rarely properly defined, let me define it for you in a way it is not. It is NOT sacrifice at the risk of your own heart. Instead, love is giving out of wholeness. Love is also healing out of the same wholeness.

Be careful not to be rude in the process, or you will attract to yourself more reasons to be rude. Be merciful. “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.” (Holy Bible, and the Universal Law of Reciprocity)

Today during my morning meditation, I dropped everyone’s dirty rocks they threw at me over the years, and even some of my own I put on myself. What I heard in spirit was, “It’s time to clean the closet.” So I did. Will you join me?

Affirmation:

“Today, I release all the dirt that I have had thrown at me and kept inside. I release all of the rocks thrown at me that hurt me over the years that came to me from other’s pain. Today, I release all of the garbage I put upon myself unjustly. I release guilt, shame, blame, dishonor, and rudeness. I release harsh words spoken to me that dishonored me as a person.

“Today, I replace all of the holes created by dirt, bringing into my inner soul love, tenderness, joy, happiness, respect, honor, and mercy. I will walk in these things until I draw them back to me many times over. Then, I will be fruitful and multiply the good things in life, always!”

And so it is..

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.

Do You Have a Good Relationship With Yourself?

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When we ponder relationships, we don’t often consider the relationship we have with ourselves. We do, in fact, have a self-relationship. We all get an image of our personal relationship with ourselves daily. Acknowledging our self-relationship can bring a lot of insight and healing when we choose to be honest with ourselves. Please don’t underestimate the importance of taking a little moral inventory to see where self-image can be improved, adjusted a little bit, or maybe a lot! Your “self” is calling and talking out loud! You, and only you, can make changes in yourself and make a difference in the quality of your life and your self-relationship.

Examples of ways we have a relationship with ourselves:

We see our personal relationship with ourselves through our temperament.

If you are a spouting geyser every time something rubs you the wrong way, your “self” is telling you it’s time to cool your heels. Remember, what you put out there in life is what will eventually come back, if not already. People view you, make assumptions and judgments about you according to your temperament. Even closer, your feelings about yourself are revealed through what you spew out. Don’t try to kid yourself here. You might try to fool others, but you can never kid yourself. You know who you are. The question is, “Why do you let the pressure valve out on everyone, and where does that anger come from?”

Maybe some emotional healing work is needed to cool down the emotional relationship you have with yourself. Believe me; eventually, your body will remind you to quit being such a hot head by breaking down in ways you don’t expect it to. Make it “be kind to your body time” and take steps to cool the hot embers in your heart.

Our personal relationship with ourselves is revealed through our self-image.

If you find you are continually comparing yourself to others, feel slighted by what others have, or wish you had attributes others have, then your self-image is screaming at you! It is easy to state how unique you are, how special God made you, or remind you of your gift to this world. The more challenging part is to learn how to believe how valuable you are, just the way you are.

If there are simple ways to improve upon your outer image, then do those things. Exercise, diet changes, and a little external enhancement can go a long way. For something you can not change, learn acceptance by loving yourself daily. We are all bombarded by images of others that are photoshopped, have attributes others admire, and tempt us toward self-loathing. Self-image is not only about the outside but the inside as well. Many of our programmed loathing comes from what we have been exposed to. The subconscious mind will hold these things for you! Gee, thank you very much, right? Try some self-image-enhancing hypnotherapy or meditation. There are many videos out there. If you find it hard to stick to routines, you might need a hypnotherapist. Invest in the money to get at least six sessions for a Hypno-change! Your self-relationship will thank you!

Our personal relationship with ourselves is revealed through the act of procrastination.

If there are things in life, you would like to do but never seem to get around to it. Or, if there are things that need to be taken care of but you never do, you are being held captive by the procrastination monster! When you procrastinate about doing something you know you should, you could either be suffering from a form of depression or your mind is too fixed on overthinking other things. You are lacking motivation and need a revving up of your self-motivator.

I know this might sound redundant but get organized! A scattered schedule lends toward too much time on your hands. Sooner or later, you end up putting off for another day what could have been done right now. Take the bull by the horns and get the more pressing things done first. Then go to the things you want to do to enhance your life. If you feel you need help for depression, see a counselor and help find the root of your distress. If you are overthinking, get your thoughts down on paper in a journal or talk to someone who can simply listen. Clear your mind, your heart, and your life from clutter. You will find more room to get those “need to do” or “want to do” things accomplished! If you are having trouble sticking to a routine or getting organized, once again, find a hypnotherapist! I can not say enough about the ability hypnosis has to help change unwanted habits to those desired!

