So many of us are like sponges. We tend to soak up what others give out, then place blame, guilt, and shame upon ourselves. Our burdens are heavy when we do this. We were never meant to carry other’s burdens. We were meant to care, not internally carry.
Along life’s road of bumps and grinds, we pick up those dirty rocks of blame, guilt, and shame then throw them at ourselves. No one else need throw them at us when we do the job for them. So, along we go, battered on the inside and wiped nice and clean on the outside like we took a shower in servitudes soap.
When we have a healed heart and are filled with grace and mercy, we can stand up to attend to other’s scrapes and bruises. If we can’t, it simply means we have not done our inner work. Not even prayer for another will work out when we carry resentment from taking on more than we need. Our sacks are filled with the wrong things, so we either suffer internal emotional bleeding or blame the one who is hurting.
Trust me, those who are hurting don’t need us to fill them with more than what they have. They need us whole. We need ourselves whole. A whole person will not create segments into dirty rocks that not only sling out at themselves but others. We all need to attend to the mess inside and the mess on the outside. We all need grace, mercy, healing, and hope.
It is possible to replace our dirty rocks for the things that give us strength not to take on other’s junk but to be a buffer in the storm for them. If we try to be that buffer without attending to ourselves first, we make jerks of ourselves and go around hurting people out of our hurt.
First, drop inner guilt, shame, and torture from taking on junk when we were not healed enough to do so. What I am saying is, “Drop the dirty rocks,” and get to cleaning up your inner closet! Your heart was meant for more than just being burdened and shamed.
Get things in proper order, even if this means spending special quality time with yourself. Take the time to heal, seek, and find who you really are without the grime you have added upon yourself.
Go to God within you for healing, empowerment, and hope. Do not leave that closet or sanctuary until you have found complete healing and sanity. THEN extend yourself into what makes you happy. This need not take the form of not being there when someone needs you. You can healthily do this if you do the inner work that stabilizes you. If you don’t, you will dump your mess all over anyone who approaches you and believe that you are justified doing it. This is NOT loving or caring.
In a world where real love is rarely properly defined, let me define it for you in a way it is not. It is NOT sacrifice at the risk of your own heart. Instead, love is giving out of wholeness. Love is also healing out of the same wholeness.
Be careful not to be rude in the process, or you will attract to yourself more reasons to be rude. Be merciful. “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.” (Holy Bible, and the Universal Law of Reciprocity)
Today during my morning meditation, I dropped everyone’s dirty rocks they threw at me over the years, and even some of my own I put on myself. What I heard in spirit was, “It’s time to clean the closet.” So I did. Will you join me?
“Today, I release all the dirt that I have had thrown at me and kept inside. I release all of the rocks thrown at me that hurt me over the years that came to me from other’s pain. Today, I release all of the garbage I put upon myself unjustly. I release guilt, shame, blame, dishonor, and rudeness. I release harsh words spoken to me that dishonored me as a person.
“Today, I replace all of the holes created by dirt, bringing into my inner soul love, tenderness, joy, happiness, respect, honor, and mercy. I will walk in these things until I draw them back to me many times over. Then, I will be fruitful and multiply the good things in life, always!”
And so it is..
Loving you from here,
Dr. Rev. Jenine Marie Howry, Ph.D.