I hope you see what I am getting at here. Your relationship with yourself will determine your ability to have one with others. Do some digging and excavating. If there are things you know that need changing then change them! It is never too late to have a great self-relationship and enhance your relationship with others around you! You might even find yourself attracting new friendships, new people, and new opportunities into your life. Don’t take yourself for granted. You guide your own ship. Do it with honesty and with self-revelation!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph. D.

Women’s Life Advancement Coach and Hypnotherapist

I Learned the Greatest Lesson of All…from MY Clients

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If you have ever known me, or have been connected to me, you know how much I love my work.  There is nothing more amazing to me than to be trusted enough to be allowed into another person’s heart and life. I count it an honor to be held in confidence. At times it has been to such a level, I have been told things that my clients have never revealed to another single soul.

There is nothing quite as satisfying to me than to know I have left a conversation and my client has had an “aha” moment, or has felt a great load being lifted from their shoulders. Yet, there have been those from time to time who have either come right out and told me I had not helped them at all. Or there have been those who have just quietly distanced themselves from me. In those cases I would get off the phone or go home feeling tied up in knots wondering what I could have done better.  I took it hard and usually put all of the load on myself.

Comforting myself, I would reason that I am not perfect, and don’t know all of the answers. While this is true, there had been one piece of the puzzle I had not considered, “I can not assist anyone who does not love themselves enough to realize they need to make their own changes”. I can facilitate, but I can’t change anyone. Change comes from the inside out. One element that has to always be there is self love.

The amazing thing, is the most difficult clients revealed to me my own lack of self confidence and self love. Everyone is a mirror to us no matter what the role we play in one another’s lives. Literally, my rejecting clients expected me to fix them and I strained within myself thinking that it was my job.

Learning the lesson about fixing my own self, loving myself, and being confident within myself, has been a hard one. I’ve had to weed through all of the junk that led me to “people please” and allow others to judge me, or compromise my sense of self worth. Bottom line, we are all a work in progress. With my progression, I discovered it has been alright to walk away from those who dishonored me, because I could honor myself. It’s easier said than done.

This is the reality; no one changes without having to do the work and without finding self love first. Without self love we only live in the reflection of those who want us to conform to their image. I take a deep breath and relax when I remember that the only image I need to conform to is God’s. Even then, it is not God outside of me but God who is a part of my being. The power of love is in our own DNA. I had to get a grasp of this completely, or I would always feel like I would fall short.

It’s work, but when done right everything shifts in the right direction. People leave because they become insulted, irritated, or offended. I’ve learned to let them go. The payoff is others will appear. It’s like a miracle of life. Those that appear are the ones who are ready for what I have to offer and always give me the gift of appreciation in return.

This is the pleasure of life. Walking in the Light of love is always the greatest feeling in the world. Sometimes I forget, like I suddenly have some sort of amnesia. Spirit always draws me back to where I need to be. Sometimes this happens with a struggle but when I turn to the greatest love ever, I always remember.

So, with all of this said; the greatest work I have ever achieved was to love myself the way God does. When this happens everything falls into place. Resistance never allows miracles to happen. Self doubt and struggle will never bring balance or miracles. Yes, my clients have taught me the road to least resistance. The responsibility has always been their own. Mine is to be there, to listen, to interject wisdom when wisdom comes, and to smile at the end of the day.

A job well done always comes with a life well loved.

Loving you from here,

Dr Jenine Marie Howry, Phd

JenineMarie.com

Self Care and Self Love: What is the Difference? (video)

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Hello! I have send this in video form and would love to invite you all to view the message and please pass it on! I am revamping my youtube channel and so you will see some construction going on. Please consider subscribing to my youtube channel! It is created for EVERYONE and all inclusive. I love you from here!

Here Is Your Weekly Wisdom! Give Yourself Credit

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For some reason we are conditioned to expect our acknowledgement, and credit where credit is do, from others outside of us. I think it comes from a world which has the idea that we don’t have all we need from the inside out. It’s easy to look back and place blame on those who raised us for not giving us the “kudos” we always wish we had, but in spite of what we think we were lacking, those experiences have actually been teaching us to give those “kudos” to ourselves.

Yes, it is very nice and greatly appreciated when others appreciate us. We do need that, but when we don’t get it, we also should not die on the inside from feelings of lack. Today, take some time to close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and give yourself the compliments you always have wanted and needed to hear. Remember, they are just as important coming from you than from anyone else. We live in a fast paced society where others have their minds filled with whatever life is throwing at them. Their occupied minds don’t mean they don’t appreciate you. Give them grace! Send yourself love and appreciation every single day, and believe me, you will attract the same automatically from others anyway. Let me give you a head start.

“You have done a great job in your life! You have weathered many storms and have still come out alright. You have a good heart, have contributed to this world and those around you. You are awesome!” (Repeat things like this in first person to yourself. It’s alright to give yourself some good vibes for being such a great person!)

Loving you from here,

Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